Have you ever been abused by your significant other?

[JWaggy]

Serious discussion time.

Have you ever been abused (physically, emotionally, sexually) by your significant other? If you're willing, please share your experience and/or how you managed to deal with it. Have you been able to move past it?

[CupidBoy]

Yes, I developed anxiety from it, but time heals all wounds and I'm stronger for having the experience.

[JWaggy]

Yes, I developed anxiety from it, but time heals all wounds and I'm stronger for having the experience.

Do you still suffer from this anxiety?

[CupidBoy]

Do you still suffer from this anxiety?

A little....but I'm mostly ok now.

[JWaggy]

A little....but I'm mostly ok now.

Glad to hear you're on your way to being okay. I appreciate you sharing.

[LilBit]

My ex played some serious mind games, but nothing that went nearly far enough to call it emotional abuse. And I've never been physically abused, thank goodness.

[G-Lexington]

Occasional games and passive-aggression in both directions. Way far far off from abuse.

Lex

[mbamike]

I used to get my ass whipped by my mom when I was a kid. She would use a belt or leather strap. Does that count as abuse?

[AshyPhoenix]

^If your mom was your significant other, then I think there's a bigger problem in your family than children being belted...

[DigitalFudge]

Yes, I developed anxiety from it, but time heals all wounds and I'm stronger for having the experience.

Few weeks back I actually had an anxiety attack. Fever/Stomach pains/Dizziness for 48 hours after the strike.


I know exactly how awful it is, so sorry someone brought that on to you.

[oakpope]

My ex played some serious mind games, but nothing that went nearly far enough to call it emotional abuse. And I've never been physically abused, thank goodness.

Occasional games and passive-aggression in both directions. Way far far off from abuse.

Lex

If I may ask, what are those mind games which you write about ? I quite don't understand what they may be.

[Hard-up1]

No, he hurt me, but it wasn't abuse, and we are actually friends now, and I am happy for him.

[JWaggy]

No, he hurt me, but it wasn't abuse, and we are actually friends now, and I am happy for him.

Care to elaborate on the way in which he hurt you and why you don't consider it an abuse?

[kevbo]

Never. I grew up around it, so I know to end it early with someone if it begins.

[JWaggy]

Never. I grew up around it, so I know to end it early with someone if it begins.

Have you been in a relationship where you ended it because you saw the signs? Or is this just posturing?

[cgymike]

No but if I was in a relationship and it happened my bf would be history.

[LilBit]

If I may ask, what are those mind games which you write about ? I quite don't understand what they may be.

A long cycle of drawing me closer to him then pushing me away when he got scared that we were getting too close.

[G-Lexington]

If I may ask, what are those mind games which you write about ? I quite don't understand what they may be.

"Mind games" tends to make it sound more than it is. It's some of the simple petty things people sometimes do when they interact. For instance, if we're going to go out to eat (someplace simple), my partner tends to say "Oh, you choose which restaurant to eat at." He almost never picks. Reason? Because then he can blame me (internally) if his food isn't that great. Seriously. He admits he does that. I certainly don't mind, since he never seems to actually get angry about it ever, but it's a weird "game" we do.

Lex

[maxpowr9]

Never. I grew up around it, so I know to end it early with someone if it begins.

Same, however, it was verbal abuse. In fact, I feel verbal abuse is far more damaging psychologically than actual physical abuse not that either is more worse. When someone actually strikes you, there is a clear action indicating abuse where as verbal abuse is like death by a thousand cuts.

[bw92116]

I've been verbally/emotionally abused by a controlling, manipulative friend. (Who I happened to be in love with at the time.) But I got out of it, though I had to do it slowly and gradually because I was afraid of his reaction if I had ended it suddenly. But if there is abuse of any kind, you have to get out of that relationship however you can. Nothing else is worth it if there is abuse involved.

[animalius]

Yes, my ex was emotionally draining and abusive. I still have bitter feelings even after months of being with him.

[TheFallenAsexual]

I can be very cold when necessary. If anything of the sort happens to me, it's pretty much over. I don't let people walk over me or abuse me.

[JWaggy]

I've been verbally/emotionally abused by a controlling, manipulative friend. (Who I happened to be in love with at the time.) But I got out of it, though I had to do it slowly and gradually because I was afraid of his reaction if I had ended it suddenly. But if there is abuse of any kind, you have to get out of that relationship however you can. Nothing else is worth it if there is abuse involved.

Thanks for answering bw92116, your response is helpful.

[cgymike]

"Mind games" tends to make it sound more than it is. It's some of the simple petty things people sometimes do when they interact. For instance, if we're going to go out to eat (someplace simple), my partner tends to say "Oh, you choose which restaurant to eat at." He almost never picks. Reason? Because then he can blame me (internally) if his food isn't that great. Seriously. He admits he does that. I certainly don't mind, since he never seems to actually get angry about it ever, but it's a weird "game" we do.

Lex

Yeah and that's not really abuse of course but it's irritating or as I posted in another thread people sometimes habitually try to bring you down because they somehow feel inferior so will play games around that. But the trick is to recognize it for what it is and if the advantages of staying in the relationship still significantly outweigh such annoyances you stay in it. But a lot of that stuff can also be addressed through good communication. Almost always unless he is doing it intentionally and willfully and that's a whole different matter. And no I don't have a solution to that except third party counseling ...IF you want to stay together...if not adios!!!!

[kevbo]

Have you been in a relationship where you ended it because you saw the signs? Or is this just posturing?

I haven't had to end a relationship, but I have neglected to get INTO a relationship based on the signs...

[tiexgrr]

One of my ex's was extremely abusive on an emotional level, at the time I took every word he said for the truth. Fast forward a few years and I couldn't care less what he had to say, though I'll never forgive him for some of it.

Another Ex started to get physical with me, it started out with him slapping me across the face (quite hard mind you) for some petty reason and escalated from there as the end of our relationship drew near. The last straw was him slamming a door on my hand and then giving me a punch to the jaw. I packed his things then and there and kicked him out.

The guy I've been dating for the past 8 months is amazing, we rarely fight and usually our fights are civil discussions

[Enchanted]

Whahah,no.

[mbamike]

^If your mom was your significant other, then I think there's a bigger problem in your family than children being belted...

LOL! Good point. I was thinking of the pain rather than our relationship.

I was a skinny kid and my mom was a big person. She would dangle me in the air by one arm and beat the shit out of me.

[Huntneo(PT)]

Wow--I feel really sad reading some of this stuff. I'm sorry to hear the things some of you guys have been through. Either way, so glad to hear it's made some of you stronger and wiser. So often we only hear of this type of stuff with heterosexuals, it's almost easy to forget it can happen between same sex relationships as well.

I've never been in such a relationship. If my partner ever raised his hand(s) to hit me or drag me with words...it would probably hurt my feelings. I realize that may sound juvenile, but seriously...I could never look at him the same way.

[ronboy]

No, just bitterly disappointed by the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with...He cheated on me, and then dumped me.

[Gimmecat]

No but my parents abused me

[borg69unimatrix]

Just verbally/emotionally.

Some guys need to seriously learn you can be IN a relationship without controlling it.