this is a completely made up story and the people in it are completely fictional. Also this is a different approach than i would usually do for a stroy and i will admit that it is a bit dark please keep reading. Let me know what you guys think
“I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear? Cuz I’m being taken over by the fear.” Lily Allen’s song “the fear” was playing on my IPod. The lyrics have come to mean so much to me recently. I really could relate to them.
As I sat in the wind and rain looking down the fast flowing river below I began to contemplate the next move. I had come here for a reason, to end my life, but doubts had crept in. Was it worth it? Was it the only option left? How did I get to the point when I felt suicide is the only option? How did I get so lost?
Tears started to make their way down my face and I stared at the drop below me. I was shaking because I was so cold but kept telling myself it wouldn’t matter in a few minutes. The song was on repeat one so it was the third or fourth time it had played and the lyrics were beginning to grate on me so I decided to skip the next song, it was Coldplay’s Fix You, which didn’t help in the slightest.
So while I am on the edge of this bridge I should probably tell you about myself and tell you how I have ended up there. Well my name is Lucas, I am 24 and I live on the outskirts of Edinburgh, Scotland. I am 5ft 11, 180 lb and am in decent shape. I don’t go to the gym or anything but I play football (soccer for you American readers) 3 times a week with people I work with. I usually spend my spare time on my Xbox but I don’t usually get much time on that. I am a partly out guy. My friends and my sister know that I am guy but people at my work and parents don’t. I have two different reasons they don’t know. I have not told people at work because I feel it is not their business to know and at the end of the day they are just people I work with and not what I would consider as a friend. I have yet to tell my parents as they are separated and both have told me in the past if I was gay I would be disowned so I would rather keep it from them. I am currently single. I have had a few boyfriends but nothing serious. I have also had a few relationships with females (to keep the parents happy as well as I enjoy sex with them every so often.)
So why am I sitting on the side of a bridge and looking in to the darkest moment of my life to date. Well in all honestly I am unsure. When I compare myself to others less fortunate than myself I think am an idiot for wanting to do it. I am a health young male and there are sick people out there who would kill to be in my place.
But I fell in love. It’s amazing. I have been in love with the same guy since I was 18. He means the world to me. The best way I can describe it is that when I look at him all I can feel is he’s the one. The one guy its worth waking up for, the one who you can’t wait to get a text, tweet or facebook comment from. The only one who understands me and gets me for who I am. I sure you have all known what love is and how it makes you feel and you may be thinking “why the hell are you on the edge of bridge when you are in love?
The problem is he doesn’t feel the same way. The main reason for this is because he is straight. Which in all fairness it’s a good enough reason.
So here I am! Needing to feel loved, like everyone I guess. So now I have let you know what I am doing where I am I had better get on with it.
I took in a deep breath, admired my surroundings for the last time. Thought of my family and friends as I was about to take the last step.