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Thread: Confused

  1. #1
    On the Prowl raskdog's Avatar
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    Confused

    I have been seeing a guy for several months now. We are having great sex and he is very affectionate towards me. We spend the night together often and sleep in each other's arms. I really feel that I am in love with him and would like to take the relationship deeper. However, all the time we have been together he has been sleeping with other people as well. We went away for the weekend just recently and even though it was a great weekend I was a bit disappointed that he was determined to play up and did so a couple of times, though one of those times was in a threesome with me. He calls himself a "slut with nuts" and this is very true.

    I am afraid to bring up the word 'love' in case that is not what he is looking for and I scare him off. I am not against him having sex with other people, especially if it includes a threesome with me. However, I would like to know that I am the priority in his life. At the moment I am feeling that he seems to think of our relationship just as a prolonged affair, with no strings attached. He just doesn't seem to communiate any intentions for anything deeper than what is happening now. This may or may not be the case. He may even be thinking I am the one that's not communicating. However, as I said I am afraid that if I bring it up I will scare him off, and I would rather have him as a prolonged affair than not at all. I am also scared that, seeing me as a prolonged affair, he will drop me as soon as someone else comes along and so I feel really insecure.

    What should I do?

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Confused

    It seems as though, either way, you run the risk of losing him. You know him better than I, so you'll need to take a calculated risk. The more deeply you allow yourself to get involved the more difficult it might to discuss the topic of relationship. You might be able to have some discuss about how he feels about relationships and what his ideal one might look like. Good luck.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    Coward92
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    Re: Confused

    From my point of view it looks like this:
    A, You discuss your problems with him and he leaves you.
    B, You discuss your problems with him and he will agree on a relationship of some sorts, but he will keep hitting other guys.
    C, You try to discuss your problem, but he deflects the question and you end up being together for a couple of months, when he suddenly realizes that he needs to run away from you.
    D, You don't discuss your problems with him and he will find someone else to bang in a couple of months.
    E, You don't discuss your problems with him and he will stay with you for a time, because right now he feels like you are a comfortable occupation.
    F, He loves you and already considers you as a partner, but he is afraid of making it official.

    Take your pick.

  4. #4
    Ruminating
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    Re: Confused

    Is this the same guy you can't cum with?

    It sounds like you are willing to make any sacrifice to keep him, even your dignity? This will only end badly. Don't be a doormat for anyone.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  5. #5
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    If discussing it would scare him away, then what you have isn't real to begin with. Wouldn't you rather know that now?
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Confused

    General relationship advice:
    If you want to be in a relationship with someone, what do you have to offer to that person? What are you bringing to the table so to speak? Why would he want to choose someone else over you? You have to be a salesman in selling your quality to him. If you can't find qualities within yourself, work on improving yourself first. Like it or not, dating is a competition. Like someone already posted, "Don't be a doormat."

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