Question for you guys about b/f cheating and lying.

[animalius]

So, here's what's going on. Yesterday, the b/f and I went to get tested.

Ok, let's rewind. A week ago, he called me and said that he felt strange after giving me a b/j. This week, he insisted that we go get tested. After questioning him a bit, he admitted that a few weeks ago he had sex with this guy he had met online. After he started noticing some symptoms, he called me up and tried to make it sound like he got it from me.

Ok, we got tested yesterday and he got a positive for gonorrhea while I was completely clean of everything. So, I got a confession out of him.

Anyway, the nurse said she'd rather be safe than sorry, so we both got treated. Got a big shot in the butt... and don't get me started on the swaps that she inserted into my penis and butt...now I know how it feels to be raped.

No drama, I promise. I hate drama. We had a talk about it.

I told him I forgive him and that if he was going to do it again make sure he was safer.

Should I be outraged? Under normal circumstances, what should I do? What would you do?

[tombastep]

The fact that he was fucking about, not careful about it and then tried to blame you for it, I would have dumped him.

Edit: The only reason he admitted to cheating was because he was in a corner he couldn't get out of.

[vacancy3]

no shit....bye bye bye baby

[G-Lexington]

If you don't care, I don't see any reason why I should. That's your relationship, and you lead it anyway you want.

Lex

[FPNY]

People falter. They do things they know they shouldn't. Your bf got busted big time, it's your call on how to handle it. I had a similar situation several years ago. No STD, just a young Brazilian who threw a monkey wrench into my life. It took me years but I forgave my partner. I will never forget what he did, but I forgive him. Your bf could have gotten himself into some T with HIV and that is the big lesson to be learned here. I think if I were he this situation would stop me from ever letting anyone but you touch my weiner.

Good luck....

[mikey3000]

I think you you handled the situation perfectly. Why fight and all that crap. Be thankful it wasn't worse and discuss it rationally. But maybe now would be a good time for new ground rules. Best of luck.

[animalius]

Frankly, I don't know what I'm feeling. Since I consider feelings to be irrational at times and that they shouldn't be trusted, I'm a bit confused. I guess you could say I don't know myself, and the number 1 rule is know thyself, right?

Here's the problem. Take a look at this thread where I confessed I've been interested in my b/f's best friend. The compulsion has been getting stronger, even though I've been trying to avoid him and has only met him once in the last few weeks. I've never felt this strong about anyone before in my life.

What I'm afraid is this latest episode with my b/f will be seen as just my excuse to break up with the b/f and go for A (nickname for b/f's best friend in the other thread). Heck, since I don't really know how I feel, this might very well be just an excuse on my part.

I've been opened to my b/f about my compulsion towards his friend and that I can't help it. No matter how hard I try, and no matter how much I've avoided his friend, I can't get my mind off him.

What a mess...

[vacancy3]

^its the std that has me concerned the most....why risk something even worse

[Orlandude]

It's one thing to make an error in judgment about tricking out with someone. We're all human. It's another thing to lie about the consequence and blame you for it. He put your health in jeopardy. I couldn't get past that because I would always wonder what else he's lying about. I feel that letting him off the hook is only enabling him and setting the stage for future disappointment. But that's me.
Your relationship. If you can live with that, then so be it.

[FPNY]

Sweetums....if I may offer some advice. Take a breath, a good deep breath. This is an excellent time for you to think about what you want. If you need an excuse to leave the current bf, you have it. If you decide to leave him, you need to take some time to think about what you want to do about your new lust. Take some time to think about what will make you happy.

[sixthson]

So, he is out having sex with God knows who and you are in love with his best friend. Sounds like you have a rock solid relationship there. It's not advice you need.

[LaughOutLoud]

Why did you tell him that if he cheated again, you want him to be safe!?

You're pretty much telling him that it's not the cheating that bothers you, it's just him not being safe about it that has you concerned.


To me, it sounds like you're not really bothered about the cheating - probably because you like his best friend (note: I haven't read the other thread, just what's been posted here).



You like the idea of being in a relationship with your current bf and you're "comfortable" with it. You're so "comfortable" that you seem (to me anyway) that you don't mind him fucking around behind your back as long as he has a rubber on.


You've probably realised nothing will ever happen with you and his friend, so you've settled for comfortable. You've settled for routine. And you don't care if it robs you of your dignity (while he's out fucking around behind your back), as long as you have someone.




I'd suggest breaking it off and experience being single for a while. That said, I have strong opinions on cheaters so maybe I'm just a bit biased.....

[vulgar_newcomer]

Some excellent advice is being given by everyone.

Myself I would do some critical thinking and take my time. There are worst things going on here then the VD, and that's pretty bad in itself.
There were choices made before hand with premeditation and not the result of being wasted in the heat of the moment (that isn't a exuse either).

[animalius]

Well, it just hit me and I am feeling really depressed. I just realized I have nothing.

[nfgrls]

HAHA I love it, If you are going to cheat just be kind and make sure you use protection.

[animalius]

HAHA I love it, If you are going to cheat just be kind and make sure you use protection.

I know I know. I'm naive. I was just trying to be kind and understanding.

[floridaboy]

i'd be somewhere between mad enough to burn all his things on the front yard, or hold this over his head forever and get whatever i want

i've been where you are, i've had plenty of guys cheat on me, and just letting it go is NOT the way to go

[Huntneo(PT)]

I think you're definitely right to be pissed. In fact, "pissed" is an understatement.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. If I were in such a situation, I think I would want to forgive and forget--but the circumstances and details you've told us about it make it hard to do so. I don't think he would have admitted anything were it not for the STI. The lying and deceit would be tougher for me to swallow than his infidelity.

[ronboy]

I went and got tested after my b/f decided to tell me that he was dumping me for a 22 year old twink he worked with.

Thank goodness, I was clean!

He would like me to forgive and forget, (and resume what we had before), but my trust in him is completely gone.

[Georgiadude]

I know I know. I'm naive. I was just trying to be kind and understanding.

The same kindness and understanding he showed you when he not only cheated on you but tried to blame YOU for the std. He would have kept blaming you for it if he could have. Forgive the cheating if you want. That's up to you. However, why you would want to stay with someone that tried to blame you for giving him an std is beyond me. He obviously doesn't give a damn how he makes you feel. He was perfectly fine with putting you through the guilt and shame of giving him an std instead of stepping up and being honest about it. To top it off you have feelings for his friend and aren't sure what you want to do. This is a HUGE mess and nobody can fix it but you.

What would I do? I'd start by kicking his lying, cheating, back stabbing ass to the curb. You deserve better than someone that would treat you like that. I'd take some time and work on my self esteem. Think long and hard about what you want from "A". I haven't read the other forum so idk if he's even interested in you or not. Regardless, if he was my bf he would have been gone before we got home from the clinic. and I'd send him the bill.

Steven.

[Huntneo(PT)]

okay...wow.




keep us updated.

[animalius]

WOOHOO! i got a date with A next week. We're not calling it a date, though, since I'm still involved with the b/f and A is his best friend.

[G-Lexington]

Dude, call it a date. Call it a fuck session. Call it anything you want. Just go have a good time, and keep the protection on. Don't go fucking bareback to "get back" at your boyfriend - and yes, I've known people who did just that.

Lex

[LaughOutLoud]

Wow, what a fairy tale ending to this tragic story.

[animalius]

Dude, call it a date. Call it a fuck session. Call it anything you want. Just go have a good time, and keep the protection on. Don't go fucking bareback to "get back" at your boyfriend - and yes, I've known people who did just that.

Lex

It's not what you guys think. Let me explain more about this.

I've been having very long talk sessions with the b/f. You see, I've been open about my attraction to A from the beginning. I don't like keeping secrets like this. Usually leads to disaster. The b/f has also been noticing that I unconsciously mimic A's actions when I'm around him. Talking to A and asking him out on a date (or whatever we're going to call it) was actually the b/f's idea. From what I know, the b/f and A are still spending time together every night when I'm not there. So, this is not putting a strain on their friendship. B/f says it's ok that we get together, but he doesn't want to be around in a 3-some (what I've been hoping for).

I am seriously contemplating breaking up with the b/f. The cheating I can get over. What I'm still having trouble getting over are the 2 things that followed. So, on Friday he knew for sure that he had all the symptoms. He then told me the lie about feeling funny after giving me a b/j the previous week. Since I hadn't felt any symptom at all and we have been monogamous for months (or I assumed we were), I didn't think anything of it. He then did the second thing that I couldn't get over. We had sex Saturday night. He knowingly exposed me to the std.

At the same time, it feels wrong to do so after what we've built up for months.

[Huntneo(PT)]

nevermind.

[animalius]

If there's some attachment/familiarity things going on...just break up and remain friends. With benefits...or not. But you guys are all over the place. literally.

Haha, speak for him. I've never cheated in my life. And I don't keep secrets regarding who I like.