He lied about his age...

[Benjoe]

So i've been talking to a guy I met online on a dating site... I've just turned 35, i'm kind of a youngish 35 but was looking for a guy 30-45, i've been chatting to a guy for a little while now who told me he was 44 but he's now just confessed to being 51

Should I meet him anyway and see how it goes? Or is he just a liar and can't be trusted?

[Hard-up1]

I think the answer to that lies within you. What was the reason you imposed the 30-45 limit? What in your being tells you it is possible that you could partner with and/or love a 45-yr.-old man, but not one five years older?

If you are interested in dating, I'd counsel being less rigid and meeting guys without promise of hookup or anything else. If a guy is 25, or 55, and you connect with him, don't let the numbers get in the way. If you meet a guy 35, and are not a fit, then the same reasoning is at work.

You imposed a limit that your psyche is telling you is not right, hence your turning over the decision in your mind. You enjoyed chatting with him. Meet him and see.

[jensu846]

meet him anyway. i bet 90% of guys that are online have some mis-truths on their profile. If age is all it is, then thats not a big deal. imo. but ya, I had a similar experience where the guy said he was like 34 when he was cleary in his 50's. I didnt call him out on it, he actually slipped up when he said he had a son that was 24 years old. Then he confessed.

[Beachguyj]

A lot of guys lie online. I think taking off more than 3 or 4 years is stupid if you do it at all. Some guys take 10 years off and it's stupid when you look 70 to say you are 60 or younger.

Can't hurt to meet, at least he fessed up beforehand. The thing is he may be older than 51. I personally want to date guys my own age or at least only 10 years plus or minus.

[vulgar_newcomer]

.. I've just turned 35, i'm kind of a youngish 35 but was looking for a guy 30-45, i've been chatting to a guy for a little while now who told me he was 44 but he's now just confessed to being 51

Should I meet him anyway and see how it goes? Or is he just a liar and can't be trusted?

Look at your own thread. You make it a point to say you are 35,.... kind of a youngish 35. I realize you state you had a B-day so you are now working on 36, a better deal would be to say I am 35,...sort of a youngish 36. You won't see 35 again its past with your birthday.

I agree there is reason not to meet someone who lies but also fully understand why men & woman do it in social meeting. If he was to put down he was 51 his chances of actually meeting someone go way down. But the guy might consider himself 51... a sort of youngish 51.

You have some things in common and have seen current pictures of him go for it. More alarming then age lies to me are people who simply lie about how they look and what they are about. Its not wrong to be attracted to a person on looks & style at first. There are cool people of all ages.

I say let the webcam be your friend when meeting anyone from a dating or social site. Those that say they do not have a web cam are suspect. There are cases where not being able to use a webcam are legit such as low bandwith isp. In 2012 a web cam if not provided on a lap top can be had for about 20 bucks, or less used. I've given a couple away to friends.

[HunterM]

OMG! He lied about his age??? RUN! FOREST RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

What is he going to lie next? His weight??? He ain't a man. HE IS A WOMAN! 80% of women I know lie about their age and weight. My mom is one of them...and I still trust her. Stupid me!

[hylas]

yeah, lots of guys lie about their age online, and age isnt all that anyway.

on the other hand, ive been with two guys who lied about their age, and both of them turned out to be nuts. since then, lying about age has kind of been a big issue for me.

on the other other hand, at least he told you about this relatively early on, before you met in real.

should you meet him? i dont know... do you want to meet him?

[loki81]

regardless of whether or not the age thing itself is a deal breaker, my mind would always be wondering what else he could be lying about (assuming you're interested in his quality as a person beyond just a casual hookup).

[illgetbi]

Or is he just a liar and can't be trusted?

Did you know 114% of adult conversations involve some form of deception?

And yes, meet him. Perhaps he's an entertaining seal.

[Nishin]

I don't like people who lie about themselves on internet, because I don't understand the flaw of logic that leads someone to believe his lies won't be uncovered sooner or later... so I'm thinking, surely they must realize they will eventually be found out for who they really are, so why do they take the risk anyway, then the only answer that comes to my mind is that they either believe others are stupid and won't find out, or they believe they can manipulate them into making them to attached to them before the lie is exposed... or something...
Also I don't like the lack of imagination they demonstrate when not giving one the benefit of the doubt that not all guys like the popular mainstream type of bodies/personalities.

Anyway I've been lied about age on numerous occasions, found out or were told, didn't make a fuss, just noted that ok this guy is ready to lie to try and obtain something he wants... how does it impact other things he may have said or the nature of our relationship?

If it's only a hook-up for sex, nevermind, if we're expecting more, we're going to need more integrity here...

[animalius]

Funny story about lying on your online profile. I had a friend that was overweight. He was something like 250 lb. He created a profile online taking like 70 lb off of his real weight. He started exchanging messages with this girl that had a medium body type and all that good stuff. Finally, they decided to meet and... turned out they both lied on their profile. He was about 70lb off and she was about 100 lb off.

I recently created for the first time an online profile on plenty of fish. My photo had a date on it (the same date I created the profile). Met this gorgeous young man. We have just officially became boyfriend/boyfriend status. Amazingly enough, everything he put in his profile was true and amazing enough everything I put in the profile was also true.

Added by edit.

My new b/f told me the last guy he met online lied about something huge. He even showed me his profile. In the profession field, it says "manager". The guy turned out to be a 35 year old bump with no job and no car. Lives with his mom. WTH?

[TheFallenAsexual]

I kinda see this as a red flag. Maybe I'm just not too trusting of folks.

[Elwood]

Hmm are you from Montreal and are you dating my friend? He does this and it is the same age perimeters, I always laugh at him because I just don't get it boggles my mind really. Hell I am 46 and that is what all my profiles say.

[thatgirl]

OMG! He lied about his age??? RUN! FOREST RUN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

What is he going to lie next? His weight??? He ain't a man. HE IS A WOMAN! 80% of women I know lie about their age and weight. My mom is one of them...and I still trust her. Stupid me!

It's interesting you said this, because it illustrates that it's not just an inherently 'woman thing.'

In our society, women are judged and scrutinized for these things (age + weight/appearance) more so than men. Our society places way too much importance on women's youth, so much so that it's not uncommon to hear about women having "expiration dates" and "aging like milk" while men "age like fine wine" and "become more distinguished and accomplished." So, is it any wonder why many women become overwhelmed and feel the need to lie about their age and obsess over their body image? No, because society constantly tells them that their worth is primarily measured by how young, slim and hot they look.

From what I've read on here, this sort of pressure seems to exist among gay men, too, because 'the gay community' apparently places a high value on men's looks. So, it's not surprising that some gay men would feel the need to lie about their age or appearance if they are constantly bombarded with the idea that their desirability mostly depends on these factors.

[Scealle]

I don't quite understand that why people would want to hide their age. Its not like they are going to be different if they are a few year younger or older.

[GiancarloC]

If he's lying about his age, what else is he lying about? That's usually my take on it. Best to be up front and honest about it. I don't get why people lie about their age.

[loveguys72]

A man who lies about his age will lie about anything. Move on.

[ravenstar]

I may be a bit of a Pollyanna but I tend to see the good in people nine times out of ten. I would meet him regardless of the age change. If that's the worse he has going for him then I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I find age is a big issue in the gay community, particularly as you get older. I personally don't care a dot if people think 39 is too old. I've had it told to me by a lot of people that at my age - like it's some monstrously huge number - I'm too old to date. Frankly I think they're confusing dating with a random hook up but they'll figure out the difference when they get older

Perhaps he simply wanted you to get to know him before you made a decision. And it seems to have worked. You're obviously interested in meeting him if nothing else. Would you have even spoken to him if he'd publicly stated he was outside your age range before you met?

[Just_Believe18]

Move on. Fifty-one? He may be dead by the time you celebrate your 50th birthday. Age difference relationships are fine, but there does come a point where you do want to spend your life with the person, not see them go first a couple of decades before you do.

[MoufOfKhaos]

Age is irrelevant... but if you lie about something so trivial, then there are other issues at hand. I'd approach with a little caution.

[Audio Tech]

I don't lie about my age, (48) but I am fully aware that many people won't give me a second thought JUST based on that. It doesn't matter how I look or what shape I'm in.

So I understand why so many guys lie about their age on dating sites. All just part of being a gay male in a highly youth oriented world.

[borg69unimatrix]

Feel lucky it was just his age he lied about.

A lot of the guys I talked to on line lied about being married (to a woman), or in a relationship already with a man.


...or hasn't your guy gotten to THAT lie... YET ?

[cgymike]

Yeah don't get hung up on age. Meet him and see what's there. On line people will lie about things they wouldn't in real "accountable" life. There still is a whole sense of "anonymity" which pervades the net and folks lie in areas where they wouldn't otherwise. You will know in the first meeting if there is anything worth pursuing.

[HunterM]

^ When you meet him...if he does not look like his profile picture at all, then run for your life!

[johaninsc]

Mommy say's I'm dis many


*holds up fingers..*

[CedricT]

51 and no head on his shoulders. I'd move on, but that's just me.

[cgymike]

^ When you meet him...if he does not look like his profile picture at all, then run for your life!

Yep I agree on that one. Passing off a fake pic as yourself is a no no.

[HunterM]

When I first dated one of my exes, I loved the feel of her beautiful long wavy blonde hair. When I stripped off her panties to have sex, that's when I realized she's not a blonde. How dare she lied to me?

Then I found out later that her long nails were pressed-on fake nails! At least, her boobs were real.

[seven2go]

Name a dude who has told the truth about how long his dick is.......

[HunterM]

Name a dude who has told the truth about how long his dick is.......

It's not lying if one measures himself with internet inches.

[seven2go]

^ LMAO in centimeters....... .......

[holeconfusion]

He wouldn't have had a shot with you if he hadn't lied about his age.

He lied because people put too much emphasis on age and not enough on personality.

Give him a chance.

[quasar]

If you weren't aware of his age would you want to meet him based on the chats you've had so far? Have you seen pics of him - does he look 51?

For me personally, the age difference would be an issue (but then I don't normally go for older guys). That said, if you're still interested, there's nothing stopping you from meeting up for a drink. Simply be honest with him and say, "Look, I was annoyed that you lied about your age, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt." And that's all it needs to be - a drink. You can then contact him later and say yay or nay. Even if he WAS within your age range, there's always the chance when you meet someone face to face there simply isn't that chemistry.

Of course the downside to the lie (as others have said) is the fact that it may not have been the only one, and that doubt isn't the best start to a relationship - or friendship for that matter.

[palbert]

And YOUR truthfulness quotient is...........

[quasar]

And YOUR truthfulness quotient is...........

Well yes, this may also come into play as others have suggested - nearly everyone stretches it on dating sites!

[Kabluey]

To me it seems like a really dumb move on his part.
Sure he might get a first date by fibbing about himself, but he's also risking being a big letdown at first sight.

Did I say 24, 180lbs, 6’4", blond?
I meant 42, 250lbs, 5’9, with a wig.

[Nishin]

^ lol

[Telstra]

.
Lying about their age is common.
I met many guys who looked older than their profile age.

[JayHawk]

Age is either perceived or IS the biggest issue in gay dating. More often than not guys have a limit or a desired range. they simply can not talk to someone, like them and then proceed from there. Knowing that and if he does in fact look good for 51 then let it pass if you desire a relationship and think you two click.

[Audio Tech]

^ lol

soooooo true!!!

[Redsox]

Give him a chance and see. You'll gain a lot from a face to face meeting.

If you don't, you'll never know what you may have missed out on.

[refujiunderground]

i agree with the fact that dude can't be trusted if he's lying about his age BUT is it really a big deal about him lying about being 44 and being 51 instead? is there really a difference between someone who's 44 and 51? it's NOT like there's any significance like a 27 year old saying that he's 19. but other than that, he can't be trusted so ditch him.

[fenndude]

I bet he doesn't have a 10" cock either

[mauveb]

its always been my experience when people can't be honest about inconsequential things, you can't count on them to be more forthright on things that really matter. A bunch of small lies quickly add up to a lifetime of bullshit, IMO.

[cgymike]

i agree with the fact that dude can't be trusted if he's lying about his age BUT is it really a big deal about him lying about being 44 and being 51 instead? is there really a difference between someone who's 44 and 51? it's NOT like there's any significance like a 27 year old saying that he's 19. but other than that, he can't be trusted so ditch him.

Well, I recently met a guy who said to me in the first phone convo that "people have told him he looks about 48"...he's 56. So, I guess that was important for him to tell me because maybe for him there is a real difference in seeming under 50. Weird and no it didn't work out between us. This should have been my first clue but I didn't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater so to speak.
But no...after you are 40 there isn't much difference in age IMO unless it's over 10 years and I suspect that stretches even more after 60. "I'm 87 but look like I'm 79" ahaha

[frankie_hilary]

I met a guy on grindr over a year ago. We went on a date, ended up hooking up and became FWBs. As our FWB relationship progressed I had a feeling he was older than he actually because of his life story. There was a point where I was actually considering being in a relationship with him though I was so sure. He on the other hand is certainly in love with me. Anyways a few months ago he revealed he was 10 years older than me. This was pretty much a deal breaker for me for a romantic relationship. I am 22. I feel at this point in my life I need someone closer in age. I need someone who is a student or who just graduated because they will understand how busy I can get with school. I am also not looking for someone to spend my life with, which is something that someone in their 30s should be looking for. I feel that the age difference was a deal breaker for me due to the different stages of life we were in.

[LatimerRd]

Have you exchanged pictures?
In any case, I'd probably move on.