Attracted to straight men (majority)

[mrdude]

Is this common in the gay community? I'm not sure if it's a fetish of mine or I plainly find men more attractive if they're straight. It's a bad trait to have by the obvious reasons. It's the thought of him just being a man and the attitude if that makes sense. Maybe I'm insecure with myself and how I compare myself to 'real men'.

[xbuzzerx]

I do think the root of it is insecurity and the fact that we are raised in the same culture that basically teaches everyone that gay people are less manly and less desirable than straight males. And I do think it's normal and all of us to some degree experience this.

Your post is a little tiny bit vague on quite how dominant this feeling is, if you mean that you're incapable of being attracted to another gay guy or straight guys are a full-on fettish, that's another story. But that aside, I think this is just something most of us have to learn to keep in balance if we have a lot of straight friends. Don't engage in fantasies about them, don't entertain the idea that "well based on this, maybe that, and the way he said x, maybe he's gay", take people at face value. If someone is male and interested in you they will find a way to let you know. So do your best to push off anything that amounts to wishful thinking and just think of them as platonic zone.

There are a lot of straightacting guys you can't "tell are gay" out there, they may not be the people you're most likely to run into in the over the top corners of the gay community like clubs and bars, but they are out there.

[andy0303]

well i do feel the same, i prefer str8 and i just see gays as friends nothing more than that but im not delusional i only want to those str8 guys are there body, i dont care if i need to pay but im not looking for a relationship, i also have str8 friends that im attracted to but i wont exchange our friendship for sex or me sucking there dicks because i know it will affect our friendship if it goes to that point.. when it comes to porn i like straight guys be pair with gays that will be in control or very aggressive in the scene which is not common so it frustrates me

[Rolyo85]

In my experience, gay guys who crush on straight guys have some or all of the following problems:

- are closeted
- have not come to terms with being gay
- see being gay as less than being straight
- occasionally use the term "normal" to describe straight men
- think that being feminine is the worst thing in the world
- have never had any sort of relationship
- are virgin

Not being snarky. If anyone recognizes themselves in any of the above, feel free to speak and we can talk about what it is that you're running away from in your pursuit of the less fortunate and less attractive branch of manhood - the sad heterosexual males

[eastofeden]

One question: Is it purely emotional or purely sexual...or perhaps both?

I had alot of sex with straight guys...and I know why....

I am basically emotionally unavailable to anyone except the man that I love (who is and always was gay) so I like sex to be about sex and nothing else. When other people complain about someone "using them for their body" ...I used to want to meet them so they can "use me" too. So...straight and bi guys who were emotionally attracted to women were my perfect match.

I dont' know if that will help you at all but just in case it is a purely sexual thing maybe that will ring a few bells for you?....

[wikke1]

In my experience, gay guys who crush on straight guys have some or all of the following problems:

- are closeted
- have not come to terms with being gay
- see being gay as less than being straight
- occasionally use the term "normal" to describe straight men
- think that being feminine is the worst thing in the world
- have never had any sort of relationship
- are virgin

Not being snarky. If anyone recognizes themselves in any of the above, feel free to speak and we can talk about what it is that you're running away from in your pursuit of the less fortunate and less attractive branch of manhood - the sad heterosexual males

Sadly enough, I recognize myself in 6 of the 7 bullet points (I'm no longer in the closet ).
I'm working on those points, but it's not easy *sigh*

I also think that "I only am attracted to straigh men" serves as a kind of excuse to never REALLY having to have a relationship, because you know it's a utoooopia!
Kinda like some women who alwyas "subconsciously" fall in love with gay men ("I never knew! O no!)

OTOH, speaking on a strictly "lust-level", I don't think it's uncommon to find straight guys attractive.
I'm thinking a lot of confident gay guys still find "straight alpha males" (no that a gay alpha male doesn't exist) very attractive.
So I don't think that being sexualy attracted to "straight guys" is necessarily always a sign of being insecure about yourself.

[mrdude]

In my experience, gay guys who crush on straight guys have some or all of the following problems:

- are closeted - no
- have not come to terms with being gay - no
- see being gay as less than being straight
- occasionally use the term "normal" to describe straight men - yes
- think that being feminine is the worst thing in the world - not the worst, but it's definitely a turn off :P
- have never had any sort of relationship - had a g/f for a year (but I won't go there)
- are virgin - no

Not being snarky. If anyone recognizes themselves in any of the above, feel free to speak and we can talk about what it is that you're running away from in your pursuit of the less fortunate and less attractive branch of manhood - the sad heterosexual males

It's purely sexual.

This is what I've come up with. I think straight guys don't really care about image as much as gay men to an extent. What makes it even more a turn on is they don't realize this. (Or maybe they do, but when I find a man attractive, they always deny this). As for gay men, they feel the need to fit a certain type of male, and not just be whatever they are without names. Such as bears, daddies, twinks, cubs etc. etc. that the gay community puts us under labels. With straight men, you're just a man.

I think that's where the attraction comes from, as mentioned above, maybe it's all part of growing up and feeling different to what makes a man... a man and finding what makes a man? I've honestly lost myself here and I'm just blubbering on here. Hopefully you understand the jist of what I'm trying to say.

[winterkill]

Most men don't present themselves as gay, so most of the individually selected men - the crushes - necessarily belong to that group. Statistics, nothing else. And homosexuality (MSM) is sex between males, not just sex between gays. Our male ancestors had fewer options but they turned out to be less narrow-minded than their successors when they dared to cross the line:

“George Chauncey, Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940 (1995)

Many fairies and queers socialized into the dominant prewar sexual culture considered the ideal sexual partner to be “trade,” a “real man,” that is, ideally a sailor, a soldier, or some other embodiment of the aggressive masculine who was neither homosexually interested nor effeminately gendered himself but who would accept the sexual advances of a queer. While some gay men used the term trade only to refer to men who insisted on payment for a sexual encounter, others applied it more broadly to any “normal” man who accepted a queer's sexual advances. The centrality of effeminacy to the definition of the fairy in the dominant culture enabled trade to have sex with both the queers and fairies without risking being labeled queer themselves, so long as they maintained a masculine demeanor and sexual role. Just as significantly, even those queers who had little interest in trade recognized that trade constituted a widely admired ideal type in the subculture and accepted the premise that trade were the “normal men” they claimed to be.

[xbuzzerx]

It's purely sexual.

This is what I've come up with. I think straight guys don't really care about image as much as gay men to an extent. What makes it even more a turn on is they don't realize this. (Or maybe they do, but when I find a man attractive, they always deny this). As for gay men, they feel the need to fit a certain type of male, and not just be whatever they are without names. Such as bears, daddies, twinks, cubs etc. etc. that the gay community puts us under labels. With straight men, you're just a man.

I think that's where the attraction comes from, as mentioned above, maybe it's all part of growing up and feeling different to what makes a man... a man and finding what makes a man? I've honestly lost myself here and I'm just blubbering on here. Hopefully you understand the jist of what I'm trying to say.

Your perception of all gay men belonging to little "image stereotypes" comes straight off of personals/hookup sites and perhaps some of the "core scene."

I'm relatively certain that most gay guys "are just guys", if you hang around this forum and see people's pics and hear them talk over time you'll see quite a lot of guys who could literally be on any other forum and you'd never suspect they were gay.

It sounds to me like perhaps you need to expand your exposure to gay people beyond just manhunt and places like that. Places that pretty much encourage you to choose a label type and advertise yourself with it.

[TX-Beau]

Gay men are attracted to men who are hot. There is no lust switch based on orientation. I wanna do dirty things to hot guys.

Period.

This is a problem if you think a guy is hot UNTIL you find out he's gay and then your dick get's limp. That is an issue.

We need more context, you could be using straight guys to avoid dealing with your issues about yourself.

Or not, hard to say.

Though I think EVERYONE in here has a suspicion.

[TX-Beau]

On the subject of sex role socialization and gender stereotyping, what "makes a man," is usually a social construct - a creation of things that culture EXPECTS it's men to emulate - it's why internalized homophobia is SO prevalent, western culture says men do not have unacceptable emotions (boys don't cry) and they definitely DON'T have unacceptable emotions for other men.

This can really fuck with your head if you let it in there - and don't understand that this construct ISN'T default biological male behavior, the terms of "what makes a man," seem to be constantly changing.

Don't let that trap you.

For example, the epitome of manly gentlemen in 18th century Europe, gadded their perfumed selves about on their high heels, in makeup, wigs, satin and lace - this was in no way considered "effeminate."

[loki81]

I dated a guy who had a serious hardon for straight guys (yes, he was in the closet... and yes, I'd probably be considered "straight acting" to anyone who only knew me on a casual level).

by the end of our relationship, I became convinced that a large part of it was being attractive to what he couldn't have, because longing for an unavailable guy from afar is easier than dealing with the one in your bed.

[blublud]

Personally, I don't give a rats ass if a guy is straight or gay. If he's hot he's hot. If he's willing, he's mine.

[bw92116]

There was one guy I knew who was only attracted to straight men, by definition. He worked in an adult bookstore and had many opportunities to chat with horny men. If he felt attracted to one man and decided the guy was straight, he invited him home for a blow job. Surprisingly he got many takers. But... if he decided the guy was gay, he was instantly not interested. For any particular man he felt attracted to, if the guy was straight he was interested, but if he was gay - the same man - he was not interested. He did have a lust switch based on orientation. I thought that was weird, it's the same guy in the same body (an in fact would probably be more fun in bed). But if he was gay, it was a turn off for him. I didn't question him why on that. He wouldn't do anything with me because I'm gay.

[Just_Believe18]

I believe it is a sexual preference disorder if you have trouble finding men sexually attractive if they only like vagina and not you.

[desertboi]

I'm attracted to guys based on looks, not whether they are gay or straight. Although, I will admit that a major fantasy of having sex with a straight guy. I've also been attracted to many straight guys.

[weinerslav]

I always prefer straight guys and well, I don't think that is a big psychological issue, at least for me, I just love masculinity and masculine guys, I even find masculinity attractive in girls! Most gay guys aren't very masculine, at least most the guys that I know, that's why most of the times I like straight guys... But masculine and gay, it's perfect for me, they are just a bit hard to find.

One thing that I noticed is that most gay guys like, well, the "dong", to me that doesn't matter so much, I would date a super hot hunk looking butch girl anytime, what's under the pants is not the most relevant thing for me, but hey I always saw myself a bit in the middle...

(by the way, is not that I don't like femininity, as a form of art, I thing it is much more interesting than the masculinity, I just don't think it's for me - if I didn't, probably I'd be straight!)

[cgymike]

Maybe it's a fetish thing but I like Playgirl Men...those guys are hawt IMO...well not all. The "hawt" gay thing as in twinks do nothing for me.

[Telstra]

There was one guy I knew who was only attracted to straight men, by definition. He worked in an adult bookstore and had many opportunities to chat with horny men. If he felt attracted to one man and decided the guy was straight, he invited him home for a blow job. Surprisingly he got many takers. But... if he decided the guy was gay, he was instantly not interested. For any particular man he felt attracted to, if the guy was straight he was interested, but if he was gay - the same man - he was not interested. He did have a lust switch based on orientation. I thought that was weird, it's the same guy in the same body (an in fact would probably be more fun in bed). But if he was gay, it was a turn off for him. I didn't question him why on that. He wouldn't do anything with me because I'm gay.

Because he thought straight men would give him best offspring LOL

[Rolyo85]

I always prefer straight guys and well, I don't think that is a big psychological issue, at least for me, I just love masculinity and masculine guys, I even find masculinity attractive in girls! Most gay guys aren't very masculine, at least most the guys that I know, that's why most of the times I like straight guys... But masculine and gay, it's perfect for me, they are just a bit hard to find.

One thing that I noticed is that most gay guys like, well, the "dong", to me that doesn't matter so much, I would date a super hot hunk looking butch girl anytime, what's under the pants is not the most relevant thing for me, but hey I always saw myself a bit in the middle...

(by the way, is not that I don't like femininity, as a form of art, I thing it is much more interesting than the masculinity, I just don't think it's for me - if I didn't, probably I'd be straight!)

I'm just gagging on the homophobia in this post... Enter the offensive stereotypes.

I always wonder - do guys who have a boner for breeders for their supposed "masculinity", automatically consider themselves to be the bitchy femme bar-scene sluts that they apparently see the rest of us as?

[weinerslav]

I'm just gagging on the homophobia in this post... Enter the offensive stereotypes.

I always wonder - do guys who have a boner for breeders for their supposed "masculinity", automatically consider themselves to be the bitchy femme bar-scene sluts that they apparently see the rest of us as?

Homophobia? I don't think you understand homophobia, I'm very sorry if I offended you but I don't think I was homophobic in any way, just because I don't like feminine guys doesn't mean I have any kind of prejudice against them. Knowing mostly feminine gay guys may seem stereotyping but in any way homophobic, I'm sorry if my reality offends you but I'm quite sure lots of gay guys can say the same. Have you ever wonder if I'm masculine or feminine? Maybe I'm feminine, most masculine gay guys I know like feminine guys, so what? Liking masculinity or femininity doesn't make you homophobic or misogynist, where did you get that idea?

Breeders? Way to go, accusing others of stereotyping...

and by the way "bitchy femme bar-scene sluts" is something you (that doesn't stereotype people and isn't homophobic) said, not me, feminine is far different (and there are very different levels), don't read what you want, read what people write.

[Rolyo85]

I went the extra mile to paint the "femme" stereotype which so many boys are scared of. It is homophobic to associate "masculinity" with heterosexuality and "femininity" with homosexuality. That's a fact, whether you think of yourself as homophobic or not. Internalized homophobia is not conscious.

Um, every straight man is a breeder. The term might be offensive (though I use it exclusively as a joke), but it DOES cover absolutely every heterosexual male in the world. So... what stereotyping?

[weinerslav]

It is homophobic to associate "masculinity" with heterosexuality and "femininity" with homosexuality

Hum, picking the straight guy is not conscious, I don't ask them for proof they ever been with a girl, is something that just happens, so, we go back to the same, how is this homophobia?

Being aware of the differences between feminine and masculine as nothing to do with homophobia, neither preferring one to the other, I don't ban people from my company, au contraire, I even had a feminine boyfriend, guess what it didn't work, for a lot of reasons, not being one of them, him being feminine, and why is so offensive to associate femininity with homosexuality? It happens, like it happens straight guys cross-dressing, and as far as I recall, recent studies stipulate more similarities between some brain activities of gay men and women than gay men and straight men, is that also offensive?

Again, you can accuse me of stereotyping, even if I was just putting out what is my reality (and I also noted that everybody is what it is, and there are also masculine gay guys), but homophobia is not associating feminine with homosexuality, and that my dear, is indeed a fact (even misogynist would be more accurate than homophobic).

And yes, breeder can be offensive, just like gay also means happy and I'm quite sure you'll see it as offensive in the right context, and I bet you would be the first to shout homophobia! (joking, but really, you're putting to much weight in my words)

And how about guys with fertility problems? Isn't breeders offensive to them just because they are straight?

[newbored]

Hum, picking the straight guy is not conscious, I don't ask them for proof they ever been with a girl, is something that just happens, so, we go back to the same, how is this homophobia?

Being aware of the differences between feminine and masculine as nothing to do with homophobia, neither preferring one to the other, I don't ban people from my company, au contraire, I even had a feminine boyfriend, guess what it didn't work, for a lot of reasons, not being one of them, him being feminine, and why is so offensive to associate femininity with homosexuality? It happens, like it happens straight guys cross-dressing, and as far as I recall, recent studies stipulate more similarities between some brain activities of gay men and women than gay men and straight men, is that also offensive?

Again, you can accuse me of stereotyping, even if I was just putting out what is my reality (and I also noted that everybody is what it is, and there are also masculine gay guys), but homophobia is not associating feminine with homosexuality, and that my dear, is indeed a fact (even misogynist would be more accurate than homophobic).

And yes, breeder can be offensive, just like gay also means happy and I'm quite sure you'll see it as offensive in the right context, and I bet you would be the first to shout homophobia! (joking, but really, you're putting to much weight in my words)

And how about guys with fertility problems? Isn't breeders offensive to them just because they are straight?

Spot on. The heterophobia in this place and the hypocrisy around it are DISGUSTING.

[Rolyo85]

Hypocrisy? What hypocrisy? Most of my closest friends - contrary to the gay stereotype, I might add - are straight MALES. I got nothing against them. I also feel almost zero attraction to them. I can almost always tell when a guy is exclusively straight, and regardless of how hot they are, I'm barely more attracted to them than I am to beautiful women.

EVEN if I used the term "breeders" offensively - which I already said I didn't; I'm a foreigner and I didn't grow up in English language culture, so words don't always have the same context for me as they do for native speakers - I'd be more than justified, considering the world of verbal and physical abuse LGBTs suffer daily from straight people. But like I said, it's not a serious insult in my mind. And most straight guys in my life don't even know it and are just entertained when they hear it.

Plus, accusations of hetero phobia - just like those of racism against whites - just don't hold. And not because those don't exist, but because when you're the dominant majority, you just don't get to play the victim. You've oppressed others for centuries, now you'll grin and bear the fruit of that ^_^

[newbored]

Hypocrisy? What hypocrisy? Most of my closest friends - contrary to the gay stereotype, I might add - are straight MALES. I got nothing against them. I also feel almost zero attraction to them. I can almost always tell when a guy is exclusively straight, and regardless of how hot they are, I'm barely more attracted to them than I am to beautiful women.

EVEN if I used the term "breeders" offensively - which I already said I didn't; I'm a foreigner and I didn't grow up in English language culture, so words don't always have the same context for me as they do for native speakers - I'd be more than justified, considering the world of verbal and physical abuse LGBTs suffer daily from straight people. But like I said, it's not a serious insult in my mind. And most straight guys in my life don't even know it and are just entertained when they hear it.

Plus, accusations of hetero phobia - just like those of racism against whites - just don't hold. And not because those don't exist, but because when you're the dominant majority, you just don't get to play the victim. You've oppressed others for centuries, now you'll grin and bear the fruit of that ^_^

LMFAO. I wasn't even talking to you, so chill the fuck out, LOL.

However, now that you're addressing me and that you've made the thread ABOUT YOU as is your costume, I'll retort.

"you just don't get to play the victim". LOL again. Gee, the PC Patrol homosexual men are always SOOO obsessed with keeping the monopoly of who "gets" to "play victim". They love so much to victimize themselves and relish in their self-victimization.

NO ONE has ever "oppressed" you. Stop it with this "OMG, white, christian, heterosexual men have oppressed everyone else through history!" politically correct bitching and moaning. It is stupid, pathetic, ignorant, laughable, outdated and "just doesn't hold" anymore. And "now you'll grin and bear the fruit of that". This is just pathetic. So is about revenge, then. Revenge against an entire group of human beings who have never done ANYTHING to you personally and who you see represented in people you don't even know and who have NEVER "oppressed" ANYONE.

And, yes, everyone CAN be a victim regardless of their gender or sexual orientation, but, we've seen that's something you have trouble getting through your skull, remember?

And this is the people who are always outraged with homophobia. It can go both ways. Not just because you're homosexual you get to slam and insult others without consequences.

I recommend you to grow the fuck up already, and chill the fuck out.

[newbored]

I'd be more than justified, considering the world of verbal and physical abuse LGBTs suffer daily from straight people.

Umm, no, actually, YOU WOULDN'T BE. I don't know what kind of twisted, distorted, fucked up, bizarro reality you live in, but the abuse some people inflict upon others, DOES NOT "justify" the abuse you could inflict upon ANYONE.

"Breeders"... You surely wouldn't like it if a "breeder" called you a "fudgepacker" or a "faggot". You know, it'd be an example of that "world of verbal and physical abuse LGBTs suffer daily from straight people" that outrages you so much.

Please stop behaving like an entitled princess throwing a tantrum, at least when you're in the "SUPPORT" forum...

[Rolyo85]

I wasn't aware you needed support. Please share your problem, and I'll do my best to support you ^_^

I love the whole "heterophobia" and "political correct" vocabulary being thrown around here. There is no room for any sort of equivalency, and there won't be any for many generations yet. Using a term nobody outside gay culture is even familiar with, isn't in any way comparable with the heaps of insults we encounter on a daily basis from them. Stating unpleasant facts isn't being politically correct. White Christian heterosexual men HAVE oppressed me - personally and indirectly - as well as countless other minorities of various nature. Just because you're embarrassed by people pointing it out and you maybe feel it's been beaten to death, doesn't magically make it not so.

And your post about the heterophobia and hypocrisy was directly following mine. Was I supposed to think you were just sharing random thoughts?

[newbored]

I wasn't aware you needed support. Please share your problem, and I'll do my best to support you ^_^

I love the whole "heterophobia" and "political correct" vocabulary being thrown around here. There is no room for any sort of equivalency, and there won't be any for many generations yet. Using a term nobody outside gay culture is even familiar with, isn't in any way comparable with the heaps of insults we encounter on a daily basis from them. Stating unpleasant facts isn't being politically correct. White Christian heterosexual men HAVE oppressed me - personally and indirectly - as well as countless other minorities of various nature. Just because you're embarrassed by people pointing it out and you maybe feel it's been beaten to death, doesn't magically make it not so.

And your post about the heterophobia and hypocrisy was directly following mine. Was I supposed to think you were just sharing random thoughts?

I NEVER said I needed "support", much less yours so don't be stupid.

You DON'T encounter "heaps" of insults from heterosexual people on a daily basis and you're extremely stupid if you think I'd ever believe that. It isn't true, be an adult, grow some balls and admit it. And I'm not embarrassed by anyone pointing anything out, I'm embarrassed by people like you who say stupid, prejudiced things and then abuse others and think that the abuse they inflict is somehow magically "justified" by some abuse some other people have inflict upon others.

And I was talking to Weinerslav, thank you very much.

I stand by my previous two posts which prove you're prejudiced and WRONG.

[weinerslav]

EVEN if I used the term "breeders" offensively - which I already said I didn't; I'm a foreigner and I didn't grow up in English language culture, so words don't always have the same context for me as they do for native speakers - I'd be more than justified, considering the world of verbal and physical abuse LGBTs suffer daily from straight people. But like I said, it's not a serious insult in my mind. And most straight guys in my life don't even know it and are just entertained when they hear it.

Being foreigner is not an excuse, I'm also not a native English speaker, I don't even use it in my daily routine, but you really can't see "breeders" as harmless (come on!)... Like the expression newbored used, "fudgepacker", for me it at first sight doesn't seem an insult, if I listen that out of a sexual context I would think it was an awesome cake, well now I know it is not , but if I ever used it in a sexual context or as a generalization to throw in the face of a group of people, the meaning is pretty obvious...

I agree with newbored, prejudice isn't a one way street, racism and homophobia exist and probably prevail over the opposite, but that doesn't mean the opposite is right, hate will always be hate, and I'm quite sure if a straight was attacked in a gay bar, or was refused service because he is straight, it would gather the same attention an homophobic situation would gather, being gay isn't a "get out of jail free card" you can pull when it suits you.

[AngolaZee]

Mmmm I'm afraid I will have to stick my neck out here and go against popular opinion. The whole point of being gay is that you are like a woman ie emotionally, sexually, psychologically. Hence you will be attracted to men, masculinity and all that it concerns. Why the hack would you be attracted to fem gays, it would be like being attracted to women in which case you may just as well be straight. So to me being attracted to straight guys should be NORM and should be the ideal attraction for a gay guy. Of course the fact that they most likely will not reciprocate is irrelevant.

Fem men/gays will be your "gals" and "sistas" but not romantic interests. This for me also explains why most gay men prefer straight acting men, who wants a woman when they are gay and supposed to be attracted to MEN. I think some of you read too much into it. If you are gay you are attracted to MEN and all they represent. So to make it sound like it is internalised homophobia or wanting what you cant have is just reading too much into it

[thefishinthesea23]

Mmmm I'm afraid I will have to stick my neck out here and go against popular opinion. The whole point of being gay is that you are like a woman ie emotionally, sexually, psychologically. Hence you will be attracted to men, masculinity and all that it concerns. Why the hack would you be attracted to fem gays, it would be like being attracted to women in which case you may just as well be straight. So to me being attracted to straight guys should be NORM and should be the ideal attraction for a gay guy. Of course the fact that they most likely will not reciprocate is irrelevant.

Fem men/gays will be your "gals" and "sistas" but not romantic interests. This for me also explains why most gay men prefer straight acting men, who wants a woman when they are gay and supposed to be attracted to MEN. I think some of you read too much into it. If you are gay you are attracted to MEN and all they represent. So to make it sound like it is internalised homophobia or wanting what you cant have is just reading too much into it

I am sorry, but I am going to have to disagree with everything you said. I am attracted to men, but I don't know if they are straight or gay when one gets my attention. If a man that gets my attention happens to be gay I wont lose interest in him just because he is gay... it makes no sense and I really hate how you are drawing a line between "MEN" and "gay men" being more like women. Wth?
Stopping here because it got me a bit agitated, nothing personal Angola.

Regarding the original topic, like I said I don't find straight men anymore attractive than gay men just because they are straight. Due to the fact that there are more "straight" men than gay men however I find myself being attracted to men who happen to be straight.

[sixthson]

I had alot of sex with straight guys...

I guess you and I have a different definition of straight.

[weinerslav]

I guess you and I have a different definition of straight.

LOL, I actually thought the same

Mmmm I'm afraid I will have to stick my neck out here and go against popular opinion. The whole point of being gay is that you are like a woman ie emotionally, sexually, psychologically. Hence you will be attracted to men, masculinity and all that it concerns. Why the hack would you be attracted to fem gays, it would be like being attracted to women in which case you may just as well be straight. So to me being attracted to straight guys should be NORM and should be the ideal attraction for a gay guy. Of course the fact that they most likely will not reciprocate is irrelevant.

Fem men/gays will be your "gals" and "sistas" but not romantic interests. This for me also explains why most gay men prefer straight acting men, who wants a woman when they are gay and supposed to be attracted to MEN. I think some of you read too much into it. If you are gay you are attracted to MEN and all they represent. So to make it sound like it is internalised homophobia or wanting what you cant have is just reading too much into it

Agree, it's not a law or something, but I also find feminine guys more friends than anything else, and is not about liking straight and disliking gays, is not so much a matter of sexuality, that's why I used the word masculinity before (and was misinterpreted), there are masculine gay guys also, I was just saying that I don't find them that often, I still think there is a super secret gay club where they go that I can't find lol.

[Rolyo85]

Mmmm I'm afraid I will have to stick my neck out here and go against popular opinion. The whole point of being gay is that you are like a woman ie emotionally, sexually, psychologically. Hence you will be attracted to men, masculinity and all that it concerns. Why the hack would you be attracted to fem gays, it would be like being attracted to women in which case you may just as well be straight. So to me being attracted to straight guys should be NORM and should be the ideal attraction for a gay guy. Of course the fact that they most likely will not reciprocate is irrelevant.

Fem men/gays will be your "gals" and "sistas" but not romantic interests. This for me also explains why most gay men prefer straight acting men, who wants a woman when they are gay and supposed to be attracted to MEN. I think some of you read too much into it. If you are gay you are attracted to MEN and all they represent. So to make it sound like it is internalised homophobia or wanting what you cant have is just reading too much into it

Do you realize how unhealthy that is? You are basically describing homosexuality as this dysfunctional thing which is only striving for the unattainable because it can't find itself sexually attractive. The point of being gay is in no way related to femininity, it just shows that your dick and your heart point to your own gender. That's it.

And how do you even imagine fem guys survive then? Obviously they also need love and relationships, but if other gay men won't provide those, then who? To me it's always been a matter of degree. I don't equate "femme" with "unattractive". I am attracted to men, and you can be femme AND manly at the same time. Once you get to the point of giving me pure woman, then it just stops working for obvious reasons.


But because we were discussing phobias, I am FAR more worried about the prevalent femmephobia in gay community than the supposed heterophobia. At least straight society has actually done something wrong by us. Fem guys are just being themselves, and the Straight Adoration Culture is ostracizing them for it. Which is by the way part of why I respond so sharply to the whole "omg I crush on straight guys". Because there are so many GAY guys who actually care about your feelings for them, but don't get them because you'd rather fetishize the straight guy... I can write a dissertation on all the psychological crap related to that.

[weinerslav]

And how do you even imagine fem guys survive then? Obviously they also need love and relationships, but if other gay men won't provide those, then who? To me it's always been a matter of degree.

Lol, this is just silly, really, everybody is different, lots of gay guys like feminine guys, you shouldn't crucify someone just because some guys don't! How about guys that are generally considered ugly or fat or, as someone posted on other topic, boring? Don't they deserve love also? It's up to you to prove that you're more than a creep, that you can love more than a body that will get old anyway. I dated few guys but probably it covers mostly all the general characteristics cute/ugly, thin/fat, interesting/boring, feminine/masculine and all of them had something that made me stay, eventually some also had something that made me go, but is more than obvious that you can't get stuck because of only 1 characteristic against all the rest.

[Rolyo85]

Oh I'm not disagreeing with you. But I've NEVER encountered a gay guy who said he was attracted to femmes. Obviously they exist, but you can't deny that there is a widespread femmephobia in the gay community, and it has more at its core than simple preference.

[weinerslav]

Oh I'm not disagreeing with you. But I've NEVER encountered a gay guy who said he was attracted to femmes. Obviously they exist, but you can't deny that there is a widespread femmephobia in the gay community, and it has more at its core than simple preference.

I actually know a lot of guys that like feminine gays, I always though that they where actually the biggest part of the bunch and I really think that makes your life easier, being feminine or liking feminine guys, when I was younger I was a bit more... well, innocent, and probably feminine, and they where like flies, everywhere, now, I haven't changed much physically, but I'm more mature and I'm not so obvious, the guys spend most time trying to figure you out, only when/if I put the cards on the table they have some kind of approach, well, or if I'm on a gay bar lol.

About the prejudice against women, I really don't know, I already heard about that but I really don't know anyone that would act like that, I really hope they are not that common.

[eastofeden]

I guess you and I have a different definition of straight.

Probably so. I have been around alot of gay men who think everyone is gay and certainly think any man who has sex with another man is "obviously gay". I disagree.

Men who are in prison have sex with other men and are not gay...same with alot of porn stars. When I think of a man being gay I think they are emotionally and physically attracted to other men. The straight men I am referring to didn't give a damn about my appearance or have any interest in me other than getting laid (fucked)...but I did not fuck them just because they were straight...I like gay men with the same mindset. The thing with the gay men that was different was that they were attracted to men but understood that sex was about sex and nothing else.

When I mention appearance...it is another reason I like straight guys...I am different than most people...I am not at all complimented when someone says I am hot...or cute...or gorgeous...I didnt' like hearing any of that and I heard it all the time when I was behind the bar. I am immediately turned off by those kinds of "compliments"...for me it is no different than saying I am ugly. They are both subjective and that is the thing I like about straight guys...they dont' care if I am good looking or ugly. It was a nice relief for me. I don't like being objectified. I would rather have someone like who I am versus what I look like. Turns out this is a good thing though because now that I am old I have no problem with aging and my appearance.

[JustMe5]

I don't see anything wrong with being attracted to straight men. The very definition of being gay = being attracted to men. The whole idea that a gay man should ONLY be attracted to gay men is just silly. Obviously as a gay man you're not gonna be able to become romantically involved with a straight man. But what if you're NOT looking for a relationship? What if you simply admire/appreciate and lust over straight men because you find them attractive? And besides, we all know that some straight men can be had sexually.

What I personally find attractive about straight men is their natural, innate masculinity. I have no problem whatsoever with effeminacy, but as a personal preference I'm only into masculine men. The word "masculine" gets thrown around too easily in the gay community. Some gay men who would describe themselves as masculine actually happen to be somewhat effeminate. Also, I can sometimes tell if a seemingly masculine man is gay. There's just something about him overall that causes me to realize that he's gay. He might have masculine mannerisms but something else about him serves as a telltale sign that he's gay.

It's kind of like comparing straight porn actors to gay porn actors. The straight porn guys are simply handsome and masculine and that's it, whereas usually the gay porn guys are overbuilt, overplucked, overtweezed, and so forth.

[Rolyo85]

Offensive stereotyping is offensive. I really don't see how the harmful effect of lusting after straight men could be any more obvious, but clearly I'm wrong.

[desertboi]

Offensive stereotyping is offensive. I really don't see how the harmful effect of lusting after straight men could be any more obvious, but clearly I'm wrong.

I'm in no way trying to start an argument with you or anything like that, I just want a little clarification. Are you saying that it's wrong to lust after straight men? Or is there a difference between being attracted to a straight guy and having lust for a straight guy. Again, not looking for a fight or saying that you're wrong, just trying to understand.

[eastofeden]

I don't get the masculine reference in regards to straight men. I am usually attracted to guys who have a balance of male/female energy..that includes straight and gay guys and guys just for sex. Really masculine guys are not my thing...straight or gay.

[TX-Beau]

I'm in no way trying to start an argument with you or anything like that, I just want a little clarification. Are you saying that it's wrong to lust after straight men? Or is there a difference between being attracted to a straight guy and having lust for a straight guy. Again, not looking for a fight or saying that you're wrong, just trying to understand.

No what he's saying is that if you can't get it up for a hot guy BECAUSE he's told you he's gay - you have internalized your homophobia to the point where you can't find people just like you attractive - and that is a mental issue you have with your own gay. (that's a general you)

Hot guys are hot - if you start fetishizing STRAIGHT guys exclusively that is the same thing - mental issue.

If you are attracted to a guy UNTIL you see his rainbow sticker - mental issue.

Is it a problem? For the rest of us, hell no, I have no interest in dating gay men who have issues, is it a problem for the guy? Yes, but chances are he won't admit it until he gets better.

[JustMe5]

Here at JUB there are several "appreciation threads" for straight male celebs (Justin Bieber, Taylor Lautner, etc.). Apparently it's considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight male celebs. But it's NOT considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight men in their everyday lives?

[TX-Beau]

I don't get the masculine reference in regards to straight men. I am usually attracted to guys who have a balance of male/female energy..that includes straight and gay guys and guys just for sex. Really masculine guys are not my thing...straight or gay.

Equating masculine with Straight and feminine with gay is the core of homophobia - it says that you aren't a man if you're gay, you're some kind of lesser woman.

We all KNOW this. We've all heard it all of our lives.

Guys who do this consciously or not, have bought into that idea.

It's pretty much bullshit though.

A guy has a problem if he's gay and unable to see beyond it.

[Rolyo85]

I'm in no way trying to start an argument with you or anything like that, I just want a little clarification. Are you saying that it's wrong to lust after straight men? Or is there a difference between being attracted to a straight guy and having lust for a straight guy. Again, not looking for a fight or saying that you're wrong, just trying to understand.

Thank you for being diplomatic

The way I see it, saying "wow, this guy is hot" is perfectly normal, regardless of the guy's orientation - perceived or real. However, what I believe to be healthy, is having this thought be purely intellectual. What I am arguing against is fantasizing about straight guys and wanting to do stuff with them, and raising them on some "better than gay" pedestal. That I find to be incredibly emotionally and psychologically damaging, both for those who have the feelings, and for gay culture in general.

And not just because straight men aren't in any way more attractive than gays (quite the opposite really), this is a matter of taste I guess. But because - when it's not an expression of the "Ugh, I'm closeted and don't want to deal with real interaction, so I'll quietly suffer over the unattainable dude" syndrome, it comes equipped with justifications that are extremely offensive and damaging to us as a demographic.

How, in the WORLD are straight guys more "masculine" than us? How is masculinity even measured? True, there are the bar scene femme boys, but those are a small percentage. Outside that, EVERY MALE is "masculine". How do you quantify masculinity at all? How do you distinguish between types of masculinity? To propagate the thought that straight men are somehow "more" masculine is self-degrading and enforces the subconscious concept of "gay = wrong, straight = awesome", which we need to consciously stay clear of.

I am yet to meet a straight guy as hot, sexy and attractive as some gay guys I've been with. The very knowledge that your lust and/or feelings could potentially be reciprocated makes so much of the actual appeal of a person, that it is unfathomable to me how someone could fantasize about people who are often even physically and certainly emotionally incapable of wanting them.

And to say that fetishizing straight boys isn't a rampant problem in the gay community is to close your eyes for the obvious.

[TX-Beau]

Here at JUB there are several "appreciation threads" for straight male celebs (Justin Bieber, Taylor Lautner, etc.). Apparently it's considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight male celebs. But it's NOT considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight men in their everyday lives?

Climb down off that cross you've climbed up on. This is a discussion thread. If you are unable to see the distinction between lusting after a hot guy and ONLY lusting after guys who are STRAIGHT, let me know and I'll try to explain it in simpler terms.

[Rolyo85]

Here at JUB there are several "appreciation threads" for straight male celebs (Justin Bieber, Taylor Lautner, etc.). Apparently it's considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight male celebs. But it's NOT considered acceptable for gay men to be attracted to/lust after straight men in their everyday lives?

Um, I find both equally "unacceptable" (whatever you put in the word. I'd use "harmful").

Also, Taylor Lautner is a closet case

[TX-Beau]

And to say that fetishizing straight boys isn't a rampant problem in the gay community is to close your eyes for the obvious.

Cody Cummings. 'nuf said