Do they offer grooms?
First, a quibble: an unemployed man couldn't afford to get a mail-order bride. That costs lots of money, and unemployment checks don't stretch that far.
Second, I think it's an interesting practice. You refer to the woman having to "like" the guy; but the reality is that the mail-order bride is a throwback to the days of arranged marriages, which have made up the overwhelming majority of human history. She might come to love him, she may not, that's not really the point.
See, the marriage-for-love paradigm is quite new in the annals of human history, and has been romanticized out of all reality by novels and plays and films where the couple always love each other. Up until women started writing romance novels, no woman ever actually expected to be passionately attracted to her husband; nor did many men think that they should love the girls they were meant to marry... certainly they'd want her to be beautiful, as that would make doing one's reproductive duties a good deal easier and more pleasant, but from the dawn of time to the eighteenth century, the idea of marrying for love was simply not thought.
The reality is that the longest-lasting marriages have very little passion involved; sure, there is some sexual attraction involved, but if we went around marrying the first person to whom we're sexually attracted, we'd all be married at thirteen, and get married about thirty times a year. There is a lot more realistic consideration involved in entering a marriage: the person's stability, their personability, their flexibility are far more important than their face or form. And romantic love wanes after a while, if you're married to someone you love passionately, there had better be something about them left over after the passion has burned off or you're headed for the divorce courts.
A mail-order bride knows what she's doing: she's leaving her third-world poverty for the chance at a more materially comfortable life. Love is not a consideration. If she's lucky, she'll get a nice guy who will be nice to her; if she's not lucky, she just has to hold out until she gets her permanent residency and can go her own way in her new country.
As for the men who buy these brides, I suppose what they want is the comfort and stability of a regular bedmate and housekeeper without pandering to the romantic nonsense that women of the "western world" tend to consider themselves entitled to. Maybe he's ugly, maybe he's socially inept, but most likely he's just impatient: he skips all the palaver of dates and gifts and courtship and sucking up, which he will drop anyway as soon as he's comfortably married, and gets to the point of the thing. Some men like all that romantic sort of thing, don't get me wrong, but there are also a lot of men would just as soon skip that part.
That said, if there were a similar service for gentlemen seeking to import young men to this country for connubial purposes, I don't think I would use it. I don't care enough about having a mate to go to the effort; if I'm going to shell out a lot of ducats, I think I'd rather go smorgasbord-style than family-style.
Last edited by Swellegant; September 16th, 2012 at 01:45 PM.
* Question the Dominant Paradigm *
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pulse ofs a internet0
I'm one of probably a small minority who actually knew somebody who "bought" a mail-order bride from Russia, to live with him in Memphis. I say KNEW, because he's no longer alive...he died from emphysema (related to cigarette smoking) in 2005. He was entirely miserable in the marriage - she would rarely interact with him, she hated American culture, she hated his cats - I'm not even sure if they were having sex. They meaning him and his wife, not the cats, LOL!! I think most likely he married her for that, and he happened to be "blessed" with having quite an ugly face. So, my thoughts about these things aren't good, because I certainly wouldn't assign the word "good" to the one situation that I actually saw.
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It's for losers who think they can buy a wife. She's basically a hooker for sale until she can take your money and run.
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