Self Esteem And Desire To Live?

[TheFallenAsexual]

For those who have struggled with self esteem, how you do get self esteem when the world has always given you reason to doubt or hate yourself?

How you build a strong career and life for yourself when there's so much reason not to want to even get out of bed every day?

How do you dig yourself out of the mental gutter the world kicked you in to?

(if you haven't struggled with either of these because you've been given positive reinforcement by loved ones and society all of your life, please ignore this thread)

[AWP82]

Those are great questions. Having struggled with/survived this issue myself, I might have some answers to the first and third questions, but they're REALLY hard to articulate. I've been sitting here thinking for 10 minutes, and I still can't put it into words. It's all so expansive and complicated, I'd have to write a book to explain it.

Sorry I'm not much help. I'll have to get back to you on this.

[Maklaar13]

I start by saying that everything is relative! I have struggle all my life with similar issues. I was abused, unwanted and unloved. Throughout the years I have become stronger, independent and more confident. It has not been an easy road. I had to find out what the reasons for my struggles were, once you can somewhat see what the reasons are, you can begin to claw your way out of the gutter. There are so many reasons to continue to try every single day and sometimes every minute seems like an eternity. We must be reasonable in understanding that you can not fix everything quickly, that said, get your fists ready for a fight, the fight that is most important to you, yourself. I have learned not to get caught up in career paths and other people's happiness, instead I often take inventory of my own path, where am I going and where do I want to be.

Furthermore, keep yourself busy with things that interest you. Allow yourself time to visit your emotions, nobody can be happy all the time, allow even some time to be sad if you so desire or have a good cry if needed. But be aware not to linger in sadness, you give yourself an allotment of time to feel depressed if you want to, then you find something better to do. Be strict with yourself too, when it is time to be done with being miserable, you do just that. You get up and move to something else, you make yourself do something else, like go for a walk, listen to some happy music, read a book, get a tabloid newspaper and read it from cover to cover. I hope this helps you, life is difficult at times but it is worth living every day with hope, nobody can take your hope away.

[BostonPirate]

Just wake up every day and do the next right thing. You will build a life you are proud of.

[Audio Tech]

I decided one day that I'm going to live and prosper out of sheer spite for those that would like to see me gone.

I know that others would keep right on stepping if I died tomorrow, without another thought. I REFUSE to give them that pleasure.
NO ONE is better than I am. I will not be put down. Not anymore!

I say FUCK THEM ALL and live for the sake of being a thorn in their sides. Success is the best revenge!

One thing I DO know for certain: I am far more intelligent than most if not ALL of the people that (try) to put me down. That's my gift. I may not be athletic or have great looks.... but I'm DAMN smart! So there!

Figure out what your strong traits are and run with it.

[borg69unimatrix]

Esteem is a perception thing.

Where you said, "For those who have struggled with self esteem, how you do get self esteem when the world has always given you reason to doubt or hate yourself?" is very much perception, and how one deals with set backs.

Some people are able to shrug set backs and failures off like nothing, get up, brush themselves off, and get back on the horse, where others even the thought of failure is often enough to not let them even make an attempt.

I don't think the world is out to get anyone, specifically. While some people might have it harder then others, it all depends on how one perceives the challenges life has to offer.

[BENDERBOY]

[Telstra]

.
Just think alot of people are much worst off than you are !!!
Therefore you are in a much better situation.

[JP.]

I dont know Naughty..you gotta find it yourselves.

TBH..this site changed me tremendously..I was reared under conservative-Jesus wings for quite some period of time..I dont have a liberty of freethinking because Im afraid Jesus will punish (spank) me
This site makes me grow to fully understand the mind of gays when Im distant from my peers (early 2011) and to fully extract me from dependency to god.
And honestly, you're one of the most left-winger bro I ever encountered. Yes, you're online (a fictional character) but in the first time I knew you, you were so full of zeal of gay equality and rah rah over queer lifestyle. You and Giancarlo are 2 of the most fierce left-wingers I've ever known, because I dont live/known anyone like you guys around me, even my gay friend is modest.

As Im living by myself while little by little leaving aid frm my conservative parents, I look up to people like you..as a role model because internally we're so much alike (our decision and such) but TBH, it's disappointing to see you unhappy with yourselves. If you're like that, it seems the curse of my homophobic priest came true..and Idk Naughty, dont be like that.
get up...
Maybe Im not allowed to speak because I certainly out of your disclaimer criteria..Idk how, but somehow I want you to be happy and content with yourselves, with your life..because I look up for it.


Your depression might stemmed frm different reason, I beg my pardon if I think that way
take care <3

[AshyPhoenix]

I'm being absolutely serious when I say that I just set my expectations super low. I know it sounds like a tired, cop-out cliche, but that's honestly how I get through each day. If I had high expectations, there's no way I'd still be alive.

[G-Lexington]

I wish it were as easy as writing (or reading) a paragraph or two. One of my favorite quotes is from a wise man (OK, a wise rat) who said "It has taken me all of my forty-seven years to make sense of life, and now you wish me to explain it to you in five minutes?"

Here's one thing that's helped me. I don't think we read ourselves incorrectly, to be honest. I do think we can recognize our strengths and weaknesses, and take a fairly accurate appraisal of ourselves. We do tend to emphasize the negative stuff and take the positive stuff for granted, but I do think we have a semi-decent self-image. Where we seem to trip up is in then comparing ourselves to everybody else. For some reason, we tend not to think of everybody else in the same way as we view ourselves. We either don't see the negative stuff, or we dismiss it in comparison to the positive. ("Yeah, he's a bit pudgy in the middle, but look how gorgeous his face is!" "Yeah, he's a lousy dancer, but he gets everybody laughing at a party!") The fact is, all seven billion of us are on the same page. We're a bunch of pluses and minuses, of baggage and neuroses, all done up in human skin. And we're all fumbling our way along in life, trying to make it work. We're all hoping we're well-liked, and hoping nobody saw us trip over the sidewalk, and hoping people will compliment us on our work and looks and style and ass. Yes, some people have advantages others don't. But it's not as if they're the "winners" and everybody else are the "losers". We're all dealing with our own shit, whatever it might be. And that puts us all in the same ballpark.

I don't know - I find that helpful. That my insecurities and issues and weaknesses aren't some sort of defect on my part. They're just the ones I happen to have. Everybody else has a different set.

Lex

[birddog7]

You don't. You don't get self esteem, you have shit jobs, you have no life, you're always in the gutter. That's my opinion, as that's been my course anyway. If I look back at how the cards stacked up, I'd say I was fucked from the very day my feet first hit this Earth.

It's also quite interesting, that a sibling's life turned out very similarly, even though they went to college and got married. They are just as unhappy, and as big a gripe ass as I am. They also got maliciously picked at in school, and especially college. They even hate their job. I don't, I really don't mind being a two bit mechanic. Doesn't pay much, but what's money?

A psychiatrist told my parents 40+ years ago that "I wasn't in the real world". Pity they hadn't had me euthanized...

[mikey3000]

Dude, I've seen your face and I've seen you naked. You got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe get a new mirror, one that works properly.

Peace to you. I also know the pain you feel, so surround yourself with love. Love for and from others. Once you learn that love is all that matters in this life, you will open up to giving and receiving it freely.

[Hard-up1]

Naughty, I struggle every week with self-esteem. I'm well liked by co-workers, my company's customer, my neighbors, my family, my friends, and even some JUBBERs.

But, as is common, I sometimes focus on my physical unattractiveness, my inability to find a partner, and my negative social traits (too talkative, too critical, and sometimes, just plain lazy.)

When I feel myself slipping down, I get busy, I reach out, and I take inventory. When I find I have purpose and am needed, the sting of being romantically rejected isn't nearly as present. And, I try to cheer others, which cheers me.

I hope you will give yourself another assessment, and remember your possibilities.

As for a strong career, I have had a scattered work history, but I think the thing that has helped me is my ongoing willingness to learn and to keep changing with the market.

[kevbo]

I've empowered myself with the serenity prayer, as it applies to pretty much everything in life:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference

If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If it's your looks or something you can't change about who you are, accept it.

[TheFallenAsexual]

Thanks, guys. I've really been going through it this year.

I appreciate the responses.

I guess what I struggle with is that in my childhood life, I was told so many negative things and given so many reasons to hate myself. Yet in my adult life, I'm also scolded for not doing enough and not believing in myself enough (the irony).

I have to find some way to put the past behind and move forward.

[borg69unimatrix]

[M10000]

I wonder where my low self esteem came from. From bullying in school?
I had a good family life. It wasnt that.
Or is it a part of nature (vs nuture)?
Who knows

[Nishin]

For those who have struggled with self esteem, how you do get self esteem when the world has always given you reason to doubt or hate yourself?

How you build a strong career and life for yourself when there's so much reason not to want to even get out of bed every day?

How do you dig yourself out of the mental gutter the world kicked you in to?

(if you haven't struggled with either of these because you've been given positive reinforcement by loved ones and society all of your life, please ignore this thread)

Some will choose to doubt or hate the world back...
I think self-esteem comes from education.
My mother always made sure that we got the point that a majority is not necessarily right... the idiom used may sound stupid (if your friends all jump from a cliff, will you follow?) but I still think of this when I witness people doing or feeling things from peer pressure rather than themselves... History is full of examples that proves this saying right.
To me, self-esteem is linked to this, when you don't need peer approval you have self-esteem.

I read your small prints, but I still think it needs to be emphasized ... I got this from my upbringing but if you didn't, you may still want to think of the implications and notice how some people live like sheeps and delegate their thinking abilities to ill meaning third parties.
How to dig yourself out of the mental gutter... I don't know, maybe by saying FUCK YOU, maybe renouncing one's ego's sense of importance, which it eventually lacks... maybe taking the opposite road and accepting to acknowledge one's uniqueness and taking pride in it... or maybe by choosing a inspirational role model and assigning yourself a mission to reach this ideal...

[Telstra]

I wonder where my low self esteem came from. From bullying in school?
I had a good family life. It wasnt that.
Or is it a part of nature (vs nuture)?
Who knows

I think its nuture.

[Iamthegame]

I can so relate to this topic so much, I'm 26 and still struggling with this... I'm a good mood right so I don't really want to go into my life stories, but I just want to let everyone who reads this topic to know you're not alone... if anyone ever want's to talk about anything, always looking to talk to people, pm me or im on skype :raytherockstar86

[Huntneo(PT)]

Things are not lined up in my life the way I would like them to be--but I keep reminding myself that I have a lot to be thankful for.
Also--life can change in an instant. You can be absolutely miserable one day, then have something extraordinary happen to you tomorrow. I know that the things that give me the most worry right now, could be totally gone and wiped out sometime next week. I keep faith--in myself and in life. I've been good to people. And I know it will all come back to me in some shape or form.

Now as far as everything else goes--I just learned to say 'fuck you' to anybody or anything who tries to make Adrian feel less than. I'm human. I'm not perfect, and never will be. but neither is anyone else.

[JP.]

I think its nuture.

"nurture"
gosh lol...