Unusual relationship

[indudela]

I am in a weird relationship ... I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months now. We see each other several times a week. We spent the night at each other's places regularly. We cuddle, hug, touch, hold hands, fight etc. like what a couple would do. In fact, we had a few occasions where we fought really bad and broke up. But, we realized that at the end we really appreciated each other, and we got back together.

Funny thing, we never kiss each other or had sex. He did not want to do those things with me. At first, I found it hard to take in (which led to our fights) but I started getting used to the idea that I would never make love with my guy. However, in the past few weeks, I noticed he let me touch him down there when we were falling asleep together whereas in the past he would snap at me angrily and told me "STOP!!" He also recently put his face so close to my face when we cuddle, that I feel like just kissing him.

What should I do? Should I make a move and risk yet another fight? I just don't think he would take an initiative. Man, I would love to see my man naked in bed with me

[loveguys72]

Maybe he's asexual? There are people who enjoy close emotional relationships (closer than friendship) but dislike or are indifferent to the physical aspect the usually goes with a romantic relationship. If you want a physical relationship, or at least some kissing, you really ought to talk to your guy and let him know how you feel and see how he feels. Once you have clarity on the situation, you can make a decision on whether or not you want to invest any more time and emotion in this relationship.

[BiMike]

Could lead to a lot of frustration on your part. In my view compatability in sexual desires is an esssential part of a satisfactory relationship, particularly if you are sleeping together! Even if he agreed with having some sexual activities with you it would probably be of a limited nature. It would seem that your sexual drives are very different from each other, not the mix for a happy loving couple !

[Hard-up1]

As we are in the 21st century, I'd have to guess (without necessary context in your narrative) that your friend is so deeply closeted that he will not allow himself to admit it even to himself.

I would also argue that age, race, location, national origin, religion, military experience, employment, economic class, education, and personality type are all relevant details that we are missing. People are not manufactured like dinnerware -- they are produced by their surroundings.

The most likely sources of that repression would be a) family condemnation, b) ethnic pressure, c) religious taboo, or d) mental illness.

As you obviously love him, it may be worth a final effort to help him along, if you are patient enough. It will obviously involve telling your own story, helping him to see gay men who are not stereotypical and therefore do not fit within the mold of his preconceived notions, and understanding the roots of homophobia.

There seems to be little possibility that your friend is anything but 100% gay, but you will have to let him find that out.

You've also omitted references to age. Although it is possible to make this change later in life, it sounds like you both are young, which means you have much more likely chance of seeing the change become reality.

People DO overcome their upbringings every day, but it takes work. But, understand your own limitations, and be prepared to move on if the pace of change is too slow for you to endure.

[Coward92]

Why didn't you ask him? Why doesn't he want to kiss? There are always reasons for this.
I would never be with someone who refuses kissing. No-sex is okay, but no kissing? Hell, no!

Now seriously, I think you either have to give him some more time, so maybe he opens up (it also involves that you guys have to discuss this with each without fighting if possible) or maybe you should slowly star initiating some contact. Kiss him gently on his cheek, neck, back and other body parts but avoid kissing his lips at first. Let him react and see if it has any positive effects on him. IF he approves you may slowly proceed to kissing but it may not be easy.

[JWaggy]

What should I do? Should I make a move and risk yet another fight? I just don't think he would take an initiative. Man, I would love to see my man naked in bed with me

You need to ask him what's going on? In a respectable manner, figure out why he feels and reacts the way he does. Then you need to lay down the law as far as what YOU expect in a relationship. If these two are so far apart there is no reconciling, I suggest you move on. One does not have sole ownership of the relationship. It sounds like you won't be able to accomplish this without starting a fight, but if either of you are adults, you'll let the other one yell while one of you speaks calmly. Good luck.

[sixthson]

Should you risk another move? Sure, if that move is to start talking about it. You shouldn't have to be fearful about touching your man any place on his body. But you are also afraid to bring the subject up in conversation. Good, honest, open communication leads to great sex. When you talk to him, tell him you will be patient with him and go as slowly as he needs. If he is unwilling to talk about it, you have problems.

Has he been abused?

[G-Lexington]

There's nothing wrong with any of this so long as you're fine with it. The problem is - you're not fine with it. You want sex to be part of the relationship at some point, and I think that's a fair thing to ask if it's ever going to happen. If he says no, then you'll have to decide if you're willing to stay in a sexless relationship, or perhaps go elsewhere for it while staying with him.

Lex

[Benjoe]

This guy sounds like a serial killer waiting to happen.

I can see his future, gun, rooftop, ammo. Run away while you still can.

[Nishin]

I had a sexless relationship in the past but...
Not even kissing???
That's crazy...
Is he afraid of body fluids or something?
Does he have a boner when he wakes up in the morning?

[vulgar_newcomer]

;8473113 However, in the past few weeks, I noticed he let me touch him down there when we were falling asleep together whereas in the past he would snap at me angrily and told me "STOP!!" He also recently put his face so close to my face when we cuddle, that I feel like just kissing him.

What should I do? Should I make a move and risk yet another fight? I just don't think he would take an initiative. Man, I would love to see my man naked in bed with me

You ever noticed how on certain days when its cloudy the air smells of rain before it comes? The weather may say only a slight chance of rain but you feel it and smell it. You know its going to rain. Then it does later.

Go for it. Don't be the passive but don't be balls to the wall either. You will fight regardless because the relationship is not filling your needs.

When it smells like rain words are not needed to put the house plants out for a soaking.

[bi-4u2]

he could be asexual, he might have been abused, or he could be nervous about doing so. You should just talk to him about your feelings and find out if you can come up with some kind of agreement or compromise, even if it involved another partner. You never know it could be worth the wait.