I'm not sure how to write this so I am just going to start typing.
I have been dating a girl for almost four years now, we meet at university which has finished this year. For the past two years we have been living together but now that we have finished studying we are both looking for jobs.
I guess I have always known that im gay but I have never been able to accept it myself, and as I am from a small country town which is relatively homophobic I have never really considered coming out.
I sincerely love my girlfriend we share everything in common and she is my best friend, but as we have been going out for almost 4 years everyone (friends and family) have been asking me when we are going to get married. I love this girl but I know that it would not be right to go any further in our relationship.
For about the last 3 or 4 months i have started to become disconnected from her and we have stopped having sex. She has started asking me what is wrong and i just keep saying that i have been stress about uni work or job hunting but truthfully i think that i have finally accepted that I am gay.
I really dont want to hurt her but i know that the best thing for the both of us would be if we broke up, but im not sure how to do it. I have been waiting for her to get a job and then i was going to try and get one somewhere else and take the cowards way out?
I think that i should tell her the truth because if i do come out to other people i think it would be less painful if she heard it from me. But i am not ready to tell everyone else so i dont know what i would tell people when they ask why we broke up, for example my parents, and i wouldnt want her to tell anyone either.
To make things more complicated i recently joined a gay dating site and i have met a guy that i like and he has told me that he likes me but we have not met yet. I really want to meet him soon but would have to travel and questions would be asked why i am going there. The guy knows the situation i am in but i think he is starting to get fraustrated with me because I havent done anything.
Hope someone can make sense out of it and has some good advice for me