Am I being taken advantage of?

[animalius]

It's an ongoing drama in my life. Read the following thread, or at least the OP, to get a little background.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...ting-and-lying

Basically speaking, he's now my ex. When we were dating, he was having some financial problems, being a student and all. So, I put him in my phone plan (unlimited everything including 4G data for $30). I even paid for the monthly bill. After we broke up, I kinda left it alone and continued to pay for his portion.

Been dating this wonderful young man. In an effort to put everything behind me, last month I told the ex I was giving him a month notice to find another phone plan before I cancel his line. Got a call from him and... more drama. Anyway, somewhere in there he asked if he could keep the plan and then pay me $200 in January when he gets his student loan refund. After thinking about it for a couple days, I just texted him I'm extending it for another month and that I didn't care about the money.

Am I being taken advantage of? A lot of people in my life... actually everyone in my life has told me they would have canceled the line right away as soon as I found out he cheated on me and knowingly exposed me to an std. I considered doing it, but it just seemed too heartless.

Should I man up a little? What's the right course of action here? I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I don't want to be an ass either.

[BENDERBOY]

YES,

He's playing you for a mug, and unfortunately he isn't wrong.

[CupidBoy]

Be heartless.

[rareboy]

You are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of. No one else is doing it for you.

Either suck it up and be generous for whatever reason seems to validate your own needs or look in your pants, find your balls and let the exes know that the gravy train ends when they betray you and you kick them out of your bed.

[loveguys72]

Yes, you are being taken advantage of. Stop it. Now.

[Seasoned]

I wouldn't do it, but you're free to make a $30 monthly donation to whomever you wish. He's got me wondering about the $200 figure being that his bill is $30.

[looseliam]

Be heartless.

Agreed.

Cut the fucker off, password protect the account, block his number. Move on with the new lad.

[bankside]

Heartlessness is taking something away from someone when it means something to them.

You meant so little to him that he was willing to sleep with someone else when he could have been having a fun time with you, or if you were both in a rough patch, he could have been working on making things better. Instead, he slept with someone else and exposed you to a disease.

How much more information do you need to realise that you don't matter to him? It's not heartless for you to cut him off because in his mind the only thing he would be losing is $30 a month.

[palbert]

Very obviously YES!

[cgymike]

Well I would stop before 200 bucks becomes much more! "Give him an inch and he'll grab a mile" sort of thing. People can be users but you may be enabling it...

[windsors]

How many post do you have to get before your going to do any thing... One would be enough for me. If you can't see what he's doing to you
then I don't know what to tell you, except WAKE UP!!

[paatreides]

Yeah, I think so. I'm usually the first one to be jumping up and saying "give him the benefit of the doubt." But, not this time. He continued to take advantage of your generosity when, by all rights, you could've (and probably should have) deleted the line upon breaking up. And, if he was any kind of man, he should have told you to kill the line - that right there gets him the "User" label.

Cut him off now.

[animalius]

Ok, you guys are right. Since I already told him he's got another month to find another phone plan (I keep my word), I'll let him have another month. Please gay god give me the strength to go ahead with the cancellation next month.

[topspin66]

Do what you want but just remember that you forfeit all complaint rights if you continue to pay. Not another word to friends or family because they don't want to hear it. If you agree to those terms, who cares what you do....well, your new boyfriend my care.

[CupidBoy]

Ok, you guys are right. Since I already told him he's got another month to find another phone plan (I keep my word), I'll let him have another month. Please gay god give me the strength to go ahead with the cancellation next month.

When he cheated did he keep his word to be committed to you? Honestly, I don't understand how you don't want to punch him in the face. You could take your boyfriend out with that money. It's not even about money, but the fact that someone disrespected you. Have some pride.

[DigitalFudge]

It's an ongoing drama in my life. Read the following thread, or at least the OP, to get a little background.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...ting-and-lying

Basically speaking, he's now my ex. When we were dating, he was having some financial problems, being a student and all. So, I put him in my phone plan (unlimited everything including 4G data for $30). I even paid for the monthly bill. After we broke up, I kinda left it alone and continued to pay for his portion.

Been dating this wonderful young man. In an effort to put everything behind me, last month I told the ex I was giving him a month notice to find another phone plan before I cancel his line. Got a call from him and... more drama. Anyway, somewhere in there he asked if he could keep the plan and then pay me $200 in January when he gets his student loan refund. After thinking about it for a couple days, I just texted him I'm extending it for another month and that I didn't care about the money.

Am I being taken advantage of? A lot of people in my life... actually everyone in my life has told me they would have canceled the line right away as soon as I found out he cheated on me and knowingly exposed me to an std. I considered doing it, but it just seemed too heartless.

Should I man up a little? What's the right course of action here? I don't want to be taken advantage of, but I don't want to be an ass either.

I don't like what I'm hearing.

Cancel that line immediately. You giving him warning and him giving YOU drama was a mess.


It sounds like your ex needs to be reminded who's name is on that contract.




Edit: He CHEATED and you are paying for his BILL?


You know what, disregard this entire post. Let me dip out of this thread.

[looseliam]

Ok, you guys are right. Since I already told him he's got another month to find another phone plan (I keep my word), I'll let him have another month. Please gay god give me the strength to go ahead with the cancellation next month.

Call your provider today and schedule the disconnect date.

[HunterM]

Don't be an enabler. Don't let others take advantage of you. Remember you make choices in life. No one is forcing you...unless you're being tied up...in bed.

[animalius]

Do what you want but just remember that you forfeit all complaint rights if you continue to pay. Not another word to friends or family because they don't want to hear it. If you agree to those terms, who cares what you do....well, your new boyfriend my care.

I've never complaint about this.

[sexylatinboy]

Definitely cancel his line immediately, you are being too nice and he is taking advantage of that and i doubt he will pay you those $200 he says he will give you.

[animalius]

Definitely cancel his line immediately, you are being too nice and he is taking advantage of that and i doubt he will pay you those $200 he says he will give you.

Told you. I don't care about the money. I even told him I didn't care about it. Instead of canceling it right now like I probably should, and instead of letting him keep the line like he wants, I decided to compromise and give him another month before I cancel it.

[CupidBoy]

Told you. I don't care about the money. I even told him I didn't care about it. Instead of canceling it right now like I probably should, and instead of letting him keep the line like he wants, I decided to compromise and give him another month before I cancel it.

Then what was the point of this thread if your mind is made up?

[animalius]

Then what was the point of this thread if your mind is made up?

It's not made up. I said I decided to compromise before I started this thread. Right now, I'm just not sure what to do.

[G-Lexington]

You told him you were iving him another month. Give him another month. Just expect another call explaining why he's going to need you to extend it further. And, given past history, I'd say expect to give it to him.

Lex

[TitaniumSky]

You really can't be sympathetic at this point. There is no reason to feel guilt, you have done nothing wrong. He put you in danger with the STD so he doesn't seem to care too much about your well-being or he wasn't thinking too clearly. Either way, he needs disconnection from you in order to sort things out and fix himself up. Having him under a phone line is not total disconnection.

I understand that you may be worried about his financial situation, but it would be best to allow him to gain financial independence.

Maybe have someone disconnect it with you if you are having so much difficulty.

[rareboy]

It's not made up. I said I decided to compromise before I started this thread. Right now, I'm just not sure what to do.

Oh for Fuck's sake.

Liam gave you the answer.

Call the company and schedule the termination date if you want to keep your word as a gentleman and give him the extra month.

Grow up. Stop vacillating.

[glasvegas]

It's not made up. I said I decided to compromise before I started this thread. Right now, I'm just not sure what to do.

I don't get the point you started this thread. You said you decided to compromise before you started this thread and then every single post here clearly asking you to cut off and yet you decided not to listen at all. Honestly, man up, pick one and go on with your life. You told him you don't care about the money, you proposed the idea, so he's not taking any advantages.

[Deandbn]

YES, YOU ARE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

Cancel it now, or switch it to pay for your current boyfriend.
When, not if, because he will phone to ask why it is cut off, tell him you changed your mind and tell him you are paying him the same sort of respect he paid you previously (with the other guy).

[counterspade]

Use your own judgement. There are always three sides to every story: yours, his and the truth. If you believed it was wise to keep his line active, and give him until the first of December to find something new, then that was your choice. It's noble to stand by your word, and it really makes you seem like a bigger person, while most don't believe so.

My personal opinion is: once the first of December rolls around (or whenever you agreed to disconnect the line), be assertive. If he calls and begs you for another month, don't give in. If you're not worried about the $200 he claims he was going to pay you, then tell him that. You just want to be over it and have this burden lifted from you, and that's really the only thing keeping you connected to him. Do yourself the favor and sever it when you said you would. You're stringing yourself along, which is what he wants you to do. I understand he might be in a financial crunch, but a cell phone is more of a luxury, not a necessity. That's usually the first bill I let slip when I'm in a financial bind, because it's something I can ultimately go without for a month or two (I'm on a no contract plan that allows me to do that, though...a contracted one might not be as easy).

[animalius]

Ok, just called the company. Disconnection at end of next billing cycle.

I just don't want to be an ass like those bastards on judge judy.

[jaysizzles]

Sure he's using you, but you seem ok with it...actually nice and generous of you to do this for him. I don't see a problem. It's just a few bucks out of your pocket for someone that you care/cared for. He's been given notice of termination...he cannot complain about it.

[animalius]

I'd also like to thank my boyfriend (current) Randy for understanding. If you are reading this, I love you, baby. I just booked a hotel room for us (king size bed) and a spot at the horse back riding ranch. This weekend is our weekend, baby

[mauveb]

Try this article from slashdot.

"New research shows a simple reason why even the most intelligent, complex brains can be taken by a swindler's story – one that upon a second look offers clues it was false. When the brain fires up the network of neurons that allows us to empathize, it suppresses the network used for analysis, a pivotal study led by a Case Western Reserve University researcher shows

Fascinating

[TitaniumSky]

I just don't want to be an ass like those bastards on judge judy.

Don't worry about it, like I said, think of it as helping him gain financial independence. It will help him in the long run.

[animalius]

Ok, I know how you guys hate people starting new threads about the same damn thing, so I'm resurrecting this thread.

This saturday I will be removing his line from my plan... and give it to my current b/f. Unlike my ex, my current b/f insists that we draw up a contract of how he will pay me each month for the phone plan and have us both sign it. My current b/f is nothing like my ex when it comes to financial responsibility. Since he's only 21, he's still having a lot of bumps on the road, but he's persistent.

I've texted my ex a link to walmart's new t-mobile plan that's only $30/month. It's a damn good deal. 100 minutes with unlimited text and 5gb 4g. That's a damn good deal. The biggest advantage is he could still use the galaxy s 4g phone I gave him.

Anyway, here's to a smooth transaction!

For those who don't know what I'm talking about, here's a recent thread that explains a little bit of it.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/thre...RMAL-boyfriend!

[looseliam]

I'm glad you're putting your foot down. I hope this doesn't cause troubles with the new bf. Best of luck to you!

[The White Stripe]

Its a crime against yourself to care about people who don't care about you. In your life, you are going to have so many people come and go, and you should only take care of the ones who are willing to stick around. The only constant in your life from begining to end is going to be you. Be kind to others, yes, but don''t go out of your way to help those who wouldn't do the same for you.

[animalius]

Good news guys.

So, I was going to transition on Saturday. A few days ago, I texted my ex a link to a really good plan with t-mo. $30/month. Pretty good deal. Anyway, on Friday I got a call from him. As soon as I saw the name on my phone, I rolled my eyes expecting more drama. Nope. He actually had switched and was calling me to inform me.

So, on Saturday, my b/f and I went to t-mo and woohoo we made the transition.

No drama!

[Stoowii]

This happened to me exactly the way it happened to you. I was paying his phone, an iPhone mind you, because I have one of my own. If you have AT&T, you can suspend it. If you are in the middle of a contract, you may have to pay a hefty cancellation fee, so I would suspend it for now.

And yes, in both this post and your previous post, it seems you are being taken advantage of.

EDIT: Just saw your post. Good on you.

[animalius]

Ok, so it didn't go as smoothly as I thought. Apparently, the ex lost his old number. He thought I was doing some kind of power play over him or something. He gave me a call bitching about how he lost his number forever. I told him to call t-mobile to get his number back and he wouldn't. So, I called t-mobile and within 2 minutes I was able to get his number back and transfer that to his brand new spanking account under his own name.

Someone here in this thread said this could be good for him because I'm forcing him to be on his own. I'm beginning to agree. This is the first time he's got his own plan, his own responsibility. Takes about 24 hours for the number to transfer. Hopefully it will go smoothly and NO MORE DRAMA!

[G-Lexington]

Hint - if he calls back to complain again, hang up. That ends the drama.

Lex

[animalius]

This happened to me exactly the way it happened to you. I was paying his phone, an iPhone mind you, because I have one of my own. If you have AT&T, you can suspend it. If you are in the middle of a contract, you may have to pay a hefty cancellation fee, so I would suspend it for now.

And yes, in both this post and your previous post, it seems you are being taken advantage of.


EDIT: Just saw your post. Good on you.

About the fine, that's no problem. It's only $215. I'm giving my b/f unlimited everything (including 4G data) for $30/month. Before this, he's been paying $100 for limited minutes, limited texts, and limited data. So, he is now saving $70/month. All it takes is 3 months for him to pay that back with what he's saving with my plan.

[animalius]

Hint - if he calls back to complain again, hang up. That ends the drama.

Lex

I can't do that. That's not me. I'm talking about someone who used to be my honey. I'm not going to hurt him.

[G-Lexington]

That's not hurting him. Or if it is, it's the pain of having the umbilical cord cut. But I'm starting to think that neither of you wants it cut.

Lex

[animalius]

That's not hurting him. Or if it is, it's the pain of having the umbilical cord cut. But I'm starting to think that neither of you wants it cut.

Lex

I want us to remain friends, though.

He currently thinks that I'm doing some kind of power play to get back at him. So, he's holding the password to the account inbox hostage until he gets his old number back. As a gesture of good faith, I went ahead and reset the password (I'm the account owner after all). I'm still going to give him his number back. Hopefully, this should make him realize that he doesn't need to hold anything hostage for me to do this for him and that I'm not doing any power play BS that he thinks I am.

[comefood]

see. many people got ur back

[G-Lexington]

I want us to remain friends, though....He currently thinks that I'm doing some kind of power play to get back at him. So, he's holding the password to the account inbox hostage until he gets his old number back.

Does this sound like something friends do?

Lex

[legend145]

your a sweet guy. Glad you realized you deserved better.

[bankside]

I can't do that. That's not me. I'm talking about someone who used to be my honey. I'm not going to hurt him.

Remember that refusing to indulge his bad behaviour may be a way of helping, not hurting. You don't need to slam the phone down in anger but the steps you are taking to curb his manipulative behaviour may not be sufficent to make the point. And i do feel that curbing manipulative behaviour and his dependence is indeed an act of kindness. BTW, it isn't his phone number. He can request that you have it assigned to him as an act of courtesy, but he can also just change his number like most people who move.

I also think you should at least consider the possibility that trying to maintain a social connection might not be helping either. Maybe it is fine but I think you owe it to yourself your ex and your new guy to ask that question once in a while, whether he was once your honey or not.

[animalius]

As I'm thinking about my current b/f, I'm in a kind of ecstasy. Oh my god, I love dating with someone who's normal. It's more satisfying than cocaine. Our 2 month anniversary was a couple days ago. We both totally forgot LOL.

He's only 21, though. I'm 30. I can only hope he will keep accepting this old fart.