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Thread: 7 days post breakup

      
   
  1. #1
    indudela
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    7 days post breakup

    I finally made it through day #7 post my breakup with my ex after I found a used condom on a plain sight in the trashcan when he fooled around with his ex last week, when his ex came to visit from out of state for thanksgiving. I am still heartbroken, and the pain is still very intense, but the past couple days seem to have gone by easier.

    I cried my self out during the first several nights. I went to a counseling and a doctor to treat my depression. My doctor refused to treat me with any medicine because all I had was a severe case of heartbroken that would dissipate and heal as the time goes by.

    I went to my ex's place on Thursday night to confront him in person. It took a lot of guts, but I poured my heart out in a heartfelt conversation, and for my own sake, I managed to find closure in a more positive note. Unfortunately, he showed no remorse. As I walked out the door, he tried to hug me and said "I am sorry that you are depressed, but don't do anything stupid if you want me back" ... Well, I said "Please don't touch me. I don't want you anymore, and you don't deserve me." I looked at him in the eyes one more time, I walked out, and I finally felt free.

    I also wrote his ex a long email. There was no cursing, blaming game, etc. in the email. It was just a heartfelt description of what I truly feel about the whole situation.

    Fortunately, I have an incredibly outpouring supports from my friends in this difficult time. I think incredible is an understatement. They kept me busy with things all week to make my mind off things. I don't know what I would've become without them.
    Last edited by indudela; December 2nd, 2012 at 01:57 PM.

  2. #2
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Sorry to hear about what has happened, but I'm proud of what you have done.
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

  3. #3
    Look, listen and rejoice oakpope's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Good for you, and I'm so glad you have great friends to help you with this hard time. Most probably you will soon have someone else on your mind and your heart, someone who will be worthier of you.
    Magna Veritas


  4. #4
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    I am doing house cleaning right now ... and I am throwing away EVERYTHING that reminds me of him, from funny cheese grater he gave me to shampoo that we bought together. Darn, I really love how that shampoo smells!!

  5. #5
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I am doing house cleaning right now ... and I am throwing away EVERYTHING that reminds me of him, from funny cheese grater he gave me to shampoo that we bought together. Darn, I really love how that shampoo smells!!
    Stop with the childish stupidity. Throwing things out that he gave you is a tantrum.
    Never cease to find it strange
    How at midnight things seem hopeless
    But by dawn they've changed

  6. #6

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    The healing process takes time, but I'm confident thar you'll get over him, and find someone worthy of you! Good luck xoxox

  7. #7
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by GregKII View Post
    The healing process takes time, but I'm confident that you'll get over him, and find someone worthy of you! Good luck xoxox
    ^ EXACTLY...let's start with a post breakup sex.

  8. #8
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    The guy sounds like a jerk, you should feel lucky that you got rid of him.
    Never cease to find it strange
    How at midnight things seem hopeless
    But by dawn they've changed

  9. #9
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    Stop with the childish stupidity. Throwing things out that he gave you is a tantrum.
    Maybe you are right ... I think I am gonna keep the shampoo because it does smell great. But all the cutsy cards, gifts, etc. are going out in the trash.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    ^ EXACTLY...let's start with a post breakup sex.
    Is there a number that I could call? LOL ... just kidding!! :-P

  10. #10

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    ^ EXACTLY...let's start with a post breakup sex.
    I must say, I hope there is room for a third person!

  11. #11
    soooooo collllldddd rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    So right after your therapist said not to contact him...you do anyway.

  12. #12
    The gay gargoyle
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Sometimes closure means getting the last word in.

    Lex

  13. #13
    CupidBoy
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Happy you got closure....best wishes.

  14. #14
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by rareboy View Post
    So right after your therapist said not to contact him...you do anyway.
    Yeah I did, and I did not regret it. I did not feel any affection for him when I saw him. I was no longer angry at him but I felt really sorry for him for being heartless and cruel to me.

    I am going to talk about this with my therapist when we meet on Tuesday. Yeah, I was finally able to find that closure on a much more positive tone that Thursday night, and I honestly feel so MUCH better!!!
    Last edited by indudela; December 2nd, 2012 at 04:18 PM.

  15. #15
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by G-Lexington View Post
    Sometimes closure means getting the last word in.

    Lex
    Absolutely and that's all I was looking for ... a positive closure. I also got my last words in for his ex as well ... I am still very much destroyed and heartbroken, but I feel so much better today. One day at a time ...

  16. #16
    JUB Addict cgymike's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    "I'm gonna wash that man right out my hair" as the song went

    Wash your hair with the shampoo and while doing so have that song playing right there in the bathroom. Then just throw the damn bottle away and be done with it.

    Your post comments are forwarded to the CIA.

  17. #17
    JUB Addict umjreon88's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Glad that you've handled it well. That douchebag deserves no respect. He deserves to be fed to the lions!



    Now on to NSA fun fun fun!

    Then a few months later, someone better!
    "... You think the only people who are people
    Are the people who look and think like you ..." - Colours of the Wind by Vanessa Williams

  18. #18
    JUB Addict innocentbychoice's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    Stop with the childish stupidity. Throwing things out that he gave you is a tantrum.
    Actually I think that to move on you need to stop thinking about that person and throwing the things that remind you of that person away is a good idea if you want to move on. I don't think it's childish at all. I've done it and it sets you free.

  19. #19
    AWP82
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    Maybe you are right ... I think I am gonna keep the shampoo because it does smell great. But all the cutsy cards, gifts, etc. are going out in the trash.
    No, he's not right. You're doing nothing wrong. Ignore him.

  20. #20
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Empty gestures like this only fuel your own sense of drama and slow down the healing process instead of speeding it up
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  21. #21
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    ^ I see your point there. Throwing stuff away is an empty gesture. Sell his gifts on eBay/pawn shop to get you extra income in return. Now that IS closure!

  22. #22
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    I think this is the hardest part ... Two weeks ago at this time, we just finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. I was then cuddling with him on the couch and watching a movie. All of these are in distant memories now ... and I am alone again.

  23. #23

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    I really hope I don't feel like you when/if my boyfriend and I break up. I thought i'll find solace in promiscuity and drugs.

  24. #24
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    The thing is you were alone the whole time. You just didn't know it. It seems the ex was no ex. It's interesting that he wanted to be caught.

    Take care of yourself in healthy, positive ways. Stay close to your friends. Best wishes.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  25. #25
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    The thing is you were alone the whole time. You just didn't know it. It seems the ex was no ex. It's interesting that he wanted to be caught.

    Take care of yourself in healthy, positive ways. Stay close to your friends. Best wishes.
    Yeah, that's the part that I still don't understand. When people cheat on their spouse, they usually tried to hide the evidence. But my ex left the condom in the bathroom trashcan, and I knew I was coming to his place to cook dinner while he's dropping off his ex back in the airport. Heck, the condom got some filling in it too. Things were great between us, but I still do not understand why he couldn't just come to me and say he wanted to break up, rather hurting me like this.

  26. #26
    indudela
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldLion View Post
    I really hope I don't feel like you when/if my boyfriend and I break up. I thought i'll find solace in promiscuity and drugs.
    Thanks ... but you have a control of your own life and how you choose to grieve over a loss.

  27. #27
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    Yeah, that's the part that I still don't understand. When people cheat on their spouse, they usually tried to hide the evidence. But my ex left the condom in the bathroom trashcan, and I knew I was coming to his place to cook dinner while he's dropping off his ex back in the airport. Heck, the condom got some filling in it too. Things were great between us, but I still do not understand why he couldn't just come to me and say he wanted to break up, rather hurting me like this.
    It really sucks that it had to happen. The best thing to do, since this is over, is to move on and stop asking questions. None of this is your fault and you know that. There are far better people out there than your ex, so now it's time to go find them! You can do it!
    Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.

  28. #28
    soooooo collllldddd rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I think this is the hardest part ... Two weeks ago at this time, we just finished dinner and cleaned up the kitchen. I was then cuddling with him on the couch and watching a movie. All of these are in distant memories now ... and I am alone again.
    You are only alone for a little while. Spend some time to let the wounds heal a bit and then get back out there. There are lots of good guys who won't do the same shit as your ex.

    You'll know you are ready for a real relationship again when the urge to tell the other guy how your ex hurt you isn't there.

    Best of luck finding the right guy next time out.

  29. #29

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I went to my ex's place on Thursday night to confront him in person. It took a lot of guts, but I poured my heart out in a heartfelt conversation, and for my own sake, I managed to find closure in a more positive note. Unfortunately, he showed no remorse. As I walked out the door, he tried to hug me and said "I am sorry that you are depressed, but don't do anything stupid if you want me back" ... Well, I said "Please don't touch me. I don't want you anymore, and you don't deserve me." I looked at him in the eyes one more time, I walked out, and I finally felt free.
    I applaud you for this so much. How did you find the courage to do this?! I'm in a similar situation and I feel like I need to confront someone for breaking my heart too.

  30. #30
    indudela
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    My ex stopped by last night

    14 days post breakup after I found out he slept with his friend ... He stopped by my apartment last night because he wanted to talk. We talked for two hours. He just sat there barely speaking a word or two and barely looking at my eyes, and basically I gave him what was in my mind in a stern, commanding voice. No mushy, lovie-dovie demeanor from me. We hugged, and he left. I don't know where this is going from here, but I seriously no longer found him attractive nor did I have any affection from him ... Honest to boot, but I really missed him and deep down I was happy to see him last night.
    Last edited by indudela; December 8th, 2012 at 08:40 AM.

  31. #31
    AWP82
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    Re: My ex stopped by last night

    You're doing good. Stay strong...

  32. #32
    JUB Addict Ram's Avatar
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    Re: My ex stopped by last night

    Good job.

    I would have caved though. You are strong.

  33. #33
    Marty Saybrooke's Avatar
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    Re: My ex stopped by last night

    Good job! I'd have gone ham too!!

    You'll find someone much better
    I make my bed with the stars above my head and dream of a place called home.

  34. #34
    indudela
    Guest

    What should I do?

    14 days post breakup. After sternly talking with him last night about him cheating on me during the Thanksgiving holidays, now my ex just called and asked me to go out and have dinner with him. He still wanted to talk things over and save whatever we had left, or at least our friendship. I said "maybe"

    What should I do? I am no longer mad at him, and I no longer wanted to have any romantic relationship with him. However, I honestly still want his friendship because I have not met anyone who really clicked with me when things were great between us ... or at last I thought we did ... but I am still hurt thinking about this whole situation.

    UGH ... I wish there was a book called "breaking up for dummies" that I could just read and follow.
    Last edited by indudela; December 8th, 2012 at 03:45 PM.

  35. #35
    Sex God
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    Re: What should I do?

    Go out for dinner and try to salvage a friendship.
    The hurt may be there, but try to put that aside if you want a friendship.

  36. #36
    CupidBoy
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    Re: What should I do?

    You should move this to the coming out and relationships forum, so you don't get flamed.

    I know it's hard....I wish you the best, try to occupy yourself with something to get your mind off of it.

  37. #37
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: What should I do?

    "Why not just make one thread and then keep the story going? Why the multiple threads? And on the same day?"

    Just in case you never noticed, things don't happen at once in life, and I do like to write. Is that such bad things to be able to express your feelings through writing?? I didn't realize that now I have to post certains on certain forum, .... This is not like JUB in the old days ... and what the heck is no-flame zone?

    This is a real story from a real person but if all I can write on JUB is superficial stuff about sex, penises, sizes, etc ... then I am out of here. All I needed is support and outlet to express my feelings, and I am sorry that everything doesn't happen all at once, and my writings comes in segment.

  38. #38
    What I Did For Love BENDERBOY's Avatar
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    Re: What should I do?

    A bit cheesy, but Neil knows his stuff.

    "You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person"
    - anonymous quote.

  39. #39
    Sex God The White Stripe's Avatar
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    Re: What should I do?

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    and btw, rareboy ... you maybe JUB VIP and think you are doing what you need to keep JUB run as smooth as possible, but from day #1 of my story, all you have done so far is accusing me of being a troll!!! I am embarassed to have you here on JUB!!!
    Stop trying to start things, Indudela. Most people here are just trying to help other along in the correct way to post threads. You could have simply posted a reply in one of your existing threads with any update. It would have been easier for others to follow your story and better understand your situation that way anyhow. I expect a MOD will probably merge them anyways. Maybe you two should just stop talking. lol
    Last edited by The White Stripe; December 8th, 2012 at 04:52 PM.

    "Its better to burn out than fade away"

  40. #40
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    I think you're making a mistake by staying in contact with him. Of course he feels bad NOW THAT HES BEEN BUSTED. Had you not caught him he wouldn't have thought a thing about cheating on you again and again. He played you for a fool, treated you like garbage and couldn't understand why you were upset. Do you really want to be friends with someone that treats you like that? You gave him the boot and now he's slowly worming his way back in. Remember how he made you feel. Remember what it felt like when he told you you needed to leave because his "ex" (which he isn't) didn't want you around. Remember how devastated you were when you found the condoms.

    I've been there. I was cheated on by the person I loved more than anyone I've ever loved. I know the pain. I know I would have probably taken him back in the days after we brook up had I let him back in my life. Don't let him weasel his way back. He's only going to hurt you again.

    Steven.

  41. #41
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    So, I ended up going to dinner with him, but again, I felt no affection or attraction or feelings or whatsoever. The chemistry between us is dead, and I don't feel like pursuing our friendship either. I guess I truly am moving on ... and he offered if we should just become fuck bud because both of us would need sex. Well, he could definitely fuck himself.
    Last edited by indudela; December 8th, 2012 at 10:49 PM.

  42. #42
    What I Did For Love BENDERBOY's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Well done, on to better things.
    "You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person"
    - anonymous quote.

  43. #43
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    and btw, my ex told me that his friend was the one who initiated the sex, and not him, so it was not really his fault that he got turned on. Yeah, that was the biggest BS I ever heard, and I don't care.

  44. #44
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    My God. This guy is the biggest jackass I've ever heard of. How you kept from punching him dead in the face I'll never know. Please tell me you told him to NEVER contact you again. Block his number and emails. If he knocked on my door I'd throw a bucket of water on him and shut it without saying a word. He must have balls the size of oranges. Unbelievable. It was the "ex's" fault and he wants a fb. I think I would have dumped my dinner on top of his head and walked out, leaving him to pay the bill.

    Well now you know the scum that he truly is. Good riddance to this horses ass.

    Steven.

  45. #45
    soooooo collllldddd rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Well at least you hopefully have the closure that you need to end any kind of relationship with your ex.

    He must be pretty stupid to think that it would be a smart thing to just be friends with benefits. From the sound of things, he is way too immature to be involved in a committed relationship with anyone yet and he will only hurt anyone who tries it with him.

    Well now at least you can move on and find someone who appreciates you.

  46. #46
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Now that I think of it after sleeping it off overnight ... Maybe I shouldn't have been in contact with my ex is the past couple of days to begin with. Yes, at least I found out that I didn't want to do anything with him anymore, but now I am spiraling down in the depression lane again after feeling much better in the past few days. This is honestly the worst breakup I ever had in my life ...

  47. #47
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by Georgiadude View Post
    I think you're making a mistake by staying in contact with him.
    You are absolutely right ... I am going to avoid him at all cost. I really need to recover from this.

  48. #48
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: 7 days post breakup

    That's good to hear. Any time you have contact with him you're just re opening those wounds. You've barely started the heal and these are deep cuts. It's going to take a lot of time to get over this. cut all ties. Tell him to never contact you again and if at all possible see a therapist. I did and it really helped. It's very helpful to sit down with someone that can help you sort out these feelings. In the meantime stop all contact. Your very vulnerable right now and he knows it. My guess is he's still in contact with his bf and they're relationship hasn't changed a bit. how many other guys does he have on the side that you dont know about? Make a clean and total break. I know it hurts but your better off without him. He'll be onto his next victim in no time.

    Steven.

  49. #49

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    First of all, I'm glad you broke things off and gained a bit of closure. It takes a lot to speak to someone you just broke up with. And to even send that email to his ex without cursing. That shows a huge amount of restraint. I think the majority of people, if given the chance would curse their asses off Now, you went to dinner with him and chatted with him for a couple of hours. Others have said it, you know it... stop remaining in contact with him. If he wants a friend with benefits, he can go on grindr or whatever. Memories can be nice, but definitely don't let it sway you back to him. And also, I'm glad you're seeing a counselor.

    Keep us updated and stay strong!
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  50. #50
    indudela
    Guest

    Re: 7 days post breakup

    Quote Originally Posted by Georgiadude View Post
    if at all possible see a therapist. I did and it really helped. It's very helpful to sit down with someone that can help you sort out these feelings.
    I have been seeing a therapist as well to help sort these out, and she also urged me to stop all contacts at all costs. I guess I was just trying to find out what my feelings actually are for him post breakup, but I am glad that I figured out I am already letting him go.

    My ex said during dinner that he didn't tell his ex that he was seeing me until he arrived here because his ex didn't need to know that we were dating. He also said to me that his ex has been calling him as well to talk about their sexual encounter, and his ex thought I overreacted. That was a bunch of BS ...

    Anyways, I agree with you. These are very deep cuts and I've never felt like this before. I could definitely see that this would be a very long recovery, and the last thing I need now is a rebound. My therapist said I need to be single for a while until I can smell "my own scent" again.

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