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  1. #1
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Bit of history first, sorry it's long but need your advice

    My honey has been the Estate Trustee for his parents estate since 05', both have since passed-mom in 05' dad in 10'. During that time he was embroiled in a legal war by a half and step bro's trying to gain control of the entire estate. My honey's sister, him and I were the only ones to help and care for the parents 24/7. My honey spent about 75k in attorney fee's and in the end won and remained the trustee, all allegations of abuse, theft, co-mingeling were prove false and the other 2 bro's had to pay fines for hararssment/defamation.

    The father, wanted the sister to have their main home and my honey had no problems with that, but the condition was that she had to refinance the home and out of the trust cuz the trust has to be closed after a 2 yr period allowed by probate regulations.
    The sister lost her job caring for the dad after he passed away this month 2 yrs ago, she used all her unemployeement funds and use 3 extensions, my honey helped her out many times over the yrs, even b4 this and continued to up until Jan 2012, when she ran out of benifits. everyone had been telling her to get a job or think about moving in order to rent the house out and save it for her.

    She is in deep w/Jehova witness and said her church came 1st then a job, yet she wanted my honey to foot the house payments, he refused. They met with the estate attorney w/sister, her son and honey, he told them all only way to save the house is to move and rent it out, they ALL agreed and signed a agreement which also incl the need to refi the house asap, she agreed. She has know for 2 yrs the the refi need to be done asap in order for honey to sign over the deed to home.

    She got pissed that she had to move, her,son and honey agreed to he would foot the payments 1 more time and expences to get home in rental condition if he was paid back, again they agreed. But as the move time came she left the home as if she got evicted a complete mess, it took him and me 7 days str8t just to clean the back yard, in all 5 weeks and 5200.00 later. when we had appt's to show house she locked doors and lied that she lost keys. He lost 2 good app's due to them not seen entire home and had to pay another months payment. Did get rented in end , but he had to pay 3 payments more.

    When he sent her all copies of expenses cuz she wanted proof, asking to get paid back and only asking for 1500.00 back she refused, he then asked her son, and he said he did not remember he talked about it. She has bad credit, and live with daughter babysitting/nanny so no money.

    Now the niece/nephew who my honey has always help anytime they need help/money upto 4k given and never paid back, they all are giving cold shoulder, don't call, no facebook comments, emails, like he is no longer related any longer. Through rumor mill we heard she has told numerous lies about him and is part of why niece/nephew no longer talk to him.

    My honey is the most caring, giving, helping, you need help he is there in minutes type guy, yet the shit on him that makes me so mad. Although he is furious, he maintains his cool. He just drafted a letter saying she has 21 days to refi the home or it will be sold in order to close trust, or he faces fines for not closing the trust in the 2yr window- up this month. He still cares about his family and is worried that they will get more pissed at him, and is stressing over it. We are just getting ready to go on vacation for 2 weeks and he says he is not in the mood.. Talk about disrespect.......

    sorry this was long.....thanks guy's, just had to get that out...
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  2. #2
    animalius
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    I think you people are a mess.

    My grandma died a few years back. The will left everything to my aunt. My aunt called up my mom and said she wanted to meet face to face. I went along with my mom at the time, so I saw their whole conversation. Their conversation was basically this.

    Aunt: I want to sell the property and split the money in half with you. What do you think?

    Mom: Are you sure? Mom left it all to you.

    Aunt: Yes.

    Mom: Ok. Thank you.

    My mom's birthday was last month. I was determined to beat all my siblings with my present for her. So, I got both my mom and my dad each an asus transformer infinity (google it if you don't know) with dock combo and also each a galaxy tab 2 7.0. My brother got me beat, though. He gave my mom and dad a big fat check, enough to cover plane tickets to Asia and expenses there for 3 months. Not willing to be beaten by my brother, I just promised my parents I will pay for their property tax this year, which is about $6k here in the chicago area, while they enjoy their first months of retirement in Southeast Asia.

    The point is for us family comes first. There is no way in hell any of us will ever fight each other over anything.

    You people can't seem to wait to let blood sucking lawyers suck you dry over what should be internal family disputes. You guys should go on judge Judy...

  3. #3
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    racer, when family members use you, sometimes the proper thing to do is let loose the lawyers. I would have offered no latitude to someone who feels their religion is more important than paying their own way and not screwing over family members. It may not be pretty but she's shown you all who she is. Believe her.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  4. #4
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Animalius's situation is the rare one. Usually when family and money mix, it brings out the very worst in people. Frankly, I'd just behave like an estate trustee who wasn't related to anyone invovled. Sell the property, deduct your documented expenses from the proceeds, and send sis a check for the balance. Then I'd shut the bitch and her family out of my life. Just because you're related to people does NOT make them family and it certainly does NOT obligate you to put up with their disrespect and bs.

    I'm really sorry you and your guy are having to go through this. Good for him he has a good guy to lean on. Best of luck to you both.

  5. #5
    Grumpy Old Man jft245's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Animalius thinks these people "are a mess" and fighting over the house is wrong, but what I find more disturbing is his use of money and gifts to try and buy his parents love and out do his brother.

  6. #6
    ecce homo rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    I think your honey is an idiot about his family to be honest.

    I can't imagine why he would keep pouring money into any of these people.

    And his father was a fool for not anticipating the possible problems from the outset.

    He should be glad that his sister and her horrible family are ignoring him.

  7. #7
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Sadly, this is repeated on a daily basis all over the world. Parents try to control life after they're gone. Your sister-in-law has been enabled for years and doesn't know how to be responsible. I'd give her the house and let her be saddled with that responsibility.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  8. #8
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by rareboy View Post
    I think your honey is an idiot about his family to be honest.

    I can't imagine why he would keep pouring money into any of these people.

    And his father was a fool for not anticipating the possible problems from the outset.

    He should be glad that his sister and her horrible family are ignoring him.
    Will I don't think he is a idiot, he has always been a very giving/caring person, and has been the only one to be there for his family, it's just his nature. He see's them in need and is always ready to help. But some take advantage of his good nature and never return the help, but are there to ask for more.
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  9. #9
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by jft245 View Post
    Animalius thinks these people "are a mess" and fighting over the house is wrong, but what I find more disturbing is his use of money and gifts to try and buy his parents love and out do his brother.
    Thank you,, exactly what he is doing , he did not get one bit of what I was saying.... Cuz we are not fighting to keep the house, he is trying to give her the house which she is supposed to refi 1st so he can close the trust or risk penalties.

    She told the lies to her kids to turn them away from us.. But i know if they ever come looking for more money, he is not going to give any.
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  10. #10
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by animalius View Post
    I think you people are a mess.

    My grandma died a few years back. The will left everything to my aunt. My aunt called up my mom and said she wanted to meet face to face. I went along with my mom at the time, so I saw their whole conversation. Their conversation was basically this.

    Aunt: I want to sell the property and split the money in half with you. What do you think?

    Mom: Are you sure? Mom left it all to you.

    Aunt: Yes.

    Mom: Ok. Thank you.

    My mom's birthday was last month. I was determined to beat all my siblings with my present for her. So, I got both my mom and my dad each an asus transformer infinity (google it if you don't know) with dock combo and also each a galaxy tab 2 7.0. My brother got me beat, though. He gave my mom and dad a big fat check, enough to cover plane tickets to Asia and expenses there for 3 months. Not willing to be beaten by my brother, I just promised my parents I will pay for their property tax this year, which is about $6k here in the chicago area, while they enjoy their first months of retirement in Southeast Asia.

    The point is for us family comes first. There is no way in hell any of us will ever fight each other over anything.

    You people can't seem to wait to let blood sucking lawyers suck you dry over what should be internal family disputes. You guys should go on judge Judy...
    You missed the whole point, you really did.

    He is not trying to buy someone love, one up the other as you guy's are/did. He has a responsiblity as a trustee to administer the trust and in a timely manner 2yr period. He is following the parents wishes, trying to give her that house, he does not want it at all. She won't get a job, and wants to get the house but wants my honey to keep paying the mortgage, that is not gonna happen. She wants a free ride, her jehova friends even told me that "your dad gave her the house as a gift she should not have to pay for it" I told them to go fuck them selfs and mind there own shit. Just cuz my honey has money does not mean they can shit on him, after all he has done to help them for many many yrs.
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  11. #11
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    racer, when family members use you, sometimes the proper thing to do is let loose the lawyers. I would have offered no latitude to someone who feels their religion is more important than paying their own way and not screwing over family members. It may not be pretty but she's shown you all who she is. Believe her.
    We had no choice, in attorneys, the court ordered it upon having to open probate, and the allegations the bro's made where major, that he had to defend himself. His mom/dad always told him this, if you are right and you know it stand up for your self and see it through--if your wrong and or made a mistake, acknowledge it apologize and learn from it and move on-- Stand for you princilpals.

    He had to use 3 attornies, 1 for trust, 1 for him, 1 for his dad. The sister rode on the coats tails again as she needed to have one also as she was also named in the litigation, but did not want to pay for a attorney.

    And you right, she showed her colors. a back stabbin bitch.
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  12. #12
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    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Who cares if she is a bitch. That is her problem. This is about your hubby doing the right thing and going the extra mile to be fair with everyone. He did it the correct way, imo. He will be able to live with himself in how he handled this, without doubts or regrets. How the other beneficiaries handle themselves is not really his concern.

    The only other thing I would add is for him to be sure the others understand the consequences for their bad choices. If she decides to give all her money to her church, there will be no more money from your man.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  13. #13
    JUB Addict racer2438's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    Who cares if she is a bitch. That is her problem. This is about your hubby doing the right thing and going the extra mile to be fair with everyone. He did it the correct way, imo. He will be able to live with himself in how he handled this, without doubts or regrets. How the other beneficiaries handle themselves is not really his concern.

    The only other thing I would add is for him to be sure the others understand the consequences for their bad choices. If she decides to give all her money to her church, there will be no more money from your man.
    Thank you, perfect point.....and yes he stopped helping her out awhile ago and that started her attitude. But he is doing it by the book and feels no regrets, just hurt the his nieces/nephew fell into her web of lies. She told them he kicked her out cuz he wanted the house. My honey has no need for another house, he worked hard all his life and made great choices/investments and he fully retired at 43yrs old. We've together for 28yrs and we have our own things don't need theres. They are just irresponsible jerks..trying to take advanatge of him again. but the doors are shut this time and they are pissed. --too fucking bad for them. He is happy within himself and knows he has done the right thing..
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

  14. #14
    animalius
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by jft245 View Post
    Animalius thinks these people "are a mess" and fighting over the house is wrong, but what I find more disturbing is his use of money and gifts to try and buy his parents love and out do his brother.
    Haha grasping at straws there. The love is already there for us. There's no need to buy anything. But if we are really trying to buy love like you think, it is a hell of a lot better than fighting over things and getting lawyers and the law involved.

    People need to grow up and settle things like mature adult. Our parents raised 5 kids to be loving and caring towards one another. You know what my brother's proposed plan to help them out financially for their retirement is? Sell their house and move over to indiana near him. He even offered to buy them a house. Taxes are lower there.

    If I ever run into trouble, there is no doubt in my mind that my siblings will help me with no strings attached. That's what a family is suppose to be like, not fighting each other out in court.

  15. #15
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    There's only one solution to your problem. Judge Judy sees through the lies.

  16. #16
    animalius
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    And before you say my family is weird...

    I'm sitting at my sister's house right now getting ready to go back home. Her in-laws' home recently became too old and the roof began to leak. Because this came with old age, not any particular disaster, insurance won't pay for the roof repair. My sister and her husband just gave the husband's folks $10k to fix the roof. No strings attached.

    Here's the kicker. Sister's husband's sister married a filthy rich lawyer. That side of their family is loaded. By loaded, I mean their millionaires. His sister wanted to help out with the roof, but her husband refused. He said it wasn't their problem.

    If you can't be compassionate with your family, then what's the point of living?

    I'll be brutally honest. If I were your honey, I'd say to the brothers "you want the house? Take it." I don't care for the drama that comes with such squabbling.

  17. #17
    JUB Addict mikey3000's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    LOL! I was just going to start a thread on this very topic. How some families are bat-shit crazy!

    My mother is veyr sick, in the final stages of cancer. She lives with me any my family because no one else would take her in. My sister said she couldn't cause her hubby works long hours and she has a child to look after. I have two kids and a sick wife to look after.

    Anyway, last week there were a couple of family birthdays so I decided to take everyone out for dinner. At the table, my daughter commented on a news story she just saw on the TV (in the restaurant) about bad beef. My aunt raised her voice and yelled at my daughter in the restaurant because she felt it wasn't appropriate dinner table conversation. I bit my tongue till we finished dinner and went back to my aunt's house, then I tore her a new one for talking down to my daughter and making her feel like shit. She was absolutely stunned that I flipped at her, speechless. And I ain't done yet. She has invited me over tonight to discuss the matter. Old lady better hold on tight if she's looking for a fight.

    Then today an uncle called to ask me to bring my mom by for a visit to his place. Wants to show off his new car and chat about his trip last month to Jamaica, or maybe next month's trip to Mexico, and just see how my mom is doing. LOL! Really? Why not come to us to visit? (Truth is people are funny around cancer patients- they think it's contageous so not too close). Anyway, I asked when we should come and he replied, "Oh, not tomorrow or the rest of this week, maybe next week will work. And not on the weekends or in the evenings as I go out almost everynight with my buds." Well, fuck you I thought. You invite but we have to squeeze in during your sober, at home moments? I'll pass.

    Man! Is it me or is everyone else crazy? I really give up. Common sense doesn't seem so common anymore.
    Last edited by mikey3000; October 9th, 2012 at 10:13 AM.
    Inspired - but too tired.

  18. #18
    ecce homo rareboy's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by racer2438 View Post
    Will I don't think he is a idiot, he has always been a very giving/caring person, and has been the only one to be there for his family, it's just his nature. He see's them in need and is always ready to help. But some take advantage of his good nature and never return the help, but are there to ask for more.
    Well if he continues to help them whenever they fuck up or have their hand out...then there is no room at all to expect better behaviour.

    We've all been there either with friends or family members that we thought would behave better. They never do. And continuing to bend over backwards to help them actually only enables their pathological behaviour.

    Unless any of these people saved your guy's life at some point in time, there is a limit to how much they have a right to expect from him.

  19. #19
    JUB Addict Ninja108's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Sad thing with many families,when it comes to money blood isn't thicker then water

  20. #20
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    It is one thing to be generous, to overlook people's faults, to not count the number of servings your family takes at the dinner table. But to overlook being taken advantage of is different. It only proves that other people's greed is thicker than blood.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  21. #21
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Being disrespected by family-rant, bit long sorry

    Quote Originally Posted by bankside View Post
    It is one thing to be generous, to overlook people's faults, ... But to overlook being taken advantage of is different.
    Exactly. This is where the act of being generous enables bad behavior. It's like...I'm being very generous by sharing/giving my alcohol to an alcoholic.

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