one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
I can't say as I know enough about the sites to warrant giving much advice in that direction. But if you keep a profile there or elsewhere, I'd be VERY clear about what you're looking for. You're gay, inexperienced, but hoping to get a bit of an introduction to man-on-man sex. You'd like to start with making out and mutual j/o to start out with. Be clear about what sort of guy you want (although the more open you are here, the better your chances of getting a guy who will do precisely what you want), and insist on meeting the guy in public first.
Doing that will eliminate about 80% of the freaks. About 20% of the freaks will still contact you and say they're set to give you the fucking you deserve (or set to GET the fucking they deserve), and you just ignore those. The few that sound interesting and willing, you let them see your pictures, you get a dialogue going, and see where it leads.
I saved for a few years to buy a new hot tub for the wifey for her birthday last November. Our old one was a cheapo model that was looking pretty tired. We used the new one just once before we closed it up for the winter.
Anyway, we used to get it on quite nicely in the old tub, in the yard under the stars. Many great times were had. But the new one? Not so much. It's hard to find a comfortable position that both of us can appreciate. How do I tell her that I think I pissed away thousands of $$ on the new hot tub and that I hate it and want the old one back?
I've just had a neighbour in for a cup of tea.
Valerie. She looks like Nicole Kidman's grandmother and has a tiny little-girl voice. I was hoping for a tiny bit of information but, because she seems to have lost her mind, I spent 2 hours trying to retrieve it for her.
A tiny bit of information for her, or for you?
Since I have no backbone, I was forced to party for twelve hours straight today and didn't even enjoy it.
I was hoping for a tiny bit of information about her ancestor who was a smithy and farrier on the main road near us 100 years ago. She showed me a little, almost-illegible sepia picture of the forge, but as I say, her mind would would go off on a tangent in so many directions.
^ We have big expensive Mardi Gras parties which go from 10pm to 10am. Because they're so expensive we force ourselves to party hard for as along as possible when our bodies are telling us we should be in bed.
In college, there were periodically these things called "Communist parties". Never found out why. They started at 7pm Friday and ended at midnight Sunday. The host was one of those magical beings who apparently only received the positive affects of drugs without ever experiencing the negative, and therefore would simply do cocaine and/or uppers and stay up for the entire time. Several other students tried to stay up as well - I don't know if any ever did. Much of Sunday had music blaring, a few guests who wandered in after sleeping itvff, and a ton of people passed out on the floor. Then, Monday morning, the host would go to class like nothing had happened. Graduated near the top of the class. Wonder whatever happened to him.
looking at the nitty gritty.
i'm awaiting word to see if they executed shannon johnson in delaware. for some reason, i have a deep fascination with the death penalty, crime, criminal law, gangs, prisons and stuff of that nature in general. it's just a turn on for me.
one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
I am against the death penalty with all the bones of my body and I find it very shameful for the USA to still have this barbaric punishment (yes, I'm ready to take slack from my fellow American jubbers ).
If I were the French President (fat chance lol !) I would do the same thing that has done Caton the Elder, I would finish every speech for any kind of matter with "and we must convince the USA to bane the death penalty forever".
I am very proud that one of the fundamental requirements to entering the European Union is to abolish the death penalty.
(there, I just damaged badly my reputation now )
Explaining America to non-Americans is pretty difficult. The best I can come up with when someone points out how "behind the times" socially we are, how violent we are, how uneducated we are, and how hypocritically puritanical we are...is to say "And we're exceptionally proud of it.". To a great many of Americans, these things are a a badge of honor.
I had sex with my step brother when I was 15 years old.
This happened more than 15 years ago. I remember coming home and everyone was already in their bedroom except for my step brother who was cooking something on the stove. He was around 21 years old and he would always tell me about his crazy sex stories and how many girls he had banged and that he had a huge cock. Typical straight guy shit. So this one night when I got home I had no idea that anything was going to happen. I remember going into the kitchen and just started talking to him. As usual he began talking about his big cock. I was standing right next to him, and I have no idea how the hell I did this but I just reached out and grabbed his cock. He was just shocked. I really don't remember what he said next just that he was hard and If I was sure. Something around that. I just remember his grabbing me by the arm and leading me to his room. When we got there I put my arms around him and was just hugging him. He took of his pants and he was already hard. I remember looking at his cock and thinking that it wasn't really as big as he would always say it was. I started hugging him again, and he just turned me around took of my pants and laid me on my stomach. He got some kind of lube put it my ass and just started fucking me. It didn't last more than a couple of minutes. I really don't remember feeling much, because his cock wasn't that big. After a couple of minuted he came inside of me and I just stood up. It was all just a dazed had no idea what the hell just happened. I just remember making some small talk afterwards and him telling me to don't tell anyone. Then he said something that just shocked me. He said that I was already loose. He could tell that I had already been fucked.
Judge me. But don't be to hard.
I'm not here to judge. But HAD you been fucked before?
And you sell yourself short, I have plenty of admiration for what the American people have done and are capable of doing. The stereotype of the cowboy uneducated, violent and puritanical, is just that, a stereotype. You're so diverse a people, you have mixed so many different cultures to produce one that is unique.
But the one stain that I can't let go is this one, the death penalty. It's so unethical, barbaric and wrong (in my opinion and I understand that many disagree with me, but I will never cease to fight against).
How dare you ask such a question. Just kidding. It wasn't really that he said that but the way he said that just shocked me.
Yeah I had. I had lost my virginity to my best friend a year earlier. We would take turns blowing each other and fucking each other. Really had no idea what the hell we were doing since I was only 14. He was 16 at the times so we were both clueless but had lots of fun all the way up until our late teens. Then things got messy.
i think being rejected by someone is more better than them taking you in because they're desperate or whatever. i was thinking about it today when some dude rejected me and looking back at all the other something guys that did the same thing. that makes my life a whole lot easier because that's one less person in my life that i really don't need. i'm also weeding dudes out. being that i'm not attractive, i think that i get to see other gay guy's motives when dealing with me because i know that i'm not a dude magnet where dudes are throwing themselves at me because of my face. i don't like superficial or vain dudes anyway. i know when guys that are cool and want to be my friends and nothing else besides that. i also know when guys are trying to basically use me as a quick fuck or are desperate where they're just dating me because they need someone in their life. i also know when a guy might actually be geniunely interested in me. so whenever some guy just tells me no, i can't even get that upset or mad with him because he's doing me a favor. he's keeping it real. i would rather be alone and constantly rejected than to have some dudes getting involved with me for all the wrong reasons.
with that said, i enjoy alone time, masturbating and etc than randomly interacting with people. today, i was really enjoying listening to music in my mother's car while she was shopping just staring up at the cloudy sky. it was enjoyable. with that said, i really don't need any guy in my life right now and if i do decide to, i really have to like him enough. i usually test people to see where their heads are at anyway just like what i was doing with those online dating sites. a lot of dudes on those sites are undatable anyway.
one thing about the closet/you don't have to hurry/it will be bad tomorrow/so brother, don't you worry
I'm still alive.
i'm getting the increasing urge to walk around naked in public places and basically everywhere in general. i felt like that when i was at kohls yesterday. i felt like pulling my pants down while walking down the store aisles in front of everyone. my jeans were so comfortable, it felt like i didn't have anything on. fuck clothes. however, i can't see myself being naked in bed though. tried it once, felt really uncomfortable.
(Cthulu is good looking compared to me )
I got myself a Romanian pen pal (well, hopefully). I haven't been to Romania in a very looooong time and it would be nice to talk to someone from there. I know I have a few romanian friends here and I CAN talk to relatives there but I don't know... I prefer talking to someone else.
Also might be fun trying to teach someone english. ; D
Last edited by RDaniel; April 21st, 2012 at 12:07 AM.
here's another moment i have to get off my chest. i was looking @ this tumblr Greatest Guys, saving pics for jerk off material. i'm looking @ this page, continually scrolling down and then something occurred to me that i realized many times before but really annoyed me.
why are these guys which are really hot posing and smiling like bitches? seriously, their physical frames are hot but the way a lot of these guys are posing and looking, it's like they're presenting themselves as women. i don't think that's cute at all. it's way too soft for me. it's stomach churning. i guess the modeling industry thinks that guys that act like they sport vaginas and are posing in estrogen charged photos is sexy. the only thing that saves them is their looks.
with that said, i still want a man at the end of the day. regardless if he's effeminate or masculine, i want a man. in other words, i don't want a guy that thinks he's a woman because that's the type of vibe i get in those photos. guys that are acting like they have ovaries instead of gonads. if i were into transsexuals or women, then okay i would probably be turned on but this right here.. NO. at the end of the day, i want a man that smells like a man, damnit.
and another thing too. i know i'm not attractive to most of you dudes on here, out here or whatever but i refuse to get down with that whole pretty boy shit where i'm going to posing, smiling and whatever making myself out to be a bitch to get a dick hard or two. if you're looking for that, you're probably not as gay as you think you are. you probably have bisexual tendencies. it's a whole lot easier for me anyway how i carry myself. i'll go off on somebody before i bring myself down to that level.
I would gladly show you how French people like to service, alas the little detail of the ocean prevents me to
watching this video actually makes me embarrassed that i live here.
the video is basically new jersey state troopers basically abusing their policing power to basically participate in escorting sports cars.
Second N.J. trooper suspended amid high-speed caravan investigation | NJ.com
you know something. this really irks me because being that i'm looking for work and i have a criminal justice bachelors degree, it would make sense that i would join the state troopers right. the benefits are amazing and etc, right? but here's the problem. they want you to basically be squeaky clean or whatever. they're very strict. these guys want you to not mess with marijuana for the last three years. i haven't smoked weed since last year around june. the thing is how the hell are they going to know that i haven't smoked in three years or one year. wtf? as long as i've abstain myself from drug usage and even alcohol usage. i should be given a fair shake because i don't even mess with drugs and i rarely drink alcohol. the only thing that might give it away is the polygraph exam that they'll give me if i make it that far which i probably might not anyway. they want you to swim, jump, lift whatever, and basically be superman. i'll still sign up for them though being that i have to do something with this damn degree. it's worth a shot. i would rather them deny me then not trying at all.
however, it just irks me that these employers such as the nj state troopers have such a high standard of how they accept applicants yet look @ what these idiots are doing. like i'm willing to do the job and do my thing. you have these people getting all these jobs and they're not even doing it right. it reminds me of the time when i applied to blockbuster video back in 05 and they turned me down for some idiots that weren't even doing their fucking job at all when i was in there. i was like "damn, i'm willing to work and bust my ass" and they didn't hire me. i remember going there to buy something and the people that they hired over me were probably the lousy customer service reps that i've ever seen in my life. they were busy doing bullshit instead of doing their jobs. being that new jersey is a corrupted state despite chris christie trying to present this image that he's some huge reform guy, this doesn't surprise me. things like this happens all the time. the people in charge basically bullshit around or whatever and people like me that are willing to do their job plus more have to basically sit around and wait for their bitch asses to retire so a job opening can open up. many people in jersey will tell you that things are cool but things are ass backwards over here which is why i'm scratching my head at anybody coming from another state to move over here. a lot of people are moving here for work but then there's a lot of people moving out of here because the cost of living is too high and they can't keep up with it. a lot of us people stuck living here are actually either broke or basically working two jobs to make ends meet. there are places that are worse but things are not looking good out here.
for real... like i've said before, i'm looking in other states to see if there's anything popping in terms of jobs because new jersey doesn't have shit at least with what i'm trying to do. i checked the law enforcement exam and they have yet to announce a date. i'm not waiting around til november for these jerk offs to do whatever. i'm just going to do the nypd, apply to law school or do something else instead because i wasted a year sittting around waiting for something. i need to start my L-I-F-E quick.
before i jerked off, i've been really thinking about hooking up with somebody for a little fun. i jerked off and now, i still feel like i need to have some fun. my mom is going away next week and my father's going to be working the whole time so i'm just thinking. should i just hook up with a random guy to get some intimacy going on?
with that said, i'm sort of beginning to wonder if i made a mistake closing all my online dating accounts because i think that's the easiest place to find a hookup or a buddy. however, i know that i have a better shot finding someone offline for something at a bar or a gathering than online. the guys that i met online actually creeped me out and were far away from where i was at. i know that they would straight up get into it instead of just kissing or giving me a handjob or a blowjob or something like that. i'm not ready to have my asshole stretched out yet.
^ So time to meet the Wrist widower
then again, offline, i''ve ran into guys that were about the same. they were cool and friendly at first and then when they got in their confort zone, you saw what they were really about. i'm just chilling, taking things all slow and they just cut to the chase without even saying it. you knew what they wanted to do because they implied it with their body language, talk or whatever. i had to put it to them like "i'm not really looking for a quick, anonymous hookup".
like damn, these guys have no game. like dayum, i'm talking to these guys like "let's be friends first. let's hang out or whatever. talk and then let's take it there if everything feels alright". these dudes is jumping straight to the point and things don't even feel right at all.
I sometimes see the dead.
I'd really like a cuddle right about now. Just a curl up on the couch or bed cuddle with someone. I think that would be just lovely.
^yes I kind of like the giggles from Anderson Cooper
We, in France, laughed about it too. But it's no big deal for us
The joke for the name works better with an American accent, so it's largely lost on French people, I'm sorry
For Ravenstar : may I virtually cuddle with you ? I would be in Paradise just from the thought of being able to cuddle with a loved one. Never done it, but crave the bliss I portray in my mind.
Feeling so depressed today. I can't even stand the presence of my parents. It's like I have no skin, raw flesh and the lightest contact with a human being is like putting salt on the wound by the handful. Feeling exhausted, laying in the bed and doing nothing. But I take my meds.
I stole something from Sears today.. I'm not bragging but I HAD to.
uhhhhhh... was going to ask something but nevermind.
i feel as if i'm being an attention whore saying this where i'm trying to get dicks hard or two. SMH, i know that guys think about sex every 30 seconds but i'm not saying the following or everything else that i've said with the intention of getting dudes in here dicks hard. my apologies.
i was just in the shower just now having fun, you know, being a little silly or whatever, singing out loud etc. yo... i swear on my life, if i was showering with another guy or a boyfriend, i would be smacking and grabbing his ass silly like "come here, bitch". since there was nobody there besides me, i decided to smack my own ass for practice and yelled out "come here, bitch" repeatedly. after that, i'm just imagine another guy smacking my ass in the shower on some forceplay, horseplay type shit. i'm a little afraid though. some guys have iron hands where they can't smack an ass because you end up with marks.
this guy from new york that i'm talking to on okcupid gave me his cell telling me to text him.
i did it before to this other guy and things didn't work out. not going to lie but i'm scared to text him because like the other guy, he might be pushing me into something that i'm not ready for. it's making me cringe. you know, when i was in the closet, i had some guys that were like fucking sharks waiting on some "i want you" type shit. they were like predators and i was feeling like prey like "these guys are about to pull my card". when i came out to myself around last year, i felt less scared about that and i didn't feel as much gay guys getting predatory with me. it was sort of like a grace period where i didn't have to worry about another gay guy coming around on some "i know you're gay so when are you going to come out so i can tap that ass". everyone was cool and for a good while, i felt like nobody wanted me. now, i think that grace period is up and i guess the summertime is bringing out all the predators out and i feel like prey again. it's like you can see it in a dude's body language or how he carries himself if he's on some "i want your ass" type shit. i'm not saying that i'm attractive, cute, have a bunch of guys hitting on me or following me around or whatever because i'm not but i guess when some gay guys notice another gay guy and see that he's in the closet or whatever else, they pick up on it and give you that look or hint. you know, i don't feel comfortable with the idea of someone actually wanting to be with me or desiring me like that. i guess this is karma for all the guys that i've masturbated to and had crushes on.
i'm really trying to hold on to my virgin status and i'm trying to keep my anus a . and not a o. i'm not ready for all that love shit. i desire it but at the same time, i think i'm better off with my hand and keeping to myself. but i feel that i'm going to be pushed into becoming a manwhore or having some dudes trying to force me to be their boyfriends and what have you. i don't need that shit right now.
me voicing out my anger and frustrations here.
sometimes, i feel like taking out my anger, sadness, pain and frustration on other people by robbing them or beating them up and to be honest with you, i really wouldn't care either. fuck their feelings and how they feel when i'm feeling shitty. if i'm feeling miserable as shit, i'm taking it out on somebody.
I almost could not board my flight last nite because I was borderline too sick to travel. Spent much of Saturday puking my brains out due to alcohol and food poisoning. My BF was puking too but he was not as bad as me. Surprisingly, this was actually not a bad vacation although I doubt I will drink again for at least a week.
Getting too old, or just pushing it too far?