Guys Are Fucking Weird

[TheFallenAsexual]

Go on a date, have a great time, we're both excited to see each other again, text each other back and forth and then he goes completely cold and doesn't respond to anything anymore.

What the hell is that all about?

I can honestly say that in any point in my life, if I've seen a guy and have indicated to him that I am interested in him that I'll communicate to him when that interest changes. The whole concept of leaving someone hanging like that is just ridiculous. I don't get it at all.

[Harke the Boeotarch]

You're on a steep learning curve.

[Telstra]

.
Everyone had that experience as you ...

[HunterM]

Start dating women. They sit by the phone waiting for their guys to call!

Learn from Glenn Close:
"Well, what am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan! "

[RazorzEdge88]

Hall of Fame post, HunterM

[sixthson]

Naughty baby, other than sex partners, you have the worst luck with men. Do you think it is some kind of game?

[Huntneo(PT)]

Been there, done that--had the t-shirt and wore it until it faded.

Just mentally call him a 'motherfucker' and keep about your way. You'll go crazy trying to figure out why some people do such idiotic things.

[JP.]

Naughty, im in my hiatus mode but I gotta tell you this:
This is what usually happen in dating scenario...when attraction is like commodity of buy and sell..but attraction isn't love.
Yet, it's very rarely to find "love at the first sight" in the market, people usually attracted to whoever shinier in the business..

To meet soulfully clicked pretty little thing needs prolong exposure of observation, that's why Im dead on tradiational way of falling in love, truly kudos that...BUT, most of us unfortunately dont have that luxury. It's different when you push someone to getting know/to like you better...than the actual mating dance you experience at work/ at public when you truly making natural interaction with him.

I go..very natural right now, I dont expect someone to like me if they dont. Because you'll experience rewards from your hard work but the good/the bad thing about love is..that you dont have to pushing yourself hard at all, love will find the way

** Although I loathe my sis'fiance 'cuz he has one of the most annoying personality ever.
But I kudos for the way they met each other. My sis worked at the bank and this guy smitten by her beauty..^^ lets exchange number, I like you since the first time I met you, lets get to know together..
Not only romantic, but they vibrate truthfulness/ innocent way of love

[loveguys72]

Been there, done that--had the t-shirt and wore it until it faded.

Just mentally call him a 'motherfucker' and keep about your way. You'll go crazy trying to figure out why some people do such idiotic things.

Quoted for truth!

[evanrick]

maybe he died. maybe he was faking it.

[glasvegas]

It happened to me for a few times. One was head on macking on me on our first date, saying I am adorable blah blah and then the next day he vanished. Other was nice, telling me he finds me really interesting and want to know me more, texted back and forth and then he decided not to reply, which is fine, but then he texted me in Grindr few weeks later which I ignored.

[Just_Believe18]

Go on a date, have a great time, we're both excited to see each other again, text each other back and forth and then he goes completely cold and doesn't respond to anything anymore.

What the hell is that all about?

I can honestly say that in any point in my life, if I've seen a guy and have indicated to him that I am interested in him that I'll communicate to him when that interest changes. The whole concept of leaving someone hanging like that is just ridiculous. I don't get it at all.

Yup, it happens to all of us. Most recently for me. A FWB for 2 months suddenly stops replying to texts. Respectfully called a few times and texted with zero response. Huge asshole, and I'll never know why.

[holeconfusion]

Sometimes their wives clamp down on them.

Sometimes they have fear of commitment.

Sometimes they met someone else.

Sometimes they are going through personal problems.

Sometimes they are a big fucking asshole douche.

[TheFallenAsexual]

Naughty baby, other than sex partners, you have the worst luck with men. Do you think it is some kind of game?

It's crazy. The first guy was a serious head trip. In this case, we only had one good date, but it ended very well and we chatted for a bit afterward until it just went away.

I don't get it at all. But I can (even with my insecurities) say it's definitely them, not me.

[JWaggy]

It's all about respect, isn't it? Respect for others as well as themselves. If they're doing all the song and dance when they're with you, putting on a show, but once you're gone you don't hear from them--they don't respect you enough and even themselves to be honest.

There may be legitimate reasons for their changing tone, but otherwise you gotta say fuck 'em. I've seen this in younger and older men alike, I've even seen women do this to other people. You've got enough self-respect that you shouldn't let it bother you in the least. You can't get an explanation from everyone and your time and company are valuable. Keep on keeping on, I guess. There are legitimate good people in this world, sometimes it feels like finding a rose among the thorns.

[sixthson]

In a place like JUB, there must be some guys guilty of doing this to others. Maybe they could post and give some insight?

[JWaggy]

In a place like JUB, there must be some guys guilty of doing this to others. Maybe they could post and give some insight?

I'll admit that the closest I've come to that is when a guy was chatting me up at the bar, I obliged even when I wasn't in the mood (just got off work), I kept the conversation polite and superficial and when he gave me his number with instructions to "text me sometime", I said, "We'll see what happens". Not sure if that counts, but I felt like kicking myself for not making it clear that I wasn't interested.

[G-Lexington]

Guys Are Fucking Weird

I KNOW! Isn't it great?!

I seem to recall you saying you didn't date, you didn't want to be in a relationship, you were happy with just hooking up and not dating at all, etc. But here's another "I tried dating a guy and it didn't work out" from you. Just stop forcing the square peg in the round hole. You're different - you don't need to date, so don't.

Lex

[TheFallenAsexual]

Nice timely moment for an attack. Good job, G-Lex.

In other news, I've said the entire time posting here that I'd be open to a relationship should it come up. The guy nicely asked me out, we had a pretty good time, it was a fairly mutual understanding that we'd definitely see each other again, and something changed. Very odd.

I'm not "forcing" anything, I'm just living my life.

[TheFallenAsexual]

Development:

He called. He was very nice about it, but he said that even though he was very attracted to me and had a great time on our date and was open to seeing me again, he didn't really feel a connection between us and wondered where that left us.

I was upset to hear this, but it wasn't a shock. I was into him for a few reasons, but perhaps I was getting ahead of myself. We weren't the greatest fit. We had a great time together, though. But me being the sociable guy I am, I have great times with tons of people. After the conversation, the laughter, the brief kisses all passed, I guess reality set into him that I wasn't really the one.

I actually like him a bit (as a person), respect his maturity and accomplishments very much and we're open to being friends.

Given my natural weirdness, lack of compatibility with most men, and my extreme pickiness, I don't particularly expect to be with someone anytime soon (and it's fine if I'm not). But it seems as though my heart is more than ready be given to someone should the opportunity present itself. A very odd development, but there it is.

There are two men this year that just made me feel pretty great. In both cases, there were varying degrees of attachment. This particular case, it was only one good date. But I still thought about him and how much I enjoyed myself and wanted to see him again.








This year has been pretty hilarious in itself. Recently, a friend asked me how my date went, and I felt sheepish about talking about it because it was such an odd thing. I'm the guy who--despite a roaring sex life--has often appeared very asexual in some ways to his friends. Always listening to folks go on about their dating lives or relationship issues with very little to add other than to discuss maybe my favorite train line or what I love about NY the most. Situations of dating and relationships have always felt alien to me. Life experiences that apply to the masses, the folks on sitcoms, people at work, people at bars, people everywhere around me, but never me. Something both incredibly undesirable yet exceedingly typical.

But it looks as though the tides are changing.

[refujiunderground]

dude, i think you worry too much about not being able to find somebody. if one doesn't fall through, then another will. you'll find that guy. after all, you live in new york.

[TheFallenAsexual]

dude, i think you worry too much about not being able to find somebody.

You definitely misinterpret me. I never worry or complain about not being able to find someone.

The only instances I've been upset were two cases in guys I never looked for randomly entered my life, seemed pretty great (which caused attachment on my part), and then bailed without explanation. It was never an idea of needing "someone" but actually liking them specifically.

[cgymike]

Yeah well recently I travelled a few hundred kilometres after dating the guy on line and over the phone for months. It only took a few minutes of meeting for us to decide there was really no chemistry romantic or otherwise. Ugh...I just hate dating. But I can't say he was deceptive nd everything clicked up to the meeting. Btw before and leading up to the meeting there were frequent emails/phone calls. After...nothing. It just proves you can't do anything long distance and I think I never will again. The screen, the phone all a lie!
But I guess it would have been worse had the rejection came solely from him (and I would have found him hot). As it was neither of us were interested so yeah...

Fuckkkkkkkkkk.

So yeah I would retitle your thread to "Dating is weird"...

[sixthson]

But it seems as though my heart is more than ready be given to someone should the opportunity present itself. A very odd development, but there it is.

Imagine that!

[TheFallenAsexual]

^NOTHING to be happy about.

[sixthson]

^NOTHING to be happy about.

A heart that's open to love is always something to be happy about, my friend.

[TheFallenAsexual]

^One that's open to set itself up to be crushed over and over. I greatly prefer life prior to this unsettling development.






In other news, this week, I found myself looking through his Facebook profile numerous times, amazed at how attractive I find him. I'm guessing between my PC and my smartphone, I somehow accidentally requested him as a friend, because he just accepted me even though I have no memory of requesting him. I'm happy he didn't find the request awkward, but I'm sort of kicking myself for my goof. Not being connected to him = not thinking about how much I fail in comparison to him and the other plethora of negative thoughts I've had lately about my self worth. But he's a nice guy, so I don't want to just go for the delete.

[loveguys72]

Yo, NA, don't be so hard on yourself. There's plenty of people willing to do it for you.

Good luck with your new love interest!

[bw92116]

He doesn't feel a connection after ONE date? So he just drops you?
Does he need to be electrified on the first date in order to be interested?
Sounds pretty shallow to me.

[lucky7]

Yo, NA, don't be so hard on yourself. There's plenty of people willing to do it for you.

Good luck with your new love interest!

I agree

[TheFallenAsexual]

Yo, NA, don't be so hard on yourself. There's plenty of people willing to do it for you.

Good luck with your new love interest!

Untrue. Not compatible with many.

But the reason I was so hard on myself this time isn't because some guy turned me down. It's just that he was a portrait of who I could be if I wasn't such a waste (careerwise). It brought me face to face with what very little I'd have to offer. More important, how much my life is in the gutter.

He doesn't feel a connection after ONE date? So he just drops you?
Does he need to be electrified on the first date in order to be interested?
Sounds pretty shallow to me.

He said he'd see me again if I wanted. But after what he told me, I figured "why bother?" I don't see it as shallow at all. A connection shouldn't be something you have to try at. It should just be there. If it isn't, why bother?

[Laufey]

Usually it just means he wasn't as interested as you thought he was. Or he's afraid of commitment.

It seems like most guys just cut you off instead of telling you the truth. Cowards.

[TheFallenAsexual]

^Which is why I'm happy he DID end up calling me and letting me know. He's a pretty good guy. (Not like some of the other D-Bags I've dealt with in the past). He actually moved to NY with a boyfriend of two years and stayed with him for five years following that. Not as flighty as most men in this city.

[umjreon88]

OP, it's good that he has replied. Coz I've had such an experience before. The guy just completely did not reply after meeting and a day of texting. I thought the coffee date was great and we clicked on all levels. He was someone I thought I could see a long-term future with. Oh well, so much for giving people chance upon chance and they took it for granted. Next!

Maybe dating isn't weird, it's the men who are, plus the douchey attitude!

People, be nice!