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  1. #1
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Where's the romance?

    Is there such a thing as romance between gay men? I haven't seen much of it so that's why I'm asking. Is it possible? Do guys even like that stuff when amongst themselves? What are some of the gay romantic things you've been a witness too?
    Inspired - but too tired.

  2. #2
    JUB Addict LeicsDom's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I think it depends what you are looking for in a guy
    If it is a quick shag then romance has no place
    If you are looking for a long term partner then romance can be very important in establishing compatibility

  3. #3
    Ruminating
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Romance is basically the love story of two people. It's not about public displays of affection or even romantic gestures, although they are part of it. You may not be wtinessing it between two people because it is a heart thing, first and foremost.

    Have you ever seen two people together who even without outward gestures of affection, their love for each other was almost palpable?
    You could feel the electricity between them.
    You saw it in the way they looked at each other. There was just something so gentle and kind and intimate between them. You would be willing to bet that when they were alone, the lovemaking (not just the sex, but also the sex) was deeply passionate and totally exclusive. The problem is, we are so accustomed to looking for the obvious that we miss the unmistakeable reality of true love.
    Romance is so much more than wine and roses and clinging to each other while whispering sweet nothings. Those things can be noticed by anyone, but they can also be part of nothing more than sexual seduction.
    Open the eyes of your heart and you will see true love and romance. Sex is so blatantly in-our-faces, romance is private and spiritual.

    An unfortunate fact of life, is that love takes effort. Romance can be lost in the busy-ness of life or the mundane day to day experience of life, like work or raising children.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  4. #4
    Look, listen and rejoice oakpope's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I don't know for anyone, but for me, I value romance far far more than sex. But I guess romantic gestures differ according to the people. One romantic could be the 'neediness' of another.
    Magna Veritas


  5. #5

    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Is there such a thing as romance between gay men? I haven't seen much of it ...?
    Yes, there is.

    It's strongest when you feel it for yourself. It's not so strong if you expect to see it by watching others.

  6. #6
    veni, vidi, reliqui
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Oh Totally.

    As intense as any romance between a man and a woman.

  7. #7
    might be a joke or not-->
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I still remember that first kiss in the elevator...

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

  8. #8
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I've always been a huge romantic. I love romantic gestures.

    That being the case, I find it humorous that many folks think of romance as something relationship-specific, and funnier that many folks see relationship-specific romance as something heteronormative. Romance is about what's in the heart. Gay men have hearts.

    I'm no relationships spokeman, but during the times in my life where I found myself becoming closer to someone else in a non-platonic way, the feeling of holding their hand during walks, publicly displaying our affection, was pretty awesome. Making out under a single umbrella in the pouring rain in the park. Fun moments.

    I've done a few gestures for friends that I would consider "romantic." Gifts or the like that remind them how much a value they are to me. Those kinds of things would exist in tenfold if I had a boyfriend or husband.

  9. #9
    CupidBoy
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Is there such a thing as romance between gay men? I haven't seen much of it so that's why I'm asking. Is it possible? Do guys even like that stuff when amongst themselves? What are some of the gay romantic things you've been a witness too?
    Has no one seen me and BENDERBOY???

  10. #10
    Lions&Tigers&Bears Oh My!
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I am romantic with my lover but it is private and just between us so I am not willing to share any of it.

    The most romantic thing that I can share is that I have never said a bad word or complained about my lover to anyone...ever...not even once....in 26+ years.

  11. #11
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    Has no one seen me and BENDERBOY???
    That's not romance. That's just two really really really horny dudes want to shag together!






    Let me know when I can join in.

  12. #12
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    it's on youtube. look it up.

    bad example. here's a better one.

    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  13. #13
    Slut LemonMonk's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by geloge View Post
    I still remember that first kiss in the elevator...
    Still remember first snog/shag in a photobooth

    I found it romantic at first. Is there romance between two guys? Totally, one guy in particular I really hit it off with, romanticised about him, during and after.

  14. #14
    JUB Addict vulgar_newcomer's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    the romance is always in your left or right hand and cock between thumbprint and other fingers of your choosing, some stains from work and the rosy Palmer. That is your love. If that is lost then the right is left and the left is right.

  15. #15
    thatgirl
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    Have you ever seen two people together who even without outward gestures of affection, their love for each other was almost palpable?
    It's rare, but yes I have.

    It's the way they are so at ease in each others presence and they seem to be so in synch in a special way...like they drift off into their own little world for a few moments even while surrounded by others. It brings a smile to my face.

    Anyway, people sometimes get a little carried away by trying to model their idea of romance after cliches in tv shows, films and novels. That's just not practical at all and it creates unrealistic expectations. And a lot of it is just so arbitrary, like kissing in the rain or a guy standing outside of your window shouting 'I love you.' Why is that even a thing?

  16. #16
    nf fbt funw glbhuof gmhp SLOPPYSECONDS's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    defo sum lands dry up dead rat poo

    thankyou

  17. #17
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I experience deep romance very often over the years with my woman. I know the bond, the secret communication and the telepathy between two people in love. That has been my existance since I was 18. But the two relationships I've been in with men have been somewhat romanceless, so that's what made me ask.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  18. #18
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by SLOPPYSECONDS View Post
    defo sum lands dry up dead rat poo

    thankyou
    That's romance.

  19. #19
    JUB Addict Ram's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    To me, playing video games together and making out during the cut scenes is romantic. Watching the Walking Dead and making out when the humans talk is romantic.

  20. #20
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    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    I experience deep romance very often over the years with my woman. I know the bond, the secret communication and the telepathy between two people in love. That has been my existance since I was 18. But the two relationships I've been in with men have been somewhat romanceless, so that's what made me ask.
    Well, lots of bisexuals have posted here that they see men for sex and women for relationship (romance), so you not an exception.
    But I assure you that there is great romance between two men who love each other.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  21. #21
    tombastep
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ram View Post
    To me, playing video games together and making out during the cut scenes is romantic. Watching the Walking Dead and making out when the humans talk is romantic.
    Great post.

  22. #22
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    Well, lots of bisexuals have posted here that they see men for sex and women for relationship (romance), so you not an exception.
    But I assure you that there is great romance between two men who love each other.
    Actually I WANT the romance with my guy, but he doesn't appear to be into it. . I try romantic stuff on him that my wife and I do, and he just yells at me. That's why I was wondering if it existed between men. I'm glad it does. But maybe it just won't for me.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  23. #23
    Banned
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I think romance can be and should be inversely related to physical distance not proxemics but just geographic distance.

  24. #24
    Pianist
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ram
    To me, playing video games together and making out during the cut scenes is romantic. Watching the Walking Dead and making out when the humans talk is romantic.
    Well that just goes without saying.

  25. #25
    JUB 10k Club
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Actually I WANT the romance with my guy, but he doesn't appear to be into it. . I try romantic stuff on him that my wife and I do, and he just yells at me. That's why I was wondering if it existed between men. I'm glad it does. But maybe it just won't for me.
    Maybe because your idea of romance with a woman doesn't work with a guy.

    I've dated a couple of bisexual guys.

    I broke it off with one of them for awhile so he went back to dating some chick, and he bought her flowers.

    I was like, "Why didn't you ever buy me flowers?"

    His answer? "I don't know."

    The other guy always treated me like "the chick" (even though I was the top in the relationship) and to this day still calls me "honey" and "darling," and "sweetie" and honestly it didn't do anything for me.

    I like sixthson's reply in post #3 of this thread:

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson
    Romance is basically the love story of two people. It's not about public displays of affection or even romantic gestures, although they are part of it. You may not be wtinessing it between two people because it is a heart thing, first and foremost.
    The sweetest things that my loves have done for me didn't involve "flowers" or "pet names," but rather the small gestures that they made; giving me a small gift because they knew that it was something that I like or collected, and only because they were thinking about me at the time that they saw it.

    Allowing me to be the mess that I can be from time to time, and when I've calmed down nestling into me while we watch TV, or reaching out and taking my hand while we're driving somewhere.

    Romance IS the little things that we do for each other, to acknowledge each other, to show appreciation for each other; eye contact, a touch, a kind and thoughtful word when we know that the other needs it, but would never ask for it or demand it.

    You can't force romance.

    Either it's there or it's not.

    And both of you must appreciate and trust the gesture.
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  26. #26
    thatgirl
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by centexfarmer View Post
    Maybe because your idea of romance with a woman doesn't work with a guy.

    I've dated a couple of bisexual guys.

    I broke it off with one of them for awhile so he went back to dating some chick, and he bought her flowers.

    I was like, "Why didn't you ever buy me flowers?"

    His answer? "I don't know."

    The other guy always treated me like "the chick" (even though I was the top in the relationship) and to this day still calls me "honey" and "darling," and "sweetie" and honestly it didn't do anything for me.

    Tbh, this is somewhat confusing.

    You wondered why one guy didn't give you flowers in your relationship but gave them to his girlfriend (something that is typically done by the man in hetero pairings). But then you thought the other guy was treating you too much "like the chick" in the relationship? Wouldn't giving you flowers be making you "the chick?" going by your reasoning? IDK.

    Also, I always thought honey, darling and sweetie were pretty gender neutral terms. Especially honey.

  27. #27
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Yeah, please educate me then on what guys find romantic from another guy. Much appreciated.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  28. #28
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I don't think any man, gay or straight, wants to be treated like a woman. Don't spread rose petals on the bed, don't pull my chair out for me, don't baby me. I am a man in love with a man. I want to feel the maleness of our relationship. I kissed lots of girls before I fell in love with my man and while it was nice, something was missing. The first time I kissed him, I knew what it was. His body against mine felt strong and hard, his hug was firm and sure, his kiss felt hungry and maybe even a little aggressive. I knew he wanted me like I wanted him. I didn't want to feel softness, I wanted to feel his masculinity.
    As nice as gifts are, that just is not romance to me. Anyone can buy a gift. But to be in a room with a lot of other people and to look up and see your man looking at you in a way that words could never express what his eyes are saying. One of the most romantic things he ever said to me was early on in our relationship. He told me that I belonged to him. I could not have felt more loved and over the years I have seen the look in his eyes that express those words. Romance is looking into my eyes during lovemaking and seeing passion that is much more than sexual, it's passion for each other and not just our bodies.

    When my legs are wrapped around him and he is inside me, I don't need no stinking gift, I just need to hear him say my name like only he can say it.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  29. #29
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    Tbh, this is somewhat confusing.

    You wondered why one guy didn't give you flowers in your relationship but gave them to his girlfriend
    (something that is typically done by the man in hetero pairings). But then you thought the other guy was treating you too much "like the chick" in the relationship? Wouldn't giving you flowers be making you "the chick?" going by your reasoning? IDK.

    Also, I always thought honey, darling and sweetie were pretty gender neutral terms. Especially honey.
    I asked him the question because he thought that he was being romantic toward her, but he never thought that doing the same thing toward me might also be considered romantic.

    It would have been sweet, and amazingly romantic if neither of us had to think about it.

    A guy calling another guy "sweetie," or "honey," or some other name that my Grandmother, or a Great Aunt might call me just comes across as pretentious to me, and is in no way romantic.

    But that's just me.
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  30. #30
    thatgirl
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    I don't think any man, gay or straight, wants to be treated like a woman. Don't spread rose petals on the bed, don't pull my chair out for me, don't baby me. I am a man in love with a man.
    Well, I'm sure there are men who would like some of things to be done for them and ones who would at least really appreciate the gesture even though it's not something they'd expect from a partner. Just as I am sure there are women who aren't in to some of these things.

    But I realize that you're speaking in general terms. The thing is though, what is considered 'romantic' is so subjective, so it doesn't really help to box everyone in based on gender norms. It's more practical to figure out what your partner's interests are, their comfort level with certain 'romantic gestures' and take it from there...

    Quote Originally Posted by centexfarmer View Post
    I asked him the question because he thought that he was being romantic toward her, but he never thought that doing the same thing toward me might also be considered romantic.
    Well, going by some of the stuff I'm reading on here, I can see why some guys would limit themselves because they've convinced themselves that certain romantic gestures are 'only for women' or 'for straight people.'

    So, perhaps, he did not feel that a man would appreciate flowers so he didn't bother to give you any.

  31. #31
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    ^ That's fair, and I respect and appreciate that.

    I think the thing that we can all agree upon is that any "gesture" be sincere, from the heart, and appreciated by both the giving, and the one receiving.

    Even the most abused in a relationship might perceive not being bitch slapped as a "romantic gesture."

    While on the same note just giving someone flowers, or calling them a pet name doesn't necessarily indicate that person is truly endeared by the person doing the giving, or the name calling.
    Last edited by CTF; December 7th, 2012 at 12:01 AM.
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  32. #32
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by mikey3000 View Post
    Actually I WANT the romance with my guy, but he doesn't appear to be into it. . I try romantic stuff on him that my wife and I do, and he just yells at me. That's why I was wondering if it existed between men. I'm glad it does. But maybe it just won't for me.
    In that case, it's about the individual, not the gender.

  33. #33
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by thatgirl View Post
    The thing is though, what is considered 'romantic' is so subjective, so it doesn't really help to box everyone in based on gender norms. It's more practical to figure out what your partner's interests are, their comfort level with certain 'romantic gestures' and take it from there...


    Well said.

  34. #34
    JP.
    Guest

    Re: Where's the romance?

    Romance is tough in tough heart but flowing in flowing heart...

    if that makes sense?

  35. #35
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and you will be surprised how many gay men find that to be a turnoff.

  36. #36
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    Quote Originally Posted by maxpowr9 View Post
    I'm a hopeless romantic at heart and you will be surprised how many gay men find that to be a turnoff.
    Poetry about getting one's ass pounded?

    I don't doubt your sincerity in the least.

    Ginsberg was an artist at that.
    Last edited by CTF; December 8th, 2012 at 08:57 PM.
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  37. #37
    Huntneo(PT)
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    Re: Where's the romance?

    It's there...you just don't always see it.

    Not to mention, people have their own little ways of being romantic. Things that aren't so typical. Also, a lot of the romance goes on behind closed doors--and no, I'm not just talking about sex.

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