So... I'm kind of confused about everything. I made an account today just to post this cause its been eating at me lately, and I dunno what to do. I've actually been on here a few times lol. I've just never posted anything before cause I dont want it getting traced back... anyway,
A bit about myself: I'm in college in the south (USA), graduating this year, 22 years old. Typical college guy. I love sports, I love working out, I love beer and partying, I'm in a frat, same old same old. But I'm not sure of myself... whether I like guys or girls. Yeah you'd think it be kind of obvious but hear me out.
Growing up I'd always loved girls. In high school (and college) I went on dates, had multiple girlfriends, hooked up with girls, had sex, what have you.... but I've always had a thing for guys. I can't explain it. I used to never be able to see myself with a guy, but I'd watch... yknow certain movies and stuff that had dudes in them, and I'd think about guys, and I guess I always figured that it would go away after a while but it never did. Thing is, in those "movies" thered never be any explicitly gay stuff, i.e. I'd watch only solo videos and if a movie featured fucking I'd change it. Or... and this sounds really bad so I'm sorry if I offend anyone, if the guys looked too stereotypically "gay"... maybe a better word is feminine... I'd change it. I dont know I just never got into the gay sex / overtly gay thing. Thing is, I love straight porn and couples fucking, but I never watch solos with girls or lesbian porn... there always has to be a guy in it.
I've dating this girl on and off for about a year now, and while its great (both the sex and the emotional part) and I really care about her, something's missing. Even when we're intimate, at first it starts off great and we're just really into each other, but after a while my mind trails off and I start thinking about guys. And then I have to start thinking about guys to keep my woody haha. Which just confuses the fuck out of me (and probably my dick too lol).
Thing is, lately I've been talking with some people in the gay community online (not at my school I'm not ballsy enough to do that... and if any one in my frat found out, I dont know what Id do) and I'm getting more comfortable with things, but I still wont provide too many details about who I am or where I'm from. But the point is, the more I talk with these guys, the more I want to kind of experiment and see what its like. Is that wrong? I dont even know how I'd go about doing that, and besides I'd feel wrong cause its like cheating on my girl you know?
I dont know if I could ever see myself in a relationship with a guy, but lately I've been thinking about it and actually... i dunno, considering the possibility i guess. But I still identify as straight, I still love girls, I want to marry a girl and have kids with a girl but... all these emotions are so weird and I dont know what to do. Maybe I'm bi?
Sorry, I know this seems like a long winded rant. But if anyone has any advice... I'd like to hear it. Or just have someone to talk to. I dunno.
P.S. one last thing which has no relevance at all.. I've checked out some of the posts on here aimed at "straight guys", or even responded to by "straight guys"... bros there is no way anyone on this website is 100% straight haha. The top of the forum says "gay porn forum", any straight man who isnt struggling with an issue like me would high tail it out of here as soon as he saw that.
Also some of the posts about seducing a straight friend etc are... really creepy, regardless of orientation or gender so... cut that shit out. Dont mean to offend anyone by that, but thats how it comes off.