Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

[Chrizze]

What! We were at key point in cold war times,in many ways,trying to be neutral to the west,and soviets "door" to the west,etc,.. Don't say that C-word to me! I would barely tolerate that from american,because everything,that is not his,is communist..we were never been communist,or soviet satellite state,..reason,why things were better,were something like Japan used to be,and still is..large,in our case state-owned companies,but still capitalists,and lifetime jobs.I was last generation raised to expect that,but then world changed...you are expected to have three to four careers on your lifetime,which could have nothing in common...it's not sane.Yes,they would privatise our healthcare as well,same things going all over europe..

[JohannBessler]

My firm belief is,that exactly because few numbers of us,we can afforf to take care,and and cannot afford not to...but 70 million? Or 300 or what,in U.S? Million here,and there,who cares... And counseling takes time,and money,.. There is about 3000 new disability pensions granted each year,by psychological reason,..usually,to 20 - 30 years old people...our society just burns people from both sides of the candle,and the middle.This system,alonside with E.U is going to fail in couple of years...we have highest suicide rates in western europe.

I am honestly missing cold war times..things worked better then,..at least in our country.

You don't look old enough to remember the cold war! You look only 25 or so.

That being said, I agree with what you said about the Cold War. It seemed like everybody was better off. Many in the Eastern Bloc think so, too--that is, the ones who still live there. Very many of them have emigrated.

@Ludolfo: Finland played a unique role in the Cold War. They didn't practice Communism, but didn't really practice Capitalism, either. Instead, they had good relations with both sides, and benefitted from that diplomatic success.

[Chrizze]

36yrs,and of course,I don't remember it from adult standpoint of view,..but I went to school in 1983.but I do remember things,that were different,even thought I was a child,..and have studied a subject quite a bit,because,it's part of our history.

Why anyone never check profiles? My age is there.by the way,johann,you seem to be particularly educated.

[JohannBessler]

^I guess I took it for granted that you were the man in your avatar, and he looks 25.

I like to think I have had a good education, but the truth of the matter is that I'm 50. Since the Internet is somewhat new, I used to read a lot--a whole lot--before the Internet came along. (No wonder I knew a lot.)

The thing about the Cold War is that it was interesting--all that spy stuff, all that cloak-and-dagger stuff seemed like the height of adventure. Europe was the epicenter of that adventurous time.

Here's something you might find interesting: in the Soviet Union, when a person wanted to travel abroad to the West, they had to queue. When that person reached the head of that queue, the Soviets looked at the applicant's life history. If they decided that the traveler was a reliable Communist, they were allowed to go abroad.

The first country they were allowed to travel to was always Finland, because of your countries' special relationship.

[Chrizze]

johann,,I AM A MAN in the AVATAR!! Look my gallery! Dont you recognize a litttle photoshop retouch,when you see one?btw,I am in the hospital,and since this site is so image laden,I am probably used half of my monthly mobile net capacity for the answer...but I report,when back,..or perhaps there is WLAN hotspot nearby...I knew that about soviet union...that was because,which was strange,because from here it would have been easy to defect..there were no passport control between nordic countries..but they did not usually allowed whole family to travel.but ill be back,do not worry.

[Kulindahr]

Just for information:

there's a relatively new procedure that uses electricity but on such a low level you wouldn't feel it if the electrode touched you. IFIC, they use two electrodes, inserted actually into the brain, in a place that has to do with cognitive agility and in one that has to do with what they say is best described as "joy". For better than 3/4 of patients, the result is an outlook change that is radical, where the world seems delightful and problems seem challenges instead of depressing or defeating.

I have no idea where it can be done, or how much it costs. There are probably still research programs, which generally love having volunteers, so it may be available for the cost of getting there.

Side effect: for a small portion of patients, there was also an apparent rise in IQ... I don't even have a guess as to what that's about.

[bankside]

Just for information:

there's a relatively new procedure that uses electricity but on such a low level you wouldn't feel it if the electrode touched you. IFIC, they use two electrodes, inserted actually into the brain, in a place that has to do with cognitive agility and in one that has to do with what they say is best described as "joy". For better than 3/4 of patients, the result is an outlook change that is radical, where the world seems delightful and problems seem challenges instead of depressing or defeating.

I have no idea where it can be done, or how much it costs. There are probably still research programs, which generally love having volunteers, so it may be available for the cost of getting there.

Side effect: for a small portion of patients, there was also an apparent rise in IQ... I don't even have a guess as to what that's about.

Is that "deep brain stimulation?" I've heard of that.

[Kulindahr]

Is that "deep brain stimulation?" I've heard of that.

It would be a form of that. Another is a method where the brain is stimulated while a person is learning a cognitive skill -- and the skill remains high afterward.

[JohannBessler]

^I've heard of that, but don't know much about it.

If I recall correctly, they stimulate the vagal nerve(?). Early results show promise.

[ludolfo]

[Chrizze]

Johann...I still await an apology about that avatar thing

[JohannBessler]

You were offended by being mistaken for a 25-year-old? I have to admit that surprises me a little bit. Most people would be flattered by it. (You know, everybody wanting to look younger, and all of that, etc.)

I apologize for that. I meant no harm.

- - - Updated - - -

^At any rate, Chrizze, how are things? Are you in the hospital? What are they doing for you?

Your welfare is in my thoughts.

[Chrizze]

no,you said,that you dont believe,that it is me in the avatar.thats what I thought offending.I am in hospital..one med added,..citalopram and wellbuttrin now..that was what i was looking for..ECT is still used,but not in mental hospitals..in general hospitals,in case something happens..doctors not market it,people ask for it..one nurse said..punctuation errors are,because i write with mobile phone...ill be back.

[JohannBessler]

^But I never meant that, Chrizze. I always believed that it was you in the avatar. Always.

I just found it hard to believe that you were 35. You look much much younger.

On a related note, I am happy for you that you have gotten help. Chrizze. My best friend lost his battle with depression in 1993. He was good looking, very intelligent, but suffered from severe depression that eventually became fatal.

So I empathize.

Please keep in touch.

[ludolfo]

Hey Chrizze, when I saw your avatar I immediately felt 'I know 'him''. I am aware that many people who use forums will use avatars that are not actually themselves but people they like etc, and so I didn't assume it was you, but noticed you recently tell others here it is.

Of course I cannot have known and seen you before because I have never been to Finland and even if I had that doesn't mean I would have known you lol. But I just thought I would mention this. Strange

[NUMNUTZZ]

ahhh , boy this was very tuff , 2 read , chrizzie , i can't add nuthin worth while , except to say , i have hurted this way 2. I , know the pain , the real awful feeling that you will never see , hear , be with that loved 1 again. I , have bin down that road believe me . I can oly say what others have told me over and over again - i know we find it really hard 2 believe but we have , 2. and that is that life will get better , and we will get through it . Just the thought that person will not , b seen or heard from is so damn hard my friend . So many times a day i ask GOD , why and what the hell am i still here for , but believe me , we are here for a reason , and i do hope and believe we will reunite with those dearly departed man. I'm just . 1 more person who is glad ur still here . But remember ur not alone , u , can count on that.

[Chrizze]

Back to home again.. Thanks,numnutzz,I believe in to those things too.

[Chrizze]

Hey Chrizze, when I saw your avatar I immediately felt 'I know 'him''. I am aware that many people who use forums will use avatars that are not actually themselves but people they like etc, and so I didn't assume it was you, but noticed you recently tell others here it is.

Of course I cannot have known and seen you before because I have never been to Finland and even if I had that doesn't mean I would have known you lol. But I just thought I would mention this. Strange

You could have seen someone,who closely resembles me,or these pictures somewhere else,..god knows where they have ended up by now.

[JohannBessler]

How are you feeling, Chrizze?

I'd not forgotten you for one single day.

[Chrizze]

I believe,that I am starting to feel better,and with time,survive this.I also got four new friends from the hospital...funny places to find them sometimes. ..two weeks leave from life was good,I really had time to think things.. I needed that at this point.

[JohannBessler]

^The friends will help.

<gives Chrizze a bear hug>

I want to see you get better. Even if one believes in reincarnation, you will only be Chrizze once. I'd like to see you be well enough to enjoy it.

[Chrizze]

Well,on the issue of reincarnation,..we surely not get back to this planet again...otherwise we would all be gods by now..but that's just my 2c's about the issue... About other things,..they are going.."steady as she goes",so to speak,..I might not post that often now,but I am here,and will check,if someone had posted something.

[bankside]

Chrizze, i know everyone has made their best efforts to help you in this thread and take the chance to learn a bit about you, even if the internet doesn't help to get to know someone properly.

Now that you see less need for posting in this thread, however, I hope you will join in other threads about any number of subjects.

[Chrizze]

Surely,..I want to post,when I really have a contribution to give,no just two word answers.And All of you,who helped me through this thread,I still want to thank you all.

[JohannBessler]

^It is my pleasure, Chrizze.

[ludolfo]

Surely,..I want to post,when I really have a contribution to give,no just two word answers.And All of you,who helped me through this thread,I still want to thank you all.

Good to hear your feeling good mate )

[Chrizze]

Yes,I'm getting better,and about that you are hearing me feeling good,the feeling is mutual.

[JohannBessler]

^I'm happy to hear this, too, Chrizze.

Keep in mind that most of the time, antidepressants take six weeks or so to work, although Wellbutrin (buproprion) can sometimes begin to work a little bit sooner.

If this cocktail works for you, you won't have any more of those suicidal thoughts.

[Kulindahr]

Yes,I'm getting better,and about that you are hearing me feeling good,the feeling is mutual.

----- -----

[Chrizze]

Johann: - no,I am not feeling suicidal.So much from non-existence of these things,but this is not ment for you,Ludolfo,I believe,that there is both cases,or perhaps I am doped rest of my life,but who cares,if alternative is stepping in front of a train?

Thanks,Kulindahr.I have always had high respect to you.You are quite obviously,a version of a "renaissance man","something from everything,and everything from something ",in what comes to your knowledge.That's what I try to be too.And quite often I amaze people with my knowledge,..but only when they are asking something.

PS.Anyone mentioned in text,if you read this,please comment.

[LatinCoffee]

[JohannBessler]

Chrizze, once you feel stabilized, I have a suggestion or two for you.

I don't know anything about your work load, but if you feel yourself bored, you now have an opportunity to learn. You mentioned that you might want to improve your written English. I know of a technique that will help you. You'll find it very easy to do, although it does take a good amount of time.

An expert in neurolinguistics named Leonard Newmark pioneered the method--a technique he calls modeling--in the 1970s. It involves taking a favorite author of yours, and copying the text, longhand, page by page, hour after hour. After you do this for a time, the rhythm of the language begins to become automatic--you'll know where to place commas, where to use prepositions, and so on.

You will see significant progress after only 200 hours. If you want to become really, really good, 1000 hours will do the magic. If you feel like one of the rarities who wants to take this to an extreme, you'll need 10,000 hours to become a first-class expert.

Only two rules exist--you must use the same author, and you must copy the text down in longhand. (Shorthand or typing won't do.)

If you have no interest in this, you have a whole lot of other opportunities to learn--assuming that you have enough free time in the first place.

Good luck to you in your endeavors. I hope you'll keep us in touch about your welfare.

[Kulindahr]

I don't know anything about your work load, but if you feel yourself bored, you now have an opportunity to learn. You mentioned that you might want to improve your written English. I know of a technique that will help you. You'll find it very easy to do, although it does take a good amount of time.

An expert in neurolinguistics named Leonard Newmark pioneered the method--a technique he calls modeling--in the 1970s. It involves taking a favorite author of yours, and copying the text, longhand, page by page, hour after hour. After you do this for a time, the rhythm of the language begins to become automatic--you'll know where to place commas, where to use prepositions, and so on.

Heh -- I used this method without knowing about it when I taught remedial reading comprehension and composition in college. I used it as a part of a strategy based on the principle that they way to learn good composition and improve comprehension is to read and to copy out good writing. My classes focused on reading authors whose English was well nigh impeccable, elegant, and powerful.

I didn't do the hour after hour copying thing, but I did ask my students to copy out by hand their favorite chapters.

[JohannBessler]

^Some say that the technique works so well that it is possible to overdo it. Does the student really want to write exactly like James Joyce?

Well, maybe.

[Kulindahr]

^Some say that the technique works so well that it is possible to overdo it. Does the student really want to write exactly like James Joyce?

Well, maybe.

There's a good reason for my approach of different authors -- no falling into one single style. After a bit, my students developed their own styles.

[Chrizze]

Chrizze, once you feel stabilized, I have a suggestion or two for you.

I don't know anything about your work load, but if you feel yourself bored, you now have an opportunity to learn. You mentioned that you might want to improve your written English. I know of a technique that will help you. You'll find it very easy to do, although it does take a good amount of time.

An expert in neurolinguistics named Leonard Newmark pioneered the method--a technique he calls modeling--in the 1970s. It involves taking a favorite author of yours, and copying the text, longhand, page by page, hour after hour. After you do this for a time, the rhythm of the language begins to become automatic--you'll know where to place commas, where to use prepositions, and so on.

You will see significant progress after only 200 hours. If you want to become really, really good, 1000 hours will do the magic. If you feel like one of the rarities who wants to take this to an extreme, you'll need 10,000 hours to become a first-class expert.

Only two rules exist--you must use the same author, and you must copy the text down in longhand. (Shorthand or typing won't do.)

If you have no interest in this, you have a whole lot of other opportunities to learn--assuming that you have enough free time in the first place.

Good luck to you in your endeavors. I hope you'll keep us in touch about your welfare.

I will improve my english in many ways,but I can forget The Longhand...I do not remember it anymore,thought it was well educated in school,but then computers came...you know the rest.I bought a fountain pen few months ago,..it helps me to write,because my problem with handwriting is,that I am too impatient.with fountain pen you have to write slower.I will be on other forums here,and check this from time to time. I do know the correct writing on the english language much better,than my writings would indicate.The reason is very much the same: - Impatience.Patience,Obi-Wan,patience.

[JohannBessler]

Chrizze, I just wanted to check on your welfare. I've thought about you many times in the past few weeks.

How do you feel? Have the meds helped?

Any time you need someone to listen, I'll be here for you.

[Chrizze]

I am still alive,.. I believe,that meds had helped. I believe,I mentioned earlier,that I got three friends from the mental ward,and we had been having a contact ever since.Two weeks ago,one of us committed suicide.It came out of as blue,as it can be.Considering from where this thread originally started.. Quite rude awakening really.. But if there is anything I learned about this,it is,that in the future,should such thoughts arise again,I would stop at nothing to get any and all the help necessary.

[JohannBessler]

^I am glad to hear from you, Chrizze. Also very happy that the meds have helped. I'm sorry for your loss, though.

I hope you will drop in from time to time to keep us posted.

With kindest regards,

JB

[ludolfo]

good to hear from you Chrizzie. I have thought about you

[Chrizze]

I have to check this thread more often,so that you will know,how things are going.

[JohannBessler]

I had just been thinking about your acquaintance who didn't make it. It saddens me to hear about it.

Medicine has only offered psychotropic medication since the 1950s; the SSRIs have only existed since the early 90s. You really could call this discipline "a discipline in its infancy".

Even so, at this point, about 80% of the patients respond very nicely to it. I look forward to the time when 100% of the patients have a cure. I hope to see us reach this point in my lifetime.

At any rate, Chrizze, please don't give up. The medications do take time to work. I feel happy that you've seen some benefit from them already.

[Chrizze]

That's true,the discipline is taking it's first steps.. About this friend of mine,.. It is not "just" that we have learned,what have occured,but just few hours before that,we all,four of us,were having a nighttime in the town..

[JohannBessler]

^I'm sorry to hear that, Chrizze. Was he gay, too? (If you don't mind my asking).

I can only look forward to the day that 100% can get a cure.

[Chrizze]

He was she,and yes,she was.

[Brian Smith]

Psychotropic drugs can be very helpful, but they can also be troublesome. I was on paroxetine when I was a pre-teen, which would never happen now because it has been contraindicated for all patients under 18. Let me tell you, I am lucky to be alive, and so most likely are my classmates. It made me psychotic.

Wellbutrin (buproprion) is a good drug, though. It has done wonders for my partner, who has been on it for years. It levels him out. It makes him less subject to getting himself overwrought. I wish you luck on it.

I can function okay without it, but I do very well on amantadine. It keeps my tempers in check, and it keeps me from being as moody. Although I could live without it, why? It's cheap, and it makes my life easier. Moreover, it is cheap.

[ludolfo]

That's true,the discipline is taking it's first steps.. About this friend of mine,.. It is not "just" that we have learned,what have occured,but just few hours before that,we all,four of us,were having a nighttime in the town..

so do you mean that this you had been out on the town with this friend and then afterwards he killed himself?

[Chrizze]

so do you mean that this you had been out on the town with this friend and then afterwards he killed himself?

Yes,that's it,exactly.(she).

[ludolfo]

did she (sorry) give any indications that something was wrong?

[Chrizze]

No,not even an indication about being depressed,much less about being suicidal.