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  1. #1
    JUB Addict Kahaih's Avatar
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    Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    After a while you get to know the sites, and know which ones are serving up some good stuff, and which ones have nothing but garbage.


    Here are a couple of rules I go by while browsing

    Sites that never show the goods
    (do lads in England have dicks?)

    ‘No dick in the pic, don’t bother to click’


    Over saturated/orange/scanner abuse

    ‘If it’s yellow, let it mellow’


    Kids toys and candy

    ‘If it looks like a kid, don’t open the lid’


    Out of focus/video screen caps

    ‘There’s no hurry, I’m sure it’s blurry’


    Any signs of poop

    ‘Ick’


    Do you have rules you go by when surfing the thumbnails? They don’t have to rhyme. Just tell what you think when you pass up a link.(Oops!)

  2. #2
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    I'm far more likely to either read erotica or look at still photos than I am to watch moving images. I really don't know why that is, but there you go. And yes, I have rules for each.

    EROTICA

    * It's less what it's about than how it's about what it's about. I've read stories about amazingly wild sexual escapades that left me limp, and ones describing a guy jerking off in the shower that nearly made me rip my underwear open. Usually I can tell within a paragraph or two if it's worth continuing.

    * Believe it or not, spelling and punctuation count. Poorly-written stories in this sense are harder for me to read, and thus not worth the effort. Ditto stories written as one huge paragraph.

    * If the story starts in the middle of a sex scene (or even at the beginning of one), I'm not interested. Counterintuitive, but I really need the author to set the scene. Who are these people? Why are they fucking?

    * It's erotica, not porn. I'm not wild about guys robotically saying "yeah, suck it" or "fuck my hole" in porn. It's even sillier in erotica. It's ten times sillier when the author thinks writing out "yeah, suck it" repeatedly is adding anything to the story.

    * Give the thesaurus a rest. Yeah, it can be boring typing "cock" and "ass" all the time. Replacing it with "sex spear" or "pleasure tunnel" makes me stop and go, "come on - really?"...and I should be busy masturbating, instead.

    * Three is company, four's a crowd. I don't object to threesomes or orgies in general, or in erotica. But it seems authors who are writing ongoing works always hit a spot where they need something to spice things up. And this invariably seems to take the shape of "bringing a friend over". Two guys who have been having earth-shattering sex up until this point suddenly decide that their friend Steve needs to get in on it. When Steve shows up, I bow out. The sex scenes never seem as interesting after that.

    PICTURES

    Fewer rules, and more a general course of action.

    1. Nose around and look for a picture that appeals to me right now. It can be online, or one I've saved. It can be a photo or a drawing.

    2. Pause and drink the picture in.

    3. If that picture nudged me hornier, keep it open on my computer, and open a second window to search for the next picture. Otherwise, just use the current window to look for the next picture.

    4. Repeat steps one to three until I have a few pictures that are currently making me hot. Usually, they're well-contrasting. A frontal view and a back view. A drawing of a huge godlike creature, and a photo of a guy-next-door. Usually, I have three of four pictures all told. Two or five rarely, and never more than five.

    5. Alternate between the pictures. Fantasize what it would be like to be with them, to suck them, to have them suck me, to top them, to bottom for them, to be in that position they're in. Flip pictures as I see fit.

    6. Continue until I have a killer orgasm, a sticky hand (and other body parts), and a huge smile on my face.

    Lex

  3. #3
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    ChickenGuy's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    The only one I had, about a decade ago now, was - 'Beware of Russians'.

    That was because back then on my old PC and dial-up connection, any porn website from there either had some very odd or questionable content, or had a virus or bad code that crashed or infected my computer. Thank goodness those days of clicking on random .jpg files that lead you god-knows-where and crossing your fingers are over.

    The only other one I can think of is, if you ever read - 'absolutely free, 100% totally free' - then you just KNOW immediately and conclusively that it ISN'T.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict Audio Tech's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    Yep, surf on a Linux computer and run ad and script blockers!

  5. #5
    JUB Addict goldenmoth's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    No barebacking, nothing that looks kiddieish or anything that looks like the porn stars aren't there because of their own free will.

  6. #6
    The gay gargoyle G-Lexington's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    Quote Originally Posted by goldenmoth View Post
    No barebacking, nothing that looks kiddieish or anything that looks like the porn stars aren't there because of their own free will.
    So...no porn, then?

    Lex

  7. #7
    THE FLIRT JUB Moderator ronboy's Avatar
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    Re: Porn Surfing Rules – You Got Any?

    If it looks too young...it probably is...Get the hell out off there!


    The Three Musketeers... Bashful, Chrisglass, and Ronboy!

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