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  1. #1
    On the Prowl Wwefan10's Avatar
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    Need advice please

    Ok let me start off by saying sorry if this has been posted in the wrong place, Ok so the thing is a couple of years ago I was told I sounded gay and it really smacked my confidence and its forced me to be shy around new people which happens alot at the place i work i mean ill talk and talk and talk around the women BUT i dont speak to any of the men unless they speak to me first I know it's stupid but I'm not ready to come out (at work) ill do it in my own time (my family know) but I'm sick of being quite around the guys especially the manager who has said a few times I'm to quite and I need to talk more but for some dam reason I don't want to talk around him, Can someone please give me some advice on what to do to over come this please? Thank you

  2. #2
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: Need advice please

    You need to build up your confidence. Start out slow. Say "hi" in the mornings or when they are standing around bs'ing join in for a few minutes. After you've broken the ice it will get easier. I hate the way my voice sounds to people and I've had trouble with people telling me I'm too quiet. It's just really hard for me to talk around others. Especially those I don't know. The way I've gotten around it is to just start slow and build up my self confidence. A lot of times we worry too much about a "flaw" that we have. The reality is the guys probably don't even notice your voice that much. What they see is that your ignoring them and they don't know why. Put your big boy pants on and approach them. Pretty soon you will be just one of the guys.

    Steven.

  3. #3
    JUB Addict Maklaar13's Avatar
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    Re: Need advice please

    I'll give you my two cents! When I was younger not only did I sounded very effeminate when I spoke but I also looked the part. Not because I wanted to but because I was a very pretty boy (that is what I was told a lot) that developed very late in life and I grew up around women. I decided not to let it bother me, instead I took a pro active approach to my situation. I started working out which gave me a less twinky look and join the drama class at school, which help me project my voice into a more masculine tone and it also gave me a lot of confidence. I was lucky enough to be born out of the closet, so I never had to come out. I was called a fag countless times, however I did not let it bother me, as I immerse myself into things I wanted to do and became confident and more comfortable with who I was, people became aware of my efforts and I gain many friends, even those who called me names before started to see me in a different light. Furthermore, I want you to know that I did all of it for myself, not because I wanted to be what others wanted me to. I could not change my pretty face but I change the way I looked at myself. In the end God has a sense of humor, I think, I will be 51 years old next month and I almost graduated to handsome from pretty boy. I hope that my experience helps you come out of your shell, but remember you are who you are, embrace it and you will be happier doing things for yourself.

  4. #4

    Re: Need advice please

    I think Georgiadude has good advice...start small with a "hey" or "hi Joe" or "good morning Joe" (if it's a superior) as you, or the individual, are passing by, so you do not have to stop and engage in conversation. Gradually build up to a few more words at a time, "Hi Joe, how was your weekend?" or "what's up?"...stop and let them answer, be prepared for them to ask you the same, and be prepared to give them a short reply. You could keep the subject matter related to work too, if you are not comfortable talking about your life outside of work. If nerves get the better of you, make an excuse that you've got to make a call or deliver a paper...whatever. Remember to breathe, relax, and think before you speak.

    I don't think it's necessary for you to come out at work...you are entitled to keep your personal life separate. They probably already suspect that you are gay, but whatever...who cares what they think. You are there to work, not talk about your sex life.

    I really do think you need to practice this tho, since your supervisor has mentioned you are too quiet. It could effect your job if it continues to be an issue.

    edit to add that I like what Maklaar said too, and about embracing who you are.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

  5. #5
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Need advice please

    Why is sounding "gay" a bad thing? Masculinity is in no way better than femininity, regardless of gender.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  6. #6
    On the Prowl Wwefan10's Avatar
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    Re: Need advice please

    thank you for the advice I will try it obviously its not going to happen over night but I hope it will work eventually

  7. #7
    On the Prowl Wwefan10's Avatar
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    Re: Need advice please

    Quote Originally Posted by Maklaar13 View Post
    I'll give you my two cents! When I was younger not only did I sounded very effeminate when I spoke but I also looked the part. Not because I wanted to but because I was a very pretty boy (that is what I was told a lot) that developed very late in life and I grew up around women. I decided not to let it bother me, instead I took a pro active approach to my situation. I started working out which gave me a less twinky look and join the drama class at school, which help me project my voice into a more masculine tone and it also gave me a lot of confidence. I was lucky enough to be born out of the closet, so I never had to come out. I was called a fag countless times, however I did not let it bother me, as I immerse myself into things I wanted to do and became confident and more comfortable with who I was, people became aware of my efforts and I gain many friends, even those who called me names before started to see me in a different light. Furthermore, I want you to know that I did all of it for myself, not because I wanted to be what others wanted me to. I could not change my pretty face but I change the way I looked at myself. In the end God has a sense of humor, I think, I will be 51 years old next month and I almost graduated to handsome from pretty boy. I hope that my experience helps you come out of your shell, but remember you are who you are, embrace it and you will be happier doing things for yourself.
    Thank you for taking the time to give me a long reply I appreciate it

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