From HIV neg to HIV pos

[lucky7]

Do you know anyone who has gotten HIV from sex? Has anyone known of someone who got HIV from sex?

Was looking at A4A and someone that I talked to before and actually have met has (IMHO b/c I honestly don't know for sure) become HIV positive. It's sad but honestly? Those people I have known in the past year or so that have become HIV positive were promiscuous with questionable judgment..

I don't want to stereotype because ANYONE can become HIV positive through sex and it only takes one broke condom or hell, a condom that doesnt work once. But.. I'm seeing a trend with these guys..

Can someone shed some light on this? Maybe some stories or accounts of your experiences

[G-Lexington]

Um, yes, I know a couple guys who are HIV+. Not much insight to give. They decided not to use a condom with somebody, and that ended up being a really bad decision that they have to deal with the rest of their lives...

Lex

[lucky7]

Um, yes, I know a couple guys who are HIV+. Not much insight to give. They decided not to use a condom with somebody, and that ended up being a really bad decision that they have to deal with the rest of their lives...

Lex

Do you know if it was just one time? Or if they regularly chose not to use condoms. For the people I've seen whether on sites or in person who have gone from neg to pos, it seems like some were saying they were having protected sex but in reality, it was something that wasn't of the utmost importance.

[G-Lexington]

One of my HIV+ friends was doing bareback porn. He was fresh out of the military, self-loathing, and chose that way to "punish" himself. So getting HIV wasn't that surprising, I guess. Oddly, he's a lot happier now. Pretty healthy, although he had a bout of lymphoma a few years back (unrelated). Partnered. Good job.

The others I don't know. They've never said "Jesus - the ONE time I skip the condom!" or anything. They've just said "I chose not to use one, and that ended being a bad decision."

Lex

[MoufOfKhaos]

Yes I do. Not sure what light i'm supposed to be shedding here. Some people make bad choices and pay for them. They can either correct them and live a long life, or they can ignore them and others can repeat the cycle of misguided trust.

To be honest, i'd rather deal with column A than B.

[TheFallenAsexual]

I read the title and was really worried about you. I thought you were going to make an announcement about your status. Happy to know I was wrong.

I've known (casually) a few HIV+ folks. They were all poz by the time I knew their status. I never bothered asking how, because I wasn't close to either of them.

[Coward92]

Do you know anyone who has gotten HIV from sex? Has anyone known of someone who got HIV from sex?

Was looking at A4A and someone that I talked to before and actually have met has (IMHO b/c I honestly don't know for sure) become HIV positive. It's sad but honestly? Those people I have known in the past year or so that have become HIV positive were promiscuous with questionable judgment..

I don't want to stereotype because ANYONE can become HIV positive through sex and it only takes one broke condom or hell, a condom that doesnt work once. But.. I'm seeing a trend with these guys..

Can someone shed some light on this? Maybe some stories or accounts of your experiences

I can.

About 85% oh HIV infections occur during sexual encounters. That means that most people get infected with HIV through sexual contact.
However, getting infected with HIV is NOT easy, it is actually really hard.

There is only 1-3% chance to get infected, if you are taking part in anal/vaginal sex as a bottom (or woman). If you are the top, this chance is much lower. If you use a condom, the chance becomes thereotically low, unless the condom breaks.

That means, that most of the time you have to have a lot of unprotected sex in order to be infected, and promiscuous guys happen to do that. Not all of them! But some, certainly.
What I say doesn't mean that you have to have a lot of unprotected sex in order to get infected. What I mean is that if you have a lot of unprotected sex with many strangers, than you will be very much likely get HIV at one point of your life.

Those who are paranoid about HIV, go to HIV tests even after protected intercourse, or even if nothing but a kiss happened with little lesions and bleeding wounds in the mouth. They always make sure they are aware of their HIV status and over time they tend to develop a behavioural pattern that gives them more protection.

[menRsexii]

Those who are paranoid about HIV, go to HIV tests even after protected intercourse, or even if nothing but a kiss happened with little lesions and bleeding wounds in the mouth. They always make sure they are aware of their HIV status and over time they tend to develop a behavioural pattern that gives them more protection.

so... are you saying thats ^ a good thing?

[loveguys72]

He's saying that being aware of what you're doing and the risk involved is a good thing. Some people overdo it, though, and treat everything as a major risk. That ends up being a problem.

[menRsexii]

^ im totally like that. everything for me is either black or white, all or nothing. i cant find a middle ground and thats whats going to kill me...

[loveguys72]

Well, it's not going to kill you, but it will make your love life challenging. However, if you're willing to take the time to build an exclusive LTR with a guy, I think you'll find your skitishness about STDs will decrease over time.

[Coward92]

so... are you saying thats ^ a good thing?

No.
They develop a behavioural pattern that protects them from HIV, but it also protects them form becoming, trusting, wholesome, happy, balanced, content individuals.
Paranoia requires treatment.

[Hard-up1]

I have known a few.

One is unaware of which act he committed that exposed him, and honestly seems befuddled, but I think his judgment is not very sound. It really doesn't matter, as he is not devastated by it and has a positive outlook. He is also now partnered with an HIV+ mate.

Another guy I know is literally a promiscuous sex addict, and atypical of the general population.

[Laufey]

I don't think it's right to judge people who get it from being promiscuous.

We all do unhealthy things which can threaten our health. Some overeat, some use drugs, some work to much, some are promiscuous...

The rush of one night stands can become an addiction just like any other.

But sure young gays today are having more risky sex than 15-20 years ago.

[lucky7]

I don't think it's right to judge people who get it from being promiscuous.

We all do unhealthy things which can threaten our health. Some overeat, some use drugs, some work to much, some are promiscuous...

The rush of one night stands can become an addiction just like any other.

But sure young gays today are having more risky sex than 15-20 years ago.

Source? Not sure I believe that.

[Adrock-JD]

Some gay people can be breathtakingly judgmental and insensitive. Probably lashing out at a society which has done the same to them, but when it involves other gays with an infectious disease, regardless of how they acquired it, I draw the line and say this needs to stop.

Ostracizing and bullying HIV+ people doesn't solve anything. It only encourages anonymity and drives the disease further into the shadows of society where it spreads even easier.

[Huntneo(PT)]

it seems like some were saying they were having protected sex but in reality, it was something that wasn't of the utmost importance.

While I don't know anyone who is HIV positive enough to respond to the original questions in your OP...I CAN say that some of my past friends and acquaintances fit that ^ quote to a tee!

Saying one thing, but acting completely different behind closed doors. And it's not as if I was there watching. The ones who talked the most about knowing to be safe, etc. were the ones that were doing the most barebacking with their hookups (as they would later reveal).

[Huntneo(PT)]

...and I'm not seeing the "attacks" or judgements in this thread that some people are attempting to allude to. The OP was just asking question(s) for feedback.

[G-Lexington]

^ im totally like that. everything for me is either black or white, all or nothing. i cant find a middle ground and thats whats going to kill me...

Do you drive? When you drive, do you put your seatbelt on? Do you stop at stop signs? Do you stay on your lane? Do you stay below the speed limit?

Doing these things brings your odds of getting injured while driving way down. It doesn't bring them to zero, of course, but you're far more likely to be OK than a driver who doesn't wear a seatbelt and drives recklessly.

Lex

[Adrock-JD]

...and I'm not seeing the "attacks" or judgements in this thread that some people are attempting to allude to. The OP was just asking question(s) for feedback.

I wasn't actually referring to this thread's posts but rather stretching the "on topic" boundaries and venting about HIV discussions in general on JUB and in the gay community.

Sorry for going off track and I should've stated that at the beginning. I've been on Facebook too much lately.

[Telstra]

I don't think it's right to judge people who get it from being promiscuous.

We all do unhealthy things which can threaten our health. Some overeat, some use drugs, some work to much, some are promiscuous...

The rush of one night stands can become an addiction just like any other.

But sure young gays today are having more risky sex than 15-20 years ago.

True.
During sex, some don't care about protection.
At Lucky7, the source was from experience.

[menRsexii]

Do you drive? When you drive, do you put your seatbelt on? Do you stop at stop signs? Do you stay on your lane? Do you stay below the speed limit?

Doing these things brings your odds of getting injured while driving way down. It doesn't bring them to zero, of course, but you're far more likely to be OK than a driver who doesn't wear a seatbelt and drives recklessly.

Lex

i was actually thinking about this too. everyday, we face situations that could ultimately go completely wrong, but the odds are greatly lessened when we take the precautions. it makes sense... i just need to get over this paranoia.

[Corny]

I know someone through another person. But I don't know his story .. I haven't asked. Since he is using his infection, trying to get pity-ed and free drinks, meals etc I never cut the topic with him.

[rareboy]

Being as old as I am, and having been involved in AIDS organizations...I have known a lot of people who are HIV positive.

Many of them are living with HIV/AIDS today. And living quite successfully.

And many of them were not promiscuous or careless at all. Some got infected through blood transfusions. Some through a partner who didn't know they were infected.

I would just ask all you youngsters out there to get better educated, to not be so fearful and to not rush to blame the people who contract this disease or think of them as somehow morally or socially inferior.

Okey Dokey?

[Nishin]

Thank you for that Rareboy

[BostonPirate]

Lots of Ugly going on in this thread.

I am a long term HIV survivor. Seventeen years. It's why I got involved in politics. My husband is negative. There is a way to make sure that you are safe if you are safe.

To anyone else that thinks that it's not a problem to become infected because there are people like me that beat the odds from the beginning, I have two things to say. One... It's extremely expensive to stay alive and HIV positive on a long term basis. It requires extraordinary committment to fighting every step of every way. On good days I get around with two canes or crutches. On an average day I am in a chair, of the wheels variety, and on bad days I am hospitalized and given morphine intravenously, to keep the pain at bay.

The long term effects of the HIV drugs have devastated my nervous system. I am immobile due to extreme neuropathy.

It's not cute to get it.

It's not attractive to see the things written here in an online forum. Two years ago, I found a listing for this place in a log of resources of a support group I belong to. Someone a few of you know, called Andreus, listed this forum there as a support tool. There are others here who have been sent here by his message in that log. There have been for years after his death apparently.

After reading this thread, I am taking the JUB listing out of the log in next months meeting.

There are quite a few people who need to reconsider a few things, one most importantly being, do I seem like the kind of person that takes this kind of thing lightly?

[BostonPirate]

BTW, I will be glad to help anyone with questions that they have, but trust me, there will be respect for HIV positive gay people here who CAME here to find an anonymous outlet to talk to the gay community that ostracizes them and made an online outlet needed to begin with.

Respect Gentlemen.

This topic is supposed to be thought of and thoughtful. It is not supposed to EVER not happen.

Just remember an element of human dignity and we will all be fine.

[Nishin]

BP, thank you for your post as well...
I am not sure I understood why you think you should remove JUB from that list you mentioned... I think it'd actually be a good idea for younger guys to have interactions with HIV+ people and have a chance to educate ourselves better, it's the only way I know to fight nasty comments based on ignorance that are frequent on gay forums...

[lucky7]

Wait where is the ugly in this thread?

[BostonPirate]

BP, thank you for your post as well...
I am not sure I understood why you think you should remove JUB from that list you mentioned... I think it'd actually be a good idea for younger guys to have interactions with HIV+ people and have a chance to educate ourselves better, it's the only way I know to fight nasty comments based on ignorance that are frequent on gay forums...

Why send someone to a place that only exists now in the mind of a dead man. I have a feeling this isn't the same place he experienced, or I doubt he would have listed it.

Things change.

I am not going anywhere, but....

It is what it is.

[BostonPirate]

Wait where is the ugly in this thread?

You are asking complex questions that incite complex feelings in HIV pos people, and you are making some big generalizations that people have been fighting for years to get rid of.

The stigmatization of HIV pos people is all over this, in the most general and careless of ways.

I've always liked you, Lucky.

Setting the table to make HIV pos people guilty of being seen as slutty is precisely the kind of thing that stops people from getting tested. The fear of being ostracized overcomes the need to know their status.

It needs to not go down that way.

[ixthrock]

Do you know anyone who has gotten HIV from sex?

Pretty much everyone I know who is poz got HIV from sex. It is a STD, after all. Promiscuity is one thing, "questionable judgement" another. Regardless, even someone who has risky sex with multiple partners known to be poz deserves some compassion, at least an attempt at empathy, and some basic human respect. Think of a NASCAR driver, all the nature/nurture that goes into creating someone that likes to drive fast cars fast, close to a bunch of other guys doing the same thing - think of a fan's reaction when one of them wipes out. Wouldn't it be awesome if the sexual daredevils among us had jerseys with numbers, and corporate sponsors, and their own cable channel. They could have their own line of condoms, so, just like you see pickup trucks driving around with Dale Earnhardt or whoever's number on the back window, whenever we lost one of our sexual heroes to HIV, we could wear their number on our condoms.

[rareboy]

I would also add that when I compare the fearful, buttoned up, bottled up, latex covered, fearful children afraid to to anything because of their ignorance and antipathy toward HIV/AIDS...I really have to tell you all that I am so glad that I had the chance to be a homo in the 70's into the '80's.

I appreciate the need to play safe, but honest to Pete, it seems as though there is now a whole generation so afraid of anything that they are missing out on incredible opportunities for connecting with other real people and enjoying messy, squishy, joyful sex that I would much rather get gang-banged by a shipload of syphilitic sailors than to lead the existentially sterile existence that so many now seem to wear like armour.

Even when I served on the board of a national AIDs organization in the 1990's, there was never any thought that all the people we were working with and working to support were somehow less worthy than those of us who missed that bullet. All AIDS is, is a virus. That is all. It isn't punishment. It isn't a moral wake-up call.

I remember the days when after losing a number of dear, dear friends and acquaintances to AIDS...suddenly, there was hope. And not only hope, but the ability to manage the disease. And to live.

And every year there is more to be done and more that gets done and one day we will have the cure that places HIV in the same arena as measles or Polio. Preventable. And curable.

And then maybe, there will be a whole lot of you who get the opportunity to experience the unbridled bliss and freedom that many of us once knew when we fucked and sucked the living daylights out of one another.

[ixthrock]

there will be a whole lot of you who get the opportunity to experience the unbridled bliss and freedom that many of us once knew when we fucked and sucked the living daylights out of one another.

Yeah, I was around back then.
Not all of us were purdy like you rb.

[BostonPirate]

I Still am pretty god damned it... hehe

I think one thing that people miss is that often those that talk the most about sex are the ones not getting it. I can tell you what a joy it is, to NOT have that with my husband. I am an asshound from hell, and we were led to believe that bottoms were mostly in danger.

Wrong.

If anyone wants to know my fascination with the male ass it's because I have been wanting one and settling for a handjob instead, for more than a decade.

More seriously it underlines why I have allowed my husband to have sex outside of our marriage. I don't want him to miss being sexually fulfilled, and I trust his love and ability to remain Negative due to his understanding of Viral transmission because we ARE married.

I am on Atripla, and he is on prophylactic doses of sustiva to make sure that he remains negative. In spite of that, we basically have a sexual relationship of affection and masturbation. It makes it no less meaningful to either of us.

But how long have I been hearing nasty comments from the uptight moralists here on how disgusting it is for me to have an open marriage? It is easier for me to let people think it's because I am slutty than to explain the really complex situation that me and people who are positive find themselves in romantically.

I Love my husband. He is beautiful. He is my life partner, not my death partner.

[rareboy]

^ sigh. How romantic.

There is more life and love in all of this than in 90% of all the posts on JUB fretting about the risks and rewards of being 100% emotionally committed and loving yourself no matter what.

but there is no reason why you shouldn't be tapping some ass. Just sayin'.

[cgymike]

One of my ex bf got hiv but after we broke up. I think it changed his life but as of yesterday he is still around. The medications work so most people can live a normal life span though not symptom-free I am sure! Also, the cost of medications is there and none eascape paying at least something so financially you get dinged...forever.

Be careful!

[BostonPirate]

It's not just the medications. Blood tests can cost over a thousand and sometimes they are needed monthly. There are all the side effect medications you take... meds to treat side effects from the damage the old cocktails did... and then there are the meds for the meds.

The chemicals alone are devastating. I was throwing up blood a year ago, with an ulcerated esophagus, and let me tell you how fond HIV neg people are of being around HIV pos people who are yacking blood.

It piles on, layer after layer.

The HIV pos people here by and large will never complain about it though, because they understand the value of life, and the joy of not being treated like a needy freak.

HIV pos people want respect, but not really attention or pity. We just want to fit in.

That is the reason why threads like this can spook people... So I outed myself as an AIDS patient.

BTW... the notes he left gave this site as a resource, it listed a few friendly names only one of which is still here, and the name of a thread here that he wanted to be remembered for within the HIV pos community.

The thread is still here.

[JayHawk]

I dont have any personal friends that were promiscuous and then became HIV positive... however I am recently ( over the last year and half) single and here is the main observation I have had since getting beck into a dating and FWB scene...

It seemed when i was first upon the gay sex scene everyone was freaked out and quite ignorant to HIV. Then we learned and carried on using protection with random sex. Now nine years later getting back into the scene there are tons of HIV+ folks on A4A and Grndr which is a good thing. People should be open and honest and be able to live life as much as they desire and as circumstance permits. However besides that rise there are also an amazing number of folks who will only have sex bare... I have been turned down after everything clicked completely just for demanding condoms.... That is a weird thing. however because medicine is allowing folks to live normal lives and long lives with HIV I think the younger generation doesn't see it as a threat. However as BP points out there are huge challenges to overcome.

I wish somehow that message could get out with out the fear and stigmatization that was associated with the initial epidemic.

[cgymike]

It's not just the medications. Blood tests can cost over a thousand and sometimes they are needed monthly. There are all the side effect medications you take... meds to treat side effects from the damage the old cocktails did... and then there are the meds for the meds.

The chemicals alone are devastating. I was throwing up blood a year ago, with an ulcerated esophagus, and let me tell you how fond HIV neg people are of being around HIV pos people who are yacking blood.

It piles on, layer after layer.

The HIV pos people here by and large will never complain about it though, because they understand the value of life, and the joy of not being treated like a needy freak.

HIV pos people want respect, but not really attention or pity. We just want to fit in.

That is the reason why threads like this can spook people... So I outed myself as an AIDS patient.

BTW... the notes he left gave this site as a resource, it listed a few friendly names only one of which is still here, and the name of a thread here that he wanted to be remembered for within the HIV pos community.

The thread is still here.

Thank you Pirate my post was a bit lacking. There are certainly the side effects to deal with but being alive is better than the alternative. My ex texted me yesterday to ask about my health. Somehow he still cares after all this time.

[BostonPirate]

Thank you Pirate my post was a bit lacking. There are certainly the side effects to deal with but being alive is better than the alternative. My ex texted me yesterday to ask about my health. Somehow he still cares after all this time.

For two years I haven't mentioned the fact that my legs are useless. I guess we know the value of life and don't mind paying the price of fighting the fight.

HIV pos people by and large are remarkably positive people once the initial shock of it wears off. I don't think that you live through HIV and AIDS if you aren't a happy warrior. I have seen the warriors go down, and I have seen the bitter wither away, but I have rarely seen a man die of this illness who isn't by nature both inherently outgoing and agressive, with a sense of humor. You have to live a life worth living or you won't want to be alive.

[JayHawk]

Thank you Pirate my post was a bit lacking. There are certainly the side effects to deal with but being alive is better than the alternative. My ex texted me yesterday to ask about my health. Somehow he still cares after all this time.

Completely unrelated but I still love my ex as a human being... I don't think you can spend nine years with someone and not develop a familial kinship... I wont ever look at him with anger....and I always wish him the best....

[BostonPirate]

Thank you Pirate my post was a bit lacking. There are certainly the side effects to deal with but being alive is better than the alternative. My ex texted me yesterday to ask about my health. Somehow he still cares after all this time.

For two years I haven't mentioned the fact that my legs are useless. I guess we know the value of life and don't mind paying the price of fighting the fight.

HIV pos people by and large are remarkably positive people once the initial shock of it wears off. I don't think that you live through HIV and AIDS if you aren't a happy warrior. I have seen the warriors go down, and I have seen the bitter wither away, but I have rarely seen a man die of this illness who isn't by nature both inherently outgoing and agressive, with a sense of humor. You have to live a life worth living or you won't want to be alive.

Let me put that more simply and a challenge to every HIV negative person out there....

Everyday I have had to purposefully choose to be alive by taking medication. I have done that every day for the last seventeen years.

Who here can say that they woke up every day for seventeen years and made a conscious decision that life no matter how complex has always been worth living.

I can say that I have, and that brings me more joy than I can express.

[JayHawk]

That is an awesome perspective BP.... awesome.

[menRsexii]

i like your outlook on life, BP

[BostonPirate]

Completely unrelated but I still love my ex as a human being... I don't think you can spend nine years with someone and not develop a familial kinship... I wont ever look at him with anger....and I always wish him the best....

BTW, on an even further step out off the path of the topic, well maybe not.

That list I mentioned earlier of names? You are the only one left here on that list. You may know of the other people I have always looked for that are on that list. He listed them as "trustworthy, HIV negs" in personal contacts. I think the other names he left were something like GL24, I am sure of that one, I sent him a message when I first joined. The other names were Springerfan, JD, and ughh.... I know I would get the last one wrong.... can't remember it off the top of my head.

[vulgar_newcomer]

Thread title: From HIV neg to HIV pos

Earth data today: Sunrise at 7:05 AM to sunset at 5:56 PM

The same thing shall repeat itself everyday until no man can collect such data only the time changes.

[vulgar_newcomer]

IMPORTANT: pOsitively Aware magazine this month has a excellent article on "The stigma of GAY men and HIV..... SPOILED IDENTITY"
iTS worth a read because gay dudes are the worst for other gay dudes with HIV, this forum proves it.
No wonder no one wants to talk about status........

Read this my friends,

http://positivelyaware.com/2012/12_0...identity.shtml

EXCELLENT should be a must read for every gay guy, in 2012

[DigitalFudge]

Those who are paranoid about HIV, go to HIV tests even after protected intercourse, or even if nothing but a kiss happened with little lesions and bleeding wounds in the mouth. They always make sure they are aware of their HIV status and over time they tend to develop a behavioural pattern that gives them more protection.

That's me to be honest.


Barely had sex once, never did it again.


Thought the Chlamydia would attach itself to my scalp through the air.

It's not just the medications. Blood tests can cost over a thousand and sometimes they are needed monthly. There are all the side effect medications you take... meds to treat side effects from the damage the old cocktails did... and then there are the meds for the meds.

The chemicals alone are devastating. I was throwing up blood a year ago, with an ulcerated esophagus, and let me tell you how fond HIV neg people are of being around HIV pos people who are yacking blood.

It piles on, layer after layer.

The HIV pos people here by and large will never complain about it though, because they understand the value of life, and the joy of not being treated like a needy freak.

HIV pos people want respect, but not really attention or pity. We just want to fit in.

That is the reason why threads like this can spook people... So I outed myself as an AIDS patient.

BTW... the notes he left gave this site as a resource, it listed a few friendly names only one of which is still here, and the name of a thread here that he wanted to be remembered for within the HIV pos community.

The thread is still here.

Sis, this isn't 1974 anymore, there are no "Cocktails" you take a single pill.

Hell, a new all in one pill with multiple medications came out two months ago


Another reason why these girls are out here getting filled to the brim by 6 guys a night.

The disease is so manageable now they are unbothered by your wisdom.

[BostonPirate]

The only way to be safe is to assume that everyone you have sex with is positive, and practice behaviors that will keep you safe.

If it looks like someone is turning into a permanent kind of thing, or at least an attempt at it, then you have to get tested, and reassess.