Do you have difficulty getting and staying hard (with everyone)?

[chrisdobro]

not sure if this belongs in the Health forum, but here goes..

I don't get hard when I am with guys. I do get hard later, when a guy sucks on me for example, but not otherwise. It is weird. Hot guys who are nice and careful with my dick get me harder faster, guys whom I don't find as hot and who are careless with my penis usually don't even get me hard, maybe half-hard at best if they suck on me.

But for me to top someone for example, is just out of the question -- "the thing don't work down there". It usually doesn't matter how hot a guy is.. maybe the answer is my own head-space or maybe I am OCD about my cock and like it "THIS way" and not any other way, and talk myself out of getting hard subconsciously if things don't go my way, I don't know. I'd like to get hard, but it "not happen" usually.

Why? Out of the many guys I have been with, most guys were hard with anticipation of sex, Before they even took their pants off. I, for a change, usually stay soft, until I get someone to suck on me for a bit and they are doing it right and to my liking. Otherwise I go soft fairly quickly.

Yesterdy, for example, I played with a couple of guys.. they were hard before we started taking our clothes off. I on the other hand stayed soft. They were not careful with my cock and I in the end jacked myself off. I am uncut and I let them pull my foreskin down too far, and let them be rough with my dick. Don't know why I did that, but the fact remains .. I stayed soft, maybe got half-hard a couple of times during the play.

Does anyone else have that same experience? I went to two urologist over time, who both checked my testosterone level and all was fine. I get hard just fine, I jack myself off just fine, so what gives? More so curious if other guys have the same issue.

[sixthson]

No.

[cgymike]

Try a cock ring to keep the blood in? But mostly it sounds like nerves. Of course when you masturbate alone you don't have all that anxiety ...anxiety may trigger some stress hormones which direct blood to other more critical areas. This is not the place to advise you on "the better aspects of getting to know someone rather than just hooking up" but you may want more than a simple hookup and this is a sign. But that's more for relationship forum...

[medic1]

If you do not find a guy "hot" then why have sex with him in the first place ?
Though you could be right about it being more a mind thing .

Also try and remember we are all human not machines that can and do perform at the drop of a hat .
I also think the more you worry the more of a problem that this can become .

[chrisdobro]

I also think the more you worry the more of a problem that this can become .

Thanks. I tried worrying about it and I tried not worrying about it. I think for me, I really need someone who will pay attention to me, take their time and be gentle with me. I will then respond accordingly.

Hookups typically do not pay attention to each other because they know it will be one time thing most often than not. Maybe it is a sign, as cgymike said, of my body not trusting another person with myself and as the result I not allow myself to relax and shut down my pleasure center.

[Benvolio]

Cialis, Viagra or Levitra would solve the problem. Try one for awhile and then use less and less of it (cut the pills), until you have the confidence to go without.

[medic1]

Cialis, Viagra or Levitra would solve the problem. Try one for awhile and then use less and less of it (cut the pills), until you have the confidence to go without.

WHY is your answer always try Medication first ?

What you fail to take into account is the fact that taking Erectile-Inducing med`s . also carries with it the possibility of quite serious
side-effects .

Such as CVA (stroke) , Cardiac problems up to and including ARREST this is because this sort of medication plays with your Blood-Pressure and can and does sometimes cause severe reactions up to and including DEATH .

[Telstra]

.
Do you get hard using porn and can cum?

[Chrizze]

How often you jack off? Have you tried not to,..say,for a week? Any change? if you have not tried this,try,it could be it.If not,then it is some kind of "mind thing" as you suggested,..

[Laufey]

If it's not a problem when you masturbate then anxiety is your only problem.

If you also have a hard time when masturbating then it's probably physical as well.

Either way you should see a doctor about it. And don't worry you are far from being the first patient with this problem, they are used to it.

[BigChicken]

He's already seen a doctor about it, and he seems to have no trouble getting hard when he masturbates. If that is true, then it is probably not physical, but mental.

However this may be the early stage of erectile dysfunction, make sure this is not physical-- do you still get wet dreams at night or in the morning? And by this I mean that your penis should become fully erect--hard-- that's why they call it "morning wood." Your conscious mind has no control over it. If the answer is no, and so, you are no longer getting wet dreams and morning wood, then your problem is probably physical, and you should go see a different doctor and get a second opinion.

[cgymike]

Medic1, I also have a current thread going with a similar but slightly different problem to the OP.
Do you not think that Viagra or similar medications taken in small quantities may not be a way to get things going and perhaps facilitate us getting over our issues which in both cases may be more psychological considering we can get off on our own?
If taken in smaller quantities and if one is in otherwise good health I would think the risk should be minimal.
I personally have not tried this option yet but think that I will very soon considering other things aren't working.

Why do you persist in advocating a pharmaceutical solution when the diagnosis isn't clear? What you say is inaccurate also. Learn about the pharmacology of Viagra and you will see it does not "get things going" ...what does is a far more complex process(sexual attraction/desire).
The dosage and risk metrics aren't relevant since we don't know the cause.

Not trying to play mod but the thread seems to be derailing a bit...

[Benvolio]

Nevertheless, Cialis, Vigra or Levitra will solve the problem. Millions of men use them with few reported adverse effects. While, in theory, its effect is only mechanical, many, perhaps most, find that getting hard increases the desire and horniness, and attraction as well. Cialis is probably the best, but it probably should be taken three or four hours ahead of need. Then the effect will last for several days.
I am not advocating the pharmceutucal solution, but merely pointing out that it is, indeed, a reliable solution.

[Laufey]

If the problem is anxiety then it would make more sense to take anti-anxiety medication rather than erectile dysfunction ones (if he wants to take the medicine path).

[KaraBulut]

Nevertheless, Cialis, Vigra or Levitra will solve the problem.

Actually, one correction- and it's an important one.

ED drugs help maintain an erection in men who lose their erection prematurely. It's of little value for those who have trouble getting hard.

There's other threads that discuss this but in general, we don't recommend ED drugs as a first line treatment or a permanent solution. It can be helpful for guys who have anxiety about losing their erection when topping- it's probably as much a placebo effect as anything. But for guys who have psychological barriers that keep them from getting hard when they're with another person, ED drugs are a waste of money and an unnecessary risk.

[medic1]

Medic1, I also have a current thread going with a similar but slightly different problem to the OP.
Do you not think that Viagra or similar medications taken in small quantities may not be a way to get things going and perhaps facilitate us getting over our issues which in both cases may be more psychological considering we can get off on our own?
If taken in smaller quantities and if one is in otherwise good health I would think the risk should be minimal.
I personally have not tried this option yet but think that I will very soon considering other things aren't working.

If as you say your problems may be more psychological , then taking ED med`s or as we sometimes call them EI med`s will not help
Karabulut has posted a great response , he is also far more experienced and wiser than myself .

I to was taught that the use of such pharmacology was not to be used as a first response , especially if the person`s physical work-up show`s no abnormalities .

It is a very true saying that your biggest sex organ is not your dick but your brain , i know of a friend who takes viagra on a fairly common basis , but these drug`s are not recommended for almost daily use .
There can be Contra-indications if you are taking other pill`s even over the counter ones .

When they became available here on the NHS the guidelines given to Dr,s was to prescribe no more than 4 per month , not only because of the cost but also because of the dangers .
Many clubbers use them after doing recreational dance drugs like ecstasy because they think that it will get them hard no matter
how much they are "buzzing" hence as Karabulut has said you would be better just taking a placebo .

Though after having said all that , like most medicines when used properly and not abused they can and are helpful when dealing
with the Physical aspect of Erectile Dysfunction but not the mindset i am afraid .

At the end of the day the decision is yours to make , but i would see your primary healthcare provider first and they may make other
suggestions about treatment .

It is also important to remember that all we can give you is advice NOT a diagnosis for this you have to see a Dr personaly .

Wishing you the best . Adam.

[Laufey]

Semi-out of topic but this reminds me of "gay for pay" men who say they get nothing out of it and just take a viagra to get hard.

You won't get a hard from nothing just by taking the pill... you also have to be sexually aroused for it to work.

So it's not like pressing a button and you have a boner.

[Benvolio]

I really do not think is that simple. The ability to get hard has a psychological effect, helping the guy to become aroused. And, I think most users sould agree that it helps to get hard as well as to maintain the erection. The OP should simply try it before concluding that it will not work. Of course, they require a prescription, so he should ask his Doctor.

[cgymike]

I really do not think is that simple. The ability to get hard has a psychological effect, helping the guy to become aroused. And, I think most users sould agree that it helps to get hard as well as to maintain the erection. The OP should simply try it before concluding that it will not work. Of course, they require a prescription, so he should ask his Doctor.

You are still not understanding this...at the risk of repetition those drugs have no psychological effect any more than a placebo. I can think all day long I am potent and can get hard but if the desire isn't there at the moment with the person I am with (for a host of NON-physical reasons) it won't happen.

[Benvolio]

You are still not understanding this...at the risk of repetition those drugs have no psychological effect any more than a placebo. I can think all day long I am potent and can get hard but if the desire isn't there at the moment with the person I am with (for a host of NON-physical reasons) it won't happen.

I understand you, but disagree. Have you tried them? The drugs do not have a direct psychological effect, but getting hard does, at least for many people. For many people, using the drugs and manipulating themselves will get them hard. Perhaps we should conduct a survey.

- - - Updated - - -

You are still not understanding this...at the risk of repetition those drugs have no psychological effect any more than a placebo. I can think all day long I am potent and can get hard but if the desire isn't there at the moment with the person I am with (for a host of NON-physical reasons) it won't happen.

I understand you, but disagree. Have you tried them? The drugs do not have a direct psychological effect, but getting hard does, at least for many people. For many people, using the drugs and manipulating themselves will get them hard. Perhaps we should conduct a survey.

[Laufey]

Treating the cause is better than just treating the symptom.

If he's having this problem because of anxiety... then the focus should be on treating the anxiety.

[Benvolio]

Is anxiety the cause? Who knows? If he has anxiety about performing, then helping him perform will help cure the anxiety. If some one has anxiety about riding a bike, we would know that showing him that he can ride the bike is the way to overcome the anxiety. We would not insist on curing the anxiety before putting him on the bike.

[medic1]

Treating the cause is better than just treating the symptom.

If he's having this problem because of anxiety... then the focus should be on treating the anxiety.

So well said................

[every-other-day]

I can't maintain an erection with a condom on and I have had trouble keeping an erection since I first had sex at age 19. The pressure of the condom and especially the unpleasant texture of it (as well as water-based lube which I find unpleasant in both odor and texture) has made it basically impossible for me to top safely since I was 20.

When masturbating I go flaccid quickly and get hard quickly. I have never experienced dysfunction without a condom when with someone, with the exception of my first time (probably because I was completely exhausted). However, since I haven't barebacked in fifteen years I wonder if I would still be able to maintain an erection even bare.

I haven't had sex in about eight years. I prefer to top. Plus, since I can't top safely and I don't go to bars or have luck meeting guys I'm attracted to online, I gave up a while ago. The young guys I'm attracted to always want other young guys. I'm in my mid thirties now and I don't lift. I'm just slim and I don't have a huge penis.

Blood flow can be a real problem. It's not always mental.

[Benvolio]

I suggest you try the unlubricated condoms. Trojan has them in a red package. Also try the Jumbo size. Even if you are not jumbo sized, there will less pressure.
There are plenty of guys, including younger guys, who would like to meet a slim guy in his mid thirties, you just have to keep trying, and try to be less particular yourself. When you advertise on the internet, be specific about yourself and you will find people looking for your type.