I'm having anal sex today, last time was 1995

[M10000]

assuming he doesn't cancel, a guy I met on a hook up site is coming over to place his penis is a place where some penises fear to thread. My ass you dummy.

I don't always have the best of luck and if cancelled, here I am announcing it and then it doesn't happen. Can you photoshop sex? I know, photos or it didn't happen.

The reason I haven't had anal sex in 17 years is because of depression and anxiety. Also, I have take medications that killed my sex drive and I had no interest in sex / jacking off. I've said that it was nice to not feel like a slave to your cock.

When it wants to get off - yes, I always talk about my cock in the third person - you do whatever you can to get off. And if you shower, go out night clubbing, look for someone to meet, and go home with a guy. . . That's a lot of effort.

I've made enough moves forward that I can have a guy over and not worry about having an anxiety attack. Although I did have an anxiety attack with one guy about three weeks ago. it was embarrassing. I was sweating up a storm bu he didn't care because he was so horny.

But my place is clean, everything is done and other than doing the obvious -cleaning the pipes - I hope I will be fine and I have learned from having three gentlemen callers [ I don't normally talk this way] just to give myself enough time and don't rush things because that's when I'll panic.

After 17 years - I really should call Guniness Book of World Records to see if I broke any record - I don't worry about the sphincter muscle because that would be a concern. the bottoms will know what I'm talking about.

With that hurdle overcome with regular use of my dildo, the sphincter isn't that anal gate that can make things difficult for us bottoms. I don't have pain when I fuck myself.

I just hope I don't do a mind fuck on myself and when he is coming at me, I hope I dont think "you are going to put that where?" He he

I've seen his cock and its about the same size as my dildo so things will be fine.


Back in the days when I was clubbing ad meeting guys, I never watched what I ate in anticipation that I might meet someone at the bar and get fucked that night. I remember a thread about what to eat in preparations of anal sex and I neve did any of those things.

But just out of curiously, what should I eat or not eat if the sex will be happening after 8 p.m . Thursday night? Sugestions. I know you are thinking why is he asking for suggestions if he didn't have any incidents when he w a 1 night stand whore? He he

It would be one less thing to think about later today.


There is some irony to this new whole thing. I'm not the type of guy to talk Bout my sexual exploits - I had none but a befirnded a guy on Grindr. he is a twink ( I'm not into twinks) but he said he had not kissed a guy and that kind of was interesting that I could be his first kiss.

but he was just over 18 and I thought maybe To Catch A Predator is on Grindr so I was very cool with everything. I found out his birthday was in May so he was of age although I had not seen a driver's license.

So we would talk a few times on Grindr [ worst functioning app ever] and I spoke to him the other day. I was like a mentor and I gave him some advice like don't wait for things to happen, go make them happen, etc

I say goodbye and he says " do you want to meet?" We live close by and I said ok. And then he said " do you want a hj?" I asked what it was and he said a hand job. So my whole friendship with this guy has changed because I thought I was too old but he started talking about sex.

I admitted that I did think it would be nice for him to come over and we could kiss and cuddle because I had yet to have an encounters that I mentioned above. he knew I was looking to get fucked and he suggested that I top him.

well I was surprised but I said I'm strictly a bottom guy. I though I would probably have to get Viagra if I had ever wanted to do anything like that. My anti depressant and anxiety pills have probably prevented my cock from bring 100% hard . I would say the most is usually about 75% hard.

I see my doctor mid December but I'm still nt sure if I want to top him. The Gods must have listened to me because he showed me photos of his dock and it is beautiful. I had said I wouldn't want a big ugly cock if I could have interaction with a beautiful cock.

I haven't shown him by photos because I want to see his I.d. In case Chris Hanson is in the area with the To Ctach a Predator show. I'm kidding. I don't think that is a concern but it crossed my mind when I first met him. I met him because he had a name posted as his username and I said its probably not a good idea to post his name. He said he had made up the name.

I had my first kiss a few weeks ago with a guy who came over. It was not good. so I had hoped this guy knows how to kiss. I bought pop rocks and I thought we could add those into the mix while kissing but it's sour strawberry :-( I bought some whipped cream but I could use it with guy #1 ( the 8 pm guy)

I have been on social apps for several weeks and I could not find anyone who wanted to fuck because my town is 20 or 30 minutes from where guys live. All the guys in my town are bi and bi guys don't want to kiss. The kisser guy was gay so it wasn't a problem but it wasn't good like I said.

I never meant to write this long. I've been sitting on my bed and typing for 45 minutes I think.

He better not stand me up . . . Well I have the twink to fall back on.

This other guy is to break my 'fucking' dryspell. the twink would be more like a cuddle buddy or fwb buddy ( friends with benefits) since he lives close to me.

I think I will have the Twink guy come over Fruday night. He knows about my my 'fuck' night. now that I've seen his cock, I want to meet his cock ( fter I've seen his I.d.) But he wouldn't be on Grindr if he was underage.

Ok I'm done .
Any eating and topping advice would be appreciated

Mark

[G-Lexington]

Less thinking/typing, more fucking. Seriously, you're way way overthinking this. Go have hot man sex with this guy. If he gets it in and fucks you to completion, excellent. If he doesn't, shrug it off and have sex some other way.

Lex

[HunterM]

Since 1995??? Well, come on over to my place and you'll get to have it every day.

[aaronxp]

Wow, I haven't had sex in 5 years due to depression and anxiety and other things.

when I used to have sex, I didn't eat a thing in the day because back then I didn't even know what douches were.
Once I went without eating a proper amount of food for three days.

[ChickenGuy]

A quick browse through 1995 songs....

....and I've chosen this one as appropriate for the occasion.





Go for it M10000!

[Nishin]

Wow I understand depression medication kills one's libido.. but 17 years? Have you been on medication for 17years?? Are you on therapy as well? That seems an awfully long time of numbness and unenjoyment of pleasures life has to offer... that's kinda sad.

You're like virgin again

Just make sure the guy doesn't rush into your ass with no relaxing first (like practising some frottage first, then rubbing his dick's head around your hole etc etc), obviously use lube and condom, make sure to add extra fiber in your diet, so as not to damage your rectum with constipation, avoid milk, spices or food you don't digest well.
Give excessive thinking a rest to keep panic attack away. Have him give you a lot of caressing and kissing, that will also help you relaxing, maybe start with a massage or something, or sharing a warm shower...

Have a lot of fun !!!
(and make sure to report back to JUB's pervy lurkers )

[oakpope]

I know everyone react to medications differently, but my doc tried several different pills on me, and some would literally kill the libido, with wanking of 4hours+ to obtain a result (awful memory ), but now that I'm a certain mix of pills, my libido is intact. Have you tried other pills that those which interfere so much with your libido ?

Good luck with your fuck(s) !

Oakpope, 43 years without man sex.

[refujiunderground]

A quick browse through 1995 songs....

....and I've chosen this one as appropriate for the occasion.





Go for it M10000!

i knew this song was going to come up in the thread.

hope i don't offend you in anyway or feel like i'm making fun of you because i'm not when i ask you this question but do you feel like a virgin from not having sex for so long? you can't call yourself a virgin BUT i imagine that you feel like one though.

[M10000]

Wow I understand depression medication kills one's libido.. but 17 years? Have you been on medication for 17years?? Are you on therapy as well? That seems an awfully long time of numbness and unenjoyment of pleasures life has to offer... that's kinda sad.

You're like virgin again

Just make sure the guy doesn't rush into your ass with no relaxing first (like practising some frottage first, then rubbing his dick's head around your hole etc etc), obviously use lube and condom, make sure to add extra fiber in your diet, so as not to damage your rectum with constipation, avoid milk, spices or food you don't digest well.
Give excessive thinking a rest to keep panic attack away. Have him give you a lot of caressing and kissing, that will also help you relaxing, maybe start with a massage or something, or sharing a warm shower...

Have a lot of fun !!!
(and make sure to report back to JUB's pervy lurkers )

Ive been on probably been on various anti depressants during that time. I noticed that one drug was working for my mom so I got place on that drug. That was the one that killed my sex drive.

There were other issues. This town has very few gay guys who are out. I had body dysmorphia and the last thing I wanted was for a guy to see my body. I was 40 lbs over weight. I lost the weight but re gained it. My anxiety was always a factor. That, more than anything, kept me from meeting guys.

Yes, Im like a virgin again, but the thought of getting fucked is not scary as it was during my actual first time, back in the early 1980's. I met the guy in a Mac's store because I had my friend pressuring me to go out and "get poked"

I have had three guys over in the recent past. I gave oral to two of them. Another guy wanted me to give him a facial, but he ended up taking my cock in his mouth as I came. I had been jacking off. With whats out there, its seems crazy he would do something like that. He knew me for an hour prior to it happening.

For all he (doesnt) know, I could be lying about not being with guys. I could be a slut, have God knows what and he swallowed my cum. Does he have HIV? He was bi so there was no contact with him. He was close by (1 and 1/2 blocks away). I thought we could be fuck buddies until I saw he was average looking


Beside the twink guy having an absolutely amazing cock (how it looks, not how huge he is . He is average), I can see us maybe being 'friends with benefits'. Here I thought about just kissing and cuddling with him and he is suggesting "hj" which I thought was a typo and he meant blow job. The 'h' and 'b' are located next to each other on the keyboard

Thanks for the advice, guys

[Telstra]

.
Probably best not to announce things sexual before it is going to happen.

[Laufey]

While some medication decrease it or kill it... others can actually make it better.

Since I went on Zoloft I have a higher sex drive and better erections (thins out the blood)

I would look into if it's possible to try different meds.

[oakpope]

I would look into if it's possible to try different meds.

I really think it's his doc's job to do that. A med can be brilliant for you and very bad for him.

[LeicsDom]

I haven't had anal sex (either way) for many years now.
It just no longer appeals.
I don't miss it.
There are tons of other ways to satisfy a guy

- - - Updated - - -

Since I went on Zoloft I have a higher sex drive and better erections (thins out the blood)

I would look into if it's possible to try different meds.

Which is more or less what Viagra does

[Laufey]

I really think it's his doc's job to do that.

That's what I had in mind.

It's okay to ask your doctor if you can try something else if you are unhappy with the side effects.

Which is more or less what Viagra does

Yes but this does it 24/7

[M10000]

I've been on Zoloft. Ive probably been on 80+ medications since the depression diagnosed in 1989. For example, I was on Prozac, 5 different times through my life. (Remember these are prescribed from different therapists).
I have a chroniloigcal list of the pills but I dsont know where the paper is. I was always on the pills for 6 weeks. If it 'worked', I kept taking it until something else may have come along, I had side effects, or ????

I had to go Lithuim because blood tests showed it has done 20% kidney damage. I've taken Cymbalta for the past 5 weeks. Prior to that, I took Lithuim, Ciprolax, Wellbutrin.

I talked to my doctor about Viagra. It affects your heart so he has to give me the go ahead BUT I just had a heart test. Hopefully there were no bad results (which I have yet to get)I dont have a problem about taking it. Im 48. Why have 75% erections when you can have 100% erections. It doesnt define me as a man. I figure that no sex drive drivespell may have had something to do with it. Just for topping the twink if that were to ever happen. Twink is not my ideal body type. I like muscle guys but gay muscle guys where I live are scarce.

Yes Telstra, talking about it before is not a great idea. I thought about that. I was asking about diet before sex.

If he cancels, I have bad luck. I have had 4 guys stansd me up while Ive been on those damn social apps.

And now, Dr. Phil is on The Talk talking about giving people the benefit of the doubt and why do we do that. He said - among other things - "we invite them into our homes without knowing them" which is exactly what I have done.

Mark
5 pm

[M10000]

I found a paper that outlines my my life. I have medications also part of the list
Remember this is a partial list. Im surprised at the duration but if something isnt working, you try something else.

aug 88 - first panic attack
- nardil (6 months)
jan 89 - started taking Xanax (5 year addictrion)
March 89 - Norpramine (7 months)
nov 90 - prozac (4 months)
mar 91 - sineqan (5 months)
aug91 - nardil (5 months) * caused excessive sweating
jan 92 - sinequan (3 months)
apr 92 - desyrel (6 months)
may 92 -0 buspar (2 monhs)
Mar 93 - Zoloft (2 months)
sept 93 - peozac (7 weeks)

other drugs, no date:
amitriptiline (x 2) , clonazepam, manirex, sinequan, effexor, desyrel,

I have the 80 drug list. Its just a matter of remembering where it is.

How did the drug issue come up? lol

Mark
5:30 pm

[oakpope]

Cymbalta works fine for me, but it's just me. The only side effects are if I forget to take 2 days straight, I have nightmares, vertigo and nausea.

[Laufey]

That's withdrawal not side effects

I never forget a whole day simply because I can already feel mild withdrawal when it's been like 28-30 hours since I took it the last time.

[M10000]

8:10
I've been in a panic for the last 15 minutes. he's late thankfully so I can just try to chill. I've taken 2 Xanaxs now and had some run and coke. (Not recommended to do) Xanax is a tranquilizer. I've just seen he is 6'1" from his profile. I don't like tall guys towering over me.

I was going to write a funny little skit about:

From the desk of Rectal Defense and they I was going to have little guys inside give their perspective. I'll do that another time.
for example "___________has reported a tsunami in quadrant 4" which was suppose to be a guy douching his ass.

That's all for now. I'm a but better now. But that's what anxiety is like and why I haven't had sex in 17 years

[M10000]

He's here !!!!

[mikey3000]

Ok. Shut up and go get laid!!!! Then report back asap!!!

[cgymike]

1995? Are you in a museum now? Wow - ancient history!

[Laufey]

I've taken 2 Xanaxs now and had some run and coke.

No wonder you've had performance issues if that's a habit. Good thing you will bottom tonight

[seven2go]

When I take bupropion (Wellbutrin) my orgasms go off the chart....... .......

[TheFallenAsexual]

Did you feel weird without a sex drive?

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time wondering what that would be like. I used to wish there were pills available that would kill the sex drive. Mainly because I knew that I was not into relationships at all, so desire for sex is something that was sort of "in the way." It'd be interesting to not be ruled by my cock.

[M10000]

He showed up and he looked good. His profile photo had been taken in the morning. His hair was a but messy,
He was all cleaned up
I wasnt nervous. We talked for a while (Im not saying everything since that is kissing and telling) but its not every day a guy who hasnt had sex for 17 years suddenly does.
I had pop rocks and we kissed with those. I was in the store and wondered what it would be like to kiss with pop rocks in your mouth.
I bought whipped cream. The flavour of the whipped cream was great as I conti9nued to suck him which he loved. I was making sure to not make him come.
We fucked the way porn stars do - on knees and not stroking themselves off. It didnt go so great. He was 6'1" and too large for me to ride
We stopped. We were going to go again but he had to go soon.

My purpose was to know what it felt like to get fucked and I wasnt crazy about it (taking nothing away from him). I didnt like all four poisiton and frankly I am content to ride my dildo for 5 minutes and get off. There was too much effort in today.

I initially said let get together again because he had to go and we hadnt come. I was going to suck him off and I was going to ride my dildo because getting fucked - wasnt crazy aboiut it. I was sweaty at the end.

I understand women who dont like having sex. Its too much effort.

I dont know if it is an age thing, medicine thing, or a preference thing.

You want photos.

Ill get photos (of the aftermath)

[M10000]

Nishin
I have had probably more therapy of someone my age with the exception of people who experienced horrendous events and they may be dealing with it still.
I dont think I was either seeing a therapist (for various reasons) or I was on a waitiong list which can be up to a year.
I looked for the damn medication paper but can not find it. I had a virus and I do not have MS Word running on my desktop. Then about 2 weeks ago, I placed Michael Jackson's Bad cd in the dvd drive of my computer, it made a funny noise, and the cd shattered inside. I just spent time fixing that, or rather trying to fix that.
I had the idea to go through old backed up dvds to get to my medication list. But the dvd tray will not open. I have a paper copy of the list but I forget when I placed it.

I did see a 'Mark's dateline ' list that chronicles my life events but at that time it was a bit off topic to post here.

Ive seen about 8 therapists over the years for varying periods of time. I have been to 4 day groups which require you to attend dAily usually for about 6 weeks. The most notable one would have been at University of British Columbia. If I didnt say it, after three suicide attempts in 1979 (rat poison, sleeping pills, and electrcution in a bathtub - the current mild;y flowed but the breaker turned off the current). I was thinking of Jimmy Joe on 'Mary Hartman Mary Hartman' when he was electrocuted in the bathtub.

No onw knew about my suicide attempts. I work up find after both 'over doses'. I was watching Charlie's Angels and my mom asked if anything was wrong. I told her I had tried to kill myself times. Thats what I say my first therapist, She sent me to the Maple whcih was for troubled teens. I knew I was gay but denied it. I blamed my problems on my mom for mothering me too much and m,y dad wasnt around.

After 11 months of residential treatmen there, I went to theri halfway house. I eventually moved to Vancouver ands got a job through my brother in law's co worker's wife in a cookie store. That was 1983 and I came out

In 1986, I worked at Expo 86. I then got a job at Vancouver's mental hospital, Riverview, where my sister worked and my mom had gone for post natal drepression. They were strict and if you missed work three times, you were fired.

I felt suicidal but needed a job so what better job thanat Brinks Secrutiy where they have firearms. AI thought no one would suspect
if I wanted to get a gun. Aafter 2 years, I quit because of low pay. We were responsibler for $8 - 12 million dollars in the money room and we were paid $7.95

I didnt tell anyone but I went to go 'legally obtain a gun' Its hardto do in Canada. I lied sbnout 'mental issues' and I bought a 357 Magnum in a pirvate sale. I made 5 attempts to kill myself but I couldnt do it. I went to the hospital and said I had tried to kill myself for thre last 5 nights in row on English Bay Beach. I went to a 6 week day program and then got a job working inthe kitchen od the hospital, making the food trays.

I felt anxious 2 years later and asked for time off. On the day I was to come back, I had an anxiety attack and said I would be back.
I had an anxiety attach on the day I was to go back and I quit and got on medical leave.

I eventually moved to where I live not. I attended anouther day center and had 6 sessions of electro shock therapy for my depressions. It is though of as the last ditch effort. I think I should have had more sessionsd and it was mentioned here once. It didnt work for a girl so she had another round of shock therapy

THROUGHOUT this time, I was always taking some medication. Ive never felt like a zombie and I believe I would have killed myself if I were not on pills.

My facsination with dead people happened about then beause I thought about hanging myself and I wondered what a person looks like after they have died. As I told my therapist last week, suicide has always been a part of my life and I irionically I think it keeps me around because Im to scared to do it and I dont want to hurt my mom. But she has experienced alot and said she would understand if I ever did kill myself.

My belief i that I would be dead if I lived in the USA because it is easy to get a gun there at a trade show. I feel I have suffred for 32 years and I cant be blamed f I said "I dont want to do this anymore" I have not had many successes in life so it seems justified in my mind. But again, I would not do it when my mom was alive still.


So in the end was it a positive/negative or neutral experience? Did it make you wanna go for it again? Which part did you enjoy the most?
Sorry about all the questioning and commenting, this whole thing got me pretty curious
- It was ok. Some aspects were nice but the fucking as not what I thought. He was average size and maybe a larger cock might have produced a diiferent result

I have this twink guy who wasnt s sex so I dont realy know what is going to happen there.

I have not been kissed - until recently (wink wink) since 1995, hugged, or sex and who could blame me?

And I didnt even mention the whole body dysmorphia where I feel inferior to others and it kills me to see hot guys. That was a reason why I have not pursued physical relationships. At times I feel like a monster from another planet. Remember that that is the illness talking



Nishin: Anyway so you DID have sex on these 17 years... I was finding the figure a bit hard to believe...

- No. I am not sure but it might go back to 1991 when I had sex with a co worker at the hospital. Its true


Not everybody is fit for getting fucked... but since you like dildoing yourself I'd tend to believe he didn't do you the way you like it, or maybe it's a control thing... were you feeling comfortable enough? Was there not a position easier than the other you tried? Did you eventually feel confident in your cleanliness in the area (since you mentioned the topic before)...
Personally I fantasize about getting fucked but IRL I don't like it at all...

- He was 6'1" which Im not used to. I tried to ride his cock but I would need pillow unde my knees to get up high enough to ride him. I prefer to control depth of penetration which riding the cock could have done. I dont think I have even done doggie style like porn stars do. I have to stroke my cock. I cant imagine just kneeling there and not stimulating yourself, but I did.

We got into a groove where I felt myself getting stimulated, but we were pooped and stopped shortly after. I like to fuck myself the way I want or rideing a guys cock.


It has to be your confidence/anxiety issues or that you're too picky because your body-parts and voice that you exposed on JUB rather hint you are attractive.
Trains... wtf?
- Im not picky. I think he's too good for me and I may settle for someone who I think will want to be with me.
I dont remember the trains comment. I remember a thread about trains and I made a compilatgion of people getting (lamost) hit by trains. I edited the video moments before the person is hit. I have a fascination with death, I want to know what it really looks like and it is awful and hollywood dumbs it down. When you hear someone died at the scene that usually means their body is distroyed and they is nothing anyone could do for them.

I saw a woman on the ground and her duaghter walked around holding her mom's decapitated head after the car accident. Its a whole work that people would be shocked to see. I think my pre occupation with suicide is what started all of that. And I never use suicide as a bagaining chip. I believe people who really want to kill themselves will do it.

If my mom died and I got to that point, I was going to use heluim which I hadnt known about but logistically it is to complicated and I thought I might stand in front of a train instead. BUt Im a big old chicken and I think this is a coping mechanism for me in dealing with life. But again, if anyone has reason to kill themselves, I think 32 years of depression would be a valid argument.

But there are so many people suffering much more that euthanasia should be allowed for those with MS, Parkinsons' etc

Honestly, I prefer solo sex that I can be done in 5 minutes and get on with things

Sorry, I didnt get to write my skit. I will. I thought the concept was funny

[M10000]

Ops missed editing timelimit (I tried toi add to post above)


Since these are photos I use in social apps (which are out in the universe), I us these photos though I am trying to get a better one.

current photos


previous photos
. . .


My therapist would be stunned to know that I posted these photos of how I look today. My big gripes which you may or may not see are dasr circles under my eyes, receding hai of couse, and I hate my smile . Those are examples of what someone with body dysmorphia thinks to wring with them and you cant convince then otherwise

I have looked at upper photos and felt like a monster from another planet

FI:
And dont tell peopl;e with BDD that they look good, they will never believe you

[G-Lexington]

The photos aren't showing up, but never mind. I don't know if the photos themselves are as important as you posting them. I appreciate you sharing everything, as it gives us a bigger glimpse into what's going on behind the avatar.

I'll just say this. When I get together with my friends, often, I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe we'll end up seeing a movie, or going out somewhere, or just hanging out and talking. And when I go to bed with a guy, often, I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe we'll suck each other off, or I'll fuck him, or he'll fuck me, or we'll just try a bit of everything. And in both cases, this is often where the most fun and memorable moments come from. When you go with the flow, and see what happens.

I say it because your encounter seemed a bit..regimented. Between the foodstuffs and the "fucking like porn stars", it seemed less like a hot encounter and a bit more like a checklist. He sounds like a cool guy who was willing to try a lot of stuff, and that's great. Hopefully you'll get a chance to see him again soon. And if so, why not just go with condoms and lube and see what happens? Or see what he wants to do, and if it's in your comfort zone, give it a try.

Lex

[borg69unimatrix]

I'm not sure I REALLY want to know, but what was the pink lumpy stuff in the clear bowl ???

btw- Congrats on fighting your phobia's and going through with the meet up. I know that was difficult for you, but you did it, and you LIVED !!!!

[oakpope]

I think I know what you mean with the ' I'll never believe you', but nonetheless I find your smile and your face quite lovely.

[Nishin]

That was a long read, first of all, thank you for sharing your experience and life story with us...
In these days on JUB where everyone is suspected to be a fraud and troll, it's nice to see some posters still have enough trust to share their life stories...

I'm never too sure where is the line between what's safe for thread posting (as I've seen abuses here and there) or what should be kept in PMs...

Ok so therapy failed for you, I am not familiar with how depression or BDD works so I'm really at lost of comments on these, only asked because it seemed odd to me that a doc would satisfy with prescripting drugs for years without having you get a therapy.
I'm really sad for you that it failed and that you have been in such a serious condition for such a long time... I am lucky to have never known anything like that myself so it's a bit difficult for me to imagine what it actually means on a day to day basis...

As about the fascination for death/dead people, you will have plenty of time finding about it once your time has come... but when your time has come you won't have the opportunity to find out about life and its pleasures no more... why not prioritize the latter first then? Since the former will definitely occur anyway...

This said, I understand you're feeling better these days right? I hope you do.

Lastly, and I don't care if you believe it or not, although it would be great that you realize/acknowledge it instead of just believing it... but you not only do look good, but you are actually handsome, you have the nicest eyes and smile, this is not lip-service...

The whole thing definitely sounds like such a waste

Well I hope this bite into life fruit will make you hungry for more, congrats to you for already taking that step forward, try and have the guy come over for a longer play session next time and try and give him an orgasm, I'm sure you will feel good as it is really rewarding to achieving giving pleasure to someone

[M10000]

The photos aren't showing up, but never mind. I don't know if the photos themselves are as important as you posting them. I appreciate you sharing everything, as it gives us a bigger glimpse into what's going on behind the avatar.

I'll just say this. When I get together with my friends, often, I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe we'll end up seeing a movie, or going out somewhere, or just hanging out and talking. And when I go to bed with a guy, often, I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe we'll suck each other off, or I'll fuck him, or he'll fuck me, or we'll just try a bit of everything. And in both cases, this is often where the most fun and memorable moments come from. When you go with the flow, and see what happens.

I say it because your encounter seemed a bit..regimented. Between the foodstuffs and the "fucking like porn stars", it seemed less like a hot encounter and a bit more like a checklist. He sounds like a cool guy who was willing to try a lot of stuff, and that's great. Hopefully you'll get a chance to see him again soon. And if so, why not just go with condoms and lube and see what happens? Or see what he wants to do, and if it's in your comfort zone, give it a try.

Lex

Lex
I have a website that became about because of my ability to teach others various computer aspects. Ihave been 'the guy' on that board that unfairly banned me. I dont know why the photos are not showing. Maybe postimage.org id not allowed on the forum anymore. Hmm.

Here are the photos posted at my webspace provided by my internet provider



Body dysmorphia is something that people dont understand and I have seen people and I cant figure out what flaws they see.
1. The photo with gay bodybuilder Bob Paris. No jokes about the shirt. It was the first shirt I made. I just happened to pick a lousy pattern. He was making an appearance at a health store before he went on to a posing seminar. The biggest thing I dont like there is my hair is not as blond as it can be. It photographs dark.
As I look at it, that is probably the best smile I have ever given. Normally, I dont like my smile. Is I smile my eyes get squinty.
1992: It must be something about the moment because Im holding my neice (not seen) and again it would be my hair and the gap in my teeth (which began by body dysmorphia. I dont care that Madonna or Lauren Hutton has a gap, I have always hated it and it is on the back shelf in my brain and I dont think about it anymore
Lower right photo: Smile, receding hair, expression on face and what I didnt realise until about a year ago is that my face is lowered odn the left side because I had a lazy eye when I was a baby. I dont know i that is related to it, but I noticed that. MY face is more rounded because I gained weight. My jaw is stronger in the previous photo. I didnt know until recently that my dad had a cleft in his chain because he always has a beard my whole life of knowing him. (My parents looked like movie stars and I never felt like that, being their off spring.
Lower right photo: Hair, I dont have eyelids in the photo but I like the expression of my eyes even though it really is a photo when a smile would have helped

Other things re: body dysmorphia
- I have about 6 moles on my lower left stomach that I dont like, my mose is too a ngualr from the side, my mouth is slightly crooked, high forehead (thats usually shint even when I use to wear powder), slopey shoulders. a girl teased me about that in school. I have no problem with my ears,my legs have gotten compliments because I ride my bike around Vancouver's seawall when I lived there, I thought I had grey eyes but I have gotten compliments on my eyes, but that just remionds me of the hereidtary dark circles under my eyes I have.
Ill just leave it at that. And if you are wondering about my penis, my mom said there was a problem during my circumcision and I have a bump and it look like skin was pulled over. Only a guy sucking me off would notice it upon first 'sucking'

When the twink showed me his cock photos two days ago, I was very impressed because it is just absolutely perfect from what I saw. Average size but I would trade places with his cock to get rid of a small bump on my cock which I obviously couldnt show in this forum.

So that is some insight into how someone with body dysmorphia can see themselves. I literally am just happy with my eyes and mouth (until I noticed it was sligtly crooked as I said)

From sex to a photo of my parents. If been accused of being out there. lol



Sex: I dont plan sex. BUt I did buy pop rocks to answer Borg's question as to what the pink stuff is, its pop rocks which we tried as we kissed. It was ok because it was sour strawberry/

[M10000]

I'm not sure I REALLY want to know, but what was the pink lumpy stuff in the clear bowl ???

btw- Congrats on fighting your phobia's and going through with the meet up. I know that was difficult for you, but you did it, and you LIVED !!!!

Thank you Borg. ZThank you for acknowledging the difficulty of it. Many people pass it off as "so what" but its different whe you live it

Going back to working in the hospital. I had a permanent job as an on call and I knew what I did evbery day. I like that because there were no surprises. ONe day I worked in the cafeteria and I was almost sweating over the food.
Because I was happy with the job, part of the job was putting on the top cover of the food tray and placing into the carts. I stood across from my supervisor and he said to me "what happened. You used to sweat like a pig?"
That demonstarted to me that I was not exagerrating and other did notice when I sweated during work and when I may have to work at the tea station which was the absolute worse for me. I know some of it is in my head and I get worked up because of the anticipation - "you have to work with the hot coffee later on during the trayline" - but thats how the mind is.
After recent people at that other board saying "how bad can it be", I took video and I do have video where I show how bad it can be and I would just be stared at if I worked with the public and I was having an anxiety attack or sweating attack.

[M10000]

Nishin,
Sorry it was so long. Ive had to tell me story so many times that it doesnt really bother me giving out details. With a few exceptions, I have even posted my medical assessment when I applied for disability (which I had to appeal)

My doctor said "prognosis is poor" which doesnt look great but I guess he has to make sure that they will accept me for disability (which doe not only have to be your body)

I had a guy make fun of me because I mentioned shock therapy and I just served it back to him and made him look like an inconsiderate fool. For example "so you think not getting shock therapy would be and possibly killing myself is a better solution? Ill make sure to never look you up if you go into medicine"

People can see that if someone is being honest that they will rally around a person if others try to put down a person for telling their story.

Ok so therapy failed for you, I am not familiar with how depression or BDD works so I'm really at lost of comments on these, only asked because it seemed odd to me that a doc would satisfy with prescripting drugs for years without having you get a therapy.

- I had had therapy throughout. he and I disagree about ognitive therapy which he think I should do but I dont and I have tried it and it didnt help. It is about changfing your distorted beliefs about yourself and life.

They are people who catastropize and everything is horrible. The therapy is meant for you to look at it from another perspective and break down what is good and what is bad about it.

My sister always foes on about the rain. I think so what. I would rathe have this than flooding seen elsewhere

https://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&n....1.0FhlOakJbss

I didnt think cognitive therapy could work for me because much of it is about my looks and unless I get plastic surgery, I am always going to think "Ive got those damn moles on my stomach or dark cirles under my eyes. (Yes, Ive used concealer, but not the really good kid that can cover it.)

Going back to the photo where my niece as a baby is not shown, she had forceps small mark on her face. It was a diificult birth. I didnt know the mark can be seen to this day because she always wore make up and I only saw it one day when she had no make up.

So your flaws may not even be noticed by others

I'm really sad for you that it failed and that you have been in such a serious condition for such a long time... I am lucky to have never known anything like that myself so it's a bit difficult for me to imagine what it actually means on a day to day basis...
- its frustrating that I havent had something that worked. Thats what I would say about that. I have wondred if I should do two round of shock therapy because it is something I never did properly.


Sorry, quick story
I was in the psych ward and a guy depressed beyond anything ws there. He went for shock therapy. After one treatment, he came back like a new person. I asked my dctor about it. "Is that was what was suppose to happen to me?" I asked. And he said "yes"

He was my therapist ans the only doctor doing shock therapy in the town. I would probably have to get back onto his patient list in order to try that again. We got chewed out because someone is suppose to stay with you through the day and my family didnt do that. I just went home. It was a rule that was there as a safety precaution

So when I saw this guy make this amazing transformation, I felt ther was no hope because ven that didnt help me. There are depressions that are medication resistant and I think I have that.

As about the fascination for death/dead people, you will have plenty of time finding about it once your time has come... but when your time has come you won't have the opportunity to find out about life and its pleasures no more... why not prioritize the latter first then? Since the former will definitely occur anyway...
- When you are severely depressed, there are few things that a person gets pleasure from. My pleasure is television. I was never forced to stay with any hobbies if I had any. I could just drop it. I see that a bit as a faulkt oif my parents who gave me no consequences for dropping darkroom photography or playing the organ. I dropped it and that was ok. And you dont have the desire, drive, ambition that others have. Depression takes that from you. I have essentially existed through life

This said, I understand you're feeling better these days right? I hope you do.

- I have been worse because I was banned from a forum that I wen to for 12 years and considered it like a second home. Everyone knows what happened was ufair because I contributed so much that that owner should have been endeted (sp) to me. I gave content that no one else gave, like video captures and for example, the weekly eye candy alert that I post here.

Im ripped up about being tossed out because he said I was verbally abusive and he never talked to me about the real problem over 22 years when I woukd sometimes bicker, nit pick, not let things drop (kind of like this thread). I did all this for him and thats how he treated me.My cintributions to that foreum

[I]Lastly, and I don't care if you believe it or not, although it would be great that you realize/acknowledge it instead of just believing it... but you not only do look good, but you are actually handsome, you have the nicest eyes and smile, this is not lip-service...
- Thank you. If is frustrating becuse like anorexics, they downt always see what others do. I do wonder "do I see this or am I making something that others woulnt notice?"


Well I hope this bite into life fruit will make you hungry for more, congrats to you for already taking that step forward, try and have the guy come over for a longer play session next time and try and give him an orgasm, I'm sure you will feel good as it is really rewarding to achieving giving pleasure to someone
- I could have sucked him off but then the fucking goes out the door. I think were may have had bodies that werent compatiable size wise. I wonder what pop rocks would have been like when giving him oral.


Thank you Nishin. Ive been here at least an hour and I would have made a video response had a thought of it sooner ;-)

[Scealle]

Really appreciate that you share your story here. TBH even though I would love to try sex, the idea of someone raping me there with their there does freak me out sometimes. So sorry to hear that you were kicked from a forum you have been to for a long time. Hope you feel better soon. You are so cute!! If I saw you in real life I would date you in a heart beat

[borg69unimatrix]

It took me a long time to learn this, but ultimately as much as it FEELS like the world is out to get us, WE are our own worse enemies, and worse critics. I've spent a lot of my years living in my head, and worrying about what everyone else thought, holding me back from my own perceived social blocks that just weren't there to the degree *I* thought they were.

Some how you have to just learn and teach yourself to power through it, and show yourself the world will NOT come to an end over trivial little things that ultimately just don't matter. I've had anxiety over not looking the way I wished I did. I still do, to an extent, but I've also learned that there are zillions of people out there that are a LOT worse off then I am who amazingly appear to be a LOT happier then I was.

Look at what you DO have, and be thankful for that, and don't dwell on your self PERCEIVED short comings. Often times the things you don't like about yourself is that one endearing quirk that someone else will love you for.

[vulgar_newcomer]

Ok. Shut up and go get laid!!!! Then report back asap!!!

I was thinking by the time he gets done writing the novel here the guy will have gotten tired waiting for him and moved on.

[Telstra]

M10000,
when you were in your 20s, you were very hot i think?

[xbuzzerx]

M10000,
when you were in your 20s, you were very hot i think?

The past tense made me lol.

[Telstra]

The past tense made me lol.

lol, i don't care if my writing is horrible

[G-Lexington]

I've dealt with others with body dysmoprhia on EC, but there it's nearly always caused by being transgendered. They hate their body because it's the wrong gender more than any single aspect of it. And obviously, just telling them "oh, you're fine just the way you are" isn't the right answer. It's not just a matter of "accepting who you are" - it obviously goes deeper than that.

I'll just say I think you're more attractive than I am. I definitely have the "worst smile in the world" thing going on. (Every time I get my photo taken, the photographer says "OK, smile...Lex, a REAL smile...LEX, for God's sake, SMILE FOR REAL!" And of course, I AM smiling for real. Or trying to. That's why the only photos of me that I like are candid ones - ones where I don't know the photo is being taken, so I can't plaster on that not-at-all-correct smile.) I've got a gut on me, my nose is kinda big, my hair is deserting me, etc etc etc. But none of it bothers me. At all. Seeing someone more attractive than me doesn't affect me any more than seeing someone who is taller, or skinnier, or richer, or anything-er than me. They got a different draw. I'm fine with that. They might be a cool guy. They might not be. We'll see.

And despite being old and round and balding and hairy, guys are still hitting on me. And despite you being non-smiling and whatever adjectives you want to toss up there, you're getting laid, too.

Lex

[Nishin]

It took me a long time to learn this, but ultimately as much as it FEELS like the world is out to get us, WE are our own worse enemies, and worse critics. I've spent a lot of my years living in my head, and worrying about what everyone else thought, holding me back from my own perceived social blocks that just weren't there to the degree *I* thought they were.
[...]
Look at what you DO have, and be thankful for that, and don't dwell on your self PERCEIVED short comings. Often times the things you don't like about yourself is that one endearing quirk that someone else will love you for.

What Borg said ... exactly !! ie : when you say you don't like your smile, when I think it's your nicest facial feature with your eyes...

- I had had therapy throughout. he and I disagree about ognitive therapy which he think I should do but I dont and I have tried it and it didnt help. It is about changfing your distorted beliefs about yourself and life.

They are people who catastropize and everything is horrible. The therapy is meant for you to look at it from another perspective and break down what is good and what is bad about it.
[...]
I didnt think cognitive therapy could work for me because much of it is about my looks and unless I get plastic surgery, I am always going to think "Ive got those damn moles on my stomach or dark cirles under my eyes. (Yes, Ive used concealer, but not the really good kid that can cover it.)

Going back to the photo where my niece as a baby is not shown, she had forceps small mark on her face. It was a diificult birth. I didnt know the mark can be seen to this day because she always wore make up and I only saw it one day when she had no make up.

So your flaws may not even be noticed by others

Yes I was thinking of the exact same example of anorexia when what you see is not grounded in reality and like bad sight is fixed with glasses, there must be some sort of psychological lens/trick to switch defective perception... you keep mentioning circles under your eyes I just don't see them at all... and even if they were to exist (maybe they do but don't show on these pictures because of the lighting or something) that would just be a meaningless detail you focus on when people regard others as a whole rather than a collection of small details which overall balance/harmony fixes. Dark circles are a common trait in Mediterranean/middle-east populations yet they are (to me anyway) the most handsome men in the world !

What may look un-aesthetic under close scrutinization is irrelevant when envisioning a larger picture. As you rightly said, it really is about perception... but looking at this at yet another level, and as Borg pointed out, isn't also a bigger problem the fact that one focuses on himself so much, and especially in a criticizing manner, maintaining a self-feeding vicious circle of self-depreciation when there is so much beauty to look at and find elsewhere... self-appreciation/confidence is probably gained from what third eyes reflect of ourselves, granted one accepts to confront it and take the bad and the good comments alike.

My take on things is that we really don't need to waste time blaming ourselves for not being perfect, handsome, this or that, because it has no importance whatsoever, ultimately we are nothing, just clusters of dust/carbon granted with the privilege of life for a ridiculously short period of time on this planet to whom our existence makes no difference at all, which is not to say that we should consider it worthless, it's still precious for we don't know what was before, and what will be after, and our existence is our only tangible chance at taking the most of life as we can, in things we can do before it's too late...
Just a few days ago I met this tetraplegic guy (from a car accident) on a hook-up site, the nicest guy ever and probably the friendliest chat I had on a hook-up site... it broke my heart, but actually he never ever complained about his misfortune and shone with positivity when most people he encounters probably usually just give him pity looks that must be unnerving...

With that last sentence, don't get me wrong I know you've explained how depression prevents one from seeing what's to be enjoyed in life (that's the part my lack of first hand experience prevents me from understanding) and I understand it's a real medical condition so I apologize if I sound insensitive and patronizing...

- its frustrating that I havent had something that worked. Thats what I would say about that. I have wondred if I should do two round of shock therapy because it is something I never did properly.

I didn't know of shock therapy, just looked it up, I heard it works well for epilepsy... but it sounds a bit dangerous, the memory loss part... cognitive therapy sounds more on point with the symptoms you described imho...

- I have been worse because I was banned from a forum that I wen to for 12 years and considered it like a second home. Everyone knows what happened was ufair because I contributed so much that that owner should have been endeted (sp) to me. I gave content that no one else gave, like video captures and for example, the weekly eye candy alert that I post here.

Im ripped up about being tossed out because he said I was verbally abusive and he never talked to me about the real problem over 22 years when I woukd sometimes bicker, nit pick, not let things drop (kind of like this thread). I did all this for him and thats how he treated me.My cintributions to that foreum

Well that is rightly infuriating... I don't quite grasp the reason for the banning, you're only giving us your side of the story after-all, but you clearly felt it like unfair and treasonous, I can relate to this feeling, was there not any higher instance to plead your cause to?
You have been really dedicated to this, I've seen your computing related threads here and I'm sure you do take real pleasure in doing this... see how you actually DO have something in life beyond tv that is a hobby you take pleasure from
And that's not something depression took away from you, but another internet asshole... give credit where it's due !

Sorry for the endless babbling

[M10000]

Really appreciate that you share your story here. TBH even though I would love to try sex, the idea of someone raping me there with their there does freak me out sometimes. So sorry to hear that you were kicked from a forum you have been to for a long time. Hope you feel better soon. You are so cute!! If I saw you in real life I would date you in a heart beat

Thank you Scealle,
Why dont you play with yourself if you are freaked out by it. After my first time, I used carrots - bad idea - to explore putting things in my ass. There are dildo starter sets.
But knowing where your prostate is will help alot. Its a second source of pleasure. Tops dont know, or maybe they so, know what they are missing.
Play with yourself when there is no pressure of having someone with you in case you have a 'movement'

The guy who had 4x sex with me. Two days later, we were at my place and I had crapped the bed (a bit) and I thought "serves you right" (if you are going to have sex 4 x with a virgin ;-)




Its not rape unless its forced. There is a definate learning curve. Im 48 and only gotten over that damn sphincter muscle. I can put a dildo in where the sphincter is an it doesnt take 1+ minutes to get past that section. You feel it when you have a bowel movement . It is the sphincter muscle that makes you feel that pressure when using the washroom

Thank you for acknowledging 'the kick'. Yes, I bickered, nit picked, got involved in things that werent my business but to be there 12 years and the moderator, Ace Bannon, never said there was a problem. He used the board to let me have only 2 posts per day. Thats how I found out something is happening. It was a blind side

Thank you Scealle. Dont deny yourself pleasure because of the stigma there is around the ass.

[M10000]

It took me a long time to learn this, but ultimately as much as it FEELS like the world is out to get us, WE are our own worse enemies, and worse critics. I've spent a lot of my years living in my head, and worrying about what everyone else thought, holding me back from my own perceived social blocks that just weren't there to the degree *I* thought they were.

Some how you have to just learn and teach yourself to power through it, and show yourself the world will NOT come to an end over trivial little things that ultimately just don't matter. I've had anxiety over not looking the way I wished I did. I still do, to an extent, but I've also learned that there are zillions of people out there that are a LOT worse off then I am who amazingly appear to be a LOT happier then I was.

Look at what you DO have, and be thankful for that, and don't dwell on your self PERCEIVED short comings. Often times the things you don't like about yourself is that one endearing quirk that someone else will love you for.

Borg,
I get youir message. I appreciate what I have. I have my physical health. Ive had two visits to the hospital and I get the flu once a year. I am very aware and appreciative of my health. Mental health? Thats another story ;-)

Im my own worst enemy and I need to work on that.
But I do wonder why I have such low self esteem. Was it because of my harrassment at school (but I quit in grade 10 so it didnt last that long) Maybe it is a nature versus nuture thing. I had a good family life
Thank you

[Gimmecat]

Wish I could join that club, seems I got more action during the 90's - I haven't gotten laid since 2010.

[M10000]

I was thinking by the time he gets done writing the novel here the guy will have gotten tired waiting for him and moved on.

Ive veered off course a bit havent I. Oh well.


Telstra,
I know what you meant but I thought it was funny what Xbuzzerx said

[M10000]

[QUOTE=G-Lexington;8522172]I've dealt with others with body dysmoprhia on EC, but there it's nearly always caused by being transgendered. They hate their body because it's the wrong gender more than any single aspect of it. And obviously, just telling them "oh, you're fine just the way you are" isn't the right answer. It's not just a matter of "accepting who you are" - it obviously goes deeper than that.

- Lex,
thats a whole different thing ;-)


Ive talked about going to the bathouse but 95% of the time I went home alone. And you hear people say "who cant get laid at a bathouse?" I guess I cant. Or I am just too shy. And I was hot for the guy who my dad used to teach. He had the body of Carl Hardwick. He was often there and I was only looking at him but after a failed blowjob - his fault lol - he wouldnt give me the time of day.



I was atually thiunking that maybe I could start a board because I go to squirt.org and its horrible. You get messages that a person left you 30 minutes ago but you think it is real time and you realise no one is there.

There is a post about group sex and trying to get that going and i might be into that. Not fuck around with everyone but just be there and you can always just watch. I was thinking a better board could be helpful to really have that set up and Grindr sucks on Ipad. I like Growwlr but its not on Ipad.

And maybe a board would have guys not give you the opportunity to ignore others like on Grindr. If you never talkto anyone, The person could just be banned. Be polite and just say "hi but no thank you" So Im wondering if that would work on the Yuku.com message board system, Im just [I]thinking about it

There could be a section where you say who you like and if they like you I would let you know and that way I could charge a small fee and make some money he he
It would be alot easier to know who likes you than go in blindly, but I guess thats part of the experience

[M10000]

[QUOTE=Nishin;8522357]What Borg said ... exactly !! ie : when you say you don't like your smile, when I think it's your nicest facial feature with your eyes...

- Nishin, if they dont believe it, it doesnt matter. Thast what body bysmorphia is partly about. I didnt know Madonna would bring gapped teeth into 'vogue' (or rather Lauren Hutton)

Dark circles:
It is there. I have a specific video I was going to post but havent found it but saw video with the circles. I know about other cultures but I dont like it on them either.
I think its funny that many people have these lines even though they are thought of as beautiful people

The line above the yellow line p- you know that line. Oprah has them when she has no make up on.

Jessica Biel. Its not attractive. Why were we not made without this?






Now I just read this that you posted . . . .

What may look un-aesthetic under close scrutinization is irrelevant when envisioning a larger picture.


Nishin,
Its very hard for people to see good things when they dont think there necessarily are any good things. Thats a whole other area that Id rather not get into because it can be the "oh woo is me" mentality.
Ill say this that because of how my life has been, I dont really have any viable job skills. I am good with computers and I have made a tutorial website and I have not heard on thing since I opened it up a month ago. No one has written to ask "can you make a video to show me how to do layers in Photoshop or some basic HTML.
I guess I just did "Oh woe is me" but thats the truth.
To be fair, I have not advertised it as of yet.

Thank you for your insight. Ill have to read it again to absorb it BECAUSE IM JUST A BIG OLD DONKEY FOOL hehe


[SIZE=1] I didn't know of shock therapy, just looked it up, I heard it works well for epilepsy... but it sounds a bit dangerous, the memory loss part... cognitive therapy sounds more on point with the symptoms you described imho...

- two different therapys. Apples and oranges kind of thing. Shock therapy so Im told is the last ditch effort for chronologically depressed people

[M10000]

Well that is rightly infuriating... I don't quite grasp the reason for the banning, you're only giving us your side of the story after-all, but you clearly felt it like unfair and treasonous, I can relate to this feeling, was there not any higher instance to plead your cause to?
You have been really dedicated to this, I've seen your computing related threads here and I'm sure you do take real pleasure in doing this... see how you actually DO have something in life beyond tv that is a hobby you take pleasure from
And that's not something depression took away from you, but another internet asshole... give credit where it's due !

Sorry for the endless babbling

Thank you again Nishin. It is frustrating to have known that I have done so much work on the Muscle Forums and the only person who gets paid is Ace Bannon, through advertising. We all post content (photos and videos) and he gets money. Thats fair.

There is a forum called Locker room. Aspiring bodybuilders would post that they needed sponsorship to cover their costs. I thought "hell, it feels like I work here, why cant I do the same sort of thing. These are guys who hire escorts (expendable income) and it would be nice if they threw a couple of bucks my way to show they appreciate what I do on the board.

I wrote a thread about my contributions. But they didnt see it the way I saw it. Two guys sent me $50 each for all my work (below). I know no one has a gun to their head but isnt that what being human is all about? Helping others

My contributions to the Muscle Forums. I have:

- posted hundreds of video captures
- posted hundreds of screen captures
- posted thousands of photos through the years
- answered tech questions
- posted TV alerts
- posted weekly TV alerts (I looked through all talk show websites to see if any hot guys would be appearing on any talk shows). I timed it once and it took me 12 minutes to do this. I have also posted 'weekly eye candy alert' in this forum.
- posted photos relating to thread topic
- provided and retrieved information on topics when others didn't
- created about 60 tutorials on all aspects of the Yuku forums
- I suggested the idea of posting contact information for escorts in a thread posted at the top of the escort forum
- about 38,000 posts to my name (M1000) and spelling variations of my name like 'M10000, M1thousand, M1000 says'
- shared my life I've talked more about my life than probably anyone else
- Many people call me by my first name Mark. I think this shows a connection with other board members
- posted photo galleries of reality show such as when the new season of the show would begin. For example I would post the new man on Survivor, the men on The Bachelorette / photos of new Bachelor when he was announced, and the men on 'The Amazing Race', etc.
- posted news events including posting photos in real time. For example when the pope was announced. I had a photo of him online in about five minutes after the fact.
- helped people with various task throughout the years. For example, I spent 90 minutes helping Brad Hallibaugh re-capture his segment when he was on Conan O'Brien. I re captured the segment from video tape and then made variations of the segment and would slow down the video section where they show Brad as he reveals his body. I recieved nothing in return.
- I use Google to find information when others did not find it
- I made a photo retrospective of how to post photos tutorial
- Many things took longer than it appeared to do. I often spent time working on things that would be posted in the forums. For example, the 800 web cam videos I recorded, uploaded to Redtube, and posted.
- Ace Bannon (the guy who banned me) created the Lust and Life forum because guys like myself and others were posting off-topic threads in the Logbook (escort forum). I like to think that we helped give Ace a reason to create a new forum for those of us who have nothing to offer in the logbook


So all that and thats how I get repaid. The Yuku message system informs me I have resched my limit of two posts per day. The real reason is that the moderator, Ace Bannon, NEVER wrote to me and said there was a problem with my behaviour. Initially, I was told I verbally attacked other members on the board. Total b.s. and 'blind side' from Ace Bannon.

That was my thank you for all my work.

I just had sex. Who would I tell if I was not here? My mom? MY two sisters? To isolate someone who is already in a isolated situation is a lousy thing to do, in my opinion.

THANKFULLY, I have had you guys to tell my sexual exploits too ;-)

You have my permission to tweet Ace Bannon https://twitter.com/acebannon and let him know what an ungrateful thing it was for him to do.

And yes, I contacted Yuku.com to see if they allowed escorting on their board (they dont) because I was a dog in a corner and I fought back.
I write the next day to say despite what happened, I didnt have the heart to report the board to Yuku.com
The last thing I would need is escorts coming to Canada to beat me up because the board was closed down.

I know. This is my third time Ive talked about my banning here.

You guys have 8 bloody steps. If you have been banned from here, so must have beat up old woman and robbed them blind to get banned. Talk about a contrast


A video I made after being banned





Posting photos retrospective






What was the topic of this thread? ;-)