I have to watch what I say and do, honestly, does it bother me? It eats away at me constantly. Do you understand the time and patients thatís under me? My counterfeit persona has to be exact, stepping out of the house, rehearsed, intact. Canít slip up, no, we canít have that. Canít have normal conversations, because when people talk about significant others, I have to try and sidestep those questions. Two full time jobs, gets exhausting, canít quit either, would be broke and would finally have lost it. See, first ones real work, the others in my mind, Itís a constant job for me to tell you my lies. Sometimes I slip up, so I run and hide. But keep too quite people get suspicious, you get worried youíre going to be outed and finished. To keep on going along, itís a lot of patience, exhaustion sets in, now I feel wasted. Whatís life like outside of this bubble, my mind wonders what itís like to be normal. Instead most of my life is actually lived behind this screen, you see this is where I can be me. But outside this electronic box I have to be that perfect example of what society sees, only to keep thinking about the person that I know whose trying to get out of me. I do have a partner and I love him dearly, he is someone that can love me for me, really. But locked in this closet it feels like hell. Iím a good person, I try to live right and still Iím afraid to have my secret come into the light. My life is illustrated with fear, pain, abuse and hatred, itís funny, my lifeís only started and I wonder can I make it?
Just in a weird mood tonight and decided to write what I was feeling.