This thread is an addendum to my earlier thread this month "I give up -- don't let this happen to you." That thread was closed, so I had to start a new one.
Have any of you had a major setbacks in your life? Were you ever suddenly fired from a job? Were you ever dismissed or expelled from school? A major life-altering experience? How did you respond to challenges in your life?
Ever since a traumatic experience several years ago when I was raped, I was forced to confront my sexual orientation. And everything in my life started unraveling ever since.
Five years ago, I knew where I was going in life & who I wanted to be. I earned stellar grades in college (graduated summa cum laude), I got into a prestigious grad school program, and I knew what I was going to do for the rest of my life. Coming from a traditional Asian/Indian family, I was everything that my parents wanted me to be.
But the aftermath of being raped and being no longer able to avoid my sexual orientation made me even more frustrated. I guess I never previously paid any attention to LGBT issues, even in college -- because I was so closeted. I knew I had a secret attraction to men, but I never made the connection that "me = gay". But in the last few years, I have begun to notice to realize the discrimination and difficulties that gay people face. Especially during events like Prop 8, and hearing news about gay people being beaten or murdered. I feel so frustrated & helpless....
Meanwhile, I'm failing grad school, I've been feeling apathetic towards it, and I don't even know if this is what I want to do with my life anymore. Unfortunately, I'm way up sh*t creek in student loans -- & I have no idea how I can find a job with basically no degree.
Also, I've come to the realization that I will never be what my parents want me to be. They are slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won't be marrying an Indian girl and having children. But they're still adamant that I finish grad school and pursue the career that I was originally planning to be. Every week, I hear about how such and such's son or daughter is a successful lawyer, doctor, etc etc. And they often tell me that they avoid their friends now because they're ashamed at my failures in life. I'm starting to wonder if my original plan to be XYZ was really their dream or mine..
Suicide is a serious issue and I'm not trying to make light of suicide, but I would be lying if I said that I haven't thought about suicide frequently in the last month. Student loans are not forgivable, even in bankruptcy. One's own untimely death is one of the few ways to get student debt excused.
BTW, yes, I do have a psychiatrist, and he is helpful & yes I am on my meds, but at this point I have way more questions and no answers.
Lastly, what makes this even worse is that I don't have any friends. I am financially insolvent and living with my parents. Unfortunately, I am socially awkward and I find it difficult to make friends. I am just so lonely.