7 days post breakup

[looseliam]

For the love everything holy, stop talking to him.

Now, follow Liam's post break-up guide:

1) go get your hair done, and eyebrows (I'd recommend Robert Jeffrey on Halsted)
2) go buy yourself a new outfit - one in which you look fabulous
3) hit Berlin for a couple drinks
4) dance with random guys
5) go home with random guy and shag your brains out

Repeat as often as needed

[Georgiadude]

sorry. I forgot you said you are seeing someone. I hurt my back yesterday and the lortab affects my memory. lol

When I broke up with Igor it tore me to pieces. My therapist told me about the seven stages of grieving and that Im going to have to go through them before I should start dating again. I haven't dated anyone since and I know I'm going to have trust issues. It takes time. A lot of time to heal and every time you have contact with him the clock starts all over again. Don't let him keep doing that to you. Be sad. Be angry. It's ok. Just don't let him in your life any more. He doesn't deserve you as a friend or anything else. He screwed that up.

He didn't tell his bf about you because he isn't an ex. He's his bf and he was too stupid to think you'd call him on his bullshit. He probably told his bf you were a "friend or ex bf." The more I hear about this guy the bigger ass hat I think he is. Regardless cut off all contact. No more dinners, emails, texts etc. Rid yourself of this scum.

Steven.

[indudela]

It's another day ... I was very depressed last night but my mood seems to improve when I woke up in the morning. I have been dreaming about my ex though, almost every night now. I just do not know how to stop these dreams. I think what bugged me most is that my ex showed no remorse and he did NOT apologize for cheating on me, except he was sorry that I am depressed.

I need to let these questions go. Sometimes, there are no answers to them ... and bad things just happened. To think of it, this is the first time ever that I broke up with someone over cheating. I have never felt this hurt before. It is going in on 3rd week, and I still feel raw. Day-to-day ... I think that's the mentality I am going to take on.

[Georgiadude]

read about the stages of grief. you didn't fall in love with him in 2 weeks. It's going to take longer than that to get him out of your mind. The old saying "time heals all wounds". is partly true. In time it will affect you less. You will never forget him but you will learn to accept that he is no longer a part of your life. It will get better. time, time and time. keep yourself busy with friends, family, work, anything to keep your mind off of him.

Steven.

[indudela]

Well, my friends did a good job of distracting me today ... We went to play some board games at their house after work. I told them about my dinner with my ex this past weekend, and they all told me that I need to stop talking to my ex at all cost if I want to recover from this. One guy said out loud ... BE STRONG DUDE!!!

My friends are awesome!!!

[indudela]

Ugh ... my ex just texted me that he'd be traveling out of state to see his ex and spending christmas and new year with him because I have been avoiding him since our awkward dinner last weekend, and I deserved to be alone for being full of drama since the Thanksgiving fiasco. I don't really care. This entire incident clearly showed that my ex is still very much involved with his ex, and I was just a filler on the side.

[AWP82]

Ugh ... my ex just texted me that he'd be traveling out of state to see his ex and spending christmas and new year with him because I have been avoiding him since our awkward dinner last weekend, and I deserved to be alone for being full of drama since the Thanksgiving fiasco. I don't really care. This entire incident clearly showed that my ex is still very much involved with his ex, and I was just a filler on the side.

That's pathetic. He's just trying to make you jealous. (I'm laughing at him, not you.)

Is there any way you can block him? I would.

[indudela]

I already defriended him on facebook, but not sure how to do that on email or text though. I responded "Don't leave any used condoms in the bathroom trashcan like you did at home. His bf might find out." ... or maybe I shouldn't have responded at all.

[indudela]

I also typed "Tell your ex to clean his hole before you fuck him. There was shit residue on the condoms last time, and it smelled like both of you" ... but I deleted it. It was childish and unnecessary.

[AWP82]

Yeah, just leave it alone. He's not worth it.

[indudela]

Yeah, just leave it alone. He's not worth it.

I met with my counselor again today. I said to her that I already forgave my ex and I am not angry anymore, but she said that I am in a denial and that is a part of grieving. I told her about the dinner last weekend, and she said deep down I still have a lot of anger about what happened. Unless I let go this anger, I am attached to my ex, and I will not be able to move on. How am I going to make peace knowing that I was hurt so badly ... and I still feel very raw.

[Seasoned]

I think your hurt comes more from his ongoing relationship with his "ex" rather than the fact he had sex. What would have hurt me was the fact I was led to believe it was over when it wasn't.

Block him and until you do delete any messages before reading them.

[indudela]

I think your hurt comes more from his ongoing relationship with his "ex" rather than the fact he had sex. What would have hurt me was the fact I was led to believe it was over when it wasn't.

I completely agree with you. My counselor and I have been working together to sort out what caused my anger and depression. I was sincerely led to believe that we were madly in love and our relationship was heading somewhere. Never once I thought he had an ongoing relationship with his ex who lives 2 states away. That's why I agreed to let his ex to visit us on thanksgiving. Now, he is going to visit his ex for christmas and new year. So, it was very clear to me that I was never his bf to begin with and I had been all alone.

[rareboy]

I already defriended him on facebook, but not sure how to do that on email or text though. I responded "Don't leave any used condoms in the bathroom trashcan like you did at home. His bf might find out." ... or maybe I shouldn't have responded at all.

To be blunt. No. You shouldn't have responded. But I think that you want to leave the wound open.

Counsellor says not to contact him. You do.

People said stay away form him. You have dinner.

Even though you could easily find out how to block him on test and email, you don't.

Even though you know it is childish and shows how hurt and vulnerable you are, you send a message about condoms.

You just want to relive the pain again and again it seems.

The way to heal is to recognize that you are stronger than your anger and depression. Not to keep letting your ex have complete control over your every minute every hour of every day.

You need to get to the point of indifference and the faster you do this, the better.

Until you get there, you counsellor is going to have an uphill battle trying to help you through this.

[indudela]

Guess what rareboy, it is easier said than done. This is a real-life journey and not a textbook case. You are maybe strong but some people aren't. As usual, you showed no compassion and very quickly judged me.

This is a very painful process that I am going through, and I am going through it straight on. There is no clear cut on what I should or should not do to respond with what is going to happen today. I am taking it day-to-day, and my counselor understood what was going on. Some of my decisions were good, some were not so good because it involves human emotion. She said going to dinner with my ex was a great idea because I ultimately found out about my feelings for him. That's why I work with her, and NOT you!! So, don't judge or criticize me. This is no-flame zone.

You already called me names (troll, fake, attention seeker, etc). You told me I shouldn't post on Hot Topics. You told me I shouldn't start a new thread. I don't know what else you want from me. This thread is essentially my diary, and please leave me alone if you don't like what I wrote.

[rareboy]

I don't want anything from you.

This is a no flame zone and I'm giving you advice. Good advice. I've been there and had to deal with it. Also with emotions. And with support of friends.

And the best advice I always got was to get to a state that is the opposite of love and hate...indifference. To not let the other person still have control over me by giving them that opportunity and that power. By constantly remaining in touch you allow him the opportunity to hurt you again and again and to nurse each wound afresh.

By engaging in the back and forth, you don't give yourself the opportunity to actually move on.

The only way to win this game is to not play.

And that is good advice from someone who has been in your place.

[indudela]

Well, it's been a month now since I caught my bf cheating on me. After my last post on Dec 12th, I cashed in all of my vacation days, I grabbed my car keys, and I left town to get some fresh air. I was driving for no particular destination, visiting some friends along the way. Somehow I landed in my parents home out in the west coast, and that's where I am now for the past few days. I have not contacted my ex or attempted to contact him, nor him contacting me. I don't want to be associated with him anymore.

Do I miss him? Yes ... Am I still thinking about him? Yes ... Have I recovered from this? No ... There are times where I would think about how he cheated on me, and that would pull me down into pockets of grieve. Do I feel better? Not really ... but I am no longer crying or moping around, and more importantly, I stopped talking about him to any of my friends.

I have a few more days before I have to start a long trip home and go back to work again.

[rareboy]

Well there now.

You are already on the road to recovery if you are no longer crying or moping about. Once you have talked yourself out about him and have nothing left to say to your friends about what a disgusting piece of shit he is....you will find that he doesn't occupy that much space in your brain any more.

Can't imagine why you'd still be missing a low life douche nozzle like him....he must have been good in bed....but for the rest of it....he probably lied to you from the first day to the last day you spent together. You can't miss that?

Enjoy your family for the holidays. Then turn around and this time, on the way back...set yourself some adventures. Look up places or attractions you've never visited. Learn new things. Meet some new people along the way. Start replacing the brooding time thinking about what an anal wart he is with experiences that now belong only to you. And push yourself a bit. No one is expecting you to arrive back home and feel totally healed, but hey you'll be well along the way.

BTW. Have you had a bonfire and burned all his stuff yet? While you are at it, take anything (that is cheap) that is yours, but reminds you of him and throw it on the pyre. If there still are items that cause you particular pain...pack them away for 6 months or so.

[bankside]

Well, it's been a month now since I caught my bf cheating on me. After my last post on Dec 12th, I cashed in all of my vacation days, I grabbed my car keys, and I left town to get some fresh air. I was driving for no particular destination, visiting some friends along the way. Somehow I landed in my parents home out in the west coast, and that's where I am now for the past few days. I have not contacted my ex or attempted to contact him, nor him contacting me. I don't want to be associated with him anymore.

Do I miss him? Yes ... Am I still thinking about him? Yes ... Have I recovered from this? No ... There are times where I would think about how he cheated on me, and that would pull me down into pockets of grieve. Do I feel better? Not really ... but I am no longer crying or moping around, and more importantly, I stopped talking about him to any of my friends.

I have a few more days before I have to start a long trip home and go back to work again.

Anyone capable of caring for another human being would still be thinking about everything weeks and months later. One day in the future, he will pop into your head and you'll realise you haven't thought about him at all, for a whole week.

Not because you're stronger, or because you don't think it is worth caring about any more. But because you will have done all the thinking you have to do, and you will know it like the back of your hand. It takes time to work it all through. But as you have already discovered, that doesn't have to stop you from getting on with the rest of your life while that happens.

I hope you have a good holiday and a good year in 2013.

[ruivinho]

So right after your therapist said not to contact him...you do anyway.

well, the therapist is supposed to help, not to command your life
and to me it seems as if he was ready, and needed, to confront him

OP: Congratulations and best of luck

Hmm ok congratulations might sound weird, i'm just happy you are better, and you seemed (mostly) mature about it. and after all, it is better to find out now than later..

Anyway, stay well!!

[indudela]

Well, I made it back home after trying to leave my grieve behind by visiting my parents in the west coast. They were surprised when I showed up unannounced ... and they knew something was wrong.

Almost 3 weeks now without any contacts with my ex. I am feeling better and better everyday, and I will do whatever it takes to be happy again and not to stir my feelings and open up the wound. I came to realization that I will not be able to ever forget him or what he has done to me, but I made peace with it and I think I already began to move on.

My ex said to me when we had our last dinner 3 weeks ago ... "I know you very well. You will never leave me and disappear from my life because you need me. You will come back to me." Well, I am already proving him wrong!!

[indudela]

My ex just texted me asking how my christmas went and that he missed me. I just deleted his texts without reply but UGH!!! Now I am upset again.

[justanothershyguy]

My ex just texted me asking how my christmas went and that he missed me. I just deleted his texts without reply but UGH!!! Now I am upset again.

Is there any way you can change his name to "Ignore" or something so you don't even read the text?

[indudela]

I deleted his contact info, but I recognized his area code when his texts popped up on my phone. I thought he would get the message that I don't want to talk to him anymore. Anyways, I didn't respond.

[StevenT]

My ex just texted me asking how my christmas went and that he missed me. I just deleted his texts without reply but UGH!!! Now I am upset again.

Don't be so hard on yourself, that's perfectly normal. Take positives from this. Instead of replying to him with (truthfully) asinine comments, you deleted it and didn't bother responding. You've come a long way and you should recognise it and encourage yourself to keep it up. The feelings of hurt and betrayal will continue to pop up every now and then, and I doubt you'll ever COMPLETELY forget about it, but the frequency you think about it will be less and less until it's pretty much just a forgotten memory.

Keep up the good work. Doesn't it feel good to recognise you really don't need cunts like that in your life?

[indudela]

Don't be so hard on yourself, that's perfectly normal. Take positives from this. Instead of replying to him with (truthfully) asinine comments, you deleted it and didn't bother responding. You've come a long way and you should recognise it and encourage yourself to keep it up. The feelings of hurt and betrayal will continue to pop up every now and then, and I doubt you'll ever COMPLETELY forget about it, but the frequency you think about it will be less and less until it's pretty much just a forgotten memory.

Keep up the good work. Doesn't it feel good to recognise you really don't need cunts like that in your life?

Well, that simple text apparently kept me up all night thinking about what happened and I got all depressed again. I eventually fell asleep but had nightmares. I am not going to deny that there is still a long and windy road ahead of me, but indeed it felt good that I was able to delete his text the second I got it, and I had no desire of returning his text either.

[bankside]

is there no way to block his number?

[indudela]

I talked to my phone company. I will have to pay at least $10 a month for the blocking service for both home and cell phone. Plus, he could call me in my office or send me emails or find other ways to contact me if he wanted to. My next step to recovery is being able to completely ignore my ex's attempts to communicate with me without a cruch. This is a process that I will have to work on, and I am determined I could do this.

[StevenT]

Well, that simple text apparently kept me up all night thinking about what happened and I got all depressed again. I eventually fell asleep but had nightmares. I am not going to deny that there is still a long and windy road ahead of me, but indeed it felt good that I was able to delete his text the second I got it, and I had no desire of returning his text either.

Progress is progress, no matter how little. Never compromise all this hard work over something like a text or phone calls or anything!

But you should probably realise that texts and calls will always make someone feel shitty, and it's impossible to control your emotions so I wouldn't worry about working towards having no feelings about his attempts at contacting you. They'll fade eventually. Just focus on yourself, your own happiness, dreams, life goals and keep yourself occupied with work and friends and you'll think less and less about him and his attempts.

[indudela]

WTF really .... My ex texted me again soon after my previous post. He wondered why I haven't returned his texts. He wanted to let me know that he is relocating out of state in a few weeks to get back with his ex and he found a new job there. I still didn't respond.

I don't know why he's being so cruel to me like this, and I started crying again. UGH, his texts hurt really bad, and I feel like I am going back to square one like when I found the condoms in the bathroom. For the love of all living things, I need to fucking stop crying.

[bankside]

You're fighting the realisation that he is an asshole. When you accept that he is an asshole, his actions or texts will no longer have power over you. In your mind you are still hoping he will turn out to be the person you wanted him to be, the potential you saw in him rightly or wrongly.

But when you believe that he is the asshole you don't want him to be, you will stop crying, and your post will say "My ex texted me again. I don't know what it said because I just deleted it. I'm going out for coffee now, and maybe later I'll head to the art gallery with a friend."

[indudela]

You're fighting the realisation that he is an asshole. When you accept that he is an asshole, his actions or texts will no longer have power over you. In your mind you are still hoping he will turn out to be the person you wanted him to be, the potential you saw in him rightly or wrongly.

But when you believe that he is the asshole you don't want him to be, you will stop crying, and your post will say "My ex texted me again. I don't know what it said because I just deleted it. I'm going out for coffee now, and maybe later I'll head to the art gallery with a friend."

Yeah, it never came in my mind that he would cheat on me with his ex or him capable of seriously hurting me to this extend. I never once thought he is capable of being an asshole like this ... Tough pills to swallow. I feel so nauseous and I am just trying to survive the day for now. Maybe I should just take my sleeping pill and sleep until tomorrow morning.

[indudela]

Damn!! I can't deal with this shit any longer ....

[indudela]

My day just got worse and worse. My ex just showed up in my apartment uninvited because I gave him no response on his texts. He wanted to straight things up with me before he is moving away. Out of my civility, I let him talk about what was going on between him and his ex, and I wished him the best of luck with everything. He then said he'd like to see me again before he leaves, and I kindly declined.

My wound is essentially burst open again and I am feeling very hurt again.

[indudela]

My day just got worse and worse. My ex just showed up in my apartment uninvited because I gave him no response on his texts. He wanted to straight things up with me before he is moving away. Out of my civility, I let him talk about what was going on between him and his ex, and I wished him the best of luck with everything. He then said he'd like to see me again before he leaves, and I kindly declined.

My wound is essentially burst open again and I am feeling very hurt again.

[Kien]

I think what bugged me most is that my ex showed no remorse and he did NOT apologize for cheating on me, except he was sorry that I am depressed.

No apologies? Don't even waste your time grieving over this ass. Judging by the constant reminders that he gives you about spending the holidays with his "bf" and moving out of state to be with him or whatever, grieving is what he wants you to do.

Well, it's been a month now since I caught my bf cheating on me.

Please, for your sake, don't make this slip up again. I hate to nitpick, but I believe the words(or acronym in this case) you choose to use reveal how you still feel about him. Never call him your bf. In fact, you should stop calling him your ex, as that does still carry a significant meaning and will slow down your healing process. Stop thinking of him as your ex and start thinking of him as some douche you were lucky enough to have caught sooner rather than later.

And start going out and meeting new people. Use some dating/hooking up website if you have to(but don't be a whore ).

I wish you good luck and hope you really feel better soon.

[rareboy]

You seem determined to let him have all this power over you.

You could have refused to let him in.

At this stage, you and only you are allowing him to hurt you by having this constant contact.

[indudela]

And start going out and meeting new people. Use some dating/hooking up website if you have to(but don't be a whore ).

Well, I went to a local bar last night after my ex left. I ended up in someone apartment and I fucked the heck out of this guy (safely of course) and spent the night there. I left before he woke up. Not the smartest move, but that was my first NSA sex in a long time. I am not proud of it FYI ...

[indudela]

You seem determined to let him have all this power over you.

You could have refused to let him in.

At this stage, you and only you are allowing him to hurt you by having this constant contact.

I did refuse to let him in until he said he would say things out loud outside so my neighbors could hear. I live in an apartment complex building. I was doing so well for 3 weeks and definitely on the mend, and I agree with you rareboy ... this is my fault. I am thinking about moving apartment now. Too much memories here.

[rareboy]

Well, I went to a local bar last night after my ex left. I ended up in someone apartment and I fucked the heck out of this guy (safely of course) and spent the night there. I left before he woke up. Not the smartest move, but that was my first NSA sex in a long time. I am not proud of it FYI ...

Hey. Why not be proud?

As long as the sex was fun and the bed was comfy....

I prescribe more of this.

[indudela]

Well, it was very fun on my part. I didn't do much and the guy was very much into me. He sucked and rimmed me, licked me everywhere, and rode me. I didn't even return the favor, except flipping him over and fuck the heck out of him. After I cummed, I grabbed him and cuddled, and we both fell asleep. I didn't even try to make him cum. I was very selfish and a complete jerk, and I am not proud of it.

[rareboy]

I think that if he'd wanted to cum, he would have pitched in.

He most likely got what he needed.

You got what you needed.

Win/win.

Gonna see him again?

[indudela]

I think that if he'd wanted to cum, he would have pitched in.

He most likely got what he needed.

You got what you needed.

Win/win.

Gonna see him again?

No I won't. I am not attracted to him personality-wise, and I don't want to lead him on. Although, he is a short guy (5'5") with a very large and thick penis (easily 7.5"). No kidding ...

[indudela]

I just called my best friend to talk about what happened last night, and damn he yelled at me. "You better stop being fucking pussy. You better fucking happy that you caught him fucking around now and not ten years down the road. You already fucking dumped that fucking piece of asshole motherfucker. You better fucking move on or fucking drown yourself." ... then there was a pause, then he said calmly "Did you sleep at all last night?" ... Ah, I love my best bud.

[rareboy]

Y'see.

all your friends...including those you may not recognize yet....know the guy is a defective douche nozzle.......

Hopefully at some point you will become angry enough to realize it and then make plans to piss on his grave when he is dead.

[indudela]

Knowing who I am, I am not capable of sustaining anger. My anger dies down very quickly and depression follows afterward, like right now.

[indudela]

Shit .... I had 3 episodes of panic attack since my cheating ex stopped by 2 days ago. I had no appetide and had only one small sandwich in the past 36 hours, and I haven't slept much either. I need to call my doctor today and get help. My counselor is on vacation. Damn, I am so wrecked!!

[rareboy]

Well. Firstly. The Anxiety attack.

4 by 4 breathing exercises.

Relax first. Slowly count to 4.

Breathe in and slowly count to 4.

Breathe out and slowly count to 4.

Slowly count to 4.

Do this 4 times.

Next. Choose your favourite comfort food to order in.

Invite a friend in.

Talk about what a turd your ex was.

[indudela]

Yesterday was VERY rough ... but I finally managed to fall asleep at 3 am and put in 5 hours of sleep. I am going to do some cleaning today and get moving around and get my mind occupied.

[justanothershyguy]

indudela

There are people out there who care for you. Your ex is not one of those.

No one said this would be easy, but fortunately, you are strong.