A Question for Other Bisexual Males

[The White Stripe]

Speaking to bisexuals specifically, I have a huge preference for guys.

For instance, at this point in time if you asked me what sex I wanted to be with 5 or 6 days of the week I'd say I wanted to be with a boy, and not a girl. Is this typical behavior of a bisexual who has never got the opportunity to experience with the same sex? I've had girlfriends, and I've been with girls "physically" so I feel a humongous urge to venture into the other side of the spectrum. Being only 19 I have to wonder; am I simply more eager to be with males because I haven't had the opportunity to do so yet, or is it maybe that I am really just gay in denial.

I've become fairy comfortable in my own sexuality, I even came out to 2 of my close friends last week, but that lingering thought always exists in the back of my mind. "Maybe you don't like girls at all, maybe you're just gay."

I know no one can tell me what my orientation is, but I wonder if others have had similar feelings? Can someone offer first hand experience, or advice, or just reassurance?

[BiMike]

I think quite a few truely Bi guys have a strong desire for sex with both girls and guys and probably have a strong urge to experience sex with guys if they have not had to opportunity to experience such a liason. However this feeling may not extend in Bi guys to a desire for an emotional relationship with another guy and this is where a conflict in desires may occur.
A truely gay guy does not have this problem since he has no desire to have any sort of relationships with a girl. My advice for you would be to pursue your current interest in having some sexual experiences with a guy who is aware of your other interests and see how it goes. Best of lucck in finding a suitable bi friendly guy!

[mario24]

Speaking to bisexuals specifically, I have a huge preference for guys.

For instance, at this point in time if you asked me what sex I wanted to be with 5 or 6 days of the week I'd say I wanted to be with a boy, and not a girl. Is this typical behavior of a bisexual who has never got the opportunity to experience with the same sex? I've had girlfriends, and I've been with girls "physically" so I feel a humongous urge to venture into the other side of the spectrum. Being only 19 I have to wonder; am I simply more eager to be with males because I haven't had the opportunity to do so yet, or is it maybe that I am really just gay in denial.

I've become fairy comfortable in my own sexuality, I even came out to 2 of my close friends last week, but that lingering thought always exists in the back of my mind. "Maybe you don't like girls at all, maybe you're just gay."

I know no one can tell me what my orientation is, but I wonder if others have had similar feelings? Can someone offer first hand experience, or advice, or just reassurance?

sounds like your pretty much gay which is totally fine. I really get off on both but if your 5 for 6 pretty much points to your primarily gay. And frankly choosing a side can be a better thing at times. Trust me folks either men or women are often not thrilled with the prospect of bi.

[BelovedEnigma]

Every tree sways in the wind, the most important thing is that it has a strong root system. Don't let anyone tell you who you are, decide for yourself. Don't forget the journey is one of the best parts.

Congrats!

[blackbeltninja]

Well, Stripe, I typically find myself in much the same sort of boat - more interested in the dude side of life most of the time.

Weirdly, having had physical attractions to both genders for years and fooling around with both, I've only in the last year (and I'm 35 now) really found myself thinking about a relationship with a guy, the actual mental aspects of having a boyfriend. I've had one for the last 7 months and it's been amazing and now I too wonder if perhaps I'm actually gay.

The short version of the story is I don't know if it will ever come down to a decision. Might things change for you once you have something physical with a guy - perhaps your desire will settle (somewhere in the middle or at either extreme)? Difficult to say.

Interestingly, you're one of the few guys on here who hasn't been with a guy but has been with a girl who doesn't identify as "curious."

Having said all this, I still think I'm a bi guy. Perhaps simply because The One who Got Away, and who I think about most of all, is a she.

-d-

[evanrick]

to say you are uncomfortable with more than a physical relationship with another man is saying you are uncomfortable with yourself.

you have attractions but dont think you deserve the full experience you are missing out.

its a heterocentric world but you must be the change you are afraid of.

[cubbybear01]

I've been there too. After I was finally able to admit to myself that I was attracted to men I went a little man crazy and my preference swung mostly towards the male. I began to worry that perhaps I would completely lose my attraction to women. Then I was walking by a pool near my friends apartment and these girls walked by in their bikinis. I'm happy to say that I'm still attracted to women.

Just because you might be attracted to one gender more than the other doesn't mean that you can't have satisfying relationships with individuals of either gender. Stop worrying about trying to put a label on yourself or trying to measure what percentage of gay or straight you are. Your going to like what you like and be attracted to who you like. Maybe it will be a guy, maybe it will be a girl. As long your happy then that's all that matters.

[The White Stripe]

I've been there too. After I was finally able to admit to myself that I was attracted to men I went a little man crazy and my preference swung mostly towards the male. I began to worry that perhaps I would completely lose my attraction to women. Then I was walking by a pool near my friends apartment and these girls walked by in their bikinis. I'm happy to say that I'm still attracted to women.

Just because you might be attracted to one gender more than the other doesn't mean that you can't have satisfying relationships with individuals of either gender. Stop worrying about trying to put a label on yourself or trying to measure what percentage of gay or straight you are. Your going to like what you like and be attracted to who you like. Maybe it will be a guy, maybe it will be a girl. As long your happy then that's all that matters.

I agree with you the most out of anyone. I think sexuality is more fluid than people like to think...

[youfiad]

Who gives a crap what we think. Just be true to yourself. If you find later in life you're gay, then you're gay. If you think you're bi right now, then you're bi. If you find that you're straight, then you're straight. As long as you have the feelilngs, and your not lying to yourself, that's what you are. I'm not going to lie, every once in a while I wonder what a threesome with a girl would be like. That doesn't mean that I'm necessarily bisexual....

Just follow your emotions, and be safe. And love yourself for who you are.

[chrisw87]

When I was a virgin I was sexually attracted to women but was more male focused (infact that was probably my first focus when I was younger).

When I lost my V-card it was to a girl, and my focus shifted mainly on women, however it managed to reach somewhat of an equilibrium when I tested the other side of the water too.

I have no aversion to starting a relationship with either gender, it is all about chemistry. If they can make my heart flutter and give me goosebumps into the future then they are good for me.

Listen to your heart and to your body, and don't think about it just go with the flow.

oh and to be a bit on topic I guess...

I have had those self-judging thoughts many times, usually when I've started dating someone for their personality but just have no chemistry between us, it just dies and I have no interest. Because I over analyze everything of course I wonder "do I even like women?" however if you start doing that then you are just going to make life harder for yourself.

If you end up with someone that you really love, turns you on sexually and satisfies you mentally then you won't worry about what you are missing from someone else

[sumyungguy]

I've been there too. After I was finally able to admit to myself that I was attracted to men I went a little man crazy and my preference swung mostly towards the male. I began to worry that perhaps I would completely lose my attraction to women. Then I was walking by a pool near my friends apartment and these girls walked by in their bikinis. I'm happy to say that I'm still attracted to women.

Just because you might be attracted to one gender more than the other doesn't mean that you can't have satisfying relationships with individuals of either gender. Stop worrying about trying to put a label on yourself or trying to measure what percentage of gay or straight you are. Your going to like what you like and be attracted to who you like. Maybe it will be a guy, maybe it will be a girl. As long your happy then that's all that matters.

Agreed. Everyone's experience is different. It's cool to make comparisons to other's, just know that it's your choice, and not ours to decide who and what you want out of life.

[TheHardOne]

My preference actually varies vastly from one day to another. It's a very fluid thing. But that's just my experience w/ it.

[Curiosity6969]

think about it as a comparison..say u hav one car but want to buy a new shiny one u have been researching for so long. you think about buying it all the time and eventually get it and have totally forgotten about the old car..but after a while that wears off and u like the old car just as much or close 2 it. could be the same for what u think about men. might even end up finaly getting it and not liking it after all..never know.

[AsianDream]

I agree with you the most out of anyone. I think sexuality is more fluid than people like to think...

I definitely think that sexuality can be more fluid than people think.

I've become bi-sexual from the opposite direction. Always been 100% gay till a couple of years ago - but was persuaded by a BI male lover to try a foursome with him and 2 females as an experiment.

I discovered that I was actually just as sexually attracted to women as men. The four of us are still going strong and it's become a long term relationship - even though temporarily I'm working in another country and only see them once a month.

I'd say it all dependson the people you meet of either sex - probably the best thing is to be open to new experiences and as others have said to go with the flow.

[Frenchie]

I have no preference but I fuck more often with men.

[toogood4u2have]

My preference actually varies vastly from one day to another. It's a very fluid thing. But that's just my experience w/ it.

This is def me. It's so damn frustrating, one day wanting a man, the next a woman (sexually). I've had a bf and I don't think I want another, just sex but since I'm in a relationship with the perfect female and would never cheat I don't think I'll get to experience a guy. It's crazy and mind boggling.

[Benvolio]

Being attracted to both would seem to be the best of worlds. But I think that as your sex drive cools as you get older, you will have a strong preference for one or the other. Many guys is your situation make the mistake of getting married, to fit into the mold, perhaps to prove to the world that they are straight. But, after a few years, with a wife and children, they realize that they were gay after all and strongly prefer men. They may feel stuck with a family or be torn between two worlds. In any event, it is not fair to the woman. My only point is to urge you not to marry young. Wait until you are sure.

[cinnamontea]

if a girl gets you hard eventhough you think of boys, then you're bi. maybe skewed towards the guy side, but still bi. kinsey scale, you can google it.

at the end of the day, it's about what you're comfortable with. some of my bi friends likes to have sex with a guy, but they dont see it but they dont see it blossom into a relationship. they're open about being attracted to girls and guys, so i guess it's more complex than just what gets your dick hard.

[LikesDudes2]

All bisexual guys want the same thing: a beautiful, loving wife with a hot body and someone who you have a deep emotional connection with, and an occasional boy toy on the side, and for that boy toy to be social acceptable and not be considered cheating. Wish it were that easy though

[BiMike]

Being attracted to both would seem to be the best of worlds. But I think that as your sex drive cools as you get older, you will have a strong preference for one or the other. Many guys is your situation make the mistake of getting married, to fit into the mold, perhaps to prove to the world that they are straight. But, after a few years, with a wife and children, they realize that they were gay after all and strongly prefer men. They may feel stuck with a family or be torn between two worlds. In any event, it is not fair to the woman. My only point is to urge you not to marry young. Wait until you are sure.

I fully agree with this view and in my case as I have got older I certainly have got more interested in sex with guys Think this site is turning me gay !

[The White Stripe]

All bisexual guys want the same thing: a beautiful, loving wife with a hot body and someone who you have a deep emotional connection with, and an occasional boy toy on the side, and for that boy toy to be social acceptable and not be considered cheating. Wish it were that easy though

That is not what I want at all. All I want is a loving relationship with someone who loves me. Which I guess is all that matters...I think I over thing orientation sometimes....

[chrisw87]

That is not what I want at all. All I want is a loving relationship with someone who loves me. Which I guess is all that matters...I think I over thing orientation sometimes....

Amen to that.

Reciprocation of love and a deep connection would be a true keeper. Sexuality and orientation doesn't matter if you fall in love with someone, once you have them, they are usually your world.

If they aren't, then you aren't that much in love

[Jake-lc]

I have had boyfriends and girlfriends and am currently married to a woman. Even though I am married to a woman doesn't mean I have lost my attraction to men and I have recently started a sexual relationship with a male fuck buddy who is also married. His wife knows and joins in but mine has no idea, I know that if I told her it would be the end so I satisfy my needs with no strings.

I don't think I could ever choose one gender while forgetting the other.

[The White Stripe]

Well cheating on your wife is pretty messed up. How can you do that to somebody you supposedly love?

[looseliam]

I consider myself gay. Though I don't feel anything romantic towards women any more, and wouldn't actively seek-out sex with a woman, I won't say no should the opportunity again present itself. I always enjoyed sex with women. I think I just like sex =]

In the end, don't fret or over analyse.

[Str8Top14701]

There's quite a few variations of bisexuality, and I'll save the clinical labels. Most have to do with some kind of situational bisexuality, like when someone doesn't have access to the opposite sex, aren't into the opposite sex - like when kids find other the sex "icky" and "have cooties" (lol) , drunk, have one close friend they meet, and so on.

Not every bi person wants to be with other people. Some are bi and meet the right person and that's it for them.

[MisterMajestic]

Every Bi-Male & Bi-Female have different experiences and we can deff learn something from each other...My situation is different because I get hit on by women more than I get "the look" from Guys...I'm single and I enjoy having Good sex with a Male Fuck Buddy but I can honestly say my attraction to women has not faded..

I'm 35 now and I'm not getting any younger...I have dated Gay & Bi Guys and most of them just arent serious about settling down...Having a friendship/sexual relationship with another Bi-Guy only means we're taking care of each others needs, hanging out together and we both understand that if we find a Female or Male that we wanna get serious with there won't be any hurt feelings....Classic friends with benefits situation.......

Now if the right woman were to come along that vision of the Picket fence, a couple of rug-rats and a dog is still real in the back-of-my-mind...