7 days post breakup

[indudela]

indudela

There are people out there who care for you. Your ex is not one of those.

No one said this would be easy, but fortunately, you are strong.

Thanks. I can only try to be strong, but the pain is just way too much to bear. Honestly, I haven't felt like this depressed since my grandparents died within months to each other when I was in college.

[justanothershyguy]

Thanks. I can only try to be strong, but the pain is just way too much to bear. Honestly, I haven't felt like this depressed since my grandparents died within months to each other when I was in college.

You might not see it yet, but you are so strong. None of what has happened is any bit of your fault, yet you've had to deal with the bulk of the punishment. That's not fair.

You have to remember that none of this is your fault.

Then, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and say, "I am strong and I will get through this."

[palbert]

I hesitate to say this -- but I will. You are now 5 weeks out from this breakup. Stop whining and get on with your life. You have invested too much emotional baggage in this creep.

That is unless wallowing in "woe is me" serves some emotional need. In which event you need better therapy than you're getting.

IMHO you are verging on trolldom.

[indudela]

I hesitate to say this -- but I will. You are now 5 weeks out from this breakup. Stop whining and get on with your life. You have invested too much emotional baggage in this creep.

That is unless wallowing in "woe is me" serves some emotional need. In which event you need better therapy than you're getting.

IMHO you are verging on trolldom.

I am not trolling and this is my journal to cope with my breakup, and it really helps so far. You do not need to read it. This is the first time in my life that I was cheated on and it hurts. Maybe you never got cheated on, and it is not as easy to move on especially when your ex kept pulling you in weeks after you tried to move on. But, I am moving on and I am trying my best. This is a journey which everyone would respond differently. Yours would be different than mine ...

[indudela]

Now that I think about it ... Mornings and evenings (especially sleepless nights) are the most difficult time of the day.

[K-DubTee]

indudela: I feel for you. I've been there. In some ways, I still am. Things do get better with time, and you'll figure out how to move on in your own time, and in your own way. Eventually, you'll look back on this situation and realize that you were a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I, too, used to dread mornings and evenings because being alone with my thoughts created more turmoil in my head than anything. That is something that will subside with time.

When I found out my ex cheated on me, I reacted in a very similar manner (although I don't cry. Never have been the crying type). It took me a full six months before the pain really subsided to the point I started feeling normal again. The one thing I didn't do that I should have was to find a way to vent. It's good that you've found a way to vent and to cope with your situation. There's always going to be a insensitive clod telling you to get over it. Fact of the matter is, we all deal with these types of situations differently and there's no one-size-fits-all solution for dealing with a broken heart. I've been there enough times to know that.

I hope you are able to move on soon. The place you're in emotionally really sucks. Good luck.

[rareboy]

For all the broken hearted, I will say once more:

You are the ones who are allowing the hurt to happen once the break-up has occurred.

Stop giving the other person power over you and refuse to be a victim.

That is where you start.

[palbert]

.... There's always going to be a insensitive clod telling you to get over it. ....

I assume that is I.

Oh well.

[looseliam]

This is not your personal blog - it's an open thread. If you want a place to just log your thoughts, use the blog feature. In the meantime, anyone is welcome to add his tuppence to the discussion, palbert included. You, however, are welcome to keep disregarding such tuppence.

[indudela]

First day back at work since I took off for a long break on Dec 12. My co-workers were happy to see me, and they asked why I suddenly disappeared. I came out clean to them that my ex and I were no longer together, what happened, and I needed my time alone. I was not as productive as I like but one step back to normalcy. I was reminded the night where I took my ex to my office for the first time and the stuff we did ... but at least I wasn't in shock and spent my days staring the ceiling for hours the days after thanksgiving holidays.

[-Kane-]

My heart goes out to you for the pain you've been dealt. I've been cheated on as well, and I discovered the cheating in a similar way to yours.

It was during that time that I found out exactly who I was as a person. I discovered my strengths as well as my weaknesses. I also discovered that I had a co-dependent personality which made it much harder for me to get over him. (he was my first).

Now that you know alot more about your ex than you expected, it is now the time to learn more about yourself. Now is the time to honor yourself and your body with the Love only YOU can give! You will cry many more nights, but after each tear, there will be fewer ahead. You will wake up some mornings with a heavy heart full of pain and pressure. Embrace that pain and sojourn through it, for it means fewer days of pain ahead.

1. Don't Call, Text or Email him. End all contact. No exceptions!

2. You may miss him sexually. Don't think you can win back his affections through sex. You will regret it after the act is over, and you will go back to reminding him of his cheating and demanding contrition from him all over again. If you must; allow yourself to masturbate/fantasize about your ex rather than call him up late one night because your body misses him. BUT you must slowly ween yourself off of thinking of him in a sexual manner. He cheated on you! Keep that in mind!

3. Don't jump into another quick relationship right away. Make new friends. Even date a little. Doing these things will boost your self esteem while allowing your thoughts to occupy another space.

I truly wish you well in the days ahead, and I hope you're making progress since the breakup.

[indudela]

You will cry many more nights, but after each tear, there will be fewer ahead. You will wake up some mornings with a heavy heart full of pain and pressure. Embrace that pain and sojourn through it, for it means fewer days of pain ahead.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, evenings and mornings have been very very difficult. I went to bed last night at 11 pm, and it's 4:15 am now and I am already awake. I am not thinking about my ex or anything but I am just very much depressed right now. I spoke to my doctor a couple weeks after my breakup about treating my severe depression at the time. He suggested that we waited for 4-6 weeks to re-access the situation before he prescribed anti-depressant. Well, my appointment is on the 15th. Maybe, I should move it up. I am tired of feeling like this.

[indudela]

1. Don't Call, Text or Email him. End all contact. No exceptions!

I have been doing quite good on this ... My ex said I would never be able to leave him and disappear from his life. Well, I am proving him dead wrong. I have not attempted to contact him in past 4 weeks now. It's has always been him contacting me and I did my best not to respond until he showed up uninvited in my doorstep last week.

[indudela]

2. You may miss him sexually. Don't think you can win back his affections through sex. You will regret it after the act is over, and you will go back to reminding him of his cheating and demanding contrition from him all over again. If you must; allow yourself to masturbate/fantasize about your ex rather than call him up late one night because your body misses him. BUT you must slowly ween yourself off of thinking of him in a sexual manner. He cheated on you! Keep that in mind!

This I handled very well. My physical attraction to my ex evaporated as soon as I found out he cheated on me. I am not even remotely attracted to him sexually at all, and I have no desire to even fantasize about him. I have a bunch of his nude pictures in my computer, and I have been thinking about deleting all of them.

Very typical insecure gay guy ... My ex exaggerated his size when we started talking. He said he was 7.5 inches and very thick. The first night we slept together, I was kinda "disappointed" to find out that he was just barely 6 inches and average thickness. I wondered which ruler he used, or he measured it from his scrotum. He sported a very thick pubic bush, and that was a huge turn on for me.

[indudela]

3. Don't jump into another quick relationship right away. Make new friends. Even date a little. Doing these things will boost your self esteem while allowing your thoughts to occupy another space.

I am back on Grindr and have met a few guys for dinner and coffee. No one has sparked my interests for further communication so far, but I am talking to a bunch of guys.

[indudela]

My heart goes out to you for the pain you've been dealt. I've been cheated on as well, and I discovered the cheating in a similar way to yours.

I truly wish you well in the days ahead, and I hope you're making progress since the breakup.

Thank you for your support. I sincerely appreciate it.

[-Kane-]

I spoke to my doctor a couple weeks after my breakup about treating my severe depression at the time. He suggested that we waited for 4-6 weeks to re-access the situation before he prescribed anti-depressant. Well, my appointment is on the 15th. Maybe, I should move it up. I am tired of feeling like this.

I agree with your doctor's use of caution concerning medication, however if you insist that you need these drugs, then I support your decision. I would recommend Wellbutrin 150mg. I took this antidepressant during my college years and it worked wonderfully for me without the typical sexual side effects. I felt the immediate affects of the medicine just a couple weeks after starting it. While it won't make everything in your life rosey and colorful, it will take away the feelings of hopelessness and despair.

All the best to you.

[sixthson]

You don't need anti-depressants. You need to go through the process of a broken relationship. Much like a death, you need to grieve the loss. Do it now or do it later, after the meds, but either way, you will have to do it.

[rareboy]

^ I would tend to agree.

The p[i;;s just numb the hurt. Better to get really sad and then really angry and then move on.

[indudela]

^ I would tend to agree.

The p[i;;s just numb the hurt. Better to get really sad and then really angry and then move on.

I am just not capable of sustaining anger. I am not angry at anyone anymore, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking much about what happened. Good memories just popped up here and thats what made me depressed, and I need infusion of positive energy. My doctor already prescribed Xanax for my anxiety, but I didn't take it. I am going to consider all options, including long term counseling before choosing anti-depressant.

[sixthson]

Be careful. the Xanax can be addictive. If anything, you need someone to talk to so you can close the door to the past. If you loved him and have good memories, it is supposed to hurt your heart. This is not abnormal.

[palbert]

Indudela - Be very careful with Xanax. It is one of the most addictive drugs out there. My doctor prescribed it for me and I had to go into drug rehab to beat it. The heroin addicts in rehab said they thought heroin detox was bad until they saw Xanax detox. There are other less addictive ways of treating anxiety. Good luck.

[indudela]

Be careful. the Xanax can be addictive. If anything, you need someone to talk to so you can close the door to the past. If you loved him and have good memories, it is supposed to hurt your heart. This is not abnormal.

Indudela - Be very careful with Xanax. It is one of the most addictive drugs out there. My doctor prescribed it for me and I had to go into drug rehab to beat it. The heroin addicts in rehab said they thought heroin detox was bad until they saw Xanax detox. There are other less addictive ways of treating anxiety. Good luck.

No worries, I already dumped my Xanax in the toilet when I got them from my pharmacist. My ex-bf from 4 years ago was dependent on Xanax, and I know first hand that medicine could mess you up big time.

[indudela]

It's one of those lonely Saturday morning, and I am holding up fairly well actually. I started feeling depressed when I woke up, but rather than laying down in bed and feeling sad, I kicked myself in the butt and got up. I started moving around and doing chores, and I felt better.

I realized one thing. One of my joy in life is cooking, and that has been stripped away from me. In fact, I haven't cooked much at all since that horrible thanksgiving. My ex and I loved to cook and we spent SO much time together in the kitchen, and I have been avoiding the kitchen area since it brought back so much memories.

Although I really like my apartment, I am thinking about moving to a new place once my lease expires by the end of spring. What do you guys think?

[palbert]

I would say get in that kitchen and cook! Invite a friend over and make something you've never made before. Cooking is very therapeutic. And you get to eat and enjoy the therapy.

[indudela]

I would say get in that kitchen and cook! Invite a friend over and make something you've never made before. Cooking is very therapeutic. And you get to eat and enjoy the therapy.

I've forced myself to cook several times already, and I invited my close friends who have been there for me since the breakup for dinner. There are favorite dishes that I don't even feel like cooking anymore, and I've been experimenting with a new recipe for this noodle soup that I ate with my parents in a restaurant a few weeks ago. It drives me crazy that I couldn't get the flavor right.

This is crazy but I lost 13 pounds already because I have no appetite due to depression. For example, it has been 24 hours since I had anything to eat and I am not even hungry. I seriously need to eat again.

[panic1]

I cant believe how strong you are. Its taken me 10 months to get to the stage where you are right now. You should try rearanging furniture - it helped me.

I cannot believe what an absolute arsehole your EX is - I mean what a complete TWAT, how dare he feel like he can contact you trying to rub it in your face. What a complete tool. You deserve so much better than that - we all do!

Karma will come round and give you justice. When you have an angry or upsetting thought about him you should close your eyes and push the negative energy away - it honestly helps!

You should try running to help with the lack of appetite

[naquedon]

Wow my heart goes out to you, you're doing so well. All these feelings are totally natural and WILL dissipate in time. I was in a similar position to you almost one year ago and I promise things will get better and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong.

[rareboy]

Good to hear from other survivors. Activity and new interests are as good an antidote as any. Time will do the rest.

[indudela]

Call me crazy, but I posted earlier that last night I went on a date with an engaged man (I didn't know until he told me when we hung out), and I just went on a date with another guy from Grindr. Well, I ended up in his place and we had sex. Counting a guy who I fucked last week, that is 2 hookups in 10 days (would've been three if the guy from last night wasn't married). I felt so weird having sex with these guys. It is just different and I didn't enjoy it as much because I guess I was stupidly expecting familiarity in smells and moves and what their penis looks.

Btw, I think I need to slow down in hooking up with guys from Grindr. I feel like a total slut now. LOL

[indudela]

Karma will come round and give you justice. When you have an angry or upsetting thought about him you should close your eyes and push the negative energy away - it honestly helps!

You should try running to help with the lack of appetite

I do believe in Karma. What comes around goes around. I am going to try that "close your eyes" technique, and I am going back swimming. I haven't swum since the breakup.

[indudela]

Dear thread, today was very tough at work and I really needed to talk to someone about it and seek advice. This is when I really miss my ex since we could talk for hours about work and being supportive to each other. But I am NOT going to call or text him because that chapter is already over. I am all alone and this is my life.

[indudela]

because today is one of those days that I could really use a big hug ... sigh ...

[Rolyo85]

I don't want to sound insensitive, but you already have one "personal blog" thread, and this is an advice forum. I recommend you stick to your own topic.

[indudela]

How do I delete my JUB account btw? I was asked for confirmation code.

[palbert]

You want a hug because you're having trouble deleting?

Well,

[rareboy]

How do I delete my JUB account btw? I was asked for confirmation code.

I would contact the Mods.

They can help you.

[umjreon88]

because today is one of those days that I could really use a big hug ... sigh ...

There, a big hug for you!

On another note, do you have friends who you can hang out with today? It often helps to alleviate the heavy feeling you have inside.

[umjreon88]

Dear thread, today was very tough at work and I really needed to talk to someone about it and seek advice. This is when I really miss my ex since we could talk for hours about work and being supportive to each other. But I am NOT going to call or text him because that chapter is already over. I am all alone and this is my life.

PM me if you want,,

[CupidBoy]

All the best.

[palbert]

You eed help son.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8526820

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8614119

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8597436

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8592828

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8544791

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8543995

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8537297

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8514803

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8509055

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8505523

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8473113

and the threads go on.

[loveguys72]

You eed help son.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8526820

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8614119

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8597436

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8592828

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8544791

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8543995

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8537297

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8514803

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8509055

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8505523

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...=1#post8473113

and the threads go on.

All the more reason for a hug.

[indudela]

You eed help son.

Unlike some people (maybe like you), my love life isn't too peachy and I thought JUB was a great place for me to vent and post. But I do being judged and bullied for posting regularly on here, then it's time for me to go ... I am sorry, but I don't get giggly over "hey, this is my cock pic, please comment" posts

[indudela]

All I asked was a hug, nothing more nothing less ....

[CupidBoy]

Unlike some people (maybe like you), my love life isn't too peachy and I thought JUB was a great place for me to vent and post. But I do being judged and bullied for posting regularly on here, then it's time for me to go ... I am sorry, but I don't get giggly over "hey, this is my cock pic, please comment" posts

If it gives you comfort to vent here then do it.

[TX-Beau]

Unlike some people (maybe like you), my love life isn't too peachy and I thought JUB was a great place for me to vent and post. But I do being judged and bullied for posting regularly on here, then it's time for me to go ... I am sorry, but I don't get giggly over "hey, this is my cock pic, please comment" posts

Well, no one in here is giggling over anyone's cock pics. Nevertheless, this IS a place where people comment on your situation. If you don't want people to give you advice, you might continue posting in Hot Topics.

What all of your threads seem to be pointing to, is that you broke up with you"boyfriend," who apparently wouldn't have sex with you, but was fine having sex with an ex. Your threads are kind of disjointed, assuming that the above is correct, perhaps the best thing for you is to keep seeking the advice of a professional, since you don't seem to be asking for any in here.

[rareboy]

So Indude.

You are the only one who can decide whether this one event will become your whole life or not.

I am still struggling, given the relatively short duration of your affair (that is, a couple of months) with the breadth and depth of your despair and depression. You are sounding more like someone who had been betrayed after years of being together, not mere weeks.

I am baffled...particularly since you didn't even live together for these 10 to 12 weeks, that there could even actually have been that many shared experiences or memories to justify the magnitude of grief.

I believe you may have noted that you have been treated for clinical depression at some point in the past and that you are currently seeking professional counselling assistance. I would say at this point that you do need to talk to your therapist about whether the underlying depression is the problem and the break-up with the boyfriend is actually only the manifestation.

I don't think that anyone would dispute by this point, that there is something seriously wrong here.

[indudela]

I just deleted my JUB profile. Thanks all for your support in this tough time, and I appreciate it.

[rareboy]

Best wishes in finding the professional support that you need to get your through this ordeal and getting back to a state of optimal mental health.

[palbert]

Best wishes in finding the professional support that you need to get your through this ordeal and getting back to a state of optimal mental health.

^^^ This. Best of luck with getting the help you need.