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  1. #1
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Anyone else have this difficulty?

    I can make friends easily. I'm very sociable, have many acquaintances from all across the spectrum. Most of my friends I've worked alongside at some point in my life, and I work with men and women from all sexualities.

    What I've realized is that I cannot make a close gay male friend to save my life. The gay friends I have are fun to have when I want to go out drinking or if I want to hit up a gay bar, but 90% of the time, we have nothing in common outside of that.

    When it comes to calling someone up simply to do nothing, to catch up, to chat about life, etc... it almost always comes down to my straight friends and my one lesbian friend.

    Now I am fortunate enough to have great friends. My closest friends (who are straight and male) have never been put off about hearing about what's going on in my life, the guys I'm crushing on, etc., so it's not as if I need a gay friend to talk about certain things.

    But sometimes I wonder with all the gay men I've come across, why it's always a matter of either it being a sexual thing or a bar-hopping buddy, never a strong, meaningful friendship.

    Is it just me?

  2. #2
    Marty Saybrooke's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I have trouble doing this to. For myself, I find it hard to make gay friends because the ones I've come across (Not everyone mind you!) Can be so superficial that they wont even talk to me because I'm over weight. The othr night I was chatting with this guy and revealed I was over weight and he became so rude and started saying terrible things, telling me he was treating me the way I deserve. lol I have found a few gay friends that I can be close with... but they are kinda friends with benifits, not sure if that counts =P

  3. #3
    loki81
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    yup.

    all of my friends are straight, so when I meet a friend or a friend or anything, they're usually likewise straight (also work in a pretty heterosexual-male dominated industry)

    when I've gone out of my way to make gay friends, I run into the problem of having "hello" interpreted as "want to have sex?"

  4. #4
    JUB Addict Ram's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Oh, I thought I was the only one. I am so much closer to my straight friends than to other gay people. I do get to talk about gay stuff with them and still get appropriate responses a good friend would give.

    I think the difficulty resonates in the old adage for straight people: that a (straight) guy and a (straight) girl can NEVER be close friends unless the girl is ugly.

    Sexist and heterophobic, I know. There is some truth to it though. The problem comes in when you befriend a gay male and you guys become fantastic friends, bros for life; and then both of you start wondering if you are so compatible, then why aren't you in a relationship? The questions of looks and sexual preferences will be brought up and things will definitely get awkward. You can't blame personality because that would not make any sense.

    I do have good friendships with male JUBbers but I am mainly attracted to their personality and sense of humor. Yeah, we flirt playfully but I have my sexual preferences and they don't turn me on. I am sure I don't turn them on too because I have not received any proposals from their side.

    The people in my life are divided rather simpler: Group A) can fuck; B) must not fuck a.k.a parents, family, friends, pets, Lilbit...

    It is possible to have a close gay male friend. Maybe we are not that lucky.

  5. #5
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I'm closer to my straight friends than the gay ones.

    I really don't think it has to do with the fact that they're gay as much as it does with their personality? I'm shooting at the wind here; I've no idea.

    I think it's just a matter of meeting the right people.

  6. #6
    tombastep
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I don't think I have 'trouble' as much as I just don't share the same interests in the few gay men that I have hung out in recent times. My co-worker is gay and he is a cool guy, but I don't really hang out with him all that much.

    It's weird considering I can see myself really becoming friends with a few people from jub.

    Also, I am very vocal on here, but in real life I am a bit anti-social and a bit of a recluse. That might be because of the people around me at times, but who knows.

  7. #7
    panegyric JUB Admin Corny's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Did you find the gay friends on dating site, or are the gay friends also "natural" friends that life somehow brought to you?
    Check out my very own Body Hair Lovers and Photography Groups!

  8. #8
    ( ̄(エ) ̄) GamerBear's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by NaughtyArousal View Post

    Is it just me?
    I have a close friend that I usually hang out with and do nothing but chat, he's gay too, but I feel that with him being popular and having other friends he really has no time for me. So most of the time when he feels like going out he will call me up and ask if I want to go shopping with him. We use to sit outside and just drink some Starbucks while watching people. But it seems lately he's been busy busy busy doing things and on the go.

    Sometimes friendships can change for good or for worse.

  9. #9
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Natural. I don't do date sites or the like.

  10. #10
    panegyric JUB Admin Corny's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    And are you attracted to them or them to you?


    If not, I can only advice you to simply just DO more stuff with them. Even if you don't feel like it. Friendships can only build with experiences. Go to the movies, do some sports, do other events .. poetry slams, concerts, exhibitions ... go on a short holiday/weekend trip ..
    Check out my very own Body Hair Lovers and Photography Groups!

  11. #11
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    The problem we have run into is guys thinking we should be best of friends just because we share a common sexuality. It is not enough.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  12. #12

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I also have difficulty maintaining friendships with gay men. This one guy, we seemed to hit it off well. We went to a Dunkin Donuts that was local, and we talked for a couple of hours. Our intention was to meet about half an hour, but the time flew by. It was nice, and I thought I'd actually have a buddy to go to the movies, hang out and whatnot with. He stopped answering my calls. He stopped answering my text messages. He then replied to my last message which was via e-mail. He didn't want to be blunt with me, but in short, he meant he wasn't interested.

    I suppose it's an instance like this where I feel as if I wasted my time and energy. Usually I'm hesitant meeting someone in a public setting to just talk. I told him that whatever is happening that I'd be here to talk if he needed someone to listen. Never got a reply.

    I suppose close, gay friendships are possible, but perhaps rare until I go out more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Saybrooke View Post
    I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

  13. #13
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    ^ Yeah, that sucks man.

    I'd go out for donuts and coffee with you, but you're far. lol

  14. #14
    JUB Addict anchihiro's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.

  15. #15

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by anchihiro View Post
    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.
    OMG.......what a douche!

  16. #16
    Porn Star uslad7's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by anchihiro View Post
    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.
    DAMN. Burn.

  17. #17
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I agree with most everyone above..My partner and I are the most unconventional gay couple you would ever meet...We dont do bars..dont drink very often and not into the gay scene at all..We go camping ,hunting,fishing and hiking ( I think you get the idea)...And when we meet other gays they just look at us like we are crazy when we tell them what we are into as friends..We are not looking for a sexual friendship because we that always changes friendships..Most of our friends are straight and married so thats who we hang out with more..I do wish I had some close gay friends but my idea of fun is not hanging out at Starbucks all day...

  18. #18
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Corny View Post
    And are you attracted to them or them to you?


    If not, I can only advice you to simply just DO more stuff with them. Even if you don't feel like it. Friendships can only build with experiences. Go to the movies, do some sports, do other events .. poetry slams, concerts, exhibitions ... go on a short holiday/weekend trip ..
    In some cases, there is attraction on one or both sides, which leads to either sex or someone feeling rejected. In the case of total lack of attraction on both sides, nothing close has ever arisen.

    Something like that can't be forced, though. I try to hang out with friends a lot and getting to the stages of being a good, real friend hasn't really happened with gay males much. But I'm sure not to go out looking for it, because the last thing I need is to be someone desperate for a gay friend. (Like the kind of guy sixthson describes below)

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    The problem we have run into is guys thinking we should be best of friends just because we share a common sexuality. It is not enough.
    Yes, I hate that. I also hate when women automatically think they get to be my best of friends because I'm gay. That's rubbish.

    Quote Originally Posted by anchihiro View Post
    No it's not just you.

    I once got 'dumped' by a gay friend when the gay bar in our town closed down. He said because of that he had no further use for me. Cunt.
    WOW.

    That's exactly the thing I'm talking about. My gay friends are perfect for hitting a gay bar with or hanging out with at a pride parade. It'd be nice if they'd just be a good friend that happens to be gay. Now I can't see myself being as gross as straight-up dumping someone because there are no more gay bars to hang out at. But when I think of my gay friends, I realize that if it were not for gay bars or events, we probably wouldn't be out as much.

  19. #19
    Porn Star hungbuzz's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    i actually met one of my best mates here on JUB. we do the usual club thing, go out drinking, just hang out and holiday together

  20. #20
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    This is an interesting and great post. I will tell you what has worked for me. I am 48 years old, so I came along before the internet. So some of you post-internet guys will have for overlook my dinosaur tail. LOL!!!

    Since I never drank or smoked, I never had much interest in bars or nightclubs or bathhouses or hook-ups. Yet back in the 80's and 90's, we had a TON of GLBT groups and organizations (before the popularity of the internet). Most of these groups were social, political, religious, and sport oriented in nature.

    Since I have very little interest in politics and religion, I opted for social and sport oriented groups, since I have a natural interest in both. Over the years, I have met and made some wonderful good close dear gay men friends (both single and partnered). Since I am shy , it took me several months of going to different events that these various groups had on a weekly to monthly basis, to slowly get to know guys (at my own speed). There was never any sexual pressure, because these guys came together for good and natural socialization . . . not for sex, not for boyfriend hunting. One group I joined was an outdoors group, where you could meet people that liked to do things outdoors . . . i.e. camping, hiking, nature walks, etc.. Since I loved hiking and since my regular gay male friends did not, I started hiking with the outdoors group and met some wonderful men over the years. What made those guys so great, is that you are doing something you enjoy doing anyway with other people that enjoy the same thing. It had nothing to do about sex or trying to find someone to hook-up with or finding a new friend or finding a partner. Yet just naturally with the time that I invested in doing something I enjoyed doing anyway, I ended up making good friends . . . yet it did take time to do. It did not happen overnight or even in a few months. Yet when you are as old as I am , you do end up making good & close gay friends over time. Yet what I do is, I socialize with various friends on a frequent and regular basis, yet we end up doing things that interests us both. I would say it might be kind of hard to find a good & close gay male friend that you will both share each others interests 100% of the time . . . yet since that is not the case for me, that is why I socialize on a regular basis with different close gay male friends, so we can pretty much often do things together that we both have an interest in . . . while having good & deep meaningful talks together.

    So in regards to you guys with friends that you only go to bars and clubs with, those guys are probably great friends just to do that with. Yet I think you need to go out to explore other venues to find friends that share your other non-nightlife interest.

    So my suggestion to you guys who are out there, that want to find a good & close gay friend, please take the time research some of your local GLBT groups and organizations, find something that interests you, then turn off your computers and internet and physically go to and try out some of those groups and organizations, and see if you “don’t” eventually make some good close gay friends.

    Wilson

    P.S. In regards to that outdoors group I joined, I was not looking for a boyfriend, yet with the time that I invested in that group, while getting so much enjoyment out of hiking with other likeminded men, one day I did find a boyfriend in the hiking group. Upon getting to know that guy better, we found out that we had a lot in common, and that is why we started dating. For us, we just happen to show up on the same hike one day, and look what happened to us. Yet if I would have stayed home wishing to find good & close gay men friends, I would never find them if I did not at least physically go out to try out some of the GLBT groups and organizations that I did. I think the chances are slim of finding such a guy on the internet. Personally, I do not think that you can advertise to try to find a good & close gay friend. I think that you have to physically go out in the public where gay men are/hangout and test out various venues that interest you, until you one day meet someone where you just click. Where it is almost like dating, yet instead of looking for a date, you are looking for a friend to click with. So if you have not found a good & close gay friend in the bars or nightclubs, have you tried other GLBT venues to try to find a good & close friend? I had a best friend for almost 20 years, but we had a big fight in 2001 , and I had been without a best friend until 2006! I finally found a new best friend in 2006, in a social organization. I was not looking for a friend or a best friend at the time. We just happen to belong to the same social organization (since we liked the monthly social events offered by this organization). Then one day our paths crossed, we talked and found out that we had a TON of things in common! Then VOILA! I had a good & close best friend! Yet it took almost a year for us to become good & close friends and about another year before we considered ourselves best friends. Yet neither of us went looking for friends or a boyfriend in that social organization, but look what happened to us! Now imagine the possibilities if you at least tried what I did.

    I hope that this short novel I just wrote helps some of you out there. "Good luck to you!"

    Wilson

  21. #21
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    ^I'm a huge advocate of LGBT clubs. I am a regular member of New York's gay photography club which meets once a month at the center. While I like everyone there and share a love of photography, I'd still consider them all acquaintances.

  22. #22
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Well . . . I am talking more about trying out various “new” GLBT groups and organizations that you have an interest in AND where there will be other gay men. Yet, depending on how outgoing you are, your mileage may vary.

    In my case, it took several months to get comfortable with the new groups and the new guys in the groups. Then I got to the comfort level to be a little outgoing and open with the other guys, then new friendships started to form. Yet again, it took time, several months of going to these events regularly, so at least guys were familiar with me over time. Since I was shy and not open & outgoing, I went to different events for a few months and never spoke to a sole per se , yet when I felt comfortable and started opening up a bit, then guys would start talking to me (since I was in a receptive and non-shy mode), and then I kind of took things from there. Yet you never know once you start making an effort to socialize with these guys as to who will stay acquaintances and who is subject to be or will become friends. As it was, once I joined that first social group (where I met my best friend), it took me going to their events over a year, where I can actually say I made 2 good & close friends not including my best friend, whereas those other guys in the organization are just acquaintances. Believe it or not, it was actually an acquaintance in that organization that ended up making it possible for my partner and I to meet. Though I am now friends with the former acquaintance, but we are not really good or close friends. "Go and figure, eh?" We are just friends.

    Out of curiosity NaughtyArousal, how long have you been in that gay photography club? Do any of the other guys ever talk about getting together as a group and go out taking pictures for the day . . . thus giving you all a chance to have a nice lunch/meal together and also providing you all a chance to socialize and not talk shop?

    Wilson

  23. #23
    might be a joke or not-->
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I can't make friends easily, at least not close friends. Since most people I know are straight my close friends are all straights.

    ^Another kicking English grammar post

  24. #24
    Pianist
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    The key is to get old, fat, and ugly. Then older gay men will want to be friends with you but not want to have sex with you.

    Younger gay men will avoid you like the plague.

    Problem solved.

  25. #25
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pianist View Post
    The key is to get old, fat, and ugly. Then older gay men will want to be friends with you but not want to have sex with you.

    Younger gay men will avoid you like the plague.

    Problem solved.
    What if the older gay guys avoided you liked the plague and the younger gay guys wanted to be friends but not have sex?
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  26. #26
    Sex God mikeyjon's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Gay men can be assholes. So most of my friends are straight.

    The one best gay friend I have moved to San Jose about a year ago. He will be moving back in a couple of weeks. Most of the gay people he met in his words were "superficial fags".

    So if anyone in San Jose fits this description...thank you!

  27. #27
    lucky7
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?

  28. #28
    Pianist
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    What if the older gay guys avoided you liked the plague and the younger gay guys wanted to be friends but not have sex?
    You're partnered so that shouldn't be too much of an issue for you.

  29. #29
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pianist View Post
    You're partnered so that shouldn't be too much of an issue for you.
    I wasn't talking about me. I was offering you an alternative.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  30. #30
    justmeagain
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?

    Yup, that is so true. My straight and gay friends have all come about with sharing a common connection. Sexuality never came into the equation.

    Westcoastwilson got it right.

  31. #31
    loki81
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?
    maybe it's a grass is greener thing, but I think it would be cool to have friends that I could talk about sex with without feeling awkward, hang at a gay bar without feeling like I'm escorting a tourist, find romantic connections through friends of friends, etc.

  32. #32
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result. Sweeping generalization, I know, but that's my top level feeling. I don't have a single gay, close friend.
    Nothing is like anything else. Things are themselves entirely and do not need interpretation, only a minimal respect for their precise integrity.

  33. #33
    Wuvable Oaf
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I actually have a few very close gay friends, although I admit it can be difficult to make gay friends. Some have their own agenda, like "let's be friends (but only care about sex)", and some feel like a superficial friendships, like they'll talk to you at the bar and stuff, but rarely do anything besides that or get invited to do stuff.

  34. #34
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I'm with you on this one, NaughtyArousal...

    I too am having the same problem. Sure, I have made some friends on here... but the chances of me meeting anyone to say "hi" in person are very remote. Not because I don't want to meet anyone.. it's just I've been through too much hurt.

    If it wasn't for JUB giving me a place to be in the evenings, etc.. I'd be lost! lol.

    I'm sure you will make a close friend real soon...

    I finally have a blog!

    http://jknightuk.nibblebit.com
    If you have Skype.. please feel free to add me. All welcome.

  35. #35
    Pianist
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by sixthson View Post
    I wasn't talking about me. I was offering you an alternative.
    Well, I already have some younger guys who are friends.

    And neither the younger guys OR the older guys wanna have sex; old, fat and ugly, and poor, and kids... and grandkids, and emotionally unstable.

    Tra la, tra la.

  36. #36
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I can make friends very easy with straight guys and females even lesbian females. I hung out with so many straight guys this past summer.

    When it comes to gay guys i run into are either stuck up or wants to get laid. If your not good looking and skinny with mucles they wont pay you no mind. Even the larger gay guys if your not going to put out they won't pay you any attention. A few days ago a gay guy messaged me asking if i would have sex with him. I like having friends and stuff but it would be nice to have gay friends.

  37. #37
    Elvin
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I used to be able to make tons of friends. Had hundreds. But I used to work in a couple of gay clubs there so it was easy to meet them.

    Now I am shyer and a bit withdrawn and busy with a lot of things. Basically, I don't go out and I don't have any gay friends. lol

    I don't mind it though. I have all I need.

  38. #38
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wuvable Oaf View Post
    I actually have a few very close gay friends, although I admit it can be difficult to make gay friends. Some have their own agenda, like "let's be friends (but only care about sex)", and some feel like a superficial friendships, like they'll talk to you at the bar and stuff, but rarely do anything besides that or get invited to do stuff.
    /B/RONIE. O_O


  39. #39
    Sex God barnbuddy's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    never had a problem making or keeping gay friends,

    more str8 friends from work/career

  40. #40

    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    It seems to get even worse when you are partnered.

  41. #41
    Is the King of JUB Beachguyj's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    I made one good gay friend this year. We see each other once a week usually but we don't talk on the phone much. Usually one Friday night we take his dog out for a ride and then for ice cream. Then the next Friday night we will have dinner together at my place or his and watch a movie.

    We did meet by hooking up, but then we became friends, we were fuck buddies for a while, but he started seeing a new guy and doesn't want to fool around on him. I'm cool with just having him as a friend.
    Never cease to find it strange
    How at midnight things seem hopeless
    But by dawn they've changed

  42. #42
    <3 Kelly Clarkson <3 Raincoat Massacre's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    What's awful is that our community is constantly preaching about tolerance and equality but if you aren't skinny, built like an athlete, good looking or Ultra gay, a large percentage of us don't want to have anything to do with one another.


  43. #43
    Ruminating
    sixthson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Good thing there wasn't a poll with this thread. The outcome would be depressing.
    Everyone wants to be heard. No one wants to listen.

  44. #44
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?
    Honestly? I'd love a close friend with a similar perspective. Even if I know the friends I already have are amazong. I don't feel any more superficial about that than if I were a Black person with no Black friends.

  45. #45
    JUB Addict Sultan's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    My closest gay friend wants to sleep with me and even when I've told him no countless times he asked if we could cuddle. He is a great friend but I think that would ruin our friendship.

    When he and his boyfriend were dating, one night me and his boyfriend were hanging out and drinking and we ended up hooking up. He initiated it and if I wasn't drunk I would have never went through with it. I felt really guilty after that and stopped talking to him for a long time, but now we're cool.

    I feel like it's hard to make gay friends because I don't want it to turn into anything sexual and it always leads that way.

  46. #46
    TheFallenAsexual
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by justmeagain View Post
    Yup, that is so true. My straight and gay friends have all come about with sharing a common connection. Sexuality never came into the equation.

    Westcoastwilson got it right.
    Just a clarification:

    This post was not a suggestion that straight friends can't be your real friends. My closest friends are nearly all straight and I love them dearly. They're amazing. I've always prided myself on knowing that I don't have "fag hags" or people who stick around me only because they know I'm gay and want to be part of a gay entourage (if you look at my past posts, I've stated this numerous times). Every single friend I have--if I woke up straight tomorrow--would still love me for who I am.

    That being said, I do marvel at the fact that of all the close friends I've made over the years, none are gay men. Do I go around trying to be best friend with every gay man to make up for this? No. But does that mean I don't think I'd benefit from a close friend who would share my staunch interest in queer cinema, who enjoys a gay bar from time to time, who understands what it's like to be a man who likes men in NY and what that comes with so that I don't naturally have to explain myself as much? Absolutely!

    That's not to say that my current friends aren't great listeners. They are amazing, and some do join me at a gay bar from time to time, which is nice. But (though I would never forcefully try to create a "bff" situation with another guy because he's gay), I would be thrilled if a strong friendship formed at some part of my life with a gay male. If anything, itd probably be more believable that relationships were possible.

  47. #47
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by lucky7 View Post
    Friends are friends.. it doesn't matter whether they are gay, straight, bi, etc.

    And what I mean is that you just click with certain people.. some of those people will be gay and some of those people will be straight.

    At the end of the day, why does it matter what sexual orientation your friends are as long as they are your friends?
    Well said Lucky7!

    Wilson

  48. #48
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by pills View Post
    I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result. Sweeping generalization, I know, but that's my top level feeling. I don't have a single gay, close friend.
    Pills, when you said "I don't have a single gay, close friend." Is that by choice?

    Yet I agree what you said " I think gays pigeonhole themselves after they come out of the closet. Everything is just gay, gay, gay. They are missing out on 90% of life and don't have much to talk about as a result."

    In my case, since I grew up in a straight world, when I came out, I was not looking to abandon my regular life (pre coming out) for everything gay, gay, gay. LOL!!! I wanted to mesh my new gay life with my regular life. I already had straight friends, yet when I came out, I wanted gay friends too, so I could learn about the gay lifestyle. I never sought a gay best friend or a gay close friend. All of that just happened naturally with time. Mainly, I was just happy and content to have both straight and gay friends.

    Wilson

  49. #49
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by CFoTsD View Post
    It seems to get even worse when you are partnered.
    I agree CFoTsD. Once you are partnered, I think it is harder to make "new" friends. Since I am partnered, it does not seem like my partner and I can do social things together to make new friends . . . because in my case, you really can not meet someone new and just ask "Want to hangout sometimes?" LOL!!!

    Since I live in Los Angeles, we used to have a Couples group in the Los Angeles area (back in the early 90's I think), that was primarily created to put coupled gay men together with other coupled gay men . . . bringing them together since they all had that one thing in common . . . "all the gay men were coupled". Yet I guess that was suppose to had been a venue to meet other coupled gay men, make new friends, and do social things together. Yet that group only lasted a few years and it disbanded. MAJOR FROWN!!! I guess there was not much of an interest and or need to meet other coupled gay men.

    Wilson

  50. #50
    JUB Addict WestCoastWilson's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty Making Close Gay Male Friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Beachguyj View Post
    I made one good gay friend this year. We see each other once a week usually but we don't talk on the phone much. Usually one Friday night we take his dog out for a ride and then for ice cream. Then the next Friday night we will have dinner together at my place or his and watch a movie.

    We did meet by hooking up, but then we became friends, we were fuck buddies for a while, but he started seeing a new guy and doesn't want to fool around on him. I'm cool with just having him as a friend.
    Beachguyj, GREAT avatar! I LOVE IT!!!

    Beachguyj, I am so very happy for you and your friend. Minus you once having regular sex with your friend, it sounds like you two have a typical relationship that straight males have (aka a Bromance) when both of the guys are single. Good luck to you.

    Wilson

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