Nice to see you back on the boards, BBN!
Thanks for the new entry. . . very enjoyable read, as per usual.
Nice to see you back on the boards, BBN!
Thanks for the new entry. . . very enjoyable read, as per usual.
Don't we all! I think we all have gone through the fear and angst of finding that one bit of courage to say, "Hey, I gay." Something seems to hit you in the pit of your stomach and another "white lie" comes out. Been there, done that......lol
Gosh, 7 months...
Tuesday 17 June 2008
Things I like: Having a completed semester under my belt
So thatís that Ė one sixth of my Bachelorís degree completed, assuming I didnít fuck out on any of the subjects. Exit the half-course on Cell Biology; enter the replacement course on Animal Evolution next semester. Also, add one half-course on Stats. Apparently it is quite a bitch, so not looking hugely forward to it. And Cem on Friday went well, as did Physics this morning. I had it down as yesterday, but I found I had it wrong and it was today. Luckily it was a day late and not a day early. Iím going to still have 4th period off every day, though, so Iíll still be able to update you, Diary, you lucky thing!
Plans for the next few weeks: nothing. Hit the gym, a few parties, a lot of RíníR, and a significant amount of reconnection are on the cards. Iím a little worried that I donít see Al and Ben as much as I should do now that weíre at different universities even though we all still live in the same neighbourhood. Al and I still work as waiters Ė sorry, waitrons; Head Office is doing their damnedest to rise above being a simple, family-oriented burger joint chain Ė in the same restaurant, but we donít often have shifts together so Iím going to try do my part to keep us from drifting; Ben really threw himself into work for the exams and just has been pretty scarce. So Iím going to suggest all manner of fun things for us to do as opposed to just the usual boozing. These are my oldest mates and I donít want to lose touch with them, and of course at some point I get to be really brave and tell them My Story. I still donít quite know whatís going to happen there, sadly.
Nothing further from next-door Trevor after last weekís gym incident. We went as usual last week Wednesday and again Sunday afternoon with nothing else being said. Speaking of Trevors, itís varsity Trevorís birthday next week and Iíve cracked the nod to his big bash. Apparently itís at Panchoís in Observatory, my favourite restaurant in all of Cape Town, so Iím looking rather forward to it. Not sure what to get him as a gift Ė what do you get for the boy who has everything? Ė so hopefully Kim has an idea or two and we can go halvies on something. Iím guessing sheís not volunteering to get him a date with her, a pity because that would be a.) cheap for me; been a bit of miserly bunch of patrons at the receiving end of my waitering in recent weeks, and b.) hilarious. I reckon heís quite a handsy kind of guy Ė double trouble! I probably shouldnít *really* think of Kim getting molested as a source of amusement, butÖ guilty.
RightÖ cue holidays in 3Ö 2Ö 1Ö go. <--- used ironically; I donít do smileys.
Lordy, I thought Cape Town had dropped into the ocean or something. Good to be reading the Charlie diary again. Still up to no good with Kim though..... Best be careful or she'll make life more miserable.
Monday 23 June 2008
Things I like: doing well at varsity.
So yeahÖ the marks are up. Already. Like Thursday last week already, but I only recently found out. Clearly everyone else wants to go on leave and they got everything done super-quick. Got the call last night from Kim and went through this morning for a look. Maths was surprisingly ok, and Iím glad to have got it out of the way. A higher mark would have been nice, of course, but a solid pass is fine and I can focus on Stats for this semester. An upper second for biology, and a pair of firsts for Chem and, amazingly, Physics, which I am particularly surprised and extremely chuffed with.
It was a good and relaxing start to varsity vac this weekend. Spent Friday night with Al, the first time since The Incident, but I couldnít get him aside to chat properly. He had us and some of his varsity mates around for what hopefully will become a fairly regular poker night. Gareth and Ben were there, and four other guys I hadnít met before but who seem like nice-enough guys and who are at Maties. I know the rules of poker, but Iíve only really played the draw kind and not the stud kind which is much more popular these days. But it was a good night, even though I didnít win. We ordered pizza and ate crap and drank only a little too much and it was just really clean and wholesome fun, the sort that guys our age just donít do often enough and instead always opt to go out far afield and get completely hammered and throw up everywhere. Perhaps IĎm just not in touch with my own generation, but the whole constant boozing to oblivion and beyond thing is not something I really, you know, get.
Iím getting OTT here, but itís also good to see that Al and Ben are making other friends out there. I worried a little that I was losing touch with them by choosing to spend time with my own new varsity mates, but itís good that theyíre also meeting new people. The key is to keep our old friendship intact, and I think weíve been mates for so long and have gone through so much that we will be mates forever. At least, I hope so. But an event like this suggests that we can easily-enough pick up after a break with hardly any awkwardness, and that is a massive relief for me. And it means I donít have to feel bad about having Other Friends!
I was hoping one of these other guys might have some dirt on what is happening with Al, but it was not to be. Either that, or he had a strict gag order in place. Any even slight fishing from either Gareth or I as to whether Ben or Al had their eyes on any women out in Matleland was met with deft deflection or swift rebuttal, so either theyíre having as little luck as I am Ė likely; I know these guys Ė or these others have been sworn to secrecy. One of them, Neels, might have dropped a hint by twice-mentioning someone called Elisna, which the other guys seemed to know something of, but I canít be sure. Still, some post-game discussion with Gareth indicated heís thinking along the same lines as I am. And as much as Iím curious to have the info for my own sake, it would be awesome if Al was making inroads on a relationship. Iíll admit Iím jealous if heís scoring, thoughÖ
My folks are going to be pretty happy with my marks. Iíll quite happily point out that Iím typing this while grinning like an idiot. I think I will be having an extra margharita or two at Trevorís Mexifest birthday bash on Friday to celebrate.
I was thinking about this story just the other day, I'm glad to read another instalment, thanks.
Yay. . . Great new entry!
Always glad to read more of Charley's diary. Things are going to have to happen soon or our C is going to burst.................
Great diary would love to read more and hope Charley gets some action soon and comes to terms with his sexuality
Friday 27 June 2008
Today in history: the first atomic power station opens in Russia in 1954, the Stonewall pub is raided in 1969, and France win Euro Ď84. Also, I see from the news that Bill Gates has just left Microsoft to work for his charity full-time. Good job, Bill - I'm even more of a huge fan after reading that.
Varsity Trevorís bash was good. Good food, great people. I need to give credit where itís due Ė heís not such a bad guy after all, really. He can rub people up the wrong way, and he does occasionally think the sun shines out of his arse, but on the whole heís a good guy and I think his heart is in the right place.
And Iím not just saying that because it turns out the night was sponsored, either Ė he wouldnít let anyone pay for anything, and thatís a rarity; certainly not the way we do things in my neck of the woods. It mustíve cost a fortune, regardless of how much money you have, because for a place which is as much of a cheapínícheerful-looking dive as Panchoís is, their menu is priced on the high side. Kim, as only Kim can, reckons he can afford it and so should have paid for all of us anyway. Weíll agree to disagree on that; typical Kim thinking, though.
But it was a great night Ė dinner to start with, and then as the night went on and the crowds thinned Ė like they always do; I hate it when people make plans to start at one party and then bail and move on to another, if youíre going to attend something I reckon you should stay to the end, personally Ė the stragglers amongst us decided to head up to Stones down the road from Panchoís and play pool for a couple of hours to finish off the night. I think Trevor appreciated that, too, that some of us werenít looking for a gap to make an exit and really wanted to spend the night with him. Iíve just got home Ė technically itís Saturday Ė but Iím wide awake, so I thought Iíd write a bit here on the family computer in the lounge. I donít normally, since my nosy mother would be hovering wanting to know what I was writing and nagging and nagging until I told her. Then sheíd want to read it. What could possibly go wrong? She has no belief in boundaries, my mom.
Iím only wide awake still, though, because I had a narrow miss on the highway with some nutcase deciding that running across it in the dead of night instead of using one the footbridges would be a good way to be the proverbial Chicken. At least twice a month someone gets splattered all over my particular stretch of road Ė crazy. Sure, it takes longer to use the bridge, sometimes a lot longer depending on where you're going, but if the other option is almost certain deathÖ Anyway, fortunately, I didnít hit him. Iím not entirely sure how close it was, though; hopefully not very! I might have very slightly let out a girly squeal and also a bit of wee when it happened.
Got a text from Colin this afternoon, and heís keen to get together for a drink sometime this week. Heís a really nice guy too. I like all the guys on the football team Ė a really decent crowd, I reckon, and I hope to become good mates with all of them over the next few months Ė but I have gelled best with Paolo, who is my Chem prac partner and who of course got the football team together, and Colin. Still not 100% sure of my gaydar, mind, but I reckon Colin bats for my team. Also still not entirely sure how to broach the subject with him. I could try the next-door Trevor route and ask if he ever had a girlfriend, I suppose, but I donít think I want to put him on the spot. I am curious, though.
Iím also not sure if itís just Colin and I meeting up or if any of the others who are still in town are coming through. Paolo and Siya have gone home for vac, and I think Russ is also an out-of-towner. Embarrassingly, Iíve never asked the rest of them Ė this is something I should rectify. If there are others coming, I do hope itís the Gay Porn Twins. Oh my days, the things I would let them do to me, singly and togetherÖ
Last edited by blackbeltninja; April 7th, 2013 at 01:56 AM.
Nice update, BBN. . . Thanks!
Good for C. Socializing is good for the spirit and body.... Particularly with the football team. Never know where that can lead...
Sunday 29 June 2008
Things which irritate me: still not having a fucking clue.
So I gymmed alone this afternoon, with all the regulars of the Sunday Old Farts Club. I have a love-hate thing going with the SOFC. On the minus side, they get in the way and they do fuck-all at the gym. The fat ones just come to the gym to float in the pool – no actual swimming, just floating on their backs for half an hour, taking up valuable lane space – and sit in the steamroom, and the rest just come to sit in the steamroom and scare off the young guys by insisting on hanging around naked for hours for no good reason, making the kids (anyone under, like, 40) terrified that they’re being lined up for rape.
On the plus side, since the buff Monday crowd and other in-shape kids never ever come through when the SOFC is in attendance, I am like the guy with the best body there. Bearing in mind my shape is maybe slightly above-average at best, and yet you can see the nostalgia and wistfulness in their eyes when I get into the pool or enter the steamroom. I am not even in the Top 100 on a typical Monday night, unlike Next-door Trevor who is probably Top 20, but I rule on Sundays and ego-wise it is good to be the king.
Afterwards, surprisingly for Sunday, there was a youngish hottie in the steamroom, usurping my crown. I was annoyed about that, initially. But he was quite chatty, surprisingly open about not wearing a towel and having his bits on display, and he seems like a nice and really friendly guy so I relented in the end and we talked while we steamed. He took the shower across from me when he came to shower, exiting the steamroom about a minute behind me, and he showered with his door open and chatted to me the entire time. We also dressed together, him right next to me. We were wearing the same brand of undies – Soviet, my go-to stuff. He’s pretty hot in his – he's buff, and that bulge... Yow. Sers – which he pointed out, and he even said I looked good in mine. I wondered if it was an afterthought after I said he was in good shape earlier, but it was flattering if not unusual because it’s not exactly the most likely compliment you’d get from someone and would probably be grounds for a sexual harassment complaint in an office. Anyway, he goes by Marcus, and said he hopes to see me again sometime soon.
Of course, only when I got home did it occur that perhaps he was actually flirting and that I was probably in with a shout… useless fucking gaydar.
Come on, C. wake up. The little twink was more than willing to share the crown and probably a bit more. I'm beginning to think C. is going to die in a convent, on his knees but with his hands pressed together...... We've got to push C. a little harder to pop that "whatever" he has in there, screaming to be used. He has a chance now with Marcus. I hope he doesn't blow it........or maybe that's exactly what he should do.
Wednesday 2 July 2008
Song of the Day: Carolina Liar Ė Iím not over
So I went out with the guys last night, and at long fucking last Al has Ďfessed up to seeing someone. As suggested by his Maties mate Neels, he is in fact putting the moves on someone called Elisna. Like him and Ben, she is also still living in Cape Town and doing the daily commute of the 30 kilometres into Stellenbosch ever day; in fact, she is only about a seven minute drive from our neighbourhood. It was her birthday, and Al blagged us all an invitation to the party up at Ku-De-Ta (presumably a crappy play on the words coup díetat; a random name for a bar and lounge if ever Iíve heard one, but thatís what happens when you hang out in the northern suburbs with all the Afrikaans people, eh?), which is one of those annoying Cape Town places which enforces a shoe code. You can go in wearing almost anything you like provided you are wearing decent Ė code for lace-less Ė shoes, presumably to ensure that nobody comes in wearing a pair of tackies they might go running or playing tennis in. Somehow this is supposed to make the place upmarket. There was a dude in there who had vomit drying on his t-shirt and shredded jeans Ė clearly his night had started early and was going extremely well (or badly, depending on what you like) Ė but who was wearing smart loafers and was thus a-ok for entry. There was another guy in chinos with a button-down shirt and a pair of plain black Nikes, from their ATG/all-terrain walking and lifestyle series, who was refused entry for wearing sports shoes, regardless of his attempts to convince the bouncers otherwise. So I'm not sure who really wins with this shoe policy nonsense.
Iím not sure why we put up with this shit, frankly, but we do. Itís not like it has served any of us well at all, or hanging out at these places to see and be seen has had us getting laid more times than a carpet, but I suppose it is one of those completely fucktarded things we have all just realised is not going to change and so we play the game hoping it will all one day pay off, in a naked and orgasm-having kind of way. I digress.
So there we met Elisna, with her entourage of chicks and other friends. Sheís doing architecture and is quite the chic and glamorous belle of the ball. Al, on the other hand, is not. Somehow she appears to be into him, though. Iím not being a bastard, at least not intentionally, but she is trendy and hip and with it and heís justÖ Al. what I mean is, Ben, Gareth and I make an effort when we head out Ė shower and change, gel our hair and get a bit tarted up for the night. Al just doesnít bother at all. Itís not like heís a bad boy or anything either, which for some reason chicks still seem to dig, soÖ the appeal there is all a bit of a mystery. This is coming out all wrong and making me sound bitter and horrible, but basically there is nothing inherent or intentional about Al which makes him merit a second look.
Anyway, Iím not sure how official things are there, since they werenít all over each other all night and she did a lot of mingling; in fact, without him admitting it Iídíve not thought there was anything going on there AT ALL and they were just friends. But he did read us the riot act beforehand, saying she is strictly off-limits to any of us looking to try our luck. Iím not sure who he had us confused with, since we have never tried our luck in public with anyone, ever. Anyway, we all promised we'd leave her for him and watched him do his thing. She didnít give him bat, so Iím guessing heís in with something of a shout there. She seems lovely, so I hope it pans out.
Having said all that, since it didnít look like it was anything serious, Iím not entirely sure it was she who was meant to be on the receiving end of that c0ck pic I got texted to me a few weeks back. Still something of a mystery happening on that score. No, I still havenít deleted it. And yes, Iíve looked at it recently. Several times.
What was very gratifying about the whole thing, if I could swing this all back to me, was that Elisna has a couple of very, very gay guy friends who were there. I noticed that both Ben, who seems to know one of them presumably from class somewhere, and Gareth both spent quite some time talking with these guys while I was schmoozing and meeting other people with Al, and both of them seemed quite cool with the whole thing. On the drive home Ben even suggested he might invite them to come out with us one night, so clearly there are no obvious anti issues from him. Iím extrapolating, of course, which may turn out to be the entirely wrong approach, but I reckon this might bode well for when I have to tell them My Story sometime in the (hopefully very near) future.
Last edited by blackbeltninja; June 23rd, 2013 at 09:47 AM.
Who's cock is on the phone that C has checked "several" times???? He needs to get in touch with that guy... Things are looking up as far as Ben is concerned, now C has to worry about Gareth and Al. They probably could care less, but C likes to worry.
Saturday 6 July 2008
Fact of the Day: Wall-e is quite possibly the most beautiful creation ever in the complete and entire history of ever.
So Ben and I went to a movie yesterday afternoon, since we were bored stiff. After much pressuring, I convinced him to go see Wall-E, that movie about the little robot left to clean up the trash on earth after humans have moved off to the stars. I was truly blown away Ė I thought it would be very good, being Pixar and all, but I donít think I have ever been as inspired and intrigued andÖ enthralled by something as I was by this movie. I just see so much of myself and parallels of my situation in the little guy. It is truly brilliant, and absolutely the very definition of art. Itíll be the first thing on my Christmas wish-list, assuming it doesnít make it to dvd already before then. Ben hated it. Iím not sure how this is even possible, and Iím not sure Ben and I can still be friends after that. Clearly we donít get each other.
Heís doing okay, though, after losing Mr Pancakes. Itís been just over a month and he says heís getting there, which is good. He did pretty well last semester, even with the whole thing happening mid-exams, so I guess he was able to focus and thatís important. Shame, poor guy. Itís still kinda raw, and he doesnít like talking about it Ė I realised that quite early on, so I keep questions and discussion on the subject quite short and sharp Ė but I have asked him every time Iíve seen him how things are, and I think itís appreciated.
We spoke a little about Al and Elisna Ė apparently, Ben claims, itís been on the cards for a while but he was sworn to secrecy about the whole thing and still sort-of is so I need to shut my trap about everything. Iím glad for Al, though it makes me wonder a little why Al chose Ben and not Gareth or me to confide in. Iím hoping it was just because they see each more often and have time to kill, since they commute in to Stellies together every day while Gareth and I trek off in the opposite direction, but the panic-pants in me is more than a little miffed I wasnít the one tasked with Keeping The Key. It shouldnít bug me, I know, but it does. Anyway, apparently nothing physical has happened yet Ė and Iíd be lying if I said that hearing that was not a huge relief; Iím beginning to feel awfully American Pie about not getting laid, if Iím honest Ė but it is looking quite serious and they might even be at the make-it-official-on-Facebook stage sometime soon. I hope it works out.
I asked Ben if there was anyone on his horizon, three times to make sure he wasnít lying, and told him I will be asking Al as well. I figure Al will cave in and tell me if I suggest that I know that there is something happening with Ben, although I donít think there is. Presumably he wouldnít be quite this bored and agree to come to Wall-E if there were any prospects brewing; also, he has suggested he is bored enough to make a long-threatened return to the gym as a hanger-on with Trevor and I. Iíll believe that when I see it, of course. Anyway, weíre doing our regular Saturday night piss-up later; not sure if Al is coming along this evening or whether heís working his magic with The Woman instead.
On the plus side, still a whole week left of varsity vac before itís back to the grind. On the minus side, only a week left of varsity vac before itís back to the grind. I should get hold of Colin and see if heís still keen to hang out a bit, since Iíve been threatening to do that for the last two weeks... shame on me.
So C is now identifying with a little robot.... trouble is Wall E finds love and romance. C hasn't quite made that grade yet.....
Even Ben has beat him to the punch.
Wednesday 10 July 2008
Fact of the day: the Iranians are bat-shit crazy
Todaysís news is reporting some worrying developments in the Middle East, with Iran test-firing a battery of long-range missiles this morning and yesterday, for ďjust in case.Ē Do the citizens of the world honestly need to be continuously held to ransom on pseudo-religious grounds? Have we not moved on from King Richard and the Crusades? Really?
I finally got around to having drinks with Colin last night. Quite unremarkable, really Ė we hit the Comic Strip just after happy hour and then stayed for a while before heading up the road to Marvel and danced and hung out and stuff there. Itís not often we head out and about in town, the guys and I, preferring to stay rooted out in The North closer to home and go to Durbanville, or head significantly further South and to the usual UCT haunts like The Naut, The Pig, The Ruby and so on instead of hitting the middle of the city. But I do quite enjoy town. Itís quite a different vibe, and the crowd is a little older and more sophisticated. Ooh, get me being all hoity toity about where I go boozing. Itís true, though Ė the South is very much chock-full of upper-class out-of-town undergrads spending Mom and Dadís money while at varsity and whose aim still seems to be to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible and as cheaply as possible, and to stay that way for as long as possible. Town is more people who are actually going to remember significant chunks of their night out, and who probably wonít be washing vomit out of their t-shirts and/or jeans today, and not wondering where they left their other shoe. Iím not judging; but I do wonder at which point the mental adjustment occurs and the end-point shifts from getting completely pissed and becomes a slightly elevated level of enjoyment. I sincerely hope it happens with us soon; Iím kinda over the getting-plastered-every-night thing.
Anyway, Iíve mentioned before that I thought Colin might be gay, but Iíve also mentioned before that my gaydar is horrendous. I was kinda hoping heíd be blatant about it and suggest we meet at one of the bars in the Pink Quarter, but nope. Iím not sure if I should just tell him my story Ė I mean, I have to tell SOMEONE at some point, right? Ė and see if he goes along with it, or just play it out. Iím also in two minds as to what Iíd get out of knowing he was like me. Letís say he is and we find out about each other Ė so what? Is that first prize for this part, just getting it out of me? I like to believe that, but is it true? Or do I really want to tell him in particular because I hope he will then invite me to his bed? A nice idea, perhaps, but just because we both like boys doesnít mean weíd immediately have the s3x with each other, although Iíd be lying if I said I havenít toyed with the idea, and that scenarios in the erÖ ďart-houseĒ films from pay-sites on the interwebz want me to think that is exactly how it would play out, complete with terrible and poorly-translated dialogue and large, uncircumcised penises. Would I say yes if he did? Iíd like to say that I would decline because it would complicate things, but I think I probably would let him loose on me and then stress about it afterwards. Am I his type? Is he my type? Apart from us being honest with each other, why should I expect anything else? This is a dilemma, and no mistake. And if I out myself, will he keep it under his hat? If not, will it matter if he tells the rest of D&C? Iím tempted to say I want people to know, but what if itís an issue? Of course this can be applied to all areas of my life, butÖ am I making too big a deal of this?
You know, Iíve never been a fan of the loud/proud/OTT queeny types, but at the same time I am filled with admiration that they can live with that huge ďfuck Ďem allĒ attitude and just be themselves without letting the rest of the world get to them. Will I ever be that brave, Diary? I hate to say it, but I donít think I will.
Either way, Iím still not sure that Colin isnít straight. Furtive glances in the locker room at your neighbourís junk doesnít tell you much; according to Menís Health, everyone looks, especially the heteros, and often involuntarily. I tried the other trick while we were out, which is watching what he watches when a hot guy or girl passes, but I didnít get any concrete data from that, either. I suppose oneís type plays a role in that, and if nobody who is his type comes past then the whole thing is a washout.
Still, homo or otherwise heís a nice guy, Colin, and I need to make more of an effort to solidify our friendship. Six months on from starting varsity and I seem to have mostly new acquaintances as opposed to proper new friends, and thatís my fault. Varsity Trevor, Paolo and Colin and the rest of D&C, my super-sexy AntonyÖ all seem keen to be mates with me but I reckon Iíve come on far too dilute and I need to change that. According to many films Iíve seen, this is supposed to be the time of my life. So I supposed Iíd better get on with it, and I texted Antony and weíre going to grab a drink later on this evening. Apart from his drunkenly groping my arse at his party those few weeks ago Ė and Iím still sure sure sure he did, hey Ė Iíve no reason to think heís anything other than straight.
The big "C" is going through some tough times and decisions he will make will either free him or haunt him. I think it would free him. That's the fear most of us have gone through at sometime in our life and we survived....hopefully.... Even if Colin isn't a "Friend of Dorothy's", C would have someone to talk with and confide in. Get going guy.....spill the beans....
Friday 12 July 2008
Song of the Day: Coldplay – Viva la Vida. I'm not the hugest fan of Chris Martin's public persona and all his pro-green rah-rah bollocks, but credit where it's due - the man can write and sing.
Drinks with Antony were unremarkable. He’s panicking a little over varsity, since he didn’t do as well as he’d have liked, and I’ve volunteered to help him with his Physics where I can since I aced it. He had applied to UCT Medical School originally and had failed to get in – most of the guys in my classes did, if I’m honest – and is hoping to transfer into it next year if he gets good enough marks this year. Again, that is the plan of most of my class; probably only two or three will manage, though, since you need pretty much distinctions for every subject you take to make the switch. If you were clever, you didn’t register for a BSc when you didn’t get into Med School, you register for a BA in psychology or philosophy or classics or something like that, one of the courses which relies on eloquence with essay-type assignments and exams and which is easy enough for a bright guy to score high marks in if he can argue a point, instead of cold, hard maths and science which rely on having a very VERY good grasp of the material in order to get great marks in. Anyway, I’ll give him what assistance I can. Pity he and I aren’t prac partners, because then I’d get to spend tons of time with him instead of just tidbits here and there.
As I mentioned earlier, that part is my own fault for not being more out-there and engaging. I will pledge to be better mates with the guys who are keen to do so – Varsity Trevor, my beloved Antony, Paolo and Colin and others from the football team. I will make sure I get more intimate with all of them – not fucky-fucky intimate (although… sigh), but just make that jump from class/lab/team-mates to actually sharing experiences and more private details like our hopes and dreams and stuff. Okay, this is starting to sound like an interview on Oprah. But you know what I mean. I wonder if one of them will get the short straw and be The First To Find Out. Ideally that would be one of my old mates, Ben and co., but I might try it on with someone else first to gauge a reaction. We’ll see what happens there.
So, classes start again on Monday, football starts the following Monday – we’ve scheduled a practice and some team-building events for next week – and I am going to be better at All Things Social. Not necessarily reverting to being Flyweight Charley, mind, because that was a fuck-up in all respects, but there have got to be other methods to bludgeon your way into everyone else’s consciousness. So that’s the plan.
Oh oh! What kind of physics is C going to teach Antony. I hope it's not just the boring old physics.......
Sunday 14 July 2008
Fact of the Day: for the first time in a long time, I actually have a fucking clue
zOMG (as the cool kids say), I ran into little hottie Marcus from a few entries back again, my gym underpants twin who I thought was maybe being a bit flirty, at the gym again today. I WAS RIGHT! He was totally making a move on me. I know this because today things got… awkward. Or amazing. You decide.
So I was there again, with the SOFC as usual since it’s a Sunday, and he was there again in the steam-room when I went there after my workout. As before, he was friendly and we chatted, got to know each other a bit more. We have loads in common. Like I said previously, he seems like a nice guy. He’s got a great face, but strangely he has no body to speak of, no real definition anywhere. He’s not thin, but he’s not fat or even pudgy. He has no six-pack, but has no chunkiness there either. He looks like he is his right weight but with very little built muscle under there, like you see on small kids down at the beach with no meat on their bones whatsoever. I suppose this makes him a twink of some sort, but then again he’s not really skinny enough to really fit the term.
Anyway, as before, I thought he was perhaps interested, and this time I was looking for confirmation. As before, he had his (fairly impressive) cock out the entire time. Afterwards, I went to grab a shower and, as before, he ended up across from me. And as before, we chatted a bit more. But this time… So let’s assume that from the weekly football and hanging out at the gym with Trevor, I have become somewhat less shy. I’m not yet one of those guys who showers with the swing-door open, but I don’t seal it up more watertight than a dolphin’s bum or cower behind it, either. Let’s also assume that, I don’t know, for some unknown reason, *cough* liar *cough* the door didn’t shut completely and I could sort-of accidentally (read: intentionally) see into his shower, since I realised last time that he does indeed leave the door open and I figured he wouldn’t mind.
This all worked fairly well until I realised that he could see me watching him. “Scuppered!” I thought and was ready to give up on trying to sneak a surreptitious peek and get out with my dignity and self-respect intact and acting like I hadn’t been trying to have a look.
Until I realised he was making no bones about watching me through the accidental gap between my two doors.
And, not to put too fine a point on it, he was getting a little too aggressive when washing his gentleman’s area. And he started to get a little hard.
And then, smiling at me, a little more.
And then a lot more.
It was at this point I realised that my leaving a gap in my door was being misinterpreted, and I was being cruised. I’ve heard the stories about this going on at gyms and I’ll admit I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of it happening with other members showering in cubicles across from each other on other occasions when I’ve been there. I figured I should take the high road and shut the door properly, even if I did it sort-of nonchalantly and non-judgmentally, like casually turning around while washing my hair and inadvertently knocking it with my elbow. I’m not entirely sure why I thought this would be better than just being plain offended and blatantly and unmistakeably so, because gym shenanigans are just not cool. Anyone could come in and we’d both be in deep shit; it’s a public place, and this is not what it was intended for. And hey, let us be honest here – it’s a little sordid, after all.
But I didn’t take the high road. I was getting hard myself, albeit half-hidden behind the doors, but I met his eyes and he grinned again encouragingly, and then I quite blatantly let my gaze fall down to where the show was happening.
He peeped out of his shower towards the entrance to the shower area, presumably to make sure nobody else was coming in. The two members of the SOFC who were present were still stoically sitting in the steam-room, like it was the Steam-room World Championships or something, and it was just us two getting wet.
I’ve never seen a real live erection before, Diary, apart from my own, which I’ll tell you I was looking at at the time this was all happening in the shower across the way. Even the pic of Al’s which he texted me by accident is just a picture, but this was it – a real stiffy, attached to a real person standing in front of me. It was uncut (no surprise, I suppose, since it’s uncut flaccid) and fairly thick, and he’s less of a grower than a show-er, so only about as long as my own 6-inches-and-change even though he has a fair amount there when it’s all down and unexcited. And he has been in there with a razor big time. Nothing on the bag, and just a few millimetres long up top with a decent treasure trail still intact up to his bellybutton, which as it happens is an innie. Thinking back, there are no tan-lines there, either.
The coast was clear, and he sort-of picked up his pace. I’m not sure what to do in these situations. I was half-keen to join in, but at the same time I wasn’t, you know? It’s a line I’m not sure I want to cross, being That Guy at the gym. So I didn’t. But I’m not sure if, while watching the show, I’m supposed to be an idle onlooker, or a more enthusiastic one, or whether I’m supposed to keep on showering while watching so that if someone does come in it doesn’t seem like anything untoward is happening. How must I know? I’m really new to all this!
I could tell that my lack of joining in was causing his interest to wane and it looked like he was going to stop, so I grinned back nervously and made it even more obvious that I was watching. I could tell that he wanted a little more involvement from me, and I realised it was kinda now or never if I wanted to watch till the end. So – and I’m not proud of this – I kinda nailed my colours to the wall at this point. I was sort-of halfway out of sight, seeing as my doors were only slightly open, but I turned and positioned myself between in such a way that… well, let’s just say that at long last I’m not the only one who has seen myself at full mast. I feel kinda dirty about that, because it turns out the stories about What Those Filthy Homos Get Up To in the Gym Shower that the pearl-clutching knee-jerk conservatives are always up in arms about are actually true, and I’m apparently one of them now and also actively enabling the rest.
I’m not going to lie – I enjoyed the show. I offered plenty of encouraging grins and other facial expressions and everything throughout the proceedings, and I’ll admit I was aching for release of my own when he finally unloaded a goodly volume of material onto the sides of the cubicle.
And then came the awkward afterglow. I didn’t quite know where to look, and I carried on washing my hair and whatever while he cleaned up, and waited for my own boner to dissipate. I’m proud to say I still didn’t take matters in hand, even after he finished up and went to get dressed. I’ll admit I wasn’t entirely sure if I wanted him to be there when I went to get dressed or if I’d hoped he would be gone; as it was, he was gone.
Needless to say, the bit of me-time I finally managed to take as soon as I got home, since the family were out and about, was spectacular; proper 5-star stuff, and quite a lot of it, too. I will perhaps admit that I am looking quite forward to reliving this afternoon’s entertainment and enjoying some more me-time when I head off to bed a little later.
And so that’s a wrap – my first homo experience. This does count as one, right? Not quite the losing of a virginity or anything quite that landmark, I suspect, but a fairly solid, if sordid, start.
Back to varsity tomorrow.
Lord be praised.....C has finally broken the mold and become "one of those people." And, Marcus, "thanks for the memory." Sordid it may be, but he will have myriads of me-time to enjoy those memories.
Just one choice -- and you never know which one -- just one choice will change your life forever.
Thursday 18 July 2008
Things I like: not doing maths
Christ, three days into the new semester and I reckon I am going to fail Stats. I thought maths was crap, but this is a whole ‘nother thing.