Dammit Buzzer said he had plans.... snubbed again....
Neo`s dead on... relationships are a LOT of work.
i know you mentioned about how relationships take a lot of work and all. that's a good point but look @ it like this. even if a relationship is a pain in the ass or a lot to work with where you have to deal with hell or whatever, at least you can say that you experienced it where you can have convos with people and not feel like an oddball. you can drop an opinion about how it's like to be a relationship or to say that you had an ex or that you had sex. that's better than nothing. it gets embarrassing @ a certain age when you're talking in a group of people where they're talking about love, relationships, and sex and you have nothing to say because you haven't done shit. you start to wonder if something is wrong with you to why you're 26 and some guys are younger than you, 18 and etc talking about it from an adult perspective while you have about the experience of a 8 year old. it's like never having a job and being around people that have had 6 jobs. even if you got fired, you can say you had a job. after awhile, you start to wonder wtf is wrong with you with why you never got a job. employers look @ you crazy, people around you look @ you crazy and etc. it's the same thing with being 26 and having no experience. it's embarrassing.
i really don't care about a relationship either. it's more of someone that i could spend time with as a friend where i don't have to live with them, i meet them up for a day or two and then go about my business. like a friend with benefits or something like that.
one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
Refuji you've always been totally straight & honest so I'm gonna be totally honest too and I HOPE AND PRAY it won't sound mean or make you mad, cause it's meant totally honestly...
all of us have been there. And none of us had someone fall out of the sky. You gotta get out there and get things moving, meet people, make something happen.
I have been where you are, if I just waited for a guy to come find me I'm pretty sure I'd still be a virgin. Gotta just go out and try to make it happen, and if it takes awhile, don't get frustrated, just keep at it.
one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
i can say that i've given up more times then tried and still no luck. the funny thing is that i tend to screw it up for myself so even if there was a guy interested that i was interested in, i would basically sabotage the whole thing where i'll be another missed shot. i just try not to dwell on it too much because i know what's going to happen.
i've been to the den before. it's okay. nothing was going down. talked with a few folks there, played pool and etc. haven't been there on one of their party nights though and not going to lie, i'm too scared to go. might run into somebody that i know. i'm out at home BUT not out elsewhere yet. i'm still a bit scared to share my secret.
but i need to go to one of those party nights and MIGHT get lucky or something.
Nice try son but it was only a suggestion.that's good and all but honestly, i don't care if this thread flops or
does well or whatever. it never was about that to begin with. it's actually
your thread since you're the one that came up with the idea.
You made it and some friends in so doing..
Some of your 'newer' supporters here and elsewhere are your wins. You
faced up and looked forward while venting. You win. Now as to the other
about a FWB or better, you just admitted you sabotage yourself all of the
time. Okay, you know your enemy so whatcha gonna do Your
friends are gonna sort of be watching.
And I call bull shit on your not caring about your thread. You wouldn't
post if you didn't.
hopefully, this whole experience with the controlling the anxiety, ocd and etc with the zoloft and therapy makes me put my foot in the door.
and i'm sort of happy about this thread being huge, i guess.
but it was still your idea though. i would have never came up with this thread and would have still been in that confessions thread completely ruining it turning it completely off topic.
As Neo says, there are times when you're in a relationship and the grass looks greener on the other side. It's also difficult to listen to someone bleating about problems with their boyfriend when you're the singleton having to take it all in. I often want to say "For fuck's sake, you've got someone, be grateful or get rid if you're not happy!"
The only thing that pisses me of about Neo and his boyfriend is the fact that it means I can't have Neo.
What is your bete noir, Loki?
But you forgot to say New Jersey....
....and so I spotted St. Helier in the results - the capital of Jersey in the Channel Islands.
But if Refuji wanted to travel to Jersey I'd happily meet him there - it's not TOO far from Brighton.
Loner, Refuji, and Loki... how come you guys don't hang out?
You make it sound like that's Light Years apart. ... although it WOULD take a crow bar to pry your ass up off that computer and get you out of the house.
con fucking gratulations to me. i've FINALLY been able to fucking bust a nut for the first time since 1 o clock in the afternoon on thursday. OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!! my dick isn't dead after all. thought i had erectile dysfunction where i was like "damn, my dick is dead. i can't jerk off anymore. i can't get it up. it doesn't want to stay up." BUT no, it stayed up enough for me to bust a nut. it didn't shoot out of me. more like just flowed out like some hot lava out of the volcano. either way, i could care less. I BUSTED A NUT AND I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL GOOD! I FEEL COMPLETELY MOTHERFUCKING WONDERFUL!!!!!
YES!!!!! i will not be complaining about not having a boyfriend or not having any sex today. DAMNIT!!! i just masturbated. masturbation is my husband. it saves my life. it's what the doctor ordered. my dick feels GOOD!!! YES!
and borg is not the only guy that saw your weiner last night.
and naw, it was a 9 second video of a male stripper doing an ab roll while in his briefs. decided to adjust the video speed to slow motion, then my mind and my dick took over. that guy is HAWT though. looking from the side, he has a big dick or he probably put a sock in his underwear and it looks like he has an ass on him. either way, i would love to shove a single in his briefs and cop a feel of his ass.
♫♪ Borg And Refuji Saw Your Wiener ♫♪
i want to know how to make my computer screen fall asleep so i can listen to coldplay's parachutes album in the dark. i would love to do nothing but to play shiver, spies and sparks in the dark right now. that would be so cool. can anybody please help me out? i'm on a dell.
Can't you just turn the damn thing off? Or is it a laptop?
You can set your laptop to NOT turn off when you fold (? what's the word) it ... just don't let it run too long like that as it probably needs to be open to evacuate the heat
but another rant that's on my head.
you know, this is something about ocd. you know, i HATE ocd like a motherfucker. you know, without going into much detail. i started to engage in ocd'ish behaviors back when i was in the 6th grade where i was flipping around coins on some heads and tails shit. at the time, i was worrying about getting tekken 3 for my birthday's birthday. this was back in 1998. so i'd flip the penny and go like "will i get tekken 3 for my brother's birthday?" and if it was tails, that would be a yes to that question. if it was heads, then that would be a no. i would flip the coin nonstop until i felt comfortable with the answer. even when my mom reserved it at software etc, i still didn't think that was good enough to answer my questions. was able to snap out of it, go back to my life and then in the 9th grade, it came back really strong and has been in my life ever since. i've dealt with it, learned to live with it, and my life went on. however, as i got older, i wanted to get my life back. i wanted to be able to do whatever i wanted to do without worrying or thinking something bad was going to happen if i did something else little as putting lotion on my feet before i went to bed, drinking a cup of tea, closing my blinds, ignoring the clock, and etc. i also wanted to get those stupid motherfucking ideas out of my thread involving things that i had NO control over.
i used to get up from my bed up until a week ago just about, literally staring @ the clock and i seriously mean that shit, just staring the night away, hoping on my bed, listening to music in the dark with the curtains open so the light can shine into my room at 3 in the morning. i would have the random thoughts like "will i get laid today? will i get a new job? will my life get better? will we go to new york? will this guy that i have a crush on go out with me?" and all these stupid questions which i can't even recall. i can't say that it ran my life BUT it was a part of my life where i lived my life around that shit. it was a part of who i was. whenever i tried to explain to my mom and my brother this, they was like "you need something better to do with your time" or they just didn't get it. my mom even one time told me that "maybe it was a gift from god. you have psychic powers." i felt that she was insulting me because it wasn't really fucking with me for real. not only that. i would look @ the colors of cars. words in sentences. did a whole lot of shit that revolved around that. it was crazy.
but however when i went to the psych 2 week ago, she pretty much told me that i had really bad anxiety issues. i never THOUGHT i did but now, it makes sense. if you remember awhile back, i had some thread about how i was freaking out at work, i had a drink, losing breath and etc. well, that was actually a panic attack. the crazy thing is that i experienced that more than one time and the first time i ever experienced that was when i got high off my ass in toronto. so that makes sense now.
but however, you know, i talked to borg about this and he was pretty much talking some sense into me on how to manage this, it's sort of hard to acknowledge and live with it now that i know what it is. i know i have to go about my life, life goes on and etc BUT at the same time, i'm sort of upset at being this way to tell you the truth. i don't want to be on meds BUT to tell you the truth, i don't think i could close my curtains if i didn't take it. i think i would have been staring up at the clock all night. i would be paying attention to the color of cars, the words of sentences, running in and out the house three times before i go out because i forgot to check if the stove was still on, you know. everybody is crazy to some extent BUT why did i end up with this though? i'm a little upset that i closed my curtains. i want to leave them open BUT then the reason why i left them open in the first place is because i think the light from the outside is going to make me smarter since i don't think that i'm intelligent despite it being nighttime where the only light is from the moon since it's a full moon, passing cars and the lights from the houses and the streetlights. i also thought that the light would cure my depression. but then again, it's cold as fuck outside, the draft from outside comes in and makes my small ass room cold being that it's wintertime. so i need to keep it closed otherwise i could get sick. plus i like how i get to chill in the dark, be alone by myself and it calms my nervous, anxious ass down a bit.
but with that said, i think i'm going to refill my prescription on zoloft and get busy living with my life. studying the lsat, fill out job applications, prepare for that correctional officer exam and get busy making myself a life again. i would say that i've been holed in the house for a bit too long.
okay, that's enough of my rant. i sound like a kid.
funny how yesterday i was bitching about not having a boyfriend, other people talking about their boyfriends and etc.
now i could care less and will like to hear about other folks talk about their boyfriends and etc. what a difference a day makes.
i would say that it's masturbation, sleep, or the fact that i'm chilling right now BUT i would say that it's just me.
i'm cool with being single. i need to be single anyway. now i should be getting my act together as in come out to more people in my inner circle, get my shit together, get a job, get a life, get comfortable with being a gay man, and etc then the boyfriend shit will be something to worry about. if i happen to get a boyfriend while in the process of getting my life together, i'm open to that too as long as he understands where my head is at and i can understand where his head is at. that's about it. time to log off the computer BUT i want to masturbate again first if i can.
My event was last night. I got to the venue at 8. Three performers were already there, which never happens. The place was hopping all night, if just short of "packed". A couple of the performers were only fair, but several absolutely crushed it. Although a few "regulars" didn't show, the crowd was really into it. Both performers and observers asked me when the next performance would be. I'm still amped over twelve hours after it started.
My two complaints:
* I asked one performer to take part whom I knew was known as flaky. I figured this would be a simple project for him to take part in. Instead, nailing him down was tough as nails. He wanted to do five pieces instead of one, but wouldn't choose which ones he'd do. I finally gave him two slots - the opening slot, and right near the end - and he still wouldn't pick. Finally, he made his selections, and I let him know he'd be on at 9pm and around 11:15p. He showed up at 9:15p. I had started without him. He seemed upset that I would do that.
* There was a "suggested $5 donation" cover charge, and I saw several people pay, although my attention was elsewhere most of the night. I went to settle up at the end of the night, and was given $40. Admittedly, I work for "a share of the door", and I don't do this for the cash - I just really love doing it. But I'm feeling a little cheated. The guy I normally work with is on tour right now, so I was dealing with new folk. I'll chat with the old guy when he gets back. But it might be time for a new venue.
Congrats on the success, Lex -
You're right - $40. for all that work and what they got out of it would piss me off too.