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Thread: Camping this week (LONG)

      
   
  1. #1

    Camping this week (LONG)

    Hey guys, Iíve never posted before but Iíve never had anything that I needed to about. Iíve got a bit of a problem and I have no idea what to do about it.

    My nameís Steve and Iím 21. Iím Bi but not out (and wonít be for the foreseeable future). I get told Iím good looking all the time but I never really take it to heart. Iím not in a relationship and havenít been for some time (Iíve been going through a pretty intense figuring-out-my-sexuality period).

    Let me start from the start. I went to school with this guy, letís call him Dave. I was never overly friendly with him but we ran in a mutual circle so I always said hey to him in the corridor and what not. He was pretty much a jock. As well as being good looking, tall, dark and handsome. I know thatís the clichť but thatís him. If I made him sound too good to be true, he could stand to gain 10lbs or so (but is still pretty damn hot ha). He had his moments where he could be an asshole, but never towards me thankfully. I would never be considered a jock but I hung around with a few and generally got along with most people.

    Anyway, cut to after first year of college. I run into him again at a bar, we talk for a short while about all different sorts of crap but get along great and share a load of laughs. Probably the most we had ever talked up until that point. He went to the same college as me but we never saw each other. When the night was over he asked me to exchange numbers and said we should hang some time, I said thatís cool and we part. He kept good on his promise and texted me a week or two later about hanging out. Coincidentally, he and one of my roommates were in the same classes and he arranged to come over to ours to do work with him and hang with me. Essentially killing two birds with one stone. It was cool with me since weíd never hung and I didnít know what to expect. I ended up playing the Xbox while they sat at the table doing work on their laptops while we all drank beers. Needless to say, my roommate gets hammered and has to go to bed so itís just me and him. He finishes up his work and he joins me on the couch and we play Halo multiplayer. After an hour or so we were both absolutely out of it. I notice he has his leg resting right up against mine with his hand on it just touching my leg. He leans back and says something along the lines of ďdrink always makes me so horny. Does that happen to you?Ē (Canít remember exactly). I laughed and said ďyeah, but I usually get too hammered to do anything about itĒ. He laughed and sat up and literally just that moment his phone rings and itís his girlfriend, who was out that night and got drunk and needed to be taken home. So we end up saying our goodbyes and promised weíd hang again.

    Over the next few months we start to get closer as friends and turns out we both really enjoy each otherís company. What happened on the first night was my first inkling that something may be going on with him and his sexuality. However the closer we got the more mixed signals I started to get regarding this. We would often shower at each otherís places after going to the gym and I would always catch him checking me out discreetly when I walked out in my boxer briefs. He would always do the same and make a point of ďforgettingĒ something he needed for the shower but only remembered after he had stripped to his briefs. Of course he has a girlfriend and still says ďfagsĒ when talking about anyone he doesnít like. Another time was the morning after a party I got up to take a leak, with my morning wood still in effect. I come back into the room (he had passed out on the bed opposite) and find him sitting up like he had just wakened. His eyes immediately jump to my crotch and I can tell he had a hard time taking them off my hard on cause they kept jumping back to it. I just kind of froze since I didnít expect him to be awake and waited until he stopped asking me whatever stupid questions he was asking me. A couple of times since then he made comments about how tall, skinny boys like us usually have ďthe biggest dicksĒ, but says he bets his would be bigger if we were to compare. Pretty much suggesting that we should, I always laugh it off and say something like ďnow we both know thatís not trueĒ.

    Things have kept on like this pretty much up until now. Last week some one of our buddies suggested that we should go for a few days camping in the hills near us and fish and hike (we both enjoy the outdoors). Everyone was game but low and behold things start to come up for various people like they canít get it off work etc, to the point where it was just me, him and his girlfriend that could still go. Even his girlfriend dropped out at this point. I said we should just call it a day and plan it again for when everyone is able to go but he is pretty adamant that we go ahead with it, just me and him. Weíre supposed to go this Thursday and itís pretty much a foregone conclusion that it will go ahead.

    My dilemma is that Iím pretty certain something will happen if we do go. Thereíll be drink, weíll be far away from normal life and it will be no one but us. Call it Brokeback Mountain syndrome. Iíd be lying if I said that I didnít want something to happen. Itís the old ďnab the jock from high schoolĒ fetish. But Iíve read enough on here to know that mixing sex with friends, especially those who are generally torn up about their sexuality, is a train crash waiting to happen. I would also never instigate anything, but Iím pretty sure he would have no problem doing so, and I donít know if I could reject his advances.
    Basically, what the hell can I do?

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    I say go camping and see where it leads. Let him make the first move. If nothing happens between you two, then nothing happens.

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    How long is this camping trip?

    You're obviously wise enough to know that this might strain your relationship with him but I'd say just let him make the first move so that way it's on him. And you just gotta go with the flow. You making the first move, or you rejecting his advances will just make things awkward.

    Keep us updated though

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    all the above advice is pretty spot on. yeah, it might mess up your friendship, but you can always make more friends, and getting hurt isn't always a bad thing. even if it turns out badly, you'll know where the two of you stand instead of dancing around the issue like you're doing now, and even more important, it'll probably help both of you understand your sexualities better, which is always good if you're feeling confused or torn up about it. just go for it, i say.

    and i second the "keep us updated" suggestion.

  5. #5
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Welcome to the forum.

    If you're not afraid of his reaction should the two of you do something sexual and if it doesn't matter if you lose him as a friend I think you should let this play out. You are headed in that direction already and if you continue to spend time alone and with alcohol it seems like there will continue to be accecelerated teasing. Either stop being alone with him while drinking or just get it over with.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  6. #6
    Look, listen and rejoice oakpope's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Let me ask you something : if you were to "fool around" with this guy, and few days latter you meet his girlfriend. What feelings would you have towards her ?

  7. #7

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    I say go camping and see where it leads. Let him make the first move. If nothing happens between you two, then nothing happens.
    Quote Originally Posted by StevenT View Post
    How long is this camping trip?

    You're obviously wise enough to know that this might strain your relationship with him but I'd say just let him make the first move so that way it's on him. And you just gotta go with the flow. You making the first move, or you rejecting his advances will just make things awkward.

    Keep us updated though
    Quote Originally Posted by loveitacceptit View Post
    all the above advice is pretty spot on. yeah, it might mess up your friendship, but you can always make more friends, and getting hurt isn't always a bad thing. even if it turns out badly, you'll know where the two of you stand instead of dancing around the issue like you're doing now, and even more important, it'll probably help both of you understand your sexualities better, which is always good if you're feeling confused or torn up about it. just go for it, i say.

    and i second the "keep us updated" suggestion.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seasoned View Post
    Welcome to the forum.

    If you're not afraid of his reaction should the two of you do something sexual and if it doesn't matter if you lose him as a friend I think you should let this play out. You are headed in that direction already and if you continue to spend time alone and with alcohol it seems like there will continue to be accecelerated teasing. Either stop being alone with him while drinking or just get it over with.
    Thanks for all the sound advice guys. I guess I do have the benefit of knowing that if something will happen it'll be up to him to initiate. I'd be too afraid to do that in case he flips out afterwards or it just makes for a really awkward trip. Plus, if something does go down, we can't really run away from each other so whatever awkwardness will have to be worked out there and then.

    My main fear is that after we do something (if we even do, that is) that he won't be able to deal with it. His family are hardcore old school values and I don't think that has helped any with regards to how he views sexuality. He told me one time when he was about 12-13 how his dad walked in on him and his friend shirtless and flipped out. He told me they were just switching jerseys. Basically the message I've gotten is that he's... conflicted, to say the least.

    Earlier he was over and we were talking about whether to bring swimming gear or not and he told me, semi-seriously, that I should bring my speedo's (I bought a pair for a costume last halloween) and then said he would bring his. Sometimes he just drives me crazy...

  8. #8

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Sort of a major update.
    Right so, nothing happened. But at the same time a lot happened.

    We arrived pretty early on Thursday evening so we set about setting up camp and then went to fish a little (caught nothing btw). He kept joking about how we should go skinny dipping and I said “I think you just want to see me naked buddy”, he laughed and said “only cause you have such a nice body” in a mock-gay way. We went back to camp and got something to eat before we settled into our beers and talking crap. It started off just talking about his girlfriend and stuff at home and then progressed (the more we drank, naturally) into sex. He brought up how we ought to tag team a girl (says this quite often) and kept grabbing his junk when he said something dirty. Somehow this progressed onto kinky stuff that turns us on. He then said really cryptically that he really gets off on porn where the two people look like they’re really into each other. The way he said it made it seem like he emphasised the word “people” as opposed to “couple” or “guy and girl”. It made me think. At this stage I was pretty drunk as well and told him that I’d checked out bi porn before. He got a really weird look on his face and then said something like “if you’re into that its cool but it’s not for me”. We talked some more crap and then I said I was just too wasted and had to go to bed. He said he was going to stay up a while longer and think about some stuff and ring his girl. I stripped off and jumped in my sleeping bag. I was just about to pass out when he comes in and says how we should put one sleeping bag on the bottom and lay the other over us like a comforter because it’ll be warmer that way. I was too tired/drunk to question it so I just did as he said. We got in and I notice he keeps switching whatever side he’s lying on but is getting progressively closer to me. We end up pretty much spooning, with his ass right in my crotch. I can’t help it and start to get a semi which I’m pretty sure he felt cause he kept trying to “adjust” the back of his briefs to get a discreet feel of it. I fell asleep not long after that.

    The next day I could tell he felt awkward even thought nothing explicit had happened at all. He kept mentioning how he couldn’t wait to get back to bang his girl and seemed to be making more gay jokes than usual, except they were much more mean spirited. We didn’t really do much and just ended up packing our stuff and heading home. He seemed to lighten up in the car since he kept saying how it was fun and we should definitely do it again in the near future. However, what happened next caught me completely off guard. We were discussing about some of the stuff we talked about the previous night and he asked “do you remember what you told me?”. I told him to clarify what he was talking about since we said a lot of crap but I figured what he was getting at and started to freak out quietly. I was hoping he didn’t remember. I started to sweat real bad almost immediately and my stomach was doing flips. He hesitated before saying “about your liking bi porn?”. I went on the defensive immediately and started to specify how I had only checked it out once but he stopped me and said “no, it’s cool with me if your into that...are you?”. It sounded to me that he was only saying what he thought he should say, instead of how he actually did feel. I got the feeling he wasn’t very ok with it at all. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking because I managed to stammer out “I guess I do... I think”. He just said “that’s cool with me” and we sat in silence until I left him off home. I felt a bit better when he got out because he told me he would text me about hanging either tomorrow or the next.

    Still, I have no idea what to think. I guess you could say I... came out? Would that even be classified as a coming out? I feel pretty shitty about it. I’m paranoid he’ll tell people or that he’ll stop wanting to hang because he’s not cool with it. I wish the whole thing didn’t happen...

    BTW, I just want to say thanks to everyone who’s offering advice. It really is great to be able to post whatever crap has happened since it helps me make sense of it as well.
    And sorry for the long posts. I really should start shortening them. Waayy too much stupid shit in there.

  9. #9
    Rest in peace, mom. JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Don't second guess yourself about the length of your posts. They're cogent and thorough. The thing about coming out even in a cryptic way is that there is always the risk of it spreading beyond those you've told. While that can get awkward in the short run, it's ok overall because, to be frank, most people don't care. The thing that you must get through to yourself is that you have as much right to your life as your friends and family do to theirs.

    Your friend is obviously conflicted and obviously curious and obviously has hang ups we can only imagine. Jerk off over some of the things you've done (or haven't done) with him if you must, but I'd avoid sexual activity with him at all cost. I think, in his present state of mind, that he's a loose cannon.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    ^ sound advice!

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Avoid any and all sexuall contact w/him. While he is conflicted, there are warning signs there to be carefull about. Keep as friend. And never start any sexuall topics cuz that can lead him into his bad comments. If anything does happen between you let him make the move first. At the very least you can say "you started touching me first"

    He needs to find his own way out if he wants, you just be your self but guard your self, this one could get messy/drama
    You cant change the way the wind blow's, but you can change the angle of your sail to take you somewhere else!!

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    First of all, I want to point out that as usual this problem would not exist if YOU were out. I don't care if you are bi, or if you call yourself that while getting to the point of admitting you're gay, the issue is that if you are honest about it with people, you won't get into situations where self-hating faggots in denial are using what they subconsciously sense about you to timidly back-and-forth on the fantasies and urges that make them hate themselves.

    With that said, you are not friends with this guy. You are an experiment for him, but he doesn't know that. He wants to act on his desires with you, but he is never going to admit it to himself. He will keep making suggestions, keep creating situations where the two of you will be juuuust a bit closer to a "situation". He will always be kinda initiating it, but always in a way that would make it YOUR fault in the morning. And once the thing actually happens, he will explain it with alcohol and with YOU forcing yourself on him. It will be ALL your fault, and maybe you will also believe it, because the closet already makes you feel guilty and ashamed.

    So you have two choices, and if you want my opinion, they are the only viable choices you have:

    1. You can distance yourself from him and move on with your life. Because what I described in the previous paragraph WILL happen. He wants it more than anything, and it's why he is spending any time with you, like it or not.

    2. You can keep going with it and confront him when it gets there again. Say something in the spirit of "Dude, you obviously are trying to get with me. You might not wanna admit it to yourself, but that's what you've been doing. So we either do this with you admitting you want this, or you get the fuck out and stop trying to create situations like this. It's ALL on you, and I'm not gonna feel guilty about it."

    It sounds rough, but calling him on it is the only thing you can do. You should know that any and all outcomes of this situation are you and him ceasing to be friends. EXCEPT for the unlikely situation where you get him to admit who he really is and what he really wants. But I can't see this happening, to be honest...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  13. #13

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Some excellent advice guys, I really appreciate it.

    we've hung since coming back from our trip. Things are pretty much the same, which has made me relax so much. I still get anxious thinking about whether he'll tell anyone, but I guess its out of my hands. I'm considering asking him not to tell anyone, which would make what I said "official" as opposed to some off the cuff remark. I suppose its just inching myself out of the closet? Despite my apprehension about what I said, I realised that the sky hasn't fallen down so maybe coming out will not be as bad as I think it will be?

    I think I'm going to go with the plan of avoiding being around him in any situations that could be, or quickly become, sexual. I just can't stop being his friend. Despite my perhaps only being an "experiment" for him, we still enjoy each others company a lot.

    He says him and his girlfriend (Amy, lets call her) have been arguing non stop since since coming back from the trip. She's convinced he's cheating (I'm not sure that he isn't tbh) but he's hinted a few times that he might need to crash at mine for a few days If things get bad. This obviously throws a spanner into my previous plan but I can't think of a good enough reason to tell him that he wouldn't find weird as to why I'm denying a good friend some help in his time of need. I'm just going to play it by year.

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    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Yeah, another convenient situation for the two of you to end up in the same bed. Right on schedule. I'm fairly positive this avoiding the situations thing won't work.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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  15. #15

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    Yeah, another convenient situation for the two of you to end up in the same bed. Right on schedule. I'm fairly positive this avoiding the situations thing won't work.
    I'd never considered the possibility that he might actually be trying to create these situations between us. I figured he'd be much more "forthcoming" when were actually doing these things if he was actively trying to create them.

    I might try and broach the topic of his sexuality with him seriously. I'm genuinely afraid he'll go ape shit. Like I said, his background hasn't made him the most tolerant when it comes to anything not considered "normal". But I guess it's better than this limbo we're sort of in atm.

    He's coming over to mine to chill later so I might try and bring it up then.

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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    No point. He will freak out, deny everything and instantly pull away. He doesn't know that he's doing this. He is not aware of creating these situations. He isn't allowing himself to be aware. Some part of him knows what's up, but it's not conscious. That's why confronting him outside of a sexually charged situation will have no effect. Not that the other will, but it will force him to maybe admit some stuff.
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Don't underestimate how much a person can "short circuit" a few weeks after a same sex encounter. He probably isn't sure what he wants and while one side of his brain might wanna get naked with you, the other side of his brain is saying "I am not supposed to be doing this." Occasionally these things turn out ok but most of the time they turn into a big mess.

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    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by WyoVista View Post
    I might try and broach the topic of his sexuality with him seriously. I'm genuinely afraid he'll go ape shit. Like I said, his background hasn't made him the most tolerant when it comes to anything not considered "normal". But I guess it's better than this limbo we're sort of in atm.

    He's coming over to mine to chill later so I might try and bring it up then.
    DON'T DO IT. Don't force the issue. Let it go. He needs time to process his feelings. Just be a good friend and listen.

  19. #19
    HA! ;-)
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    All of this has been centered on HIS needs, HIS sensitivities, which leads me to wonder how important are YOURS?

    From what you've told us, this guy wants to get naked and 'slippery' with You! And, since I get the feeling that you wouldn't mind that, at all, I say let Him do it!

    Stop negating yourself. Relax! Make yourself 'available', and go where He is willing, at the moment, to GO!

    If HE regrets it afterward, to put it quite frankly, that's HIS problem! How he may, or may not, deal with it, is not YOUR responsibility!

    Though that might sound harsh, Your main concern should be YOU!

    If you'd like HIM to get 'close' to You, then let it happen! And, it certainly seems like that's what HE wants, too!

    If he freaks out afterward ... well ... that, again, is HIS problem! How YOU deal with that is Your concern.

    I've been in similar situations myself. And, when I let myself go, went with my own "Heart", let things, if not Lead things, in 'that' direction, I've ended up enjoying some Very Good Times!

    How 'They' reacted, after "The Deed", was something I coped with in understanding, and trying to help with, their OWN conflicts, as a good, supporting, friend. I respected their own situation, while not denying my own feelings. Often it lead to a sincere "head to head", with complete acceptance and mutual understanding.

    Then, again, it sometimes resulted in the 'other' denying it all, and I let them 'believe' that for their own comfort level.

    Yes, I let 'them' play with me, and totally 'reject' what happened afterward. However ... in the mean time ... I had lots of Fun, and let them deal with it, later, in their own way, as I dealt with it in mine.

    I guess it boils down to "Don't Tell". What might happen while drinking stays in the bottle. And, once 'they' understand that that's where it will stay, they'll likely want to 'drink' some more.

    If you want to 'get with' Him, and He with You, make it easy to happen, and don't hold back! If HE goes for it, in the moment, then let Him! What might follow is just a thought until it actually takes place. And, whatever that might be is something to cope with after.

    In any case ... follow YOUR Heart ... and ... no matter what ...

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
    WISDOM is the Knowledge you've gained ... After you could have used it! _Me

  20. #20

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Well, I didn't see any of your replies warning me gravely not to bring up his sexuality with him ha, but I did (sort of) and he didn't flip out like I thought he would.

    He came over and was bitching about him and Amy possibly going on a break (which they subsequently have). He was kinda pissed when he arrived but after some shitchat the mood lightened considerably and I just said "Now you can finally hit up all the gay bars". Don't ask me why I did, we usually joke around like this. He just laughed and said that I'd have to show him the ropes with them. I'm not sure he was being serious as, like I said, this is how we usually joke. I don't take it as a sign that he sees me as "bi" cause he said it far too nonchalantly whereas usually he seems pretty hung up about anything that might suggest something like that happening in the real world.

    Thankfully his girlfriend is the one who has moved out of their place so it means we can still keep some space.

    I'm extremely conflicted, like Kyanimal has stated, about what I want to happen. I think everyone can see (including myself) what a bad situation this could be but I still can't get rid of that desire for something to happen. Despite how it seems, I'm not completely passive in this whole situation and I don't really know how much longer I can be so... patient.

    A whole gang of us is going clubbing tonight so I'll see what (if anything) comes of it.

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    Oh by all means, fuck him. Or whatever rocks your boat. Just don't expect to have a friend in the morning. And personally, I think having sex with someone who is conflicted and in denial is akin to preying on an innocent. But that's me and I'm kinda weird on the subject
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  22. #22
    HA! ;-)
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    I am not advocating 'pushing' the situation, nor taking undue advantage. We should always respect the boundaries, and comfort levels, of others.

    However, I would let it be known that my "doors" were open, and if they chose to walk through, stepping over their own barriers, they were welcome to make that move.

    Over my years, some have, and some haven't, taken those steps with me. With those who did, it usually proved to be a needed catharsis for them, and helped them come to grips with, and resolve, their own personal doubts and fears.

    Once "the deed" was done, some returned to their Str8 ways, never to do it again, and some wanted to do some more 'exploring'.

    In either case, their decisions were fine by me, and as a friend, I objectively helped some reach their own conclusions if they wanted to talk about it, which I also encouraged.

    In no case did I ever "push", but rather allowed those options to be available to them with trust and discretion.

    I don't recall ever loosing any friends over it. If anything, it tended to draw us closer, and make our friendship stronger, even with those who only did "it" once.

    Keep smilin'!!
    Chaz
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  23. #23
    Sex God youfiad's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Wow, very nice story. I wish that I ran into these situations. My friends suck ahha

  24. #24
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by youfiad View Post
    My friends suck ahha
    Lucky you. My friends don't even suck

  25. #25
    Sex God youfiad's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by HunterM View Post
    Lucky you. My friends don't even suck


    My friends suck in the worst sense of th e word.. Nobody gives me opportunities to service them.

  26. #26

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Sorry for the long wait guys (Just in case anyone still cares).

    Well, lots of shit has happened since the last post. Most of it centred around last Saturday night.

    We ended up putting off clubbing on Friday and instead went on Saturday. Everyone came over to my place for a few drinks before we headed out. It was me, Dave, his girlfriend (or ex, Amy) and 4 other buddies of ours. I left the rest of them drinking while I went to take a shower. I was getting ready afterwards when Dave bangs on the door telling me he needs to take a leak. I let him in while I go to get myself another drink. After he's finished I noticed that my underwear, which I had not placed in my wash basket, were now in there. Because I was the only one in the bathroom before and after him, it had to have been him that moved them. What he was doing with them, I don't know.

    Anyway, we are all at the club later and I'm sitting beside Amy (his girl/ex) at the table while the rest are away dancing. We get to talking about why they are on a break. Basically a long story that I couldn't really care about but it was one of those "drunk" conversations. She kept saying about how he "didn't know what [he] wanted". I asked her to elaborate further and all she would tell me was that she found "things" on his computer. She wouldn't say any more.

    We all had a good (but messy) time. I don't remember how I got to bed but I woke up later in the night in my underwear with him beside me in my bed with his hand right on my stomach. That isn't an unusual occurrence except for where his hand was.

    I'm tempted to try and make a move and see how he reacts. It seems like he's edging closer and closer to doing something or maybe coming to better terms with what he is...

  27. #27
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    He's totally open and curious but wants to play this big game about not admitting he's curious while still getting to be curious. You're not crossing any lines that he hasn't told you to sprint for. And now he's single. When he was saying "do you remember last night and what you said and I'm all cool with thatÖ" it was him realizing what a chicken shit he was the night before and hoping to pull things out of the fire so he could keep the curiosity going.

    When you've been out for 20 years and you can just say to your guy "fuck, your dick looks hot right now, let's go to the bedroom" his I'm-in-the-closet-peekaboo routine sounds as boring as fuck to be honest.

    But maybe he'll gain 10 pounds one day, and maybe he'll drop the act one day, and be a better person for it. So it's your call if you want to wait around.

    He's definitely interested, or at the very least he wants you to think he's interested.
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte.

  28. #28
    Impish and Mercurial Rolyo85's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    OH MY GOD, MINOR LITTLE THINGS HAPPENED AND THEY MEAN SO MUCH!!!!!!

    Seriously, how long are you going to play this game with him? Your underwear was in the basket? Gee, maybe he's just a bit ocd, no? And maybe what she found on his computer were chats with other girls?

    Five Gs here - Good God, Get a Grip Girl. If you were gonna "make a move", you'd have done it by now. But you're just as aware as the rest of us that a conflicted closeted boy has no boyfriend potential, and won't have boyfriend potential for years. At most you'll get a guilty fuck out of him. Boo hoo...
    That we are capable only of being what we are, remains our unforgivable sin.
    - Gene Wolfe

  29. #29

  30. #30
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Rolyo85 View Post
    OH MY GOD, MINOR LITTLE THINGS HAPPENED AND THEY MEAN SO MUCH!!!!!!

    Seriously, how long are you going to play this game with him? Your underwear was in the basket? Gee, maybe he's just a bit ocd, no? And maybe what she found on his computer were chats with other girls?

    Five Gs here - Good God, Get a Grip Girl. If you were gonna "make a move", you'd have done it by now. But you're just as aware as the rest of us that a conflicted closeted boy has no boyfriend potential, and won't have boyfriend potential for years. At most you'll get a guilty fuck out of him. Boo hoo...
    Quite the cynic, aren't we? At this point, I do agree with all the above who say that making any kind of sexual contact would be a mistake. He is definitely questioning his sexuality and he is probably all types of unstable right now. For now, be a good person and a good friend and help him through this. Learn some self control, who knows, maybe there could be something down the road for you two. Not every story has to end horribly. You hold your own fate, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Just TALK TO HIM about it, on a serious note. No more of this joking around bull. Man to man. Ask him what's going through his head. Tell him you're bisexual (if you are), he clearly has no issues with you as stated before after your camping trip. Although he may have some homophobia; it seems to be within himself. His homophobic remarks seem to deal more about him than anyone else.

    I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope everything goes well. Keep us updated!
    "Yesterday without regret, tomorrow without fear"

  31. #31
    JUB Addict Georgiadude's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    I've been following this thread for a little while and I have to agree with some of the recent comments. It's time to stop tap dancing and get the truth out. That does NOT mean you have to have sex with him but all of this back and forth is juvenile. It's basically a game of I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Put your big boy pants on and move this along.

    If what your telling us is the truth (and I have no reason to doubt that it is, I believe you), then he is clearly curious or questioning his sexuality. Whether he knows it or not. He's confused and is conflicted. He's probably been raised to think being gay/bi is wrong etc and yet he has these feelings/desires that he can't get himself to act on. If he would get up the guts to do it I'd be willing to bet he'd have an extreme case of the guilts afterward or flip out. He needs more time to figure this out on his own. Let him know your bi. It may give him some comfort and he may be willing to open up a little. At least he'll know he has someone he can talk to about it and someone he can confide in if he wants. All of this back and forth is dragging out the process and probably confusing him even more. I wouldn't just jump in bed with him right away. I don't think he's ready for that. It would probably ruin a good friendship. He'd probably run right back to his ex gf in an effort to reclaim his straightness. Open the door a little. Let him figure out when and how far he wants to walk through it.

    Steven.

  32. #32
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Quote Originally Posted by Charmander View Post
    He wants you.
    Oh yeah...he wants you.

  33. #33
    JUB Addict evanrick's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    this may sound strange but it might help to define some roles. something i should have done with my bi roommate as he wasn't prepared to confront his bisex but lusted after me, and being the shy dense person i am i let him get away.

    so if you define some roles his ego can 'remain intact' for fucking but he wont feel the need to face something he is afraid of, that is being bi. he would be assuming the role of the man or the woman, or whatever.

    for instance, if you are playing a part, he is playing a part. you two are already doing it, every gay joke and tease you make at each other is not meant to be serious on the surface but it allows you to communicate with him sexually without 'outing' him. call him your little bitch, etc.

    usually if a bi guy wants to get with me he will find excuses like others have said to blame it on something like alcohol. so the next time the gay jokes come up just stay on that 'track' and you can have his ass. haha.
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  34. #34

    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    I know I shouldn't really be dragging up this thread again but I just felt like I should update everyone with what has happened since I last posted (can't believe it's been that long...)

    Round the last time that I posted I applied for a job that meant if I got it I would be spending the summer in Europe. Well I got it and was told I was leaving in early June. I told all my friends and everyone was happy for me, including Dave. He kept making jokes about how I was "leaving him", which I just played along with. Things continued the way they had been going with him, never being sure if he was interested or not but I never tried to force anything because above all, if anything happened I wanted it to be on his watch.

    I basically followed that line up until a few weeks before I left when I had my official "leaving party". It was the only time before I left that all my friends could get together. Anyway, we partied, I had a lot of fun and drunk some (just enough to enjoy myself and not go overboard). We went back to mine after and everyone was still partying in the kitchen when I decided to go to bed. I open the door and as I'm about to turn on the light someone from behind rushes me in and pushes my back up against the nearest wall. It was still dark in the room cause I didn't actually get the light on, but I could tell it was Dave cause I could see the outline of his face from the light coming in over the door. We just kind of stood there inches from each other while I wondered "what the fuck is he doing?". My heart was about to jump out of my throat and I would have been very surprised if he didn't hear it trying to beat of of my chest. I've never felt nerves like it. I gave an awkward laugh and tried to walk away from him, at which point he grabs my hand and puts in on his crotch! He was rock hard (I was too by this stage). I looked at him and he just said "I want to do this". So at this point I just thought "fuck it" and went in to kiss him, and we start making out.

    I remembered to lock the door (thank God cause various people tried to get during the course of the night) and we make our way over to my bed where we proceeded to make out for what seemed like hours. I lost track of time because it was literally, the best make out session I've ever had. It was like every single tension that had been building between us exploded there and then. We both stripped down to our underwear and continued to make out while we rubbed out dicks together, eventually both cuming. I was absolutely beat due to the combination of alcohol and the release of tension that I fell asleep almost immediately after.

    I woke up and I immediately felt that dread that you get after you know you did something stupid due to alcohol. I looked over and he was nowhere to be seen, to my immediate relief. The remaining few weeks before I left our friendship pretty much ended. I worked up the courage to text him a few trivial things to which he didn't reply, and since I was busy getting everything together for leaving there were no social engagements where we needed to see each other. I felt bad but I understood why it was like that. I'm not even sure I regret it, since I now realise that it seemed like our friendship was built around that entire element.

    Anyway, the day before I left I felt bad leaving it so... unresolved so I texted him something along the lines of "Look, I know what happened between us was weird but we both know it had been building to it for a long time. I still consider you a great friend and I'll give you whatever time you need to work this out, your buddy Steve". I wasn't expecting a reply but he sent one with "Thanks bro".

    Trying to cut a (very) long story short, I went to Europe and had the summer of my life, met a guy (also "str8" but much more comfortable with the idea that he may not be) and we had a great time. I forgot about Dave and it honestly never entered my head.

    I got home from Europe in early September and hadn't heard a word from him until last week when I get a text asking to hang out sometime this week and that he has missed me while I was gone. I'm looking forward to seeing him because I want to discuss what happened between us.

    Anyway, I don't want this to turn into one of those running, endless drama threads. I feel like it had it's conclusion and truthfully, I've moved on with my life and am not longer excited about the idea of a friendship like we had. I just wanted to let all those kind people offering their advice to know how it turned out.

  35. #35
    Porn Star rickbell19's Avatar
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    Re: Camping this week (LONG)

    Hope to hear more about all this very soon!

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