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Thread: Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

      
   
  1. #1

    Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

    First of all, I want to start out by saying that I'm not looking for any self righteous lectures. I'm only saying this because in the past I've started perfectly innocent threads that seemed to attract 'preachy' and 'bitchy' users who use this as an opportunity to look down their noses at me and start a flame war, I'd like to avoid that please. I'm aware that I have a problem and I'd like to get to the root of it or maybe get some tips on how to get over it.

    So yeah, I'm also aware that I'm preaching to the choir here since pretty much every gay man has this dilemma: falling for a straight guy. Happens all the damn time. Do we wish that we could snap our fingers and those guys would suddenly 'turn gay' for us in an instant? Sure. Is it ever going to happen? Not in this lifetime. I'm grounded enough in reality to realize this, but my problem is that when I find myself in this predicament...not only do I find them sexy and attractive...I also develop bitter and resentful feelings towards them. Because that's the kind of guy I want to be with (not because they are straight, just their looks and personality wise) but I know I can never have them. I don't like this person I turn into. Now I don't get in their faces and say "How dare you be straight! How dare you not reciprocate my feelings! I hate you forever!!!" and I'm not rude to them. I hide my resentment and try to have as little contact with them as possible. This is stupid, this is silly. I should feel this way at all, but I do...and I want it to stop? I want to be able to accept the fact that I will never be with *insert sexy attractive straight guys name here* and move along.

    Now I know the simple solution to this would be to find a GAY man that you can find yourself attracted to so you won't care for all those other guys but if any of you have seen my previous thread below, you know for someone like me...that's easier said than done. Any other suggestions, pretty please?

  2. #2

    Re: Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

    If I were in your spot, my "cure" would be to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Instead of hiding from these attractive guys, go up to them and say hi, try to be friendly.

    *puts on his psychiatrist glasses*
    It seems to me that the root of the problem is that your expectations don't match your reality. Putting their "manliness" on a pedestal overshadows every other part of their personality and becomes the sole focus. All the while perfectly available guys, simply because there exists a possibility of a connection, become instantly unattractive and decidedly "unmanly".

  3. #3
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

    I think your resentment may be misplaced. The straight guys you admire or are attracted to are just trying to get through the day, the same as any of us. They didn't choose to be straight any more than we chose to be otherwise. I think your real gripe is with heterosexism which puts the most masculine of men not only to the head of the line, but also on pedestals. I'd get to know some of these guys as was already suggested. It will give you the opportunity to not see them as objects.

    I, for one, don't see anything wrong with types. I'd venture to say most of us have them dancing around our heads. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. I think the real question to ask yourself is this: If you find a butch gay guy are you going to think less of him once his legs are in the air? If you can honestly answer no I think you'll do ok. If your answer is yes I'd say you have an issue which might need some examination with a therapist. Any roadblocks to contentment and happiness need attention. Some of the real deep seated ones can't always be worked on alone.
    Last edited by Seasoned; October 12th, 2012 at 12:05 AM.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

    Quote Originally Posted by vidarr View Post
    If I were in your spot, my "cure" would be to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. Instead of hiding from these attractive guys, go up to them and say hi, try to be friendly.
    ^^^^^^^^^^ This, and be clear and open about yourself. So talk with them, socialize with them, and do anything else with them as a friend, but be 100% sure that they are aware that you are a gay guy.

    What kind of activities you prefer to do in your free time?

    Is the whole world around you (family / friends / work / etc.) aware that you are gay and/or are you living as an open gay? What's indicated on your Facebook account?
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

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    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Attraction to straight guys leads to me being bitterly resentful towards them...HELP?

    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    I think your resentment may be misplaced. The straight guys you admire or are attracted to are just trying to get through the day, the same as any of us. They didn't choose to be straight any more than we chose to be otherwise. I think your real gripe is with heterosexism which puts the most masculine of men not only to the head of the line, but also on pedestals. I'd get to know some of these guys as was already suggested. It will give you the opportunity to not see them as objects.

    I, for one, don't see anything wrong with types. I'd venture to say most of us have them dancing around our heads. You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone. I think the real question to ask yourself is this: If you find a butch gay guy are you going to think less of him once his legs are in the air? If you can honestly answer no I think you'll do ok. If your answer is yes I'd say you have an issue which might need some examination with a therapist. Any roadblocks to contentment and happiness need attention. Some of the real deep seated ones can't always be worked on alone.
    Very well put.

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