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  1. #1
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    Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Hey,

    I've been single for about 7 months, have went on lots of dates (mostly coffee or lunch) but no one has really caught my interest. However there's this guy I was talking to on POF for a couple days last week, great conversation. We met yesterday at a coffee shop and it was amazing! He's exactly what I'm looking for, he makes me laugh, he's gorgeous and I'm beyond attracted to him, we had so much in common and enjoyed doing a lot of the same things. We were at the coffee shop for probably 2 hours, then we went for a walk around the city and a park for another 2 hours. It was such a long date but I was really enjoying his company. I want to get to know him more, and I know it's early but I really see it going somewhere.

    I haven't had a relationship for awhile and I don't remember what it's like really being into someone and developing it. I don't want to do anything wrong. We were texting last night and this morning. He asked if we could hang out again this week, I said yes, so he said he'll plan something fun for Tuesday night! So I think that means he's interested too if he wants to see me again also.

    I feel so excited! After Tuesday night, I assume the ball is in "my court" to make the next date? Assuming it goes well which I'm sure it will, how soon is too soon to do a third date? A couple days? What about hand holding/kissing, if it feels right and I wanted to kiss him in the next couple dates would that be okay? I really don't want to rush things/scare him away, he's such a catch and I feel like he could have any guy he wants. I want to take it slow but I want him to know I'm interested, and I'm worried someone else is going to scoop him up haha. Any suggestions for dating progression? Date frequency? General do's and don'ts? I'm just so nervous about not doing it right. I could see him every day, haha, but I know that's a bad idea so just not sure how much I should be spacing it out.
    Last edited by SomeBoi; October 14th, 2012 at 11:44 AM.

  2. #2
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Just be yourself. The minute you script your life you begin to be inauthentic. You share the same interests so bring up an upcoming event or a place to visit and see if its something he'd like to do. That will become either your third or fourth date depending how far it is in the future.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  3. #3
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    My lord, you're overthinking this. Meet up as often as you two like, enjoy doing whatever you two enjoy doing. If you feel like it's the moment to kiss, go for it. He'll let you know if he thinks things are moving too fast, and you should do the same. In short, TALK TO EACH OTHER about what you each want and where each of you wants this to go.

    I'm very happy you've found a guy who sparks your interest. Good luck, and keep us posted.

  4. #4
    Coward92
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Im sooo jealous right now :P
    I wish I felt like this

    I also have the bad habit of making a move too soon.

    My advice: Don't be over-obsess, but do keep things happen. BE an active partner in this beautiful possibility.

  5. #5
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    So we've since been on 3 additional dates, all has gone great in such a short period of time! We had a little make out session last time, it was really good and overall we're taking it really slow which I like.

    I decided to delete my POF profile, I didn't tell him and I didn't discuss it. I know it has only been a week but I like to focus on one guy at a time and I don't want to explore any other options. He still has his, and logs on regularly which is fine it's not exclusive and definitely too early for that conversation and I'm just different.

    I don't know if he has noticed that my profile is gone, but what kind of signals do you think that will send when he does see it? Could it be interpreted as me wanting to move too fast? I just don't want to scare him away, but I genuinely don't want to waste my time with anyone else right now. It isn't putting any expectations upon him though by me getting rid of it. Should I tell him I did it and my reasons or just leave it?

  6. #6
    Coward92
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Just leave it. Tell him only if he asks you about it.

  7. #7

    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    agreed...leave it. If he mentions it, you can be honest and tell him that you like him, and that right now you are not looking for anyone else. It's ok to be straightforward with a guy whose tongue has been down your throat ...ya know? Like you said though, it is too soon to be placing demands on him to do the same. If/when you start becoming more serious & intimate, I think it is wise to find out if he also intends to be exclusive, or if he plans on dating others. You need to know so you can protect your heart.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  8. #8
    veni, vidi, reliqui
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Enjoy it for what it is.

  9. #9
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    If he notices and asks, give the reasons you've stated here. That in itself will lead to the conversation about when/if this is going to an exclusive relationship level.

  10. #10
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    I feel like this is just becoming complicated and I'm feeling really worried. Any advice would be appreciated. Last Friday he spent the night, we fooled around a bit for the first time, Saturday we spent the day together and did all kinds of cute date-like things. It went super well.

    However, before all that happened we used to text all the time last week. He would check in how my day went, say good night, call me cute names - things like that. Paragraphs of messages. Since this past weekend, it has been much more infrequent texting, 3-4 word responses from him and nothing "sweet".

    Yesterday I just let it go and didn't text him all day, and I didn't hear from him. Finally I broke down, sent a message later last night and asked if he wanted to hang out this week. He said for sure, I asked about his availability and he said how about I stay at his place last night. So I did, I went over, we actually had sex for the first time, cuddled, it was so great. Before we went to sleep I said "I have something funny to tell you, ever since Sunday I have felt like you weren't interested in hanging out because our communication has just been so different compared to last week". He said "Really? I actually really just don't like texting, haha". I accepted that. He made me breakfast this morning and off on my day I went to school.

    I don't know what to think. I really, really don't like our lack of communication this week compared to last week after having been intimate. I think he's interested, when we're together he seems interested but wouldn't he want to text me just as much as last week? I'm really not needy/clingy, but when he is saying sweet things, showing interest in my life and we are constantly talking and then almost completely stopping this week I just think something is up??? I really don't believe that he just "doesn't like texting", could it be possible he has just lost interest and is just keeping me as an option? I don't want to bring up too much of what I'm thinking and scare him away, but it's just such opposite behavior. If he didn't like texting then he wouldn't have texted me as much as he did last week. How are we supposed to move forward without keeping in touch aside from planning hang outs? Ugh.

    I want to bring it up again but I don't know how to revisit the issue. I hate dating it seems so complicated!
    Last edited by SomeBoi; October 24th, 2012 at 04:29 PM.

  11. #11
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    First of all, way to take the initiative and ask him about the communication! But, if you want the relationship to last, you should accept his answer. You have no reason to doubt otherwise.

    As for how you can move forward by keeping in touch, talk to him about it. Ask him what ways he does want to talk to you. Maybe you could plan a Skype night or a phone call night. Just things that don't involve text communication. It's an easy fall-back option, but sometimes one can get misunderstood.

    Good luck!

  12. #12
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    You're right. I do need to accept his answer. I mean, if he wasn't into me would he have really invited me over last night? I wouldn't be making time for someone if I wasn't.

    I'm just so used to constant communication. With my ex-bf we texted constantly. I loved having someone to tell everything to, and I loved hearing about his day - we never ran out of things to talk about. This is just such a different pace that I'm not used to. Especially when it started out that way then becomes radically different this week and I'm getting 3-4 word responses with not much effort to continue conversation. Do you guys really think it means nothing?

    I'm going to accept that he's being honest and there's actually nothing up. But I'm swearing off dating for a long time if I put trust into this and this doesn't turn out, hahaha. It would be so much easier if I could just read his mind to know what he was thinking because he doesn't do a good job of putting it into words!

    I'll invite him to go to a local band or something with me tomorrow night, then stay at my place - see how that goes. He also invited my to his Halloween party on Saturday. So maybe if we get enough face time during the week we won't need as much texting. I just think some kind of contact like you said is important either in person or electronic means.

  13. #13
    Shy-ster justanothershyguy's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    We are in a world where everything can be instant! But, wouldn't it be nicer to hear from his mouth and not his fingers? Or see his face when you ask about his day? And yes, I really do think it's nothing.

    Sounds like you have a big weekend ahead of you. Have a great time!

  14. #14
    JUB Addict Audio Tech's Avatar
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    My god... all these text babies....

    Texting is ok, but don't make a relationship based on it!

    I don't text AT ALL, but that doesn't mean I don't love someone. You young guys nowadays are putting WAY too much importance on texting. What's important is how you interact FACE TO FACE.

    Just relax and have a good time!

  15. #15
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    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Haha, thank you! I'm sure I am overthinking it. It is pretty funny to put it in perspective after you mention how heavily texting has become weighted.

  16. #16

    Re: Had a GREAT date, I want it to go somewhere - tips?

    Personally speaking, if someone texted me constantly, I'd feel smothered and would be looking for the nearest exit.

    There does need to be communication between the 2 of you...now it's up to you to find out what the balance is between what you want/need from him and what he is also comfortable with giving back to you. It doesn't mean that you need to completely compromise on this and cater to his ways, the compromise should be on both your parts. Since you are on opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to texting, ask him for a little more communication, and that you'll try to control the frequency of your texts to him.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

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