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  1. #1
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    I was miserable last night. I was in bed alone, thinking about how alone I was. I've always been alone. :/ I've felt like this before, but today it really hurts.
    I've been a kind person and I've tried to be the best I can be. I've spent most of my time this year working on myself psychically and mentally. Eating healthy, exercising for an hour everyday, fulfilling goals such as learning the piano (I take a class for it), going to dream concerts, traveling, and treating myself to gifts since this is the first time in my life that I have money to spend on myself.
    I guess I set myself up to fail. I told myself that, once I came out, life would be perfect. But this isn't the ideal life that I saw for myself. Am I a part of any dating websites? No. Am I a part of my school's Gay-Straight Alliance? No. Do I openly talk about my orientation? Ughhh..no.

    What's wrong with me? I don't want to be alone. But I guess I'm not as fully out as I thought I was either. It's like I'm subconsciously (or very consciously) keeping myself unhappy. How does one become officially gay and start dating? What if no one wants me? What if I don't want anyone and these feelings are just the last of my teenage hormones gasping for air? I constantly want to be alone, but I think I just tell myself that to skip being let down.

    Thank you for reading. I couldn't put it on Tumblr because my friends would judge me...

  2. #2
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Do you live in a big city mid size city or a small town? Start going out to gay places, Gay Bars,Clubs,meetups are you going to College? see if they have any gay related events. You said you have friends plan a day and just go out to random places

    And the gay apps try them out

  3. #3
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    First off, I simply adore you.

    You just have to go out to events and gay social gatherings. Talk to people and try to make connections. That's what I do anyway, still haven't found anyone, it does feel disheartening sometimes, but if you don't try you'll never succeed.

    Be grateful you have friends too. Some of us literally have no one.
    1) That was supposed to say "physically"
    2) I'm horrible at social stuff. I'm only funny when I'm not trying to be and I think so hard that I sit in silence most of the time. :/
    3) Hoe, you can inbox me anytime. I'd love to have you as my friend

  4. #4
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by reone View Post
    I would suggest dating sites if you've never really been one to date, or have been in situations where you can really identify guys that you can meet up with. Doing it through school can be nice too since there's immediately some connections there as far as interests go.
    I guess I was just ranting. I'm thinking about your advice, and it sounds awesome, but then I just tell myself that it's a waste of time. I'm really horrible at taking action for myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by USEDCAR View Post
    Do you live in a big city mid size city or a small town? Start going out to gay places, Gay Bars,Clubs,meetups are you going to College? see if they have any gay related events. You said you have friends plan a day and just go out to random places

    And the gay apps try them out
    I live in a big-ish city and I've lurked on the gay apps... I'm just not confident enough for it. Maybe that's my MAIN problem. I'm not confident in my looks or personality.

  5. #5
    Porn Star floridaboy's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    i was right there with you man,

    i knew myself i was gay but never told anyone, yet at night would find myself asking myself "why am i so lonely?"

    First i came out of the closet to my close friends(only problem is they're all assholes and outed me at school), still havent told my family and dont plan on it. I had no one to really talk to about things like this, so i turned to a bunch of gay dating apps on my droid phone.

    First i used grindr to find guys to fuck because the reviews were all about them getting laid and i thought i'd need atleast some exp with guys in bed before i turn to dating. Now im using jack'd with alot of success. I dont have a bf, but now i have alot of guys i can talk to about anything and share my life with them. Im not dating, i just opened myself up to the world and let people in

  6. #6

    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    I'll be your friend PM me if you wanna add me on skype or something.

  7. #7
    Dimples glasvegas's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by CupidBoy View Post
    ^ you are HOT and SWEET! So get some confidence!
    What Cupidboy said.

    Gay apps help as well, but, if you're not into seedy hook up, just tell them no and that you prefer mates and dates, those who are really interested in you, will continue to talk you.

  8. #8
    Likes cock.
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr-Brooding View Post
    What if no one wants me?

    Judging from the adorable pic you posted in the Pictures thread, I can ASSURE you this won't be a problem.

  9. #9
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    You've got some good advice here, Brooding. All I can say is get out, meet people, live your life, and the rest will follow. Just from seeing your pictures, I doubt anyone would reject you based on looks.

    We all go through phases of wondering why we're not in a relationship. Just don't be too hard on yourself about it, or it becomes self-fulfilling and self-perpetuating.

  10. #10
    WTF????? refujiunderground's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    being that you're 19, you have your whole life ahead of you. when you're in the same position at 25, then worry. when you get older, it becomes harder to find somebody.
    one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry

  11. #11
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by refujiunderground View Post
    being that you're 19, you have your whole life ahead of you. when you're in the same position at 25, then worry. when you get older, it becomes harder to find somebody.
    Don't be so damn cheerful, Refuji!

  12. #12
    Marty Saybrooke's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Don't feel bad! I've told you a hundred times if you and I were closer, you'd be mine ;*
    I make my bed with the stars above my head and dream of a place called home.

  13. #13
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by RazorzEdge88 View Post
    Not to piss all over your dreams, but...

    One of the worst reasons to start dating, and more importantly, quickly jump into a relationship is because you don't want to be alone.

    My now ex-boyfriend did this, convinced/deluded himself into thinking I was the one for him when he couldn't even stand to treat me with the slightest bit of decency, and now he's made a sworn enemy out of me for the pathetically bitter way he's handled our break-up.

    Now while that's probably your worst-case scenario that's unlikely to happen, it is possible to force yourself into a relationship where you're compromising too much. Not to mention the fact that it puts undue pressure on you when you're first getting into dating, which can have the worst kind of influence on the way you act.

    Cliche as it is, you really do have to love yourself before you try to love someone else. If you're subconsciously sabotaging yourself out of dating opportunities when you want to be out there, you have to ask yourself why and get to the bottom of that.

    I take it as kind of a sign that you seem to be trying to better yourself for the purpose of finding someone, rather than doing it for your own fulfillment. It's like you're trying to get someone else (i.e. a potential boyfriend) to make you feel desirable, but it's so much more rewarding when that comes from within.

    TL;DR, I sound like a wannabe psychologist - just don't worry too much about dating and try to enjoy life as it comes.
    I can totally see your point, but bettering myself really was for me! Just me. Last year I noticed how deeply I fell for people who didn't exactly treat me well, so I took a step back and tried to learn how to love myself. I started enjoying my own company and accomplishing goals that I had put off for years.
    I am too compromising in every friendship I have, and you were perfectly right about that possibly spilling over into my relationships. I don't see myself as desperate per se, but hopping into one seems like something I would do.
    The late nights get too damn lonely.
    Thank you for the advice.

  14. #14
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    Swellegant's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Point of clarification: if you've always been alone, how do you know that being partnered is better? To what are you comparing yourself?

    I get lonely sometimes, though not late at night (I'm asleep then... I recommend sleeping at night, it's much better for you). But that feeling passes, usually within a few hours. However, having an asshole in your life who you jumped on just because you were lonely passes a lot more slowly, and makes a much bigger mess. Trust me, I did enough of that when I was young to know whereof I speak.

    Having friends you can talk to, even if they're scattered all over the world and connected to you only through the internet, is a great balm for loneliness. Just don't convince yourself that you have to have a warm body in your bed in order to be happy. Be happy first, and then boyfriends may come. Or they may not... who cares, so long as you're happy either way?

    * Question the Dominant Paradigm *

  15. #15
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by animalius View Post
    I don't consider people in the internet real friends. Neither are people on facebook.

    You need friends where you can use the five senses on (or 4 or 3 or whatever just to be pc). Just keep one thing in mind. You cannot escape from reality.
    Great advice on "you need friends where you can use the five senses on." Licking is one of them!

  16. #16
    In Loving Memory palbert's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    He'll do until:


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  17. #17
    Match in the gas tank..
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    1.You are young. Enjoy your youth. Focus on school/career. Meet all kinds of people from all races and backgrounds.

    2.IGNORE IGNORANT PEOPLE. (This will seem to be very hard to do at first, but you will eventually succeed.)

    3.Just go for it. You are living two minorities in a society which for the most part degrades both.

    Grab the bull by the horns. Do not pass up any opportunities that are given to you.

    Basically, just ignore the bullshit. Being single is an amazing thing. Go out and enjoy life. If Prince Charming comes along in the process, great. If he doesn't, don't fret. Be happy.

    I'm always here as well if you need to talk.
    Glass Half Empty, Glass Half Full
    http://colorfulqueers.tumblr.com/

  18. #18
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Thanks for the advice and attention guys What I meant by "Thank you for reading. I couldn't put it on Tumblr because my friends would judge me..." was my real-life friends that I go to school with would judge me. They don't necessarily understand a lot of things about me because they're from a kinda wealthy, all-white part of town with mostly straight friends, and I am not. It's kinda weird when trying to get them to see outside of their bubble and explain anything about being gay, a minority, or lonely.

  19. #19
    Sex God subsonic's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    You and I are quite similar in many ways..

    I'm not particularly confident about myself and not good at social events. On the plus side I know what I need to work on.

    I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get into deep water, where there's a possibility you might sink. Challenge yourself and get in situations which is out of your comfort zone. You're saying that you're not good at social events: go to an all gay social event. Meet some people, set a goal where you have to talk to at least some people. In that way you'll evolve and in time it will be easier. Some times the things that seem most "scary" really aren't that bad when we face our fears.

    It's okay to feel lonely and sad at times. Just try and be positive and know that one day you'll meet some nice guy. And try to slowly work on the gay stuff as well. If your "friends" can't handle who you really are, then they're not your real friends. You don't want people like that around you. I wish I had a gay group at my university. It sounds like a great way to meet people who are similar to yourself in a safe and comforting environment.

    Best of luck to you

  20. #20
    panegyric JUB Admin Corny's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Well it all sounds like a good start. Having money to spend on your own and for yourself is a very awesome thing. It sounds like you are already doing some stuff that you always wanted to do because of it. Never stop doing that. Then socialize a bit, get to know people .. that's how you are not alone. And your partner, eventually you will find someone. Probably when you're not expecting it.
    Check out my very own Body Hair Lovers and Photography Groups!

  21. #21
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Start making new friends that DO NOT judge you for being gay.

  22. #22
    JUB Addict Ram's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr-Brooding View Post
    I was miserable last night. I was in bed alone, thinking about how alone I was. I've always been alone. :/ I've felt like this before, but today it really hurts. I've been a kind person and I've tried to be the best I can be. I've spent most of my time this year working on myself psychically and mentally. Eating healthy, exercising for an hour everyday, fulfilling goals such as learning the piano (I take a class for it), going to dream concerts, traveling, and treating myself to gifts since this is the first time in my life that I have money to spend on myself.
    I guess I set myself up to fail. I told myself that, once I came out, life would be perfect. But this isn't the ideal life that I saw for myself. Am I a part of any dating websites? No. Am I a part of my school's Gay-Straight Alliance? No. Do I openly talk about my orientation? Ughhh..no.

    Are you doing all these for someone or for yourself? Think about it.

    I used to literally starve myself and workout excessively so that I can be hot for someone. That someone never came. Fuck you, someone!

    So now I do it for myself. It's soooo much fun. Honestly, learn to enjoy yourself. You are doing all the right things for the wrong reasons.

    I can understand your need for intimacy. I know how you feel. Sometimes, when I have one of my moods, I just don't think I have any friends. Or family. It sucks and it fucking hurts at times. But I know I have myself. You are never alone when you learn to trust and love yourself.

    Also make yourself available to these people. Go to gay clubs, book meetings and all those things. You need to exist to these people. Once they know you are there, be confident and be yourself and be sexy. Make them want you.

    It works.

  23. #23
    美しいヨーロッパ Scealle's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    A lot of great advice here . I can relate to you here. Just came out and it can get lonely at times.

  24. #24
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    Start making new friends that DO NOT judge you for being gay.
    ^^^^^^^ This is the clue to feel yourself less lonely. So don't try anymore to stay 'friends' with people who are unable to deal with gay guys. So make clear on Tumblr (and on Facebook, do you have an account on Facebook as well) that you are gay (and that there is nothing to hide about this). Straight guys don't hide that they are straight, and the ones with a girlfriend don't hide that they have a girlfriend. I advise you to follow this strategy.

    So you told us: I couldn't put it on Tumblr because my (..). real-life friends that I go to school with would judge me. They don't necessarily understand a lot of things about me because they're from a kinda wealthy, all-white part of town with mostly straight friends, and I am not. It's kinda weird when trying to get them to see outside of their bubble and explain anything about being gay, a minority, or lonely.

    Please be aware that the ones who turn out to be unable to understand who you are (= a black guy of 19 who happens to be gay & is cool about this) are not your friend. No way, so better stop today with being friend with them. Excuse me very much, but how do you see your future with this kind of guys? Let us assume you soon get a boyfriend / very good gay friend. So you will hide to them that he is existing? Excuse me, but that's not how it works. Open & out gay guys of your age don't bother about this kind of things.

    So I would like to advise you to indicate on your profile on Facebook that your interest is 'Males', and that you are single. Does Tumblr also has such a section?

    Moreover, you will also feel less lonely when you have straight friends who don't bother that -some of their- friends are gay (or bi or anything in between straight and gay).

    Feel free to react, and I really hope soon you will find some nice friends.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

  25. #25
    Sex God Mr-Brooding's Avatar
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ganoderma View Post
    Feel free to react, and I really hope soon you will find some nice friends.
    Hey, thanks for the reply. My friends are NOT homophobic in the least bit! Haha, their view is just a bit limited because they don't understand gay dating. They don't really understand being lonely because they both have boyfriends all of the time. When they aren't partnered, it's by choice.
    I don't have anything as my sexual preference on Facebook because I don't really use it, and it's pretty much for professional stuff anyway.
    I would never hide my gay friends from my straight ones though. That's terrible! Thank you for your help though

  26. #26
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    Re: I Need A Boyfriend...or Something.

    Thanks for the nice and friendly reply, and good to see your friends are not homophobic. There is also not really a need to indicate anything about your sexual preference on Facebook, as long as you don't hide on Facebook that you also have gay friends. Same like straight guys of your age / with your background who often also don't indicate that they are interested in 'Women', but who don't hide that they have a girlfriend/wife/kids (etc.).

    You are welcome.
    I am Dutch, so please excuse me for my low level of English.

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