You have to remember that none of this is your fault.
Then, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and say, "I am strong and I will get through this."
Author of Lost in a Dream. If you want to make me smile, read it and tell me what you think.
I hesitate to say this -- but I will. You are now 5 weeks out from this breakup. Stop whining and get on with your life. You have invested too much emotional baggage in this creep.
That is unless wallowing in "woe is me" serves some emotional need. In which event you need better therapy than you're getting.
IMHO you are verging on trolldom.
Last edited by indudela; January 1st, 2013 at 02:57 PM.
Now that I think about it ... Mornings and evenings (especially sleepless nights) are the most difficult time of the day.
indudela: I feel for you. I've been there. In some ways, I still am. Things do get better with time, and you'll figure out how to move on in your own time, and in your own way. Eventually, you'll look back on this situation and realize that you were a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I, too, used to dread mornings and evenings because being alone with my thoughts created more turmoil in my head than anything. That is something that will subside with time.
When I found out my ex cheated on me, I reacted in a very similar manner (although I don't cry. Never have been the crying type). It took me a full six months before the pain really subsided to the point I started feeling normal again. The one thing I didn't do that I should have was to find a way to vent. It's good that you've found a way to vent and to cope with your situation. There's always going to be a insensitive clod telling you to get over it. Fact of the matter is, we all deal with these types of situations differently and there's no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with a broken heart. I've been there enough times to know that.
I hope you are able to move on soon. The place you're in emotionally really sucks. Good luck.
For all the broken hearted, I will say once more:
You are the ones who are allowing the hurt to happen once the break-up has occurred.
Stop giving the other person power over you and refuse to be a victim.
That is where you start.
This is not your personal blog - it's an open thread. If you want a place to just log your thoughts, use the blog feature. In the meantime, anyone is welcome to add his tuppence to the discussion, palbert included. You, however, are welcome to keep disregarding such tuppence.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Give a man religion, and he'll starve praying for a fish.
First day back at work since I took off for a long break on Dec 12. My co-workers were happy to see me, and they asked why I suddenly disappeared. I came out clean to them that my ex and I were no longer together, what happened, and I needed my time alone. I was not as productive as I like but one step back to normalcy. I was reminded the night where I took my ex to my office for the first time and the stuff we did ... but at least I wasn't in shock and spent my days staring the ceiling for hours the days after thanksgiving holidays.
My heart goes out to you for the pain you've been dealt. I've been cheated on as well, and I discovered the cheating in a similar way to yours.
It was during that time that I found out exactly who I was as a person. I discovered my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I also discovered that I had a co-dependent personality which made it much harder for me to get over him. (he was my first).
Now that you know alot more about your ex than you expected, it is now the time to learn more about yourself. Now is the time to honor yourself and your body with the Love only YOU can give! You will cry many more nights, but after each tear, there will be fewer ahead. You will wake up some mornings with a heavy heart full of pain and pressure. Embrace that pain and sojourn through it, for it means fewer days of pain ahead.
1. Don't Call, Text or Email him. End all contact. No exceptions!
2. You may miss him sexually. Don't think you can win back his affections through sex. You will regret it after the act is over, and you will go back to reminding him of his cheating and demanding contrition from him all over again. If you must; allow yourself to masturbate/fantasize about your ex rather than call him up late one night because your body misses him. BUT you must slowly ween yourself off of thinking of him in a sexual manner. He cheated on you! Keep that in mind!
3. Don't jump into another quick relationship right away. Make new friends. Even date a little. Doing these things will boost your self esteem while allowing your thoughts to occupy another space.
I truly wish you well in the days ahead, and I hope you're making progress since the breakup.
Rejoice and Behold the pungency of my nuts for I have arrived!
Very typical insecure gay guy ... My ex exaggerated his size when we started talking. He said he was 7.5 inches and very thick. The first night we slept together, I was kinda "disappointed" to find out that he was just barely 6 inches and average thickness. I wondered which ruler he used, or he measured it from his scrotum. He sported a very thick pubic bush, and that was a huge turn on for me.
All the best to you.
Rejoice and Behold the pungency of my nuts for I have arrived!
You don't need anti-depressants. You need to go through the process of a broken relationship. Much like a death, you need to grieve the loss. Do it now or do it later, after the meds, but either way, you will have to do it.
Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.
^ I would tend to agree.
The p[i;;s just numb the hurt. Better to get really sad and then really angry and then move on.
Be careful. the Xanax can be addictive. If anything, you need someone to talk to so you can close the door to the past. If you loved him and have good memories, it is supposed to hurt your heart. This is not abnormal.
Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.
Indudela - Be very careful with Xanax. It is one of the most addictive drugs out there. My doctor prescribed it for me and I had to go into drug rehab to beat it. The heroin addicts in rehab said they thought heroin detox was bad until they saw Xanax detox. There are other less addictive ways of treating anxiety. Good luck.
It's one of those lonely Saturday morning, and I am holding up fairly well actually. I started feeling depressed when I woke up, but rather than laying down in bed and feeling sad, I kicked myself in the butt and got up. I started moving around and doing chores, and I felt better.
I realized one thing. One of my joy in life is cooking, and that has been stripped away from me. In fact, I haven't cooked much at all since that horrible thanksgiving. My ex and I loved to cook and we spent SO much time together in the kitchen, and I have been avoiding the kitchen area since it brought back so much memories.
Although I really like my apartment, I am thinking about moving to a new place once my lease expires by the end of spring. What do you guys think?
I would say get in that kitchen and cook! Invite a friend over and make something you've never made before. Cooking is very therapeutic. And you get to eat and enjoy the therapy.
This is crazy but I lost 13 pounds already because I have no appetite due to depression. For example, it has been 24 hours since I had anything to eat and I am not even hungry. I seriously need to eat again.
I cant believe how strong you are. Its taken me 10 months to get to the stage where you are right now. You should try rearanging furniture - it helped me.
I cannot believe what an absolute arsehole your EX is - I mean what a complete TWAT, how dare he feel like he can contact you trying to rub it in your face. What a complete tool. You deserve so much better than that - we all do!
Karma will come round and give you justice. When you have an angry or upsetting thought about him you should close your eyes and push the negative energy away - it honestly helps!
You should try running to help with the lack of appetite
Wow my heart goes out to you, you're doing so well. All these feelings are totally natural and WILL dissipate in time. I was in a similar position to you almost one year ago and I promise things will get better and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong.
Good to hear from other survivors. Activity and new interests are as good an antidote as any. Time will do the rest.
Call me crazy, but I posted earlier that last night I went on a date with an engaged man (I didn't know until he told me when we hung out), and I just went on a date with another guy from Grindr. Well, I ended up in his place and we had sex. Counting a guy who I fucked last week, that is 2 hookups in 10 days (would've been three if the guy from last night wasn't married). I felt so weird having sex with these guys. It is just different and I didn't enjoy it as much because I guess I was stupidly expecting familiarity in smells and moves and what their penis looks.
Btw, I think I need to slow down in hooking up with guys from Grindr. I feel like a total slut now. LOL
Dear thread, today was very tough at work and I really needed to talk to someone about it and seek advice. This is when I really miss my ex since we could talk for hours about work and being supportive to each other. But I am NOT going to call or text him because that chapter is already over. I am all alone and this is my life.
because today is one of those days that I could really use a big hug ... sigh ...
I don't want to sound insensitive, but you already have one "personal blog" thread, and this is an advice forum. I recommend you stick to your own topic.
That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
- Gene Wolfe
How do I delete my JUB account btw? I was asked for confirmation code.
You want a hug because you're having trouble deleting?
"... You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you ..." - Colours of the Wind by Vanessa Williams
All the best.
You eed help son.
and the threads go on.
Last edited by indudela; January 8th, 2013 at 09:09 PM.
All I asked was a hug, nothing more nothing less ....
Well, no one in here is giggling over anyone's cock pics. Nevertheless, this IS a place where people comment on your situation. If you don't want people to give you advice, you might continue posting in Hot Topics.
What all of your threads seem to be pointing to, is that you broke up with you"boyfriend," who apparently wouldn't have sex with you, but was fine having sex with an ex. Your threads are kind of disjointed, assuming that the above is correct, perhaps the best thing for you is to keep seeking the advice of a professional, since you don't seem to be asking for any in here.
ATTACK OF THE LIBERAL ELITE
You are the only one who can decide whether this one event will become your whole life or not.
I am still struggling, given the relatively short duration of your affair (that is, a couple of months) with the breadth and depth of your despair and depression. You are sounding more like someone who had been betrayed after years of being together, not mere weeks.
I am baffled...particularly since you didn't even live together for these 10 to 12 weeks, that there could even actually have been that many shared experiences or memories to justify the magnitude of grief.
I believe you may have noted that you have been treated for clinical depression at some point in the past and that you are currently seeking professional counselling assistance. I would say at this point that you do need to talk to your therapist about whether the underlying depression is the problem and the break-up with the boyfriend is actually only the manifestation.
I don't think that anyone would dispute by this point, that there is something seriously wrong here.
I just deleted my JUB profile. Thanks all for your support in this tough time, and I appreciate it.
Best wishes in finding the professional support that you need to get your through this ordeal and getting back to a state of optimal mental health.