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  1. #1
    Marty Saybrooke's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I have trouble doing this to. For myself, I find it hard to make gay friends because the ones I've come across (Not everyone mind you!) Can be so superficial that they wont even talk to me because I'm over weight. The othr night I was chatting with this guy and revealed I was over weight and he became so rude and started saying terrible things, telling me he was treating me the way I deserve. lol I have found a few gay friends that I can be close with... but they are kinda friends with benifits, not sure if that counts =P

  2. #2
    JUB Addict Ram's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Oh, I thought I was the only one. I am so much closer to my straight friends than to other gay people. I do get to talk about gay stuff with them and still get appropriate responses a good friend would give.

    I think the difficulty resonates in the old adage for straight people: that a (straight) guy and a (straight) girl can NEVER be close friends unless the girl is ugly.

    Sexist and heterophobic, I know. There is some truth to it though. The problem comes in when you befriend a gay male and you guys become fantastic friends, bros for life; and then both of you start wondering if you are so compatible, then why aren't you in a relationship? The questions of looks and sexual preferences will be brought up and things will definitely get awkward. You can't blame personality because that would not make any sense.

    I do have good friendships with male JUBbers but I am mainly attracted to their personality and sense of humor. Yeah, we flirt playfully but I have my sexual preferences and they don't turn me on. I am sure I don't turn them on too because I have not received any proposals from their side.

    The people in my life are divided rather simpler: Group A) can fuck; B) must not fuck a.k.a parents, family, friends, pets, Lilbit...

    It is possible to have a close gay male friend. Maybe we are not that lucky.

  3. #3
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I'm closer to my straight friends than the gay ones.

    I really don't think it has to do with the fact that they're gay as much as it does with their personality? I'm shooting at the wind here; I've no idea.

    I think it's just a matter of meeting the right people.

  4. #4
    panegyric JUB Admin Corny's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Did you find the gay friends on dating site, or are the gay friends also "natural" friends that life somehow brought to you?
    Check out my very own Body Hair Lovers and Photography Groups!

  5. #5
    ( ̄(エ) ̄) GamerBear's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyArousal View Post

    Is it just me?
    I have a close friend that I usually hang out with and do nothing but chat, he's gay too, but I feel that with him being popular and having other friends he really has no time for me. So most of the time when he feels like going out he will call me up and ask if I want to go shopping with him. We use to sit outside and just drink some Starbucks while watching people. But it seems lately he's been busy busy busy doing things and on the go.

    Sometimes friendships can change for good or for worse.

  6. #6
    panegyric JUB Admin Corny's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    And are you attracted to them or them to you?


    If not, I can only advice you to simply just DO more stuff with them. Even if you don't feel like it. Friendships can only build with experiences. Go to the movies, do some sports, do other events .. poetry slams, concerts, exhibitions ... go on a short holiday/weekend trip ..
    Check out my very own Body Hair Lovers and Photography Groups!

  7. #7
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    The problem we have run into is guys thinking we should be best of friends just because we share a common sexuality. It is not enough.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  8. #8

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I also have difficulty maintaining friendships with gay men. This one guy, we seemed to hit it off well. We went to a Dunkin Donuts that was local, and we talked for a couple of hours. Our intention was to meet about half an hour, but the time flew by. It was nice, and I thought I'd actually have a buddy to go to the movies, hang out and whatnot with. He stopped answering my calls. He stopped answering my text messages. He then replied to my last message which was via e-mail. He didn't want to be blunt with me, but in short, he meant he wasn't interested.

    I suppose it's an instance like this where I feel as if I wasted my time and energy. Usually I'm hesitant meeting someone in a public setting to just talk. I told him that whatever is happening that I'd be here to talk if he needed someone to listen. Never got a reply.

    I suppose close, gay friendships are possible, but perhaps rare until I go out more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  9. #9
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    ^ Yeah, that sucks man.

    I'd go out for donuts and coffee with you, but you're far. lol

  10. #10
    JUB Addict anchihiro's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.

  11. #11

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by anchihiro View Post
    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.
    OMG.......what a douche!

  12. #12
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by anchihiro View Post
    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.
    DAMN. Burn.

  13. #13
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I agree with most everyone above..My partner and I are the most unconventional gay couple you would ever meet...We dont do bars..dont drink very often and not into the gay scene at all..We go camping ,hunting,fishing and hiking ( I think you get the idea)...And when we meet other gays they just look at us like we are crazy when we tell them what we are into as friends..We are not looking for a sexual friendship because we that always changes friendships..Most of our friends are straight and married so thats who we hang out with more..I do wish I had some close gay friends but my idea of fun is not hanging out at Starbucks all day...

  14. #14
    Porn Star hungbuzz's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    i actually met one of my best mates here on JUB. we do the usual club thing, go out drinking, just hang out and holiday together

  15. #15
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    This is an interesting and great post. I will tell you what has worked for me. I am 48 years old, so I came along before the internet. So some of you post-internet guys will have for overlook my dinosaur tail. LOL!!!

    Since I never drank or smoked, I never had much interest in bars or nightclubs or bathhouses or hook-ups. Yet back in the 80's and 90's, we had a TON of GLBT groups and organizations (before the popularity of the internet). Most of these groups were social, political, religious, and sport oriented in nature.

    Since I have very little interest in politics and religion, I opted for social and sport oriented groups, since I have a natural interest in both. Over the years, I have met and made some wonderful good close dear gay men friends (both single and partnered). Since I am shy , it took me several months of going to different events that these various groups had on a weekly to monthly basis, to slowly get to know guys (at my own speed). There was never any sexual pressure, because these guys came together for good and natural socialization . . . not for sex, not for boyfriend hunting. One group I joined was an outdoors group, where you could meet people that liked to do things outdoors . . . i.e. camping, hiking, nature walks, etc.. Since I loved hiking and since my regular gay male friends did not, I started hiking with the outdoors group and met some wonderful men over the years. What made those guys so great, is that you are doing something you enjoy doing anyway with other people that enjoy the same thing. It had nothing to do about sex or trying to find someone to hook-up with or finding a new friend or finding a partner. Yet just naturally with the time that I invested in doing something I enjoyed doing anyway, I ended up making good friends . . . yet it did take time to do. It did not happen overnight or even in a few months. Yet when you are as old as I am , you do end up making good & close gay friends over time. Yet what I do is, I socialize with various friends on a frequent and regular basis, yet we end up doing things that interests us both. I would say it might be kind of hard to find a good & close gay male friend that you will both share each others interests 100% of the time . . . yet since that is not the case for me, that is why I socialize on a regular basis with different close gay male friends, so we can pretty much often do things together that we both have an interest in . . . while having good & deep meaningful talks together.

    So in regards to you guys with friends that you only go to bars and clubs with, those guys are probably great friends just to do that with. Yet I think you need to go out to explore other venues to find friends that share your other non-nightlife interest.

    So my suggestion to you guys who are out there, that want to find a good & close gay friend, please take the time research some of your local GLBT groups and organizations, find something that interests you, then turn off your computers and internet and physically go to and try out some of those groups and organizations, and see if you “don’t” eventually make some good close gay friends.

    Wilson

    P.S. In regards to that outdoors group I joined, I was not looking for a boyfriend, yet with the time that I invested in that group, while getting so much enjoyment out of hiking with other likeminded men, one day I did find a boyfriend in the hiking group. Upon getting to know that guy better, we found out that we had a lot in common, and that is why we started dating. For us, we just happen to show up on the same hike one day, and look what happened to us. Yet if I would have stayed home wishing to find good & close gay men friends, I would never find them if I did not at least physically go out to try out some of the GLBT groups and organizations that I did. I think the chances are slim of finding such a guy on the internet. Personally, I do not think that you can advertise to try to find a good & close gay friend. I think that you have to physically go out in the public where gay men are/hangout and test out various venues that interest you, until you one day meet someone where you just click. Where it is almost like dating, yet instead of looking for a date, you are looking for a friend to click with. So if you have not found a good & close gay friend in the bars or nightclubs, have you tried other GLBT venues to try to find a good & close friend? I had a best friend for almost 20 years, but we had a big fight in 2001 , and I had been without a best friend until 2006! I finally found a new best friend in 2006, in a social organization. I was not looking for a friend or a best friend at the time. We just happen to belong to the same social organization (since we liked the monthly social events offered by this organization). Then one day our paths crossed, we talked and found out that we had a TON of things in common! Then VOILA! I had a good & close best friend! Yet it took almost a year for us to become good & close friends and about another year before we considered ourselves best friends. Yet neither of us went looking for friends or a boyfriend in that social organization, but look what happened to us! Now imagine the possibilities if you at least tried what I did.

    I hope that this short novel I just wrote helps some of you out there. "Good luck to you!"

    Wilson

  16. #16
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Well . . . I am talking more about trying out various “new” GLBT groups and organizations that you have an interest in AND where there will be other gay men. Yet, depending on how outgoing you are, your mileage may vary.

    In my case, it took several months to get comfortable with the new groups and the new guys in the groups. Then I got to the comfort level to be a little outgoing and open with the other guys, then new friendships started to form. Yet again, it took time, several months of going to these events regularly, so at least guys were familiar with me over time. Since I was shy and not open & outgoing, I went to different events for a few months and never spoke to a sole per se , yet when I felt comfortable and started opening up a bit, then guys would start talking to me (since I was in a receptive and non-shy mode), and then I kind of took things from there. Yet you never know once you start making an effort to socialize with these guys as to who will stay acquaintances and who is subject to be or will become friends. As it was, once I joined that first social group (where I met my best friend), it took me going to their events over a year, where I can actually say I made 2 good & close friends not including my best friend, whereas those other guys in the organization are just acquaintances. Believe it or not, it was actually an acquaintance in that organization that ended up making it possible for my partner and I to meet. Though I am now friends with the former acquaintance, but we are not really good or close friends. "Go and figure, eh?" We are just friends.

    Out of curiosity NaughtyArousal, how long have you been in that gay photography club? Do any of the other guys ever talk about getting together as a group and go out taking pictures for the day . . . thus giving you all a chance to have a nice lunch/meal together and also providing you all a chance to socialize and not talk shop?

    Wilson

  17. #17
    might be a joke or not-->
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I can't make friends easily, at least not close friends. Since most people I know are straight my close friends are all straights.

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

  18. #18
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pianist View Post
    The key is to get old, fat, and ugly. Then older gay men will want to be friends with you but not want to have sex with you.

    Younger gay men will avoid you like the plague.

    Problem solved.
    What if the older gay guys avoided you liked the plague and the younger gay guys wanted to be friends but not have sex?
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  19. #19
    Sex God mikeyjon's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Gay men can be assholes. So most of my friends are straight.

    The one best gay friend I have moved to San Jose about a year ago. He will be moving back in a couple of weeks. Most of the gay people he met in his words were "superficial fags".

    So if anyone in San Jose fits this description...thank you!

  20. #20
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pianist View Post
    You're partnered so that shouldn't be too much of an issue for you.
    I wasn't talking about me. I was offering you an alternative.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  21. #21
    Sex God pills's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result. Sweeping generalization, I know, but that's my top level feeling. I don't have a single gay, close friend.
    Nothing is like anything else. Things are themselves entirely and do not need interpretation, only a minimal respect for their precise integrity.

  22. #22
    Porn Star jknightuk's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I'm with you on this one, NaughtyArousal...

    I too am having the same problem. Sure, I have made some friends on here... but the chances of me meeting anyone to say "hi" in person are very remote. Not because I don't want to meet anyone.. it's just I've been through too much hurt.

    If it wasn't for JUB giving me a place to be in the evenings, etc.. I'd be lost! lol.

    I'm sure you will make a close friend real soon...

    I finally have a blog!

    http://jknightuk.nibblebit.com
    If you have Skype.. please feel free to add me. All welcome.

  23. #23
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I can make friends very easy with straight guys and females even lesbian females. I hung out with so many straight guys this past summer.

    When it comes to gay guys i run into are either stuck up or wants to get laid. If your not good looking and skinny with mucles they wont pay you no mind. Even the larger gay guys if your not going to put out they won't pay you any attention. A few days ago a gay guy messaged me asking if i would have sex with him. I like having friends and stuff but it would be nice to have gay friends.

  24. #24
    <3 Kelly Clarkson <3 Raincoat Massacre's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wuvable Oaf View Post
    I actually have a few very close gay friends, although I admit it can be difficult to make gay friends. Some have their own agenda, like "let's be friends (but only care about sex)", and some feel like a superficial friendships, like they'll talk to you at the bar and stuff, but rarely do anything besides that or get invited to do stuff.
    /B/RONIE. O_O


  25. #25
    Sex God barnbuddy's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    never had a problem making or keeping gay friends,

    more str8 friends from work/career

  26. #26

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    It seems to get even worse when you are partnered.

  27. #27
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I made one good gay friend this year. We see each other once a week usually but we don't talk on the phone much. Usually one Friday night we take his dog out for a ride and then for ice cream. Then the next Friday night we will have dinner together at my place or his and watch a movie.

    We did meet by hooking up, but then we became friends, we were fuck buddies for a while, but he started seeing a new guy and doesn't want to fool around on him. I'm cool with just having him as a friend.
    In his autumn, before the winter, comes man's last mad surge of youth

  28. #28
    <3 Kelly Clarkson <3 Raincoat Massacre's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    What's awful is that our community is constantly preaching about tolerance and equality but if you aren't skinny, built like an athlete, good looking or Ultra gay, a large percentage of us don't want to have anything to do with one another.


  29. #29
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Good thing there wasn't a poll with this thread. The outcome would be depressing.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  30. #30
    JUB Addict Sultan's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    My closest gay friend wants to sleep with me and even when I've told him no countless times he asked if we could cuddle. He is a great friend but I think that would ruin our friendship.

    When he and his boyfriend were dating, one night me and his boyfriend were hanging out and drinking and we ended up hooking up. He initiated it and if I wasn't drunk I would have never went through with it. I felt really guilty after that and stopped talking to him for a long time, but now we're cool.

    I feel like it's hard to make gay friends because I don't want it to turn into anything sexual and it always leads that way.

  31. #31
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?
    Well said Lucky7!

    Wilson

  32. #32
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by pills View Post
    I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result. Sweeping generalization, I know, but that's my top level feeling. I don't have a single gay, close friend.
    Pills, when you said "I don't have a single gay, close friend." Is that by choice?

    Yet I agree what you said " I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result."

    In my case, since I grew up in a straight world, when I came out, I was not looking to abandon my regular life (pre coming out) for everything gay, gay, gay. LOL!!! I wanted to mesh my new gay life with my regular life. I already had straight friends, yet when I came out, I wanted gay friends too, so I could learn about the gay lifestyle. I never sought a gay best friend or a gay close friend. All of that just happened naturally with time. Mainly, I was just happy and content to have both straight and gay friends.

    Wilson

  33. #33
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by CFoTsD View Post
    It seems to get even worse when you are partnered.
    I agree CFoTsD. Once you are partnered, I think it is harder to make "new" friends. Since I am partnered, it does not seem like my partner and I can do social things together to make new friends . . . because in my case, you really can not meet someone new and just ask "Want to hangout sometimes?" LOL!!!

    Since I live in Los Angeles, we used to have a Couples group in the Los Angeles area (back in the early 90's I think), that was primarily created to put coupled gay men together with other coupled gay men . . . bringing them together since they all had that one thing in common . . . "all the gay men were coupled". Yet I guess that was suppose to had been a venue to meet other coupled gay men, make new friends, and do social things together. Yet that group only lasted a few years and it disbanded. MAJOR FROWN!!! I guess there was not much of an interest and or need to meet other coupled gay men.

    Wilson

  34. #34
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    I made one good gay friend this year. We see each other once a week usually but we don't talk on the phone much. Usually one Friday night we take his dog out for a ride and then for ice cream. Then the next Friday night we will have dinner together at my place or his and watch a movie.

    We did meet by hooking up, but then we became friends, we were fuck buddies for a while, but he started seeing a new guy and doesn't want to fool around on him. I'm cool with just having him as a friend.
    Beachguyj, GREAT avatar! I LOVE IT!!!

    Beachguyj, I am so very happy for you and your friend. Minus you once having regular sex with your friend, it sounds like you two have a typical relationship that straight males have (aka a Bromance) when both of the guys are single. Good luck to you.

    Wilson

  35. #35
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Okay, it is time for me to get off of my soap box . . . for now. However NaughtyArousal, this is a real great topic that you have brought up.

    Based on reading all of these postings to your topic, I think that it all comes down to what type of friends you want to make. In the case of making good & close "gay" friends. I still want to emphasized that a gay man has to go where "gay" men go. The only place I can think of are the GLBT groups and organizations AND one should do something they like doing. I would not recommend going to any of those groups if one is only trying to find a good close gay friend there.

    Yet I think if a gay man does not go where other gay men go, then either they will be alone (and never find a good & close gay friend) or they will have a lot of straight friends.

    Yet reading some of the posts here, what is stopping you guys from going out to be with other gay men, how is it that you are mainly just socializing with and are making friends with straight people when you are wanting to seek gay friends? Now if you live in a small city or town, that is understandable, so I can understand that you might be the only gay in the village, yet what about you guys that live in big cities that have large GLBT representation and communities? What is your excuse as to why you are not meeting gay men and making friends with those gay men?

    Yet you can make friends with gay men, no matter what your age, young or old or skinny or fat or in between, without sex ever entering the picture. Oh sure over the years, I have been sexually attracted to some of my gay friends, yet I never risked bringing sex into the equation, because I valued the friendship more and I did not want to put the friendship in jeopardy. I am not sure why guys take a change on messing up perfectly good gay friendships by dragging sex into it . . . especially since there are too many options to find sex elsewhere and not dumping this potential bomb on your friends.

    Wilson

  36. #36
    Sex God mydrew1's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Same here. hat few other gay guys I know are friends or boyfriends of others. Hard to get more than just a few chats with; I guess they have busy lives? Lol.

  37. #37
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    My friends run the gambit; gay, str8, male, female. We all intermix pretty easily.

  38. #38
    Slut jaybuoy's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    My best Mate is Gay however that is about it, I no plenty of gay guys however I would not call them friends. Maybe you should join some sort of Gay social club?

  39. #39
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Well NaughtyArousal . . . sure when you say “Does it always have to be somewhere "gay" men go? Can it be somewhere everyone does?” However from my own personal experiences, your chances are going to be much slimmer in regards to meeting a gay man for friendship. For sure, I understand your original intent to meet a gay man or gay men, so you can discuss gay issues that mainly pertain to you and the gay lifestyle in general, while boding with that/those man/men and hopefully becoming good & close friends one day. I understand your need and want to discuss such things with other gay men that are in the same boat as you and or have more experience with the gay lifestyle or gay community. In my case, the first thing that I did, because I was lucky enough at the time, soon as I was 18 years old (in 1981), I started going to a local junior college and they just happened to have a gay and lesbian students union (GLSU), and it was over 40 students strong! Yet as I got a few years older, I learned that not all colleges and universities had a GLSU. Mind you, I live in Los Angeles, so I thought that all colleges and universities had a GLSU. “Boy was I wrong!” LOL!!!

    Anyway, what ultimately ended up happening in my case, I went to our weekly GLSU meetings (which were pretty much all business, yet very informative about the gay community as a whole). Yet we also had a weekly “let down your hair social” at a local restaurant, so we could sit and snack/dine for 2 to 3 hours each Thursday night and talk about everything under the sun. About 15 to 20 guys would show up each week to that social. So it was almost like going out on a date with 15 to 20 guys each week, while giving all of us a chance to get to know each other better. Then about 3 or so months later, some of the guys bonded and formed smaller groups AND became friends (to hangout away from our GLSU activites) because they ended up finding a few guys with common interests. Since there were 2 other guys I liked and we shared many common interests . . . i.e. going to movies, dining out, liked to go bar/club hopping once in awhile, the three of us became good and close friends. Yet out of the 2 guys in my group, I hit it off much better with one of the guys, and we ended up best friends for almost 20 years. Yet all of this happened naturally and by accident. Oh sure I wanted gay friends, yet I had no idea how it would happen or even how to make gay friends. Yet that was my first attempt at making gay friends, and it worked! Now as for some of those other guys in our Thursday night group, some to them bonded together and became 2 or 3 separate groups of friends, yet I really did not care too much for 1 of those groups of guys that had formed, because we did not have a good chemistry to become friends (so we stayed acquaintances) and I also did not care for that group of guys because they were wild party animals, liked to get drunk, always looking for a party, and they also got into drugs . . . and those were definitely not the type of guys I was seeking for friendship. Yet there was nothing wrong with that group, if that is what you are seeking, and I know that there are a TON of gay guys out there looking for friends just like that. "So Godspeed to them." As for the remainder of the other guys from our Thursday night social who could not find a smaller group of us to hangout with (away from the GLSU activities), some of them could just only come to just one or both of our weekly events, because of their classes and work schedules, plus some were dating and could just spare a few hours per week to take part in our GLSU activities.

    Bottom line, in my case, since I wanted to make gay friends, I went to where gay men could be found. In my case, it was my junior college’s GLSU. Yet keep in mind, I was doing something I enjoyed doing. Yet in your case NaughtyArousal, if you do not go where lots of gay men go, then I think that it will be very hard for you to find a gay man to become close friends with, by pretty much doing the things that you enjoy doing, which primarily keeps putting you in an abundance of contact with straight people.

    On a side note, okay I can see that you don’t have much in common with the older men in your photography class, but surely there has to be other gay men groups and organizations in NYC that you would have some interest in and putting you in contact with men around your own age.

    Wilson

  40. #40
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    My gay male friends include guys I've had sex with on a regular basis at one point or another. Likewise my partner too has former sexual friends in his gay circle of friends. Neither of us though keeps exs around.

  41. #41
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Well NaughtyArousal, I wish I could help you. Based on your last posting, it has finally sunk-in that you have a good assortment of gay men around you, without you having to go look for them.

    In my case, I could only share with what worked for me. Yet as they say, “One man’s meat is another man’s poison.LOL!!! Yet your post gives me time to reflect upon my life and how long it took to find a best friends.

    From the time that I was 5 to 7 years old, my best and closest friend was my next door neighbor. He was about 2 years younger than me, but I would guess he was straight. Then my family moved to another city (when I was 7), so I ended up making friends with one boy in my new class & my new school. We were best friends until we turned about 12. When we started going through puberty, he started liking the girls, so he turned out straight. So by the time we were 14, we were not friends anymore, because he no longer had time to be friends with me, and I think that he picked-up on that I was gay and he did not want to be associated with a potential gay boy. So as the years went on, I did not have another best friend until I was 18 years old, when I was in junior college. This time, I got a gay friend. Then when my best friend and I had a big fight in 2001, that ended our friendship. So I did not really get another best friend until 2007.

    Yet the bottom line is, good & close gay friends do not grow on trees, sometimes it can take years just to get just “one”. So in your case, I guess you will just have to be more patient until you find the good & close friend that you seek, while enjoying your gay and straight friends. Yet from my experience, a good & close gay friend is definitely worth the wait! Good luck to you.

    Wilson

    P.S. I can't wait to see what your new thread will be when you go out husband hunting.

  42. #42
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?


    Thank goodness the definition of marriage does change over time. Women were originally thought of as property and marriage was originally about an exchange of property.

    "When you can't hide, discrimination falls." David Boies

  43. #43
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I think that I have been pretty lucky in that respect. I have always been very shy. On top of that I work from home so I don't have a lot of people in my life. But I think that I have always had a few close friends (both gay and straight). I'm not fond of being in large groups of people. I don't drink alcohol. Etc....It really surprises me how lucky I have been.

    You mentioned that the only thing you have in common is being gay. That may be very simple to solve. Find something else you are interested in and see if there is a GLBT group for that. It also really helps if the person lives very close to you.There are all kinds of GLBT groups and organizations.

    Just one simple example would be if there are any particular sports that you enjoy and see if there is a group near you....if not...consider creating one.
    http://www.outsports.com/localGroups/index.cfm

    Thank goodness the definition of marriage does change over time. Women were originally thought of as property and marriage was originally about an exchange of property.

    "When you can't hide, discrimination falls." David Boies

  44. #44

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    maybe they're too focused on if they'll score with u later...?

  45. #45
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    It's been a while since I've posted on JUB but I read through a lot of the comments on this thread and I just thought I'd join in.

    While most of my friends are straight (mostly female but some are men), I do have gay friends too. 3 come into mind that I would consider to be my really good friends, though I don't see one of them as much any more and one has moved to China and the one who moved to China's brother I would consider to be my closest friend. We talk almost everyday and see each other in person almost every week.

    I met the first two at the Halloween dance put on by my university's Pride club. The one who just moved to China invited us all to his house the next day to celebrate his birthday and then go out to a gay club for Halloween and that's when I met his brother, who I consider to be my closest friend. And then pretty soon that became a regular thing. We'd all make/buy food, meet at his place, have dinner/drinks, talk and get to know each other, listen/dance to music/watch videos on YouTube and then go to a club. And then eventually we started doing other things to: having lunches at school together, go to the discussion groups put on by the Pride club, going to movies together, when summer came we did picnics at the beach a lot, we even went to the art gallery together, and even went to the clinic and got tested together! Some days all we would do is hanging out at each other's houses eating, drinking, listening to music, talking, watching vids on YouTube, showing each other all the guys we thought we were cute. Or we'd go have coffee or a drink at a bar or lounge. Or go to a restaurant for dinner. Or go shopping. With the exception of clubbing, these are all things I pretty much do with my straight friends (thought I don't go shopping with my straight guy friends just because they really have no interest in that stuff). But ya I guess I'm one of the exceptions to the rule in making gay friends, but I guess it was easier for me to do so because my university has a Pride club that organizes social events like these.

  46. #46
    Je suis Charlie blackbeltninja's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by pills View Post
    I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result. Sweeping generalization, I know, but that's my top level feeling. I don't have a single gay, close friend.
    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyArousal View Post
    I am a gay man. Know where I hang out? Baseball games, museums, art gallery receptions, parades, after-work hangout spots, parks and beaches. So I have a question: Does it always have to be somewhere "gay" men go? Can it be somewhere everyone does?
    I'd go with these.

    My current bf has quite openly admitted to being "uncomfortable around straight people, especially guys," a throwback to being tormented throughout his small-town school days. Since coming out and leaving all that behind, he just refuses to hang out with people who might "judge" him. Judging of course is relative - we've seen how much we judge each other in here on various topics - but I presume he means somewhere where at least his sexuality won't be a talking point.

    Now I've met some of his friends - all gay guys or gay/straight girls. Looking at his friends' facebook friends - all gay guys and gay or straight girls. They all hang out in the pink part of town and with each other, and don't seem to have much time for anyone who doesn't. I doubt any of them will ever become good buddies with a straight guy. They go to gay clubs and gay-frequented restaurants, only go to the movies when it's the Out Film Festival, only go the malls in the pink parts of town, only hang out at the gay beach and go to the gym where the clientele is 90% gay. Everything has to be ubergay or they just don't go for it.

    There is an irony there - they claim to not be "understood" by the straight guys, and yet they all seem to refuse to make an effort to meet any or pursue friendships with those they do know - trying to get my bf to meet my friends was like pulling teeth. Of course I understand why he is reluctant, but at the same time it does seem counterproductive to me.

    -d-
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    I hope you get this message.
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  47. #47
    Sex God barnbuddy's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    this thread is so strange,

    I went to a gay group in my freshman year - and I was thrilled to meet gay guys

    after living in the str8 suburbs it so was so great to be honest and open

    now, I didn't make friends with everyone at the meeting

    but I made a couple - and what did we say after all the "coming out" stories?

    where do we go to get laid - just like our str8 counterparts

    In fact, I remember a conversation with my best friend from High School

    he is str8, and he said one of the things he he missed in our friendship was

    going out, looking for girls together.

    I mean, in yr college years, alot (I know not all) of going out is looking for love

    I mean, did you just watch yr str8 friends hitting on girls while you watched from a corner?

    and for me, once in a social setting you find a wide variety of people with different interests

    and thus make more friends

    sometimes even poach a friend from a old boyfriend

  48. #48
    The Journey of a Lifetime Adrock-JD's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Friends come and go, gay and straight (and bi) but what distresses me most is when




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  49. #49
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by barnbuddy View Post
    this thread is so strange,

    I went to a gay group in my freshman year - and I was thrilled to meet gay guys

    after living in the str8 suburbs it so was so great to be honest and open

    now, I didn't make friends with everyone at the meeting

    but I made a couple . . .
    Barnbuddy, based on your above quote, this is somewhat what had happened to me, when I went to college, as I tried to relay some of my experiences to NaughtyArousal. However based on all of the feedback that NaughtyArousal has provided, he does have the means to easily meet gay men all around him . . . yet it seems that it just is going to take some time before he finds a gay man to naturally bond close with, to hopefully become good & close friends with . When it comes to the bonding process of making good & close friends, some people bond more easier than others. Yet I would say, when people ended up with a best friend, how many months or years did it take for people (who have a best friend) to bestow their friend with that title?

    Wilson

  50. #50
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Well....if you are interested in having any of those gay acquaintances become better friends with, then work on that. Do more things with that person.

    Thank goodness the definition of marriage does change over time. Women were originally thought of as property and marriage was originally about an exchange of property.

    "When you can't hide, discrimination falls." David Boies

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