Do You Mind Being Called 'Girl' ?

[CupidBoy]

?

He doesn't feel the need to start a pissing contest over it. There are easier ways to get him to whip his dick out if that's what you're after....

girl so long as someone is whipping something out I'm happy, alright?!

[freefall]

MOVING GIF: A furious lady in her 50s flips a dinner table, complete with the dishes on top of it, while yelling and cursing

OF COURSE I DO!!!1!

I prefer to be called 'Gurl'

[freefall]

go ahead and call me girl and see if i don't bite your finger off. fuck it, i'll take the whole hand then. i was born with a dick. don't get cute with me because i'm gay.

well, i don't think it's cool to follow a stereotype or to define someone as such because they're a certain way. i feel that that's just going the low route. it doesn't need to be like that.

no, let me explain myself a bit more.

to me, i see calling me a "girl" the equivalent of a stranger walking up to me and saying "yo yo yo.. what up my dude. what's good in the hood?" because i'm black. you know, whatever happened to treating somebody for who they are and not by the characteristics they can't control. you know, just because i'm gay doesn't mean you can call me girl or you can give me a lady gaga cd for christmas or you can run up on me for fashion tips. just because i'm a man doesn't mean that you can get me to lift a bunch of boxes up or i know how to beat nails and two by fours or am an avid sports fan. the thing that really gets me is that because people expect you to be a certain way because you happen to fall into this box. like i'm going to be me. i'm not going to fit into a certain mold just because i'm gay or because i'm black. i never let a characteristic define me and it should never be like that. you know, no need to jump the gun and try to judge me without getting to know me first. i think that's not cool at all.

I think I understand refujiground more now.

He is not capable of abstract thinking.

MOVING GIF: a model candidate nods her head enthusiastically while smiling, but slowly stiffening her lips to a straight line as she rolled her eyes silently

[MMMonsterBoy]

You girls are uptight vagines.......loosen up, let it ride.

This doesn't surprise me. Some of these girls wouldn't know how to loosen up if it vibrated against their cobwebs

[TheFallenAsexual]

go ahead and call me girl and see if i don't bite your finger off. fuck it, i'll take the whole hand then. i was born with a dick. don't get cute with me because i'm gay.

The exact stereotypes you wish to get away from, you embody so incredibly well. Congrats on having a dick, though.

[Huntneo(PT)]

You guys want to hear something really sad?

My own mother mistakenly calls me "girl" sometimes when we're chatting about things over the phone. It's usually because she starts to go on and on about something as if she's speaking with her girlfriends, and in turn forgets that she's actually talking to her son.

It always cracks me up, but she feels bad about it.

[refujiunderground]

I think I understand refujiground more now.

He is not capable of abstract thinking.

MOVING GIF: a model candidate nods her head enthusiastically while smiling, but slowly stiffening her lips to a straight line as she rolled her eyes silently

you need to learn how to respect other people's opinions.

[HunterM]

You guys want to hear something really sad?

My own mother mistakenly calls me "girl" sometimes when we're chatting about things over the phone. It's usually because she starts to go on and on about something as if she's speaking with her girlfriends, and in turn forgets that she's actually talking to her son.

It always cracks me up, but she feels bad about it.

^ Do you call her "Dude" back?

[Tony the Tiger]

You go girlfriend.

[fetaby]

you need to learn how to respect other people's opinions.

or he could bite their hand off.... either way works apparently... no big. yup.

[refujiunderground]

or he could bite their hand off.... either way works apparently... no big. yup.

i was being sarcastic. for real, i'm literally looking around thinking of what to say because i'm at a loss of words right now. apparently, sarcasm and joking is not very big in here. you didn't really think i was getting that heated over being called girl, did you. it's really not that serious. i'm not going to smack you or bite your finger off for calling me girl. i stated why i don't like the word but i'm not going to act all crazy over that shit if i get called that. i'll just brush it off and act like i wasn't called that even though i don't like that word and i'll just explain to someone to not call me that because i don't like it. that's it. sometimes, i swear.... man. i should probably try my luck in acting because i know how to come across angry or happy when i'm not even that.

learn how to not take things too seriously or to laugh once in awhile. geez.

[HunterM]

sometimes, i swear.... man. i should probably try my luck in acting because i know how to come across angry or happy when i'm not even that.

learn how to not take things too seriously or to laugh once in awhile. geez.

Pfft...You don't need to act. You have PMS.

[fetaby]

If you say so....


From what you've said about yourself, and how you've built a false persona to parade in front of your friends and family so they would have no idea about you being gay? Yeah. I do believe you'd get crazy if somebody called you a girl IRL.

I'd have to meet you IRL, and then call you a girl to find out though. And TBQH, I can't be bothered. It's enough to be entertained by your crazy show here. So thanks!

[refujiunderground]

Pfft...You don't need to act. You have PMS.

pms? as i said before, sarcasm and joking is not very big in here and every single time i see someone like SLOPPYSECONDS or even karen walker make threads which are obviously trolling or intended to be funny or just plain mindless bullshit, it's funny seeing how people take it literally instead of just taking it for what it is.

dayum, once again, learn how not to take things too seriously and laugh once in awhile before i bite your fingers off.

[GiancarloC]

You really have set up this persona of trying to be a highly macho, masculine man... all the way taking swipes at those who aren't and then saying you'll do physical harm to those who call you "girl". Get a grip.

[refujiunderground]

If you say so....


From what you've said about yourself, and how you've built a false persona to parade in front of your friends and family so they would have no idea about you being gay? Yeah. I do believe you'd get crazy if somebody called you a girl IRL.

I'd have to meet you IRL, and then call you a girl to find out though. And TBQH, I can't be bothered. It's enough to be entertained by your crazy show here. So thanks!

please do not talk about my situation being that you cannot respect it. i'm sick and tired of some of you guys feeling the need to use the fact that i'm closeted as a means to insult me with. talk about ignorance. didn't you call somebody out for doing what you're doing now.

matter of fact, don't ever talk about me like you know me personally or even my situation. the only thing you're doing is just making yourself look stupid talking about someone you don't even know or haven't even met in your life. go ahead and respond to me with another crazy rebuttal embarrassing yourself.

You really have set up this persona of trying to be a highly macho, masculine man... all the way taking swipes at those who aren't and then saying you'll do physical harm to those who call you "girl". Get a grip.

matter of fact, this will be the last time i respond to this thread because i don't want to derail the thread worse than it already is.

it's called sarcasm. i was simply joking around by overexaggerating my annoyance towards being called girl. i don't know if you guys are doing this to joke around back with me or whatever but you guys need to stop and get a grip. dayum.... why the hell would i want to have somebody's nasty ass fingers in my mouth not knowing if they just took a piss or dug their nose or wiped their ass without watching their hands? you think i'm crazy enough to do that shit? i mean, dayum, i'm probably more sane than you are if you actually believe i would be stupid enough to do that over a simple word. stop insulting my intelligence.

[Kien]

refuji, I don't think you quite understand them. I'm sure most(maybe?) of us know you wouldn't bite a finger off if you were called 'girl.' Anyways, rather than taking that literally, they're pointing out, not your over-exaggeration, but your overreaction and that you PROBABLY would overreact due to the facade you put up. Pardon me for speaking on their behalf, but they just think you'd actually get pretty mad if someone called you 'girl.' You really do put up this "macho tough guy" persona, it's not a wonder to us that you'd get upset if someone called you something that challenged the masculinity that you always reiterate.

Btw, some sarcasm does not translate well over the internet. No offense, but especially with you and your posts, which tends to be angry or hostile most times, I don't blame them for missing the sarcasm, if there really was any.

[GiancarloC]

That's my point. I didn't say he would bite someone's finger off. But I know figurative speech when I see it, and it shows that there would be a harsh reaction. Like saying "ripping someone's head off"... now I'm sure when one uses that phrase they aren't going to go out and literally do it, but rather react angrily and shut down the person they are having a problem with.

[fetaby]

please do not talk about my situation being that you cannot respect it. i'm sick and tired of some of you guys feeling the need to use the fact that i'm closeted as a means to insult me with. talk about ignorance. didn't you call somebody out for doing what you're doing now.

matter of fact, don't ever talk about me like you know me personally or even my situation. the only thing you're doing is just making yourself look stupid talking about someone you don't even know or haven't even met in your life.

Why should I respect your situation when you don't even respect yourself? Why should I respect the fact that you can't tell the difference between someone making a comment and someone intentionally insulting you?

The only thing I can post off is what you've put out here. If you don't like that, then the only thing I can tell you is hindsight is 20/20 and next time choose your words more wisely.

I don't have to know you personally to know you're an asshole. And if you are as you claim, and all of this is merely one side that you don't let anyone else IRL see, then you're a disingenuous asshole.

But what I won't let slide right on by is you using your closet status as carte blanche to be that asshole. This has all of nothing to do with the fact that you're gay, and everything to do with the fact that you're unhappy. And that's your problem to deal with, so either deal with it and STFU or continue to get called out for being the asshole that you are.

And if you'll recall, I told that guy there was plenty of things besides you being closeted that he could use against you in an argument. You, in turn, don't get to use that same closet as a defense. It's on you if you think what you're doing is bad, I never said it was. Crazy? Fuck yeah. Bad? No.

The closet is bad. There is a thing is this world called necessary evil, the closet is one of those things. It fucks people up and it is no place to be if a person can avoid it.

So refuji, here's the challenge. You say you don't want to come out of the closet? Fine, be in the closet. Everywhere. Including here.... No more bullshit, whiny, homophobic, misogynistic posts in any threads that have anything at all to do with being gay, gay issues, gay culture, porn, how gay men relate to x,y, or z... If you want to be in the closet, keep it all in the closet... Cause this popping out long enough to show your ass is tired.

[jasoncrew03]

The only person who calls me girl is my sister, and she calls everyone girl.

[freefall]

you need to learn how to respect other people's opinions.

Or what? You're gonna bite my fingers off?



Many times your self-professed 'sarcastic jokes' are not even close enough to melt a snowflake let alone thawing Dante's 9th circle of hell.

Also, every joke contains 50% truth. Anybody knows that.

[72-Jay]

The closet is bad. There is a thing is this world called necessary evil, the closet is one of those things. It fucks people up and it is no place to be if a person can avoid it.

I know thats really meant for refuj, but...
The closet might be a necessary evil, that I could agree with.

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.

Sometimes it is the best place to be and/or you can't avoid it.

[HunterM]

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.

Sometimes it is the best place to be and/or you can't avoid it.

Yes, you are correct. Sometimes it is the best place to be. Then own up to it and don't be offended by it. It's like...I'm not offended when someone calls me "Dude"...because that's who I am. I'm not offended when someone calls me a "cock sucker"...because I do enjoy sucking cocks. Ain't that the truth!

A spade is a spade is a spade.

[80KGold]

You know what? I bet refujiunderground is drop-dead gorgeous. The wacko ones usually are.

That GIF of Conan is awesome!

[fetaby]

I know thats really meant for refuj, but...
The closet might be a necessary evil, that I could agree with.

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.

Sometimes it is the best place to be and/or you can't avoid it.

It can be successfully argued that being in the closet is a "better" place to be, as opposed to say being killed like a gay Ugandan, or beaten like Brandon White from Atlanta.

But it is never the "best" place to be.

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.

Then you haven't been paying attention. Take a peek down into the Coming out and relationship forum sometime and you can read for yourself thread after thread of closeted gay men with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and fear. Yes, we can segment and separate our lives into manageable bits. And for a lot of gay men other pieces of themselves take precedence over their sexual natures, I get that. But what I don't get is the wholesale denial that gay men don't have to develop and make visible those aspects of themselves and can still be considered on par with their heterosexual counterparts.

Helen Keller said it best...

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. . .Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. . . Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

[justdra]

It rarely happens. I usually get " bitch please" or something like that, rarely girl. It depends on the person, if I am around a very flamboyant guy and he uses that toward everyone, it won't bother me. I have had straight get offended if I say " bitch you crazy" or something like that, lol.

[refujiunderground]

i'm not going to quote everybody because there's too much to quote but all i have to say is that most of you are just looking for an argument and i have no time to argue today. go ahead and believe what you want to believe. you STILL do not know me off of this website so you can go and shove all those assumptions you're making about me up your ass. how you're going to judge my personality off of a bunch of text? you serious? how are you going to tell me who i am, my situation and talk for me like you know me? and then even go as far as to talk about why i'm in the closet as if you know the people i'm dealing with or my parents? i'll repeat it again, if you do not want to understand my situation in which you do NOT, how about you shut up and leave it alone. talking about me hating myself. if you were in my shoes dealing with homophobic parents, a father who has possible mental issues, around homophobic family members, coworkers and etc, you would be in the closet too. matter of fact, i think it's sad that someone who's gay can't even understand my situation of being in the closet. for real..... if there's anybody being an asshole, it's YOU.

lol @ fetaby saying that he doesn't have to know me personally to know that i'm an asshole. and this is off of what? threads and posts. it's really not that serious, breh. maybe you need to get some fresh air or whatever. you're an asshole for acting like you know me offline off of this site.

[TheFallenAsexual]

you STILL do not know me off of this website

Do we need to? We only interact with you on the website, and on the website, you tend to come off as an overreacting, aggressive, dramatic queen. Just sayin'

[refujiunderground]

Do we need to? We only interact with you on the website, and on the website, you tend to come off as an overreacting, aggressive, dramatic queen. Just sayin'

but still...

aren't there threads which are about "does your online persona matches your offline persona?" that right there should give you a clue.

with that said, the internet and the offline world are two different places. it would be foolish to judge someone personally as if you actually talked and hung out with them from a bunch of text on a keyboard. you simply can't judge. that's the truth.

[tombastep]

I guess those huge walls of texts you post never include anything about your home life or project anything about your personality. If you don't want people "assuming" things about your sexuality or why you're in the closet then shut up about it.

That's gonna come off mean, but I don't really care. You get all aggro in threads, deflect and tell people they constantly got it wrong. That would only be true if it was only a user or 2, but countless of people feel this way about you. All these users aren't getting anything mixed up, you just don't like that it's brought back at you.

If you don't want people getting on you about any of this, take of step back. Otherwise, stop being a coward and own up to your actions and move on.

[refujiunderground]

I guess those huge walls of texts you post never include anything about your home life or project anything about your personality. If you don't want people "assuming" things about your sexuality or why you're in the closet then shut up about it.

That's gonna come off mean, but I don't really care. You get all aggro in threads, deflect and tell people they constantly got it wrong. That would only be true if it was only a user or 2, but countless of people feel this way about you. All these users aren't getting anything mixed up, you just don't like that it's brought back at you.

If you don't want people getting on you about any of this, take of step back and change your attitude. Otherwise, stop being a coward and own up to your actions and move on.

what's funny is how i just stated something simple and yet it's getting all blown out of proportion. i simply stated that i don't like being called girl and said whatever here and there and all of a sudden, i see a whole lot of tear jerking.

[ibill1]

Refuji, here is how I see it. You are probably a nice guy, I don't know you, but everyone gets the benefit of that unless proven otherwise. The closet is yours of the making, and that is OK if at this time in your life and your current circumstances dictates that this is the best course of action for you.

The problem arises if you bitch and moan about it. If you need to be there then embrace it and live within its constraints as best you can until you can change it. I came out very early in life at 17 when it wasn't an easy thing to do. You are correct if you state that I don't know your culture etc., this is true. In reality, I don't need to. The closet is the closet and as different as there are guys who feel they need to stay there. I believe if you make the time there a little more positive then when the coming out occurs it will be that much easier for you. You are in the closet now, you feel you need to stay for the time being, then fine. I just hope you can realize that this is okay for now and that it is not anyones business when you decide to exit. Just realize no one put you there but you.

[tbtmo02]

i dont like being called girl thankfully i dont get called it at all. I dont even letmy friends call me there gay best friend

[fetaby]

what's funny is how i just stated something simple and yet it's getting all blown out of proportion. i simply stated that i don't like being called girl and said whatever here and there and all of a sudden, i see a whole lot of tear jerking.

"I don't like being called a girl." is a simple way of stating you don't like being called a girl.
Your post here...

go ahead and call me girl and see if i don't bite your finger off. fuck it, i'll take the whole hand then. i was born with a dick. don't get cute with me because i'm gay.

is anything but simple.

But the reason I find you so entertaining is this part here...

said whatever here and there

Who said whut?

it would be foolish to judge someone personally as if you actually talked and hung out with them from a bunch of text on a keyboard. you simply can't judge. that's the truth.

If it's not you typing into the keyboard, then who is it? Some persona you've made up? To what end? Depending on the answer you're either a troll or disingenuous. If it's a) then you deserve no respect, if it's b) then why are you acting offended?

Why do you keep replying back to the so-called "tear-jerking" if it's so off base and isn't connecting with the core of what you've been bringing to the table here? If it isn't you, then why do you keep coming when called?

Shakespeare: Methinks the lady doth protest to much.

That's the old English version of bitch, please....

As for the closet mess? You're not closeted here. You don't get to pretend to be the victim here. You're not the only gay in the village here. You're experience, while unique, is not uncommon here. Don't even try to play that "you all should be the most understanding of my predicament" card here.... You're being gay has nothing to do with you being an asshole here.

It may be a convenient excuse for you to not have to deal with your problems, but it is not the cause of your problems.

[GiancarloC]

what's funny is how i just stated something simple and yet it's getting all blown out of proportion. i simply stated that i don't like being called girl and said whatever here and there and all of a sudden, i see a whole lot of tear jerking.

Then stop putting up some kind of false facade and stop jumping on everyone who questions what you say like your life depended on it.

[72-Jay]

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.
Sometimes it is the best place to be and/or you can't avoid it.

Yes, you are correct. Sometimes it is the best place to be. Then own up to it and don't be offended by it.

In my case, yep I'm closeted, and will admit it / am not offended by it. Its just how it has to be. (plus even if that wasn't the case I don't wish to be/am not ready to be out anyway)

Sometimes it is the best place to be and/or you can't avoid it.

It can be successfully argued that being in the closet is a "better" place to be, as opposed to say being killed like a gay Ugandan, or beaten like Brandon White from Atlanta.
But it is never the "best" place to be.

I don't know that it necessarily fucks people up though.

Then you haven't been paying attention. Take a peek down into the Coming out and relationship forum sometime and you can read for yourself thread after thread of closeted gay men with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and fear. Yes, we can segment and separate our lives into manageable bits. And for a lot of gay men other pieces of themselves take precedence over their sexual natures, I get that. But what I don't get is the wholesale denial that gay men don't have to develop and make visible those aspects of themselves and can still be considered on par with their heterosexual counterparts.

Helen Keller said it best...

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. . .Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. . . Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

Maybe "better place" is a more proper choice of words over "best place" .. I don't really know there LOL

And no I don't think I've ever looked in the Coming Out And Relationship forum here (There's another site I've read some of Coming Out threads on... and yeah there's allot of people where it goes well and they are happy, but there is some where its a bad experience)
I've also seen a couple posts about being depressed/etc due to being closeted. I guess a better wat to say this would be "I don't know that it necessarily fucks all people up" - some can deal some can't.

talking about me hating myself. if you were in my shoes dealing with homophobic parents, a father who has possible mental issues, around homophobic family members, coworkers and etc, you would be in the closet too. matter of fact, i think it's sad that someone who's gay can't even understand my situation of being in the closet.

If you actually do happen to hate yourself, well just give it time, that will eventually fade away (at least for me it did)
And being around homophobic family-members / neighbors / etc. yep that i fully understand, since same for me.


-
----
And now..
Thinking back on the original subject..
I remembered something from a while back: there's a woman at work who has called me 'bitch' as a joke before - even infront of the gay guy who worked there at the time (and no neither knows about my gay side). Actually didn't bother me at all, I just kinda laughed. But I've also used the same towards her in jokes so LOL its all good

[fetaby]

In my case, yep I'm closeted, and will admit it / am not offended by it. Its just how it has to be. (plus even if that wasn't the case I don't wish to be/am not ready to be out anyway)


Maybe "better place" is a more proper choice of words over "best place" .. I don't really know there LOL

And no I don't think I've ever looked in the Coming Out And Relationship forum here (There's another site I've read some of Coming Out threads on... and yeah there's allot of people where it goes well and they are happy, but there is some where its a bad experience)
I've also seen a couple posts about being depressed/etc due to being closeted. I guess a better wat to say this would be "I don't know that it necessarily fucks all people up" - some can deal some can't.


If you actually do happen to hate yourself, well just give it time, that will eventually fade away (at least for me it did)
And being around homophobic family-members / neighbors / etc. yep that i fully understand, since same for me.


-
----
And now..
Thinking back on the original subject..
I remembered something from a while back: there's a woman at work who has called me 'bitch' as a joke before - even infront of the gay guy who worked there at the time (and no neither knows about my gay side). Actually didn't bother me at all, I just kinda laughed. But I've also used the same towards her in jokes so LOL its all good

Just two things.

1.

Its just how it has to be. (plus even if that wasn't the case I don't wish to be/am not ready to be out anyway)

The section I put in bold is easily disputed. I won't do that because of the section I underlined. You are obviously involved in a situation where being in the closet is tolerable, and I do respect that is your decision to make for yourself. However, the closet is most definitely not "how it has to be", it is how you "prefer it to be."

Hardly anybody aside from masochists wish for negativity and hate and disapproval to be brought into their lives. I get that. But you can't tell me that when there are Ugandans fleeing their country under threat of death, your closet is a necessity because you don't want to deal with your Aunt Bernice giving you the side eye during Thanksgiving dinner.

2.

I guess a better wat to say this would be "I don't know that it necessarily fucks all people up" - some can deal some can't.

No. It would be disingenuous for me to say that. The idea that some can deal and some can't would mean there is some sort of measure. That if they dug in deep enough they'd eventually get to pass go and collect the two hundred dollars. That being in the closet could actually be a good thing and Mr. Thomnas will rim your asshole for a nickel so you don't have to have those pesky sexual urges in public.

The measure isn't one gay man to another. One who is out, one who is in, one who creeps when no one is looking... The measure is in the comparable counterpart, the straight man. How many straight men do you know who actively hide the fact that they are straight? Have you ever had a friend who was married with children and didn't know it? Have you ever not been invited to a wedding because the couple didn't want to throw their sexuality in your face?

So that is my question. Why should anyone accept that double standard?

------

As before, I can't go off anything except what you give me to post off. And this isn't meant to be an accusation or interrogation of you. I simply can not be complicit of what amounts to voluntary mental and emotional castration. A person who is in the closet cuts off their sexuality and shoves it in their pocket... please do explain to me how that isn't fucked up.

[fetaby]

Goddamn double post...


Go post count, go!

[refujiunderground]

Then stop putting up some kind of false facade and stop jumping on everyone who questions what you say like your life depended on it.

so i can't joke around? geez, get a sense of humor. you seem like the type of person that goes to a comedy show with an angry face wondering why everybody around you is laughing.

like there's people actually dedicating pointless essays about me joking around about biting someone's hand off because i don't like being called girl then going to say that i'm the one that needs help.

[refujiunderground]

If it's not you typing into the keyboard, then who is it? Some persona you've made up? To what end? Depending on the answer you're either a troll or disingenuous. If it's a) then you deserve no respect, if it's b) then why are you acting offended?

here's what i'm going to leave this here at because i just think you're being ridiculous and you really need to retire that sig of yours because you claim about not giving a damn since 2009 when you do.

persona, huh, persona? i just type whatever i feel like typing up. this is NOT a job. it's a hobby i do at my leisure time which means i do not feel obligated to act like how i do at my job or at school. i'm not getting paid for so why do you and some of the other guys in here come at me as if i'm supposed to act a certain way for YOU. do you see me running around telling people how to sound or how to be or whatever else? NO because i don't give a fuck. i let you guys be you so wtf is the problem? you don't even know me talking about persona. once again, quit acting like you know me, dude. you don't know how i act, you don't know how i feel when i say these words to you on the computer. you seriously think i spend time on this shit and craft some persona where i state my opinion to piss some people in here who are way oversensitive and take things too seriously off. you know, for real... i just say whatever i have to say and keep it moving. i don't make threads or say things with the intention of pissing people off even though i worry about that sometimes because i know how oversensitive some people in here could be where they are ready to argue over the slightest disagreement. ready to throw hissy fits over nothing. what offends me is how certain people in here simply just can't respect an opinion or whatever and make a big issue out of nothing. in order to be an asshole, you have to fuck with people. i didn't fuck with anybody with what i said unlike your ass all trying to take this into a personal grudge.


like for real, i seriously wish you well but i also feel sorry for you for harboring feelings of anger and hate towards me as if i did something to you. i didn't do SHIT to you yet you're coming at me like i did something. all of this simply because of my opinion. you need to learn to respect opinions or otherwise, people will treat you the same way you treat them whether you like what is being said or not. quit running up on me on some "you can't say that, refuji" because it's annoying. i don't run up to any of you in here telling you to watch your mouths or judging your personalities based on whatever the hell you say whether i think it's crazy, idiotic, stupid, or whatever else but yet ya stay on talking shit so quit doing it with me.

[altlover85]

I think what some of us are frustrated with refujiunderground is that you tend to get very defensive and aggressive about things. Your posts turn into rants at times and I think it distracts from whatever point you are trying to make.

[matty20]

That's never happened to me, but yes, I would mind. I am a man, not a woman. How does being gay make anyone less of a male than if he were straight?

[72-Jay]

Just two things.
1.

Its just how it has to be. (plus even if that wasn't the case I don't wish to be/am not ready to be out anyway)

The section I put in bold is easily disputed. I won't do that because of the section I underlined. You are obviously involved in a situation where being in the closet is tolerable, and I do respect that is your decision to make for yourself. However, the closet is most definitely not "how it has to be", it is how you "prefer it to be."

Hardly anybody aside from masochists wish for negativity and hate and disapproval to be brought into their lives. I get that. But you can't tell me that when there are Ugandans fleeing their country under threat of death, your closet is a necessity because you don't want to deal with your Aunt Bernice giving you the side eye during Thanksgiving dinner.

Yep i'm situation where being in the closet is indeed tolerable, and infact I'm completly ok with it
Don't really want to discuss details this part, but also in a situation where if I was outed to the wrong people, there's a very good chance I would end up homless/on the streets (which IDK at that point I might choose to end it all - lets just say I don't want to find out). Who knows but, sometime in the future this part of my situation could end up changing...
(and I've taken some 'risks'...and almost got caught - example being there's a reason I won't be attending a certain parade anymore, even if its cool to see)
But I agree that Ugandans (other countries too) are in a far worse situation

2.

I guess a better wat to say this would be "I don't know that it necessarily fucks all people up" - some can deal some can't.

No. It would be disingenuous for me to say that. The idea that some can deal and some can't would mean there is some sort of measure. That if they dug in deep enough they'd eventually get to pass go and collect the two hundred dollars. That being in the closet could actually be a good thing and Mr. Thomnas will rim your asshole for a nickel so you don't have to have those pesky sexual urges in public.

The measure isn't one gay man to another. One who is out, one who is in, one who creeps when no one is looking... The measure is in the comparable counterpart, the straight man. How many straight men do you know who actively hide the fact that they are straight? Have you ever had a friend who was married with children and didn't know it? Have you ever not been invited to a wedding because the couple didn't want to throw their sexuality in your face?

So that is my question. Why should anyone accept that double standard?

Yeah there is a double standard..straight people have no reason to hide their "straightness" nothing bad can come of it, and it sucks. Should someone accept this double standard? No, probably not, but some choose to weather it be for personal safety or simply their choice...

------
As before, I can't go off anything except what you give me to post off. And this isn't meant to be an accusation or interrogation of you. I simply can not be complicit of what amounts to voluntary mental and emotional castration. A person who is in the closet cuts off their sexuality and shoves it in their pocket... please do explain to me how that isn't fucked up

I don't take it as a accusation or interrogation.. just questions
I can say for me being closeted/hiding big secrets hasn't fucked me up(at least not yet). I will add that I'm single, always have been, never once gone on a date. (sure sometimes feel a bit lonely, and yeah I doubt being closeted helps, but the overriding factor there is both being shy, and sorta socially awkward)
People don't need to to know what "my evil side" is, nor do they question (and yeah I know thats a bad choice of words..but its my choice)

[fetaby]

here's what i'm going to leave this here at because i just think you're being ridiculous and you really need to retire that sig of yours because you claim about not giving a damn since 2009 when you do.

persona, huh, persona? i just type whatever i feel like typing up. this is NOT a job. it's a hobby i do at my leisure time which means i do not feel obligated to act like how i do at my job or at school. i'm not getting paid for so why do you and some of the other guys in here come at me as if i'm supposed to act a certain way for YOU. do you see me running around telling people how to sound or how to be or whatever else? NO because i don't give a fuck. i let you guys be you so wtf is the problem? you don't even know me talking about persona. once again, quit acting like you know me, dude. you don't know how i act, you don't know how i feel when i say these words to you on the computer. you seriously think i spend time on this shit and craft some persona where i state my opinion to piss some people in here who are way oversensitive and take things too seriously off. you know, for real... i just say whatever i have to say and keep it moving. i don't make threads or say things with the intention of pissing people off even though i worry about that sometimes because i know how oversensitive some people in here could be where they are ready to argue over the slightest disagreement. ready to throw hissy fits over nothing. what offends me is how certain people in here simply just can't respect an opinion or whatever and make a big issue out of nothing. in order to be an asshole, you have to fuck with people. i didn't fuck with anybody with what i said unlike your ass all trying to take this into a personal grudge.


like for real, i seriously wish you well but i also feel sorry for you for harboring feelings of anger and hate towards me as if i did something to you. i didn't do SHIT to you yet you're coming at me like i did something. all of this simply because of my opinion. you need to learn to respect opinions or otherwise, people will treat you the same way you treat them whether you like what is being said or not. quit running up on me on some "you can't say that, refuji" because it's annoying. i don't run up to any of you in here telling you to watch your mouths or judging your personalities based on whatever the hell you say whether i think it's crazy, idiotic, stupid, or whatever else but yet ya stay on talking shit so quit doing it with me.

And thanks to the latest Wall 'o' text, I see you've chosen b) disingenuous. Thanks for playing. Have a good day.

[refujiunderground]

And thanks to the latest Wall 'o' text, I see you've chosen b) disingenuous. Thanks for playing. Have a good day.

well if that's what you think. go ahead. i really don't give a shit. it's not like i'm going to meet you anyway at some point in my life so. i don't have to answer to you to do whatever i feel like doing. if i feel like laughing @ this video, then i have every right to. quit coming around on some "i don't approve of that shit".

you get this as a video, breh, for your dedication and caring. happy kwanzaa

[fetaby]

Yep i'm situation where being in the closet is indeed tolerable, and infact I'm completly ok with it
Don't really want to discuss details this part, but also in a situation where if I was outed to the wrong people, there's a very good chance I would end up homless/on the streets (which IDK at that point I might choose to end it all - lets just say I don't want to find out). Who knows but, sometime in the future this part of my situation could end up changing...
(and I've taken some 'risks'...and almost got caught - example being there's a reason I won't be attending a certain parade anymore, even if its cool to see)
But I agree that Ugandans (other countries too) are in a far worse situation


Yeah there is a double standard..straight people have no reason to hide their "straightness" nothing bad can come of it, and it sucks. Should someone accept this double standard? No, probably not, but some choose to weather it be for personal safety or simply their choice...


I don't take it as a accusation or interrogation.. just questions
I can say for me being closeted/hiding big secrets hasn't fucked me up(at least not yet). I will add that I'm single, always have been, never once gone on a date. (sure sometimes feel a bit lonely, and yeah I doubt being closeted helps, but the overriding factor there is both being shy, and sorta socially awkward)
People don't need to to know what "my evil side" is, nor do they question (and yeah I know thats a bad choice of words..but its my choice)

Just two more things...

1.

but also in a situation where if I was outed to the wrong people, there's a very good chance I would end up homless/on the streets (which IDK at that point I might choose to end it all - lets just say I don't want to find out). Who knows but, sometime in the future this part of my situation could end up changing...

Without going into details, would it be fair to say that you don't spend as much time/energy towards ensuring the bolded section is accomplished, or do you feel that is out of your hands?

2. Do you think if you felt secure financially that,

(sure sometimes feel a bit lonely, and yeah I doubt being closeted helps, but the overriding factor there is both being shy, and sorta socially awkward)

could also be a situation you could invest time and energy into changing, if you felt so inclined?

Also, allow me to thank you for your ability to discuss the matter with civility.
----

And just so this doesn't go completely off-topic...

That's never happened to me, but yes, I would mind. I am a man, not a woman. How does being gay make anyone less of a male than if he were straight?

Because the world suffers under the "no true scotsman" fallacy. No "true" man could be gay, therefore any "gay" man can't be true. Mixed in with a bit of false dichotomy... If you're not a "true" man, then you must be the polar opposite....

It's nothing more than stereotypical thinking on a massive scale.

[freefall]

An input since some people actually think they can get away with everything they do the Net:

YOU CAN'T JUST TYPE WHATEVER YOU WANNA TYPE. YOUR FACE WOULD MELT AWAY WITH YOUR DRAMA ATTITUDE.

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

wanna se ma pussy?

haaaa

[72-Jay]

Just two more things...
1.

but also in a situation where if I was outed to the wrong people, there's a very good chance I would end up homless/on the streets (which IDK at that point I might choose to end it all - lets just say I don't want to find out). Who knows but, sometime in the future this part of my situation could end up changing...

Without going into details, would it be fair to say that you don't spend as much time/energy towards ensuring the bolded section is accomplished, or do you feel that is out of your hands?

I think its some of both, sure I could be out there looking for a better paying job/more hours/etc...
but there is also something to be said for these two:
>actually having a job in this economy
>and at a place you don't mind working

2. Do you think if you felt secure financially that,

(sure sometimes feel a bit lonely, and yeah I doubt being closeted helps, but the overriding factor there is both being shy, and sorta socially awkward)

could also be a situation you could invest time and energy into changing, if you felt so inclined?

This is a really tough one:
If I were more financially secure I could buy a place of my own, thus and be living alone/have independance. that would deff help things overall (whith the exception of lonelyness)
I have gotten better with the shyness but it'll always be there even if eventually its just in the background.
I used to not even like being around crowds but that doesn't really bother me anymore. Example would be I went into the city to watch fireworks on the 3rd (because everything near me was canceled due to high fire danger) there was something like 100,000+ people there, and no nerviousness or anything being in that massive crowd (deff one of the biggest I've ever seen, if not the biggest).
Riding the train back towards home was packed to the point where noone else could get on (again being around that many people/standing that close to others in the past woulda made me atleast somewhat nervious...but there was none of that)
I also used to avoid eye-contact/ignore others/etc as much as I could .. just to avoid the dreaded hi/etc from random people you might get when passing someone in a store/etc LOL - again a shyness thing that I've tried to get over

socially awkwardness...that one I don't think I can change with any amount of effort..I think its hard-wired into me.

Also, allow me to thank you for your ability to discuss the matter with civility.

Welcome. And thanks to as you have been completly civil in this as well. I'm not here to get in some big arguement, or jump all over someone just for questions/comments. I'd rather give an answer of "I prefer not saying" or such..

[Kabluey]

I think I'd be a fugly girl.