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  1. #351
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    Rather good,for a chance,...and I began to feel,that I might survive from my mother's death,after all.
    In losing dear members of my own family I have learned to doubt whether people move on from grief. At least I carry it with me. But I have learned to carry it without collapsing, not because it is a light burden, but because part of what I want to do, now that I'm here and they are not, is to make use of the time I have to enjoy the world out of respect for the joy they found in the world. If they found joy, so too must I look for it. In the case of one uncle, any joy in his life was very fleeting and hard-won. I do think I owe it to him to seek out the good things in life that sometimes escaped his grasp.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  2. #352

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Hi Chrizze, I am glad to hear that

  3. #353
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by JohannBessler View Post
    ^I don't think anyone really gets over it. Instead, he learns to live with it. I heard this pearl of wisdom in my 20s from a 60s+ woman, and now I pass it on.

    @Chrizze: I think your Mother would want you to go forward with your life, so that you could have opportunities that she was never able to have.


    Now that you have a lot of time on your hands, and have reached some level of stability, you have a lot of possibilities abailable to you.
    I tend to agree,and Have to be patient,..things don't usually pass overnight,but they usually DO pass.
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  4. #354
    Porn Star Chrizze's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    And all wounds,it is not necessary/possible from them to heal,..you could live with that,and say:- See,this came from RPG near HUE -68.
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  5. #355

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Hi Chrizze, I have pasted what I answered you with from pm to here as you suggested:

    WOW Chrizze, this is real synchronicity!!! Today I joined a Facebook group, and my latestt post was EXACTLY about this subject, and I will cope the question and my reply word for word: this was the guy's post to me:
    Scientology, love them or hate them, have taken on the psychiatric establishment and government mind control such as MK-Ultra--kind of defeating arguments they are in league with some of these institutions. I worked with a member doing a lot of research on the MK programs, and they have huge files of documents. They got into a battle with Louis J. West MD who has a long record as a govt. spook, he is an expert on cults, hallucinogens and wanted to do psychosurgery on violent minorities. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend..." http://www.cchr.org/
    Citizens Commission on Human Rights, CCHR - Nonprofit Mental Health Watchdog
    www.cchr.org
    and this was my reply:
    I have had problems with them--ie their involvement. And I believe Thomas Szasz said that quote. Every time I brought up this subject I was accused of being part of the scientology cult lol. So I then went on this search for someone who agreed with me that they also are a bunch of control freaks, and I found Robert Whittaker author of Mad in America. The thing with ANY cult is they want to draw you into THEIR control freakery. Though I can understand Szasz comparing the two and Scientology coming of lightly lol
    See, thing is Chrizzy, I really struggled with the fact that some of the important people in revealing the mental illness myth would accept help from Scientology. And when I was researching to do a blog all about this, I was determined to find someone who knew about the mental illness myth but also disagreed with the Scientology control freaks. Bob Whittaker is one of the nicest guys I know. Very approachable, and encouraging. But also like I say, as much as I feel like you about Scientology, when you find out the VERY oppressive history of psychiatry, in a way it is understandable that Thomas Szasz and others would accept their help. But I personally am against Scientology like you. So please don't think all people who are against myth of mental illness are Scientology or willing to support their cult. Another guy who isn't is Seth Farber who has written a book (in which he acknowledges me! Very first experience) titled Spiritual Gift of Madness: The Failure of Psychiatry and the Rise of the Mad Pride Movement I have many many other contacts who never mention Scientology so please Chrizze let me know if you want me to share this info with you?

  6. #356
    Porn Star Chrizze's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Yes,it is good to continue here...by the way,I couldn't but notice,that my thread has viewed more than 6000 times,..possibly someone else has had found something useful too?
    Last edited by Chrizze; March 25th, 2013 at 03:47 PM.
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  7. #357

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I am always aware of the many people who read these posts which is good if what is being said is exploring things that are not usually talked about. I think this is very healing. I know it is for me

  8. #358
    Porn Star Chrizze's Avatar
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    well,it´s been a long time,since I have made any comments,..well,some of those drugs that I use for my "mental problems",whether they exist,or not....I have became addicted at least some of them...but they help me...I got an enquiry letter from our national health insurance,about,why I have bought so much of them...but that is not a problem,..I have not done anything illegal to obtain those medications..pharmacies got a little sloppy,when selling them...of course,this problem is bit older,I used to be addicted to opiates,..these will keep me from using them,..but addiction just switched to other drug.
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  9. #359

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    yes exactly. this insane culture supposedly wages a 'war on drugs' whilst pushing drugs, including to younger and younger children.

  10. #360
    Porn Star Chrizze's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by ludolfo View Post
    yes exactly. this insane culture supposedly wages a 'war on drugs' whilst pushing drugs, including to younger and younger children.
    They don´t like competition. I suppose.
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  11. #361

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    They don´t like competition. I suppose.
    That is sadly exactly it. That is the gross truth. They do not want their profits affected by ANY competition.

  12. #362
    Porn Star Chrizze's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    their profits are criminally insane..those chemicals don´t cost very much,..I suppose,that profit margin is something like 10000%

    By the way,where are you,johannbessler?
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  13. #363
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    And at least all Pfizer´s products are designed to get you hooked.No wonder that it is biggest of big pharma.
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  14. #364

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Yes the insanity of it all---they laughably wage a so-called "war on drugs" and yet spend MILLIONS in order to get millions of people, including children, hooked on their DRUGS!
    Meanwhile working hand in hand the shrinks Bible, the DSM gets fatter and fatter every edition with more and more human behaviours classed as disorders that big pharma can push drugs at!

  15. #365
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    This world is going nuts beyond belief.
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  16. #366

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Yes, I have felt this for a long time. I also think that it is also becoming more apparent. IE if you know how to use this radical ifnormational device, the internet, you can find just HOW insane it all is going back into the past, and seeing it continuuing escalatingly so into the future.

    Not sure if you watched the London Olympics? Well the guy who created the ideas for the opening show---which I found amazing, and even though I wasn't even gonna watch the event drew me in--Danny Boyle, I posted on his FB yesterday. I had this idea. Some kind of drama/show where people who are hoplessly addicted to the flashy gadget screen whilst behind them the evil powers that be do all this crazy control freakery. IF the people would just tear their attention away from the toys and LOOK what is going on! LOL I don't know if he will even accept me as a friend on his FB or reply, but sometimes i have these spontaneous ideas and just go with them. I just feel that a major strategy of the control-freaks is making sure people are dumbed down. You can see this on many levels---their 'education' system where kids HAVE to go to since being little; the mass media--check this out

    Then we have their war on psychedelics/consciousness/nature, and their central social controlling myth, the myth of mental illness where they push their suppressant drugs at people. So when you begin investigating all this in a generalist way and looking at the bigger picture of it all you begin to see deeper into what is going on. I am learning all the time about this anyway, and I think it's very important to speak out about it

  17. #367
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Who´s adding knowledge,adds pain.but that´s better,than sheer ignorance.thought I have sometimes suppress my knowledge with drugs.
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  18. #368

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    Who´s adding knowledge,adds pain.but that´s better,than sheer ignorance.thought I have sometimes suppress my knowledge with drugs.
    you mean 'ignorance is bliss'? You mean that knowing just how insane this world is can be very painful and overwhelming?
    I think what you say is really deep, and is what a lot of people feel, and this is reason many people look for escape routes which act as comfort food.
    I think that it can be very painful IF you don't have a feeling for the roots of where this insanity is coming from. This is why I have personally been very interested in looking at mythologies. because when you get down to it, we are not just rational beings but also have deeper aspects including a mythical aspect. This is so because when people classed by this culture as 'schizophrenic' and 'psychotic' and 'bipolar' enter visionary realms they encounter often mythical dimensions of being. This is explained in depth in this book Trials of the Visionary Mind, by John Weir Perry.
    This is why when I hear 'rationalists' and 'atheists' and 'non-believers' claim that reality is just this, just that as they believe, and do not understand their mythical reasons for saying that, then they are ignore-ant of their own beings. They have very shallow outlook on what they are. And it is not surprising that these mindsets often will claim that the world is NOT insane and that science is marvelous and will sort everything out lol

    But IF wre can understand our deeper being and that in alternative perceptions to the usual 'wide awake, alert, worker consumer' aspect we are forced into by this culture, there are deeper levels, and IF you do not know this they are there ANYWAY. This is dangerous because if you are not aware others are. The powers that be are VERY aware and use symbols and what not to manipulate people. So this is very important to begin understanding and not bury head in sand.

    There IS realness, and authentic love, but pretending that there is no real danger from predatory mindsets is not fruitful. We rather have to SEE what they are up to and thus undermine their crap.
    Last edited by ludolfo; April 22nd, 2013 at 06:19 AM.

  19. #369
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Speaking as someone who has one of those "visionary minds," I actually find "rationalism" to be very calming. Because of it, I don't find an attack of anxiety to be anymore disturbing than a fit of indigestion. Rationalism acts as a mental buffer against psychological disturbances causing me any lasting damage. It is my engine coolant. If you are perpetually overclocked, it is a very effective tool.

    On recurring thoughts, I can understand how that might drive a man to kill himself. It must be like being a prisoner in his own mind, and there is no way out.

    What I did was to develop a ritual for addressing these kinds of attacks. I thought of it as my "battle plan." First, I would drink a few glasses of water, and I would sound a growl deep in my throat to try to get my blood jumping. I would then turn on some techno. I would spend a while doing some calisthenics. I was a smoker at the time, so one routine I worked out for myself was that I would do a set, knock on the floor for how many sets I've completed, take a drag, do another set, knock, take a drag, and repeat this several times. My partner doesn't let me smoke anymore, though, so that wouldn't work now. After that, I would take a shower, and I would put on a decent outfit for going out in. I would walk about three miles, no matter what the weather conditions were, no matter how late it was at night, to the same gas station, and I would order one large coffee, black with no sugar. I would stay there until I had finished calming down, and then I would take the scenic route back, which added another mile to the walk. When I got home, I would make up a strong chamomile tea, using two bags steeped in scalding water for several minutes, drunk hot. Occasionally, I would drink a second one, and that would end up inducing profuse sweating. I felt I was cleaning myself out somehow by that.

    But the point is that I had a battle plan for trying to calm my mind. I didn't leave myself feeling helpless. I realized that letting myself feel helpless was the worst thing that I could do. I had to fight somehow, even if what I was doing to fight it out was only symbolic. I needed a way to feel empowered over myself. I needed to draw a line in the sand, where I was saying, "This is my mind, and I am going to have control over it."

    In fact, that was a really big thing for me...that proud declarative, "THIS IS MINE!" It put me in control. If I didn't feel that I was the master of my own mind, I took umbrage over that. It's my territory. I have a right to have dominion over it. There is only one force that can justly have control over my mind, and that is my own god damn force of will. In a way, I feel obligated to stand up for that just as a matter of principle.
    Last edited by Brian Smith; April 22nd, 2013 at 07:52 AM.

  20. #370
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I believe that everyone's mental well-being is disturbed at various points in his life; it is an inevitable human condition. I think there is still a deeply held prejudice in society that physical injuries or illnesses may be common to all mankind, but mental health issues can be avoided by maintaining an appropriate discipline of character.

    I reject that prejudice and note that physical or mental maladies are common to us all.

    That being said, I have never struggled with any chronic mental health issues, and thus I have never taken any medication prescribed by a psychiatrist. The only mind-affecting chemical I ingest (other than food, which is both mind-altering and chemical like anything else) is periodic consumption of alcohol. It's effects on me are well defined and limited due to the infrequency of my drinking.

    It seems obvious to me that chemicals can affect the brain positively or negatively, whether they are a result of "big pharma" or "traditional knowledge." And I think it lacks insight to assume all "natural" drugs are good and all "pharmacological" drugs are bad. It seems naive at best and more likely detrimental. Of course some pharmalogical medications will be more useful than others and some drugs used as informal medication can be helpful. But the black and white conspiracy-of-profit idea is unjustified. The US state of Washington is about to start profiting massively from taxes on marijuana. That will not reduce its effectiveness in treating glaucoma or stabilising the appetite in people who are taking cancer treatment. The brain doesn't care about profit or marketing or anything like that.

    If people find their mental processes benefit from some regular medicinal chemical, they should be mindful of side effects and willing to manage them with their doctors. It is good to have a doctor who respects the reasons why some people choose untested street drugs to manage their symptoms. One example of a doctor like that is Dr. Gabor Maté, from Vancouver. His book "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts" is excellent, giving insight about the effects of drug use on the minds of people with chronic mental health issues without moralising about their choices. I think it should be recommended reading for anyone who tries self-medication to help them understand the costs and benefits of any substance from street drugs to conventional medication.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  21. #371
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Chrizze, for me I preferred memory to forgetfulness. When I found the memories challenging I often turned to reading. Do you do something like that? Not to forget but to take a short break from remembering?
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  22. #372
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Reading is my most important "hobby",if you can call it that.it helps to forget for a moment,,but when more powerful "leave of absence from this life" is required,then strong medications are required..usually opiates.Not street drugs,but from the street,..I accept only untampered,unopened pack of pharmaceuticals...there is available stronger things,than ordinary street drugs...
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  23. #373

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I love Shulgan's classification of drugs and psychedelics. The drugs, which include the illegal drugs, including acceptable drugls like alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and the psychiatric drugs, can be classed as either uppers or downers, and then there are the psychedelics or ecodelics:

    Scientifically speaking, ecodelics are molecules capable of chemically modifying brain function. For a better understanding of their effects, it’s important to get acquainted with the entire class of psychoactive drugs. In order to do so, we will borrow a model designed by Doctor Alexander Shulgin that splits psychoactive drugs in three main categories: uppers, downers and psychedelics3.

    Uppers are stimulants, meaning that they elicit an amplification of various psychobiological functions, including attention, motor activity and wakefulness (which intensify productivity), but also the level of anxiety. The better known ones are caffeine, cocaine, amphetamine, ritalin and nicotine.

    Downers are sedatives, and have opposite effects to those of uppers: they slow down and lower in intensity our psychobiological functions. They can be referred to as anxiolytics (used to reduce overall arousal but maintain wakefulness), anesthetics (for getting into an inert, unresponsive state) or hypnotics (sleep inducers). Some examples include alcohol, opiate narcotics, anesthetics and benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Valium.


    Now, if the substances from the previous categories affect the enhancement or reduction of mental process, psychedelics seem to modify the quality of consciousness itself, affecting those aspects that we identify most closely with our sense of being human, which puts them in a unique position in the family of mind-altering chemicals.

    The difficulty in describing the psychedelic effects consistently makes these substances a great and fascinating mystery. The term is derived from greek and latin, and was forged in the 50s by British psychiatrist Humphry Osmond in a poem-letter to writer Aldous Huxley. It means that which “manifests the mind”.

    Another popular word used to describe theses substances is hallucinogen, which refers to that which “generates hallucinations". Throughout history many other names were invented, and each one suggests a particular meaning that reflects the values of the period and of the ones who named it. Names as unusual as phantasticants (eliciting fantasy), psychotomimetic (mimicking psychosis), oneirogens (generating dreams), psychodysleptics (distorting or disrupting the mind) and mysticomimetics (mimicking the mystical state) have all been used in the scientific realm. Entheogen is a definition more popular among mystics, and refers to that which “generates the divine within”.

    In any case, all definitions have their downside. Hallucinogen is the preferred medical-legal term, but also a very biased one, once it suggests that the effects of these substances are illegitimate or nonrepresentative of anything that can be subject to scrutiny, once they are understood as mental creations that have no relationship with the external reality. The term psychedelic is so popular that it is used as an adjective today (as in “psychedelic music” or “psychedelic art”), still its original definition evokes memories of and reactions to a particular political and sociocultural phenomenon that started back in the turbulent 1960s and was followed by decades of a repressive policy founded on prejudice and lack of information (see more in “a brief story of ecodelics”, linked below). Entheogen implies a religiosity not recognized by all, as usually occurs in the global scientific community.

    Therefore, we are enthusiasts of the term ecodelic4. Not only for being a recent word still free from prejudice, but because it embeds a deeper knowledge about these substances. If we can understand that they manifest something that transcends the chemical and physical processes related to brain functioning, we may find many other implications for their use in this turning point we are living now. [source]

    Of course, psychedelics can be abused just like any drugs, but when taken in a deeply respectful way they can help to resolve destructive habits and personal crises. This is a big reason that this fucked-up culture wages a war on them!

  24. #374
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Everything you wrote in your post,is completely known to me We really are in the same business,so to speak,...I could have been written that,if I would have enough patience,and little bit better grammar.I agree with everything you say.Howewer,people don´t tend to get addicted to psychedelics,same way,than downers,..habituated,perhaps,what I have been reading,and hearing from my friends.
    Last edited by Chrizze; April 23rd, 2013 at 01:19 AM.
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  25. #375

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    Everything you wrote in your post,is completely known to me We really are in the same business,so to speak,...I could have been written that,if I would have enough patience,and little bit better grammar.I agree with everything you say.Howewer,people don´t tend to get addicted to psychedelics,same way,than downers,..habituated,perhaps,what I have been reading,and hearing from my friends.
    Yes, that's why I said that psychedelics also can be abused if not treated with respect. It is a two way thing---both respecting the psychedelics you ingest and your body mind and soul.
    For some, tripping could be some kind of thrill-seeking experience, or a way to feel superior than others because you can see their moves, and minds---lol. So it can be used like that. BUT what I try and encourage is the realization that they can help us get in contact with our fears. Listen to this guy, I really love what he is doing---which is saying how magic mushrooms can be used for self-healing:

    Entering the Darkness - Conscious Living Radio Interview with James W. Jesso - March 2013
    Last edited by ludolfo; April 23rd, 2013 at 06:45 AM.

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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I know,that mushrooms,and other psychedelics can be used to self healing,and even helping to get rid of addictions.By the way,I have read,that drugs can be divided in two categories,and to me it sounds quite right: -"Body drugs",..heroin,speed,downers,barbs,cocaine..etc,a nd - "mind drugs",.. LSD,shrooms,ayahuasca (DMT),some chemicals invented by Shulgin,etc.. What do you think?
    Last edited by Chrizze; April 25th, 2013 at 07:06 PM.
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  27. #377

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    I know,that mushrooms,and other psychedelics can be used to self healing,and even helping to get rid of addictions.By the way,I have read,that drugs can be divided in two categories,and to me it sounds quite right: -"Body drugs",..heroin,speed,downers,barbs,cocaine..etc,a nd - "mind drugs",.. LSD,shrooms,ayahuasca (DMT),some chemicals invented by Shulgin,etc.. What do you think?
    Yes that is exactly what I mean Chrizze. The present medical model is based on seeing us as like biological computers, and all notion of spiritual depth is not understood, so they push drugs which are suppsed to 'fix' a 'defectiveness' in a 'machine', and which does not address how we are really feeling. All culture is based on this shallow understanding and is why it is SO mean---why that people have to sleeep on the streets if they lose their home and money.
    There is no sanctuary for so many people--unless they chose to be a monk. No place people can go, even for two days, and just explore themselves and the land. This is a very fucked up system. VERY oppressive, and breeds all forms of body and mind and soul distress.

  28. #378

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    HEY Chrizze, how is ya?
    I have just come across this very interesting article and thought you might be interested to read it:

    Psychiatry under fire in the UK — British Psychological Society takes issue with the bio-medical model
    The shakedown of psychiatry continues. From the UK’s Guardian:

    There is no scientific evidence that psychiatric diagnoses such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are valid or useful, according to the leading body representing Britain’s clinical psychologists.

    In a groundbreaking move that has already prompted a fierce backlash from psychiatrists, the British Psychological Society’s division of clinical psychology (DCP) will on Monday issue a statement declaring that, given the lack of evidence, it is time for a “paradigm shift” in how the issues of mental health are understood. The statement effectively casts doubt on psychiatry’s predominantly biomedical model of mental distress – the idea that people are suffering from illnesses that are treatable by doctors using drugs. The DCP said its decision to speak out “reflects fundamental concerns about the development, personal impact and core assumptions of the (diagnosis) systems”, used by psychiatry.

    Dr Lucy Johnstone, a consultant clinical psychologist who helped draw up the DCP’s statement, said it was unhelpful to see mental health issues as illnesses with biological causes.

    “On the contrary, there is now overwhelming evidence that people break down as a result of a complex mix of social and psychological circumstances – bereavement and loss, poverty and discrimination, trauma and abuse,” Johnstone said. The provocative statement by the DCP has been timed to come out shortly before the release of DSM-5, the fifth edition of the American Psychiatry Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. (READ THE REST)

    The controversy over the DSM 5 is spreading outward across the world. Hallelujah.

    UPDATE: More info here on Mad in America: UK Clinical Psychologists Call for the Abandonment of Psychiatric Diagnosis and the ‘Disease’ Model
    Last edited by ludolfo; May 14th, 2013 at 06:29 AM.

  29. #379

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    also please checkout this: VERY moving:
    As a social worker and clinician working with “the seriously mentally ill” for many years, I never came upon someone who didn’t have fairly severe traumas in their histories. Yes, I can say those who I encountered who were in that particular labeled segment had a solid 100% rate of trauma in their histories. Mental illness in large part is a reaction to trauma. It’s quite simple really. When we start listening to people’s stories of pain rather than numbing them out and effectively silencing them with neurotoxic drugs we will start healing them. Until then people will remain broken. One of the most basic needs for a wounded human being to heal is to be seen. Recognized. Validated. Yes. (Trauma and PTSD collected info, commentary and links)

  30. #380
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Yes,very interesting articles indeed. About how I am doing,.. I am a bit down now,..there was just the mother's day,..and about a month from now is first anniversary of my mother's death...
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  31. #381

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Hi Chrizze, I am so sorry, that must be very painful for you. I send out an embrace to you

  32. #382
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I am in mental hospital now,and decided to kick those new medications away,and try something older,namely Aurorix,(not sold in U.S.),active chemical is Moclobemide.There is good article in wikipedia.that past coctail took away my appetite,I lost 30kg in past seven months.

  33. #383

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    HI Chrizze, sorry to hear your in there man. Hope though you are feeling OK? I think about you quite a bit

  34. #384
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I am,I always come here by my own request,when I feel,that it is necessary.

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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Chrizze, I'm glad to hear you're working with your doctors on treatment for your current health conditions.

    Remember that even without mental health troubles, people can often struggle heavily with grief. Sometimes it can become "complex grief."

    I wanted to ask, when you remember your mom, is there something you would have wished for her? Something else she could have seen or done in life? When my aunt died of cancer, I missed her in my selfish reasons as my confidante and friend within my family, but I also felt she had lost out on many adventures in her own future. She loved to travel, and I don't travel so often but I think of her when I do. She loved to cook and to enjoy food, and sometimes I think of her after a new meal. Do you remember your mom in that way or how?
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  36. #386
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Well,I wish,that she would never had schizopfrenia,so she would not have to take those medications,that ultimately killed her.

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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I read the article on moclobemide; it was interesting. Have you had a prescription for aurorix before?
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  38. #388
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    I am,I always come here by my own request,when I feel,that it is necessary.
    It's awesome that you can do that! Having a refuge on hand is great.

    I hope it's a good one, though -- there are still too many that are much different from what was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  39. #389
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrizze View Post
    Well,I wish,that she would never had schizopfrenia,so she would not have to take those medications,that ultimately killed her.
    I knew a psychiatrist who was also a professor. On his door he had a snippet from the New Testament:

    WE SEE THROUGH A GLASS, DIMLY


    His point was that doctors really don't understand the brain, and in many ways what they do to treat mental disorders is like alchemy. It's like looking at something through a small window, where you can't see more than a tiny bit at a time, and it's dim on the inside anyway, so not only don't we know exactly how the medications we have to use work, we don't even know how to aim them.

    To me it's a lot like metallurgy: As it got going in the Middle Ages (though that was still simpler!): mix something together, pour it in your mold, and see if what you thought would be a good alloy is of much use at all; and if it is, keep charts and tables showing how it behaves and how good it is for various jobs, until you think you might just understand it enough to try a guess on how to do it a bit better. Now we have equations and computers and even molecular models to go on, but there's still a lot of guesswork.

    And as a result, it isn't all that surprising when something that seems to do the trick proves fatal. With your mom (and many others), the meds that helped turned out to be poisons -- and all too often that was the only way we learned they were poisons, because they started killing people; with metals, there were airplanes built and the metals seemed superb, until they suddenly started cracking in midair or on landing.


    The truly frustrating thing is that we don't really know what "schizophrenia" is: at the end, it's just a label for a bunch of symptoms for which we don't know the cause ... or even if it's just one cause or several.

    So doctors keep trying. Not a heck of a lot of fun to be the subjects of their efforts, though, huh?

    "Thirty-one* states allow all qualified citizens to carry concealed weapons. In those states, homosexuals should embark on organized efforts to become comfortable with guns, learn to use them safely and carry them. They should set up Pink Pistols task forces, sponsor shooting courses and help homosexuals get licensed to carry. And they should do it in a way that gets as much publicity as possible. "

    --Jonathan Rauch, Salon Magazine, March 13, 2000

    *the number is now forty

  40. #390
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    To bankside,never had,because big pharma had marketed more modern things..And I always do my research,and suggest new medication to the doctor..
    I have remark in my medical records,that says:"patient is having exceptionally good knowledge about medical science,medications,and procedures"
    To kulindahr.. yes,it is really good to have this option... I know,we don't know how brains and medications work exactly,but it is good,that they do,usually.

  41. #391
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I got back home tuesday, let's see how things are going to get...
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  42. #392

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    glad to hear your back home I hope you that you use this thread and boards to share how you feel, ideas, and express yourself. I think this is SO important to do because many us us from being kids are like pushed INto ourselves. So that even with ourselves this becomes internalized, and some people cannot even cry and let emotions out, or articulate to themselves how they are really feeling.

  43. #393
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I have tried,this is very popular thread in this sector of forum...name doesn't resemble it anymore though,it would be more like Chrizze's life now.But what I wrote,I did wrote.I have these same conversations going in two sites,this is international Gay site,other is Finnish Drug abusers site.(current,or former).
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  44. #394
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Hey Chrizze - just stopping by to say hi. How are things?
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  45. #395
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Well,certainly they are not worse,than before my medication was changed.. Perhaps I am starting to dare to believe,that I might survive from all this after all.
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  46. #396
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    If you were strong enough to make it this far, you have what it takes to make it all the way. There's no doubt about that.

    There will still be ups and downs. That's the way life goes. But you've already proven you're a winner, you just need to make it to the finish line to pick up your medal.

    We who have been following your struggles are proud of you. Very, very proud. Just wanted you to know that.

  47. #397

    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I personally do not like the 'winners or losers' model at all. This is a model where so-called 'winners' are paraded about at the expense of so-called 'losers'.

  48. #398
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    I would agree with you if Chrizze were battling against another person, but he isn't. He's struggling against depression and grief, and if at the end of that battle he's the winner and depression and grief are the losers, I have no problem with that at all and will happily join in his parade.

  49. #399
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    Chrizze thanks for your update.

    After so many pages of this thread, those posting here sometimes disagree or even debate mental health topics, even while trying to be helpful. To me it means many aspects of mental health are still not clearly understood, thus the differences of opinion and knowledge. I hope you dont find that frustrating. I find it encouraging that the discussion is taking place.

    I hope things are well.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  50. #400
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    Re: Suicide attempt,that almost succeeded.But I only wanted pain to stop

    No,I don't find these discussions frustrating at all, everybody has had something to offer,.. Things are going rather steady.
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