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  1. #1
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    at what point is it 'needy'?

    im always doing everything wrong it seems and im so new to the whole dating scene and everything, i dont really know what im doing...

    i really honestly dont think im being too needy. i havent seen this guy im seeing in more than a week and all i want to do is text a little and he just gives me bogus responses.

    and no, im not texting him constantly. i seriously have waited days before i text him, kind of waiting and hoping hed text me first but nothing usually. i really dont know what to think right now. am i reacting too soon? do you think hes done with me? i just wish if there was something bugging him, hed be upfront with me... maybe im overreacting but i just feel very distant and i dont really like it tbh.

    thoughts?

  2. #2
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    doesn't sound like you're being needy at all.

    either he's a loner that likes to keep to himself and doesn't talk to folks much, doesn't like to be on the phone too much, he doesn't want to be bothered with you, or he doesn't view you as a love interest or as a friend. maybe you should let him text you for once. if he doesn't then *shrugs*

    why not just be upfront and ask him how come he never texts you?
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  3. #3
    The gay gargoyle
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Is he done with you? Probably.

    I've been out of the dating scene so long that there wasn't really texting back then. But I've found friendships and business relations run fairly similar (just with less sex). At the end of a friend-gathering, I'll send a thank you e-mail or text. "Had a ton of fun - let's do it again soon!" Usually I get a polite and/or friendly response. Then, later, I'll float something by them. "'I'd love to get together again. My weekend looks pretty free, although I have something going on early Saturday morning. Are you free at all this weekend? Would you like to get together! We could go see (movie) if you haven't yet, or go see the next museum exhibit. Let me know!" I usually give a fairly open time frame, and offer at least two suggestions, trying to make it plain that these are just that - suggestions. If they respond favorably, obviously we move forward. If they say they aren't available, I'll say "Ah well. Well, hit me up when your schedule frees up a bit - I'd love to hang out with you again soon." Ball is now in their court.

    Lex

  4. #4
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^ well should i ask him then? for closure? cause im not about to be strung along. i want and deserve a direct answer.

  5. #5
    JUB Addict maxpowr9's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    This something I picked up from a serial dater. Always ask for a second date at the end of the first one, if they balk [the "I'll let you know"] or say no, you know it's time to move on.

  6. #6
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^ he hasnt been like that. hes even said he really liked me, invited me over multiple times, ive slept over at his house, we planned to go on a date actually this last weekend... his actions just dont seem to me like someone who is not interested.

  7. #7
    The gay gargoyle
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    I'd just say "well, I'd love to see you again. Let me know when your schedule frees up". And consider that goodbye. Don't sit around waiting. Maybe he'll contact you, probably he won't. Assume the latter and look for the next guy.

    Lex

  8. #8
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by G-Lexington View Post
    I'd just say "well, I'd love to see you again. Let me know when your schedule frees up". And consider that goodbye. Don't sit around waiting. Maybe he'll contact you, probably he won't. Assume the latter and look for the next guy.

    Lex
    i think i will do something like that. im already talking to other guys on okcupid. im just tired of waiting... it seems thats all ive ever done. now that im in college, i feel i can be free with who i am and finally do the things i wanna really do.

  9. #9
    Virgin gamestarp's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Good for you. You've got to lead your own parade.

    what are the things you really want to do? (not sex) I wish I had known when I was in college.

  10. #10
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    He's done with you. If he isn't done with you, he certainly does not deserve you. If he takes you seriously, he would text you back within 24 hrs.

    Keep dating other people and don't look back.

  11. #11
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    thanks guys. i basically texted him what glexington said... he did reply saying that hes been super busy and stuff but yea its just not cutting it for me. i do think i deserve someone who actually thinks about me so often. i mean, how hard is it to reply to a message ive sent??

  12. #12
    JUB Addict DigitalFudge's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    If my man doesn't need to see me/talk to me every 2 and a half hours then I'm gone.

    ByE



  13. #13
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    em? as in, him? haha

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    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Ya...think he's busy playin' around.




    Kidding.

  15. #15
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^

    i hope thats not the case... if i found that out i would be really hurt

  16. #16
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    im always doing everything wrong it seems and im so new to the whole dating scene and everything, i dont really know what im doing...

    i really honestly dont think im being too needy. i havent seen this guy im seeing in more than a week and all i want to do is text a little and he just gives me bogus responses.

    and no, im not texting him constantly. i seriously have waited days before i text him, kind of waiting and hoping hed text me first but nothing usually. i really dont know what to think right now. am i reacting too soon? do you think hes done with me? i just wish if there was something bugging him, hed be upfront with me... maybe im overreacting but i just feel very distant and i dont really like it tbh.

    thoughts?
    Texting is so last year...voicing is better...meeting is the best.
    Your post comments are forwarded to the CIA.

  17. #17
    animalius
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by cgymike View Post
    Texting is so last year...voicing is better...meeting is the best.
    What the hell is voicing?

  18. #18
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^ im guessing it just means like talking in person

  19. #19
    JUB Addict cgymike's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by animalius View Post
    What the hell is voicing?
    Are you in a museum????

    It came before vidding...

    Wow...that's antediluvian....


    Oh wait ...are you a fonar groupie?
    Your post comments are forwarded to the CIA.

  20. #20
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    He's just not that into you.
    Never cease to find it strange
    How at midnight things seem hopeless
    But by dawn they've changed

  21. #21
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^ is that a reference to the movie??

  22. #22
    Sex God MrRochesterNY's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by animalius View Post
    What the hell is voicing?
    Think back 10 or 15 years. Remember when phones were only used for what Alexander Graham Bell invented them for? Phones are meant for communicating by voice with another person, who is listening on the other end and is ready to respond immediately with his voice. That is called telephoning or, if you like, voicing. Telephones were not meant for communicating through the written word.

  23. #23
    Sex God TheLyingGame's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Delete his number and walk away.




    It's happened to me many a times and ya know, more often than not, they come running back.... and once they do, you can play them at their own game

  24. #24
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    I find this a really hard situation to give advice on because there's a lot of question marks in the picture. Is this guy an ER doctor? Is he super busy? Did he say up front he's super busy? Without that kind of context, I can't really say something universal like "oh you didn't hear from him for days on end? He's not interested."

    Going on the assumption that he's not any more busy and overwhelmed than a typical guy, if you go days and days hearing nothing, I'd say it'd probably be more worth your time to find someone you have stronger chemistry with.

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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    I'm actually sort of on the same boat as you. This guy I've been kinda seeing lately is a very quiet type who never sends me any messages on text or Skype or whatever, it's always me initiating the conversation. I've confronted him a couple times about it, and most I get is a half-assed "sorry" and little if any effort by him to fix it. We get along great when we're together, but this part alone is a real killer and I'm debating ending it on that basis. But the truth is, you just never know. Maybe he really is a quiet, shy type and instead of fighting about it, you should try to help him come out of his shell...or maybe I'm just a starry-eyed romantic for thinking that

    If there's one thing I've learned from this, starting every conversation is an awful habit for you to get into. Because once you fall into that habit, it won't stop. He won't feel obligated to call you because you're always calling him. So for future reference, DON'T START EVERY CONVERSATION!!!

    Anyway, no you're not needy, just a normal human who wants some kind of reciprocation. Don't be afraid to fight to get some

  26. #26
    The gay gargoyle
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    He's just not that into you.


    Lex

  27. #27
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbuzzerx View Post
    I find this a really hard situation to give advice on because there's a lot of question marks in the picture. Is this guy an ER doctor? Is he super busy? Did he say up front he's super busy? Without that kind of context, I can't really say something universal like "oh you didn't hear from him for days on end? He's not interested."

    Going on the assumption that he's not any more busy and overwhelmed than a typical guy, if you go days and days hearing nothing, I'd say it'd probably be more worth your time to find someone you have stronger chemistry with.
    He isn't an ER doctor... were both in college. We both have full schedules plus we both work. So I do understand that things can be busy, I really do. And im not expecting much. just a simple text message from him every so often would suffice honestly... just to know that i actually mean something, anything to him at all. But so far it hasnt really happened.

  28. #28
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by brokegayguy View Post
    I'm actually sort of on the same boat as you. This guy I've been kinda seeing lately is a very quiet type who never sends me any messages on text or Skype or whatever, it's always me initiating the conversation. I've confronted him a couple times about it, and most I get is a half-assed "sorry" and little if any effort by him to fix it. We get along great when we're together, but this part alone is a real killer and I'm debating ending it on that basis. But the truth is, you just never know. Maybe he really is a quiet, shy type and instead of fighting about it, you should try to help him come out of his shell...or maybe I'm just a starry-eyed romantic for thinking that

    If there's one thing I've learned from this, starting every conversation is an awful habit for you to get into. Because once you fall into that habit, it won't stop. He won't feel obligated to call you because you're always calling him. So for future reference, DON'T START EVERY CONVERSATION!!!

    Anyway, no you're not needy, just a normal human who wants some kind of reciprocation. Don't be afraid to fight to get some
    thanks dude! but as you say he may be quiet... i find that hard to believe. if anything, im the quiet, shy one. weve even had a talk before where he thought i wasnt comfortable enough with him (like as in showing affection in front of others) ive really been working on that and i thought i was doing better... and i told him to tell me if theres something im doing thats bugging him. i just want to be completely open to communication and constructive criticism.

    but yea i just dont know right now. i feel like im in a gray zone right now... i thought things were going well. and who knows, maybe hell eventually contanct me... but i did as g-lexington said to do -- texted him a simple message along the lines of "contact me when youre free" and so ill just leave it to him...

  29. #29
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

    Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.

  30. #30
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by MrRochesterNY View Post
    Think back 10 or 15 years. Remember when phones were only used for what Alexander Graham Bell invented them for? Phones are meant for communicating by voice with another person, who is listening on the other end and is ready to respond immediately with his voice. That is called telephoning or, if you like, voicing. Telephones were not meant for communicating through the written word.
    You're in another time, sweetheart. Smartphones today are meant for the following: voicing, texting, photographing, internet, apps, music, etc. Deal with it.

  31. #31

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbuzzerx View Post
    My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

    Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.

    I agree with this. To me it sounds like he'll call you when HE wants sex. Otherwise, just sit there, be quiet, and look pretty.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  32. #32
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by xbuzzerx View Post
    My two cents, if he was really into you he'd find some way to poke around everyday, even if just a phone call.

    Since he's not, I think it sounds more like just a hookup arrangement.
    well thanks for your input. its really appreciated i honestly dont really know exactly what to believe. i mean you guys say one thing but i swear to god he seemed so genuine and actually wanted to spend a lot of time with me at one point. and we didnt even have sex so that wouldnt really add up to the hookup theory. i dunno. eh, well. thanks again!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    I agree with this. To me it sounds like he'll call you when HE wants sex. Otherwise, just sit there, be quiet, and look pretty.
    we've actually never had sex we were working up to that but it never happened. he understands im a virgin and wanted to wait for me and make it right. i was even drunk at his party once and got really handsy but he just made me go to sleep lol

  33. #33

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?



    You've never had sex???

    Well there's your answer. No wonder he doesn't call.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  34. #34
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    ^ hey! well like i said above... im a virgin and so we were taking it slow but he seemed perfectly fine with that. the farthest weve gotten is giving each other hand jobs. i was hoping itd progress further but we havent really hung out much since. and no, its not like i gave him a bad hand job. i asked him about it the next day and he gave me some constructive criticism but overall said it was "nice "

    yea so thats it.

  35. #35

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    If you want him to call you, Suck him like you're trying to save his life. Swallow.

    You'll be begging him to stop calling.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  36. #36
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    I hate to tell you this, but you reached it.

    Move on. The guy is not interested/playing you.

  37. #37
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by backagain View Post
    I hate to tell you this, but you reached it.

    Move on. The guy is not interested/playing you.
    well i am talking to other guys so its not like im heartbroken. we havent been seeing eachother for that long. i just dont get why people arent clearer. speak! if you (him) want things over, then tell me! dont string me along...

  38. #38

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    I'm going to imagine that at first, the idea of a virgin was intriguing and fascinating fantasy for him.

    The reality of taking it slow, and strictly at your pace and comfort zone was more reality then his fantasy could stand.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  39. #39
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by borg69unimatrix View Post
    I'm going to imagine that at first, the idea of a virgin was intriguing and fascinating fantasy for him.

    The reality of taking it slow, and strictly at your pace and comfort zone was more reality then his fantasy could stand.
    could be. its a possibility. but i feel like ive shown nothing but signs of comfort in front of him, especially ever since weve had that talk. id be willing to do a lot more... well, as long as he gets tested. maybe thats why. because i want to make sure i have a safe partner. but i mean really, is that too much to ask for?

  40. #40
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    well i am talking to other guys so its not like im heartbroken. we havent been seeing eachother for that long. i just dont get why people arent clearer. speak! if you (him) want things over, then tell me! dont string me along...
    It has been my experience that "open endedness" between guys is more common, as many gay guys operate as if there is no rulebook at all, particularly if they aren't fully out or fully comfortable, and they don't approach every guy they go out with or hook up with as someone whose feelings or expectations they should necessarily consider in a "traditional dating" sense.

    Sucks but it's true, so look out for yourself and it wouldn't hurt to have asked the guy directly, either. Save you time in the future. If the answer you get/got from him is "yeah I'd like to get to know each other better" followed up with 3-4 days at a time of not talking to you, you have your answer.

  41. #41

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    could be. its a possibility. but i feel like ive shown nothing but signs of comfort in front of him, especially ever since weve had that talk. id be willing to do a lot more... well, as long as he gets tested. maybe thats why. because i want to make sure i have a safe partner. but i mean really, is that too much to ask for?
    It's not too much to ask for... you deserve someone that has your best interests at heart. Clearly, this guy isn't it.

    To me, it sounds like he doesn't respect you. He just wanted to bag a virgin. Had you gone all the way with him, you'd still be here, only asking, "I slept with him, why won't he call me back?"
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  42. #42
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    i guess i felt it would be weird to just directly ask him straight up what he was looking for... i also somewhat assumed because he was convincing as shit. maybe im just naive. probably.

    dating, just like much of everything else, is full of lessons. i already feel like ive learned quite a bit but of course theres a great more to learn.

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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    well i am talking to other guys so its not like im heartbroken. we havent been seeing eachother for that long. i just dont get why people arent clearer. speak! if you (him) want things over, then tell me! dont string me along...

    He is telling you, but you don't hear it. It is the non-verbal clues.

  44. #44

    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Guys will tell you whatever you want to hear to get laid. Some are VERY convincing. You just have to stand your ground on what you're willing to do, and how far you go, and expect some disappointments along the way from the guys not willing to settle for your terms.

    Most men are pigs... you have to learn to weed those out to find the good ones.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  45. #45
    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by backagain View Post
    He is telling you, but you don't hear it. It is the non-verbal clues.
    thats ridiculous and immature. im not accepting that as a cue...

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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    thats ridiculous and immature. im not accepting that as a cue...
    Live and learn.
    Good Luck.

  47. #47
    CE&P Secret Police xbuzzerx's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    thats ridiculous and immature. im not accepting that as a cue...
    It's not about immature, it's about actions speak louder than words.

    He can say you mean the world to him but if he can't find the time or effort to call or text what should that tell you?

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    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    okay true. i just still think its messed up either way. to leave someone hanging like that? i wouldnt ever do it. it might be hard, but id tell them what i thought, not play with their strings like a puppet.

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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    Quote Originally Posted by menRsexii View Post
    okay true. i just still think its messed up either way. to leave someone hanging like that? i wouldnt ever do it. it might be hard, but id tell them what i thought, not play with their strings like a puppet.
    Major major thing to know about dating: never assume everyone thinks and will act like you would. Especially when it comes to protecting your own feelings... no one's going to think about that as much as you will.

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    JUB Addict menRsexii's Avatar
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    Re: at what point is it 'needy'?

    well now ive just gotten myself into a little depressed funk. im still expecting him to at least tell me its over at some point, as if i even deserve that. i know im only 20 but you know it really hurts sometimes actually. my whole life ive always compared myself to others, putting myself behind them. i was never good enough for myself, and so far, i feel thats kinda being proved in life in more ways than one. every time it seems something good might happen, i get fucked over. again, i realize im young but it still doesnt make me feel any less hurt.

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