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  1. #1
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    So there's this guy I know...

    Here goes nothing...
    I have feelings for a friend of mine and to be honest I've had them since I met him. I can't imagine a better way to spend an evening than in his company, preferably in his arms (though I've never even hugged him).
    More recently I've thought about telling him how I feel, he already knows I'm gay and it didn't bother him one iota when I told him that (almost as if he already knew/suspected it but that could be me reading too far into it), but I have no idea how he'll feel about a guy having feelings for him.
    The thing is I'm fairly sure (currently around 70%) he's straight and I value our friendship, he's a great guy to hang out with and I don't want to lose the ability to just chill with him.

    Should I tell him how I feel or not?

    All advice will be greatly appreciated

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: So there's this guy I know...

    If you don't know if he's gay, don't tell him your romantic feelings toward him. You might push him away. Do tell him that you value his friendship and what it means to you.

    Start dating gay guys and project your romantic feelings toward them.

  3. #3
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: So there's this guy I know...

    I wouldn't tell him. I agree with HunterM. Look elsewhere for romance and keep a friend.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  4. #4
    Execuvette Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: So there's this guy I know...

    I can tell you from experience that those feelings pass if you don't act on them. You will never have a straight guy fall for you, and the only thing you can achieve by telling him is deterioration of your friendship.

    Take your time, focus your attention elsewhere, train yourself in self-control. The good news is that when you finally manage to move on with someone else, your feelings for your friend won't disappear, they will just change to friendship that will be even stronger than before.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  5. #5
    JUB Addict loveguys72's Avatar
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    Re: So there's this guy I know...

    If you reasonably believe he's straight, telling him how you feel about him will likely kill the friendship, or alter it in such a way that the things you value most about it now will no longer be present.

    Find a new love interest, one that you're reasonably sure is gay and capable of reciprocating your feelings.

  6. #6

    Re: So there's this guy I know...

    If he really is straight, I agree with the others that you should not tell him how you feel. Be his friend and find love (and arms/hugs) elsewhere.

    It's odd that you don't really know his orientation though, but he knows yours. Does he date? Do you ever talk about your sexuality with him? What I'm getting at is that there are ways you can talk in general terms about your individual sex lives/relationships without telling him how you feel about him, without making it obvious that you are fishing for info or hitting on him. Bringing up the topic of how you appreciate that he's comfortable being your friend knowing that you are gay, since there are a lot of homophobes out there. Talking about your views on gay topics and asking him about his. Ask him if he's seeing anyone, interested in anyone, who he thinks is hot..etc. Whatever. (Probably not all that all at once ...just casually.) if he questions why you are asking, just say you are curious and making conversation...getting to know his views on gay subject matter better, getting to know him better, etc. Friends do talk about themselves and share personal details/opinions with each other.
    Bad decisions make good stories.

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