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  1. #1
    Quality posting since 2K7 Nishin's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I've been in your shoes... except mine kept denying it, and still doesn't fully admit it years later...
    I was seeing this coming from your previous thread... so sorry about the hurt you feel

  2. #2
    JUB Addict RaKroma's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Time will heal your emotional pain. And you will find other guys who are more worthy of your love and commitment. Some guys are so clingy and dependent on their cheating boyfriends that they keep on forgiving them forever. You seem stronger than that.

  3. #3

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Good for you! You did the right thing!

    I know how bad it hurts...been there a few times....but it will pass. Let yourself feel sad...and angry... and all the other things you might feel as it is a process...then let it go and make sure you take the lesson with you so next time someone wants a doormat...go to Home Depot and buy them one

  4. #4
    Sex God CorporalAris's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    A follow up on my post from yesterday ...

    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...-bf-and-his-ex

    It is all over. I went to my bf's place, and I accidentally found several used condoms in the trash can in the bathroom. We had a huge fight, and he's respond was "Things happened, and why are you so threatened by him?" ... I called it quit and wished him nothing but the best in life while I walked out the door.

    I am hurting so bad right now and I've been crying in the past few hours.
    You shouldn't have wished him the best, he sounds like he didn't care enough to wish you anything...

    Look, you need to get your mind somewhere else, get your self distracted. Keep your head high and thoughts clear. Once you are over this self-serving jerk, you can start looking again. There are guys out there that care and will act better, you'll find one.
    Last edited by CorporalAris; November 25th, 2012 at 09:02 PM.

  5. #5
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Take time out to feel like shit. Block his number.

    Lex

  6. #6
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Be strong, buddy. Don't get nasty with the guy because bringing negativity to others never fosters true happiness for yourself. The best thing you can do for yourself is move on and past this. Leave his with his mistakes and find yourself a better path.

  7. #7
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    As we all suspected. Take the time you need to heal, and don't make any contact with him. Take all of your mutual friends with you and tell them what a douchebag he is. He can console his loneliness with his ex if he loves him so much.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  8. #8
    Marty Saybrooke's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I am so sorry I had so hoped it might all be a misunderstanding but you really will be better off. No one deserves that

    This just means that once you've had time to heal and move on, you'll meet someone wonderful my prayers are with you <3
    I make my bed with the stars above my head and dream of a place called home.

  9. #9

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    and he's respond was "Things happened, and why are you so threatened by him?"
    Obviously things happened. There are used condoms!

    Quote Originally Posted by CorporalAris View Post
    You shouldn't have wished him the best, he sounds like he didn't care enough to wish you anything.
    It's being the bigger person. indudela, it must've been hard to confront the situation head on, but you did it. You've saved yourself even more heartbreak had you continued. Just know that you definitely did the right thing. If you need someone to just talk to and need an ear, we're all here for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  10. #10
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I am have been crying for almost 8 hours now, and I can't stop thinking about him and his ex having sex on his bed ... the same bed that I slept with him in the past year. I am feeling very hurt and sick to the stomach, and I really feel like throwing up ... This pain is unreal.
    It sucks. Let it suck. Feel terrible for the next day or two. But keep that number blocked, and the e-mail blocked. And if he comes by, don't answer thedoor. Don't get pulled into a discussion/argument with him. You're vulnerable right now, and chances are good he'll seek to prey on that.

    Lex

  11. #11
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    This is all part of the process of grieving. My longest relationship was 5 years, and I went through a similar situation of betrayal as you. It was devastating. I cried, I couldn't eat, and all I wanted to do was sleep all the time. It was a depression, but you do heal from it and move on. Just give yourself the time you need and know that your feelings and emotions of hurt are normal and are part of the process. Ultimately, you will get better and find someone new who appreciates you. Console yourself with your friends. Don't do this alone.
    #439th oldest member on JUB.

  12. #12
    stop the bullshit
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Hey.

    You know what we thought of this guy from the other thread.

    It will hurt like the dickens for a while. But it won't kill you, only make you stronger.

    As others have said, just cut it off right now and do not look back. He will only cheat on you in the future again.

    Talk to friends about it to get it out of your system.

    In the meantime. Eat healthy. Get fresh air. And exercise. Tackle a project that you haven't had time for. If you feel that you are struggling with real depression, talk to your doc or get some therapeutic counselling to help you pull through.

  13. #13
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I am so sorry for the OP. Can't say I disagree with any advice offered.

    In fact, they both wanted you to find out.

    I mean, who would leave condoms and lube in their "open" suitcase? Someone who wants you to see, that's who.

    But worse, who would leave used condoms in the bathroom trash can? Someone who wants you to know the truth but is unable to speak.

    To me, this episode speaks volumes about your guy's character--and it's not pretty.

    It's rough for you right now as you seem to have invested more emotionally than your guy did into the relationship. As someone who experienced this twice (many years ago), I know how you feel. But as someone said above, you will indeed recover, and flourish.

    Best Wishes to you.

  14. #14

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    You made the right decision.

    It hurts now, but later you'll be thanking yourself for doing it.
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  15. #15

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Nishin View Post
    I've been in your shoes... except mine kept denying it,
    Most men who begin to cheat already develop a plan how to lie to their bf/spouse. Some don't care anymore because they careless what their partners think.

    I for once, never happy about any of my current BF contact or see their ex often (one every 3 or 6 months is Just OK). The reason is simple, why are they get together before? The chemistry !!! And It Just not miracrously disapear because they decided to call it off. It's still there, like gasoline and fire, it will spark if it gets too close, plain and simple.

    BTW, Sorry about what's happened to ya...

  16. #16
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    It's just sex. If you care about the guy you should get over it. If he wanted the other guy he would have him. At least he used a condom.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  17. #17
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    It's just sex. If you care about the guy you should get over it. If he wanted the other guy he would have him. At least he used a condom.
    "Just sex" is totally excusable. In an open relationship. If both parties are OK with it. Which certainly doesn't sound like that's what was happening here. The BF didn't say "My ex is coming to town, and I'm going to have sex with him. Are you OK with that?"

    And even if he had, the OP was pushed aside. He was basically told "Yeah, I don't want you weirding out my ex - make yourself scarce until he leaves." That shows zero consideration for the OP.

    Lex

  18. #18
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    .
    I have to agree with Beachguyj
    You can't control anyone's sexual activities male or female.

    Find someone else who do not cheat.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  19. #19
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Men are dogs, get used to it. I think having an open attitude if it happens is healthy. I would not care if I had a boyfriend that needed to stray occasionally. As long as it's just sex it's fine, if he's looking for someone else, then we need to talk, but if he wants me and to have his cake too, go for it. But if I don't want to know, don't let me find out.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  20. #20
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Again, there's nothing wrong with guys who want to prowl. But then they shouldn't be making promises they shouldn't keep. They should be up front about the fact that they're going to be sleeping around. They don't necessarily have to disclose all the details if the other person isn't interested in them, but it should be something that should be decided mutually. If someone says "I expect you to be monogamous with me", he shouldn't say "Sure OK" thinking he'll just keep everything on the downlow. He should say "Sorry, I'm can't promise that."

    And, to repeat, he basically kicked his current boyfriend out the door because he wanted to spend the long weekend with the ex. That's kind of bullshit-y behavior.

    Lex

  21. #21
    Respira MissAnne's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I know that it is difficult to break up with someone. However, I really dont understand why the guy couldn't have been kind enough to sit you down and say.." This isn't working, lets still be friends.." Even if it was bullshit, it would have been less cruel than creating all of this DRAMA. Some people enjoy hurting others.

    Try to be alone for a while. There is nothing worse than getting into another relationship when your self worth is low. It will take sometime to heal and hopefully the next guy will be a ton better. I agree with the person that said ignore all contact from him. He will probably get bored now that he doesnt have anyone to fuck with and most likely try to contact you again.
    " For all there is to feel, let it be felt"
    ― Emeli Sande

  22. #22
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Coward92 View Post
    Self-respect? Dignity? Respect?
    Do these words ring a bell?
    Don't be a coward, that is self respect dignity and respect again.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  23. #23

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Guys, I really hate to be rude but go look at Indudla's previously started threads for even 3 minutes. I'm pretty sure either he's not giving us the whole truth or that the situation is false and being used for attention seeking behavior.

    If I'm wrong I apologize

    But on Sept. 19th you started a thread about letting go of your feelings for your friend who you clearly said had sex with another friend of yours; you reference having had feelings for this friend for "several months".

    On Nov. 9th you posted about being in a non-sexual relationship for the last 5 months and how you were dealing with those troubles.

    Now you're posting about how your boyfriend, who you clear reference having been with for a year, had sex with another guy multiple times.

  24. #24
    stop the bullshit
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Scottyboi View Post
    Guys, I really hate to be rude but go look at Indudla's previously started threads for even 3 minutes. I'm pretty sure either he's not giving us the whole truth or that the situation is false and being used for attention seeking behavior.

    If I'm wrong I apologize

    But on Sept. 19th you started a thread about letting go of your feelings for your friend who you clearly said had sex with another friend of yours; you reference having had feelings for this friend for "several months".

    On Nov. 9th you posted about being in a non-sexual relationship for the last 5 months and how you were dealing with those troubles.

    Now you're posting about how your boyfriend, who you clear reference having been with for a year, had sex with another guy multiple times.
    So what we have here is a case of bullshit trolling?

    Is that it?

    If this is the case, the OP might as well just self-delete right now because he will never recover from this lie.

    There is almost nothing that I despise on here as much as the soap opera queens who, having absolutely no life to speak of, flog these fantasies in the hope of getting...what? What the fuck is it that any mentally healthy person needs from a bunch of avatars.

    OP.

    You r next post had better be good.

  25. #25
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by rareboy View Post
    So what we have here is a case of bullshit trolling?

    Is that it?

    If this is the case, the OP might as well just self-delete right now because he will never recover from this lie.

    There is almost nothing that I despise on here as much as the soap opera queens who, having absolutely no life to speak of, flog these fantasies in the hope of getting...what? What the fuck is it that any mentally healthy person needs from a bunch of avatars.

    OP.

    You r next post had better be good.
    Don't get rareboy angry LOL


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  26. #26
    Fizzy Grant BFizzle's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by jkom1f View Post
    Don't get nasty with the guy because bringing negativity to others never fosters true happiness for yourself.
    I wouldn't say all that...

  27. #27
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    So does this mean I should go and verify everything everybody says before responding? Maybe it's all bullshit. In which case, boy, he really pulled a fast one on the gargoyle, huh? Maybe he can brag to all his friends how he got the dungeon denizen to fall for his line of bullshit. But next time somebody posts something similar, you know what? I'm still going to answer like as if it's real. Because what's been lost by doing so?

    Lex

  28. #28
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by rareboy View Post
    So what we have here is a case of bullshit trolling?

    Is that it?

    If this is the case, the OP might as well just self-delete right now because he will never recover from this lie.

    There is almost nothing that I despise on here as much as the soap opera queens who, having absolutely no life to speak of, flog these fantasies in the hope of getting...what? What the fuck is it that any mentally healthy person needs from a bunch of avatars.

    OP.

    You r next post had better be good.
    how is anybody shocked? i was going to say that dude was trolling BUT i figured that most of you guys responding would get mad at me.

    there was another poster from chicago that made a similar type of thread about his boyfriend issues. i mentioned it and dude was like "that's not me". i let it slide because dude and the other guy had two different screennames.

    but i was going wtf would dude make another post about this for when he could have used the one from yesterday.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  29. #29
    GAYVIATOR ibill1's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by G-Lexington View Post
    So does this mean I should go and verify everything everybody says before responding? Maybe it's all bullshit. In which case, boy, he really pulled a fast one on the gargoyle, huh? Maybe he can brag to all his friends how he got the dungeon denizen to fall for his line of bullshit. But next time somebody posts something similar, you know what? I'm still going to answer like as if it's real. Because what's been lost by doing so?

    Lex
    Nothing, and you have alot of great advice to give and should continue to do so. Being of a curious nature I had to see if I could find these threads and they do exsist. On Nov.9 said OP was in a sexless relationship. The dude wouldn't even kiss him. I guess it could be the same guy, who knows.

  30. #30

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I can imagine how awful you feel,and you have every right to,but look at the brighter side - At least you discoverd what an asshole he is And you don't want to share your bed and your life with some asshole,right?

    Best of luck to you!

  31. #31
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Telstra View Post
    Don't get rareboy angry LOL
    Why? What happens?

  32. #32

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by cgymike View Post
    Why? What happens?
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic216959_1.gif

  33. #33
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by cgymike View Post
    Why? What happens?
    he used colorful language for AndrewD


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  34. #34
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I am hurting so bad right now and I've been crying in the past few hours.
    LMAO, why so serious? Its just sex and your boyfriend wore a condom. Instead of crying, join them for a threesome...

  35. #35
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by indudela View Post
    I am not trolling ... This is my story that I would like to share and it is real. Yes, previous posts described my roller coaster relationships with him, but basically I am talking about the same damn guy!! We have been seeing each other since early spring. I spent a lot of time in his condo and slept there regularly. And yes, we finally became exclusive and intimate about several weeks ago, and this were finally going great until what happened this weekend.

    I had to obscure details and exact dates, etc throughout this journey because he read JUB every now and then, and he doesn't know I am here too. JUB is my outlet and this is one way that I got advice about relationships while maintaining some degrees of anonymity. This doesn't matter anymore. I don't give a damn if he reads this thread. Plus, I have a job and busy life. I don't waste my time trolling to seek for attention and doing unnecessary thing. Not worth it ...

    and please, I am hurting so bad right now and you do not need to add an insult to my injury. All I ask if someone to listen to my grieve, and if you think my situation isn't real, just leave me be, go away, and no need to comment. But I do appreciate the supports that some of you have given me. I was up crying and posted at 3 am, but people like Lex and AWP82 were there for me last night and provided support. Do you think this is trolling? Do you think I would be up at 3 am telling you attention-seeking stories? I do not think so ... and please don't judge before you ask.

    I want to thank Lex and AWP82 for being non-judgmental. I truly appreciate it ... I made an appointment to meet with a counselor this week, and I really need to get better for my own sake ...

    - - - Updated - - -



    Thank you.
    I believe you.
    When i post, i left out details too.


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  36. #36
    In Loving Memory Lefty's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I believe this thread is bogus at best. But, if all indications are false then let me suggest a train of thought.

    Boy friend is not cheating...he is going to class and the gym to build up his skills and stamina to make you
    happier in and out of bed. Youcan bitch if he did not cleanse himself properly after the training sessions.

    A relationship, a true relationship, does not define itself with SEX as the Hub. Thats not a relationship. Sex
    for non procrative [ueposes is sex like sex is sex. Morons demanding absolute fidelity are being hypocrites
    until they include masturbation, wet dreams and vicarious thoughts in their demands.

    I fuck with people I have no desire to wake up and go to breakfast or a week-end or a vacation with. I fuck to
    scratch an itch. My PARTNER and I have 38 years of valid togetherness...penis or no penis. We have shared
    and lived with so much more than a dick and a hole. But, I guess that is priorities.

    BTGDW, I love my partner 92% of the time and its a two way street. Assess, evaluate and report. I am partner
    enabled, so is my partner and we are still individuals.

  37. #37
    GAYVIATOR ibill1's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    You did great favor to yourself for explaining what has been going on. I wish you good luck in over coming the treatment this guy has bestowed upon you. It will pass, believe me, and you will find a worthy guy.

  38. #38
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I posted my reply in the other thread and stand by what I said. I'm not exactly sure why you decided to start another thread about the same issue and that may be why your catching some flack. Also there is a forum for relationship issues and it's a "no flame zone". May I suggest you post these types of topics there. Only you know for sure about the validity of your story. I had a very similar thing happen to me and it ripped me apart. I understand the pain and how deeply hurt you are. I saw a therapist and it helped a lot. I gave my advice in the other thread so I wont repeat it here. Good luck to you and I hope you're feeling better soon.

    Steven.

  39. #39
    JUB Addict DigitalFudge's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    how is anybody shocked? i was going to say that dude was trolling BUT i figured that most of you guys responding would get mad at me.

    I actually thought this guy was trolling because of the simple fact of how weak he is.

  40. #40
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Code of Conduct

    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by AWP82 View Post
    No problem.
    He thanked me, not you ..


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  41. #41
    Are u haleloo ya ? Telstra's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Huntneo(PT) View Post
    He makes you feel like garbage.
    Are you not rareboy fan?


    NEVER LISTEN TO A ONE SIDED STORY AND JUDGE.

  42. #42
    aww I wanted to explode looseliam's Avatar
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    Just remember: tomorrow will be better, and overmorrow will be better, too. Sure, you'll have bad moments, but they're just that: moments. In time the pain will fade and you'll do a happy-dance when you look back on the pain and see how far you've come.

    Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
    Give a man religion, and he'll starve praying for a fish.

  43. #43
    stop the bullshit
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    Re: I found out that my bf and his ex had sex

    I am going to suggest to the Mods that this thread be moved to CO&R.

    I don't see the story lines necessarily meshing....we now find out that you really have only been 'exclusive' for a couple of weeks and you have made it clear that you alter the details in your stories here.

    Coming Out and Relationships would be the best forum for this thread. While it garners a lot less attention than posting about your relationship issues and break-up in Hot Topics, it is a flame free zone and will provide a better setting for your thread.

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