October 6th, 2012, 11:41 PM
Poems for My One and Only
Recently I have been trying to accept that I am a sociopath born with an abandoned heart. Everyone on this website does a fantastic job of helping those in crisis and I've received much help myself. Yet still, the more I learn the harder it gets because the reality is so glaring. I might never learn to feel again, but at least I can write angst-ridden poetry on an anonymous website and rationalize that I am somehow expressing myself. And when my heart has blackened I know I will be alright. Its just the feelings and my humanity clinging on and trying to remind me of who I am, aftershock. With enough malaise I hope I wont have to stand for this much longer.
Oh but for love I shall never see
The days of my life pass happily
As once my soul flowed so very free
Before I fell prey to life's treachery.
Oh love of mine long gone and well spent
From an overdrawn bank of memory
Futility's aches, and backwards I went
Cesspool of regrets, my misery.
What woes do I feed in my own mind?
And where is the line of truth you crossed?
A fool I am to think in hope I'd find
A reason to think my love is not lost.
Petty, pathetic, and pointless purpose
Or was there truth in my love, great opus?
Apogee of dawning trials and tides,
My wild heart's breath forcing open the door
The beach of the sea is where it collides
Day and night on your cruel misty shore.
Light on the day when I thought you were near
Moments of clarity wrought from the dark
A cycle that binds me, caught in your fear
Sure as the sun and the moon take their arc.
There before the twisted grace of my god
His machinations and my fate entwined
Roused from my dreams the salt ocean has thawed
My heart to be caught by the stars and aligned.
But when I, alone, rise to greet each new day
Dreams do remind me of dead stars' umbrae.
I love you, I love you. I'd say it twice because if anyone ever loved you, I loved you twice as much.
November 15th, 2012, 11:23 PM
Re: Poems for My One and Only
oh look, this is still here. Good, because I have been feeling really sorry for myself lately despite the fact that no one else does or ever should. The turn out may be lackluster, but Im claiming the pity party a marvelous success! Dont mind me, everyone, Ill just be here going down with the ship. Corn chips and punch are that way ->
The Last Carthaginian
It all seems so futile now. As I lay in darkness my mind conjures only the image of your face. Features drawn in shadow to the blazing inferno engulfing my world.
Yet down here the chaos is managed into submission. It is the despondency from the cruel hand of fate coming down on my world. Everything I had known and loved my life.
It is now fully bathed in flames. Here I am, face in the ash, soot climbing into my mouth and lungs. I heave and breath the smoky air, intoxicating aroma of entropic failure.
But as I push the ash from my lips to form words I am left helpless for thought. I am all that remains of my crumbling empire. I know I must burn with it. It is only a matter of time.
What can I say to change the course of the past and present when there is no future? My eyes spin wildly around at the fracturing marble as the fire inhales.
And I see your face in stunning amber contrast, suffused glows of personality that betrays your blood lust. You would passionately weep, if you could.
So I accept my fate, here to cry alone in the pile of ash I am no longer capable of sustaining. Your Roman boot pressed firmly across my neck. A few more feeble coughs.
Prismatic wonder takes over my mind and in the whirling black I stand with you again, brothers in hand. I am yours until the end of days.