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  1. #1
    JUB Addict Anders123's Avatar
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    I always liked these threads...

    And now I get to create my own!!

    I came out to my Mum yesterday, on Australia Day

    I sat her down and did the usual build up, trying to make it SLIGHTLY less of a shock, but because I've been seeing doctor after doctor for the last few months, she started to get really scared, not knowing what I was going to say.

    When I finally worked up the courage to say "I'm gay", she let out a MASSIVE sigh of relief and said "OH...IS THAT IT?! I thought you were going to tell me the latest tests came back with a worse result than you lead on and that you were dying!"

    She then said "You're my son, and I love you no matter what, not that being gay would change that because it doesn't really mean anything does it"

    Then we hugged and just talked about it for about an hour and a half

    She said she might need a little bit of time to adjust but that she's proud of me for having the courage to tell her I LOVE MY MUM!! Haha

    Anyway, I always liked reading other peoples threads like these, they always made me smile and want to come out more and more each time, so I thought I'd post my own.

    SO RELIEVED!!

  2. #2
    JUB Addict HunterM's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Congratulations mate! So you did have a G'day on Australia Day

  3. #3
    Sex God paatreides's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Very happy to hear she took it so well.

  4. #4
    mitchymo
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Great news! Pleased for ya!

  5. #5
    Sex God Adhesion's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Congrats. At least you got to go through your speech.

    When I came out last year, I agonized for weeks over what I was going to say and then I sat my family down and told them this was going to be hard for me to say... my mother blurted out, "You're gay."

    Way to ruin my speech Mom.

  6. #6
    JUB Addict gingentleman's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Now you can go forth with no weight on your shoulder. Congrats.

  7. #7
    JUB Addict anchihiro's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Haha well done man, must have been a huge relief.

  8. #8
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    What a wonderful story. Congratulations! You did good!

  9. #9
    I'm now a grandfather! JUB Moderator Seasoned's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    I always cry when I read stories like yours and I think it's because it's an affirmation that most of the time people behave the way they are supposed to. I don't pin any medals on parents for doing what they are supposed to do, but it's as if I'm peeking through the kitchen curtains and getting a glimpse of people doing the right thing. It renews my energy and faith in my fellow man.

    I welcome the tears and I thank you for sharing. It's a grand feeling knowing you're loved and your mum is exactly the woman you thought she was.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss

  10. #10
    JUB Addict Anders123's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Thanks guys! Much appreciated

    @Adhesion; That happened to me too when I came out to one of my friends, I sat him down and said exactly what you did, that it was going to be hard for me to say, to which he replied "dude, I'm trying REALLY hard not to make a coming out of the closet joke right now" Haha. Funnily enough it broke the ice and made it a lot easier.

    @seasoned; If there was a medal to give to parents for behaving how they are supposed to, I would DEFINITELY give one to my mum! She's a yoga teacher and seems to love everything no matter what. It was hard enough for me to tell her, I can't imagine people with conservative parents.

    My heart truly goes out to them
    Last edited by Seasoned; January 21st, 2013 at 02:55 PM.

  11. #11
    veni, vidi, reliqui
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Excellent.

    Congratulations.

    And good for your mom.

  12. #12
    plus whatever
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Congratulations - - -

    Thanks for sharing

    do celebrate your life

    Rand
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    awed by the power of words

  13. #13
    On the Prowl rainman256's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Congratulations!! That's awesome! Your mum sounds like a wonderful woman!

  14. #14
    JUB Addict Anders123's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    I have a not-so-happy update to this thread.

    The day after I came out to my mum (and also dad), my parents went away (I planned that so they would have some time to think about it). Since their return a few days later, my dad hasn't spoken a SINGLE word to me. Not "hello", not "hey, how was your day?", nothing. We were never really close, and never really had anything in common, but to go this long (an entire month) without a single word is FAR out of the ordinary.

    It's quite obvious he has some sort of issue with me being gay, I can't think of any other explanation. I've been waiting for him to talk to me about it since he got back, but I'm sick of feeling disappointed at the end of every day.

    What should I do? Should I confront him about it? Or continue to wait and let him come to me? I've given him the benefit of the doubt, having another conversation about me being gay clearly makes him uncomfortable, and I can understand him putting it off, but a whole month?

    Advice please!!

  15. #15
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Talk to your mother about it, and see what's up.

  16. #16
    JUB Addict Anders123's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bent-On View Post
    Talk to your mother about it, and see what's up.
    Thanks, I spoke to my mum this morning. She told me that when they went away, when ever she tried to talk about it with him he felt VERY uncomfortable and always tried to change the subject --- I laughed when she told me that when they got to the place they were staying at, a gay pride parade was on the TV haha --- she said that was SO awkward.

    She also said for the first two weeks or so after they got back, she was nagging him to have a conversation with me about it and that he said he would, but obviously, more than 4 weeks later, he still hasn't.

    I'm all for giving people time to 'process the news', but it's kind of starting to frustrate me that he's not even willing to have a conversation with me, about ANYTHING, not just the fact that I'm gay.

    Still don't know what to do

  17. #17
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    The relationship was never good to begin with, in accordance I would significantly lower my expectations, and aim for a rapprochement on the most basic level, ie. the exchange of civilities and acknowledgment of each other's existence. Saying hi yourself would be a good start, but do so in a casual manner, not as if it's the opening to a conversation. And I would further more leave it up to your mother to do the heavy lifting, concerning the issue about your sexual orientation.

    Tell her about your concerns over your father's behavior, and ask your mother to reassure your father about your sexual orientation and that you don't expect him to have a conversation about it. That way you can safely navigate your way around the awkwardness that will naturally follow from a direct conversation between father and son on the subject of their feelings.

    Take note, I'm just shooting in the dark here. I don't know what type of family you have. Although I would say that the mother route is the most safe way in going about things.

  18. #18
    JUB Addict Anders123's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bent-On View Post
    The relationship was never good to begin with, in accordance I would significantly lower my expectations, and aim for a rapprochement on the most basic level, ie. the exchange of civilities and acknowledgment of each other's existence. Saying hi yourself would be a good start, but do so in a casual manner, not as if it's the opening to a conversation. And I would further more leave it up to your mother to do the heavy lifting, concerning the issue about your sexual orientation.

    Tell her about your concerns over your father's behavior, and ask your mother to reassure your father about your sexual orientation and that you don't expect him to have a conversation about it. That way you can safely navigate your way around the awkwardness that will naturally follow from a direct conversation between father and son on the subject of their feelings.

    Take note, I'm just shooting in the dark here. I don't know what type of family you have. Although I would say that the mother route is the most safe way in going about things.
    Nah you're right, there never really has been a 'strong' relationship at all with my father, and my relationship with my mother is very open. I'd say I agree with everything you said ( nice advice ).

    I guess I was kind of using it as a test. Him taking the first step towards conversation would confirm that he really does want a relationship. Sounds stupid, I know. It kind of feels like I'm giving up on that if I go to him about it first. I think I'll talk to my mum again, get her to open up a dialogue about it all with him, not in a nagging / forceful way, just an open way.

    Thanks again

  19. #19
    Slut
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Good luck and keep us updated.

  20. #20
    JUB 10k Club
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    My guess is he's still processing it. Also, he may not know how to have a conversation about it because he may not know much about it, or is confused as to "where that came from" or who knows what. He's not willing to open up his feelings about it to your mother either.

    It's really too bad, because he could probably chill about everything if he could only open up. For now, he either can't or won't, and while it's awkward for everyone (especially you and your mother), don't own that problem.

    Back off, and be yourself. Talk to him as much as you normally would but don't force it or be in-his-face. I doubt you would, because you didn't have a close relationship anyway.

    He probably does want to have a relationship with you, but he hasn't defined it yet and probably doesn't know how to go about it. He, too, knows you two have a distant relationship which doesn't help him break the ice. Keep in touch with your mother about how he's doing. You can count that she'll be working on him in the background and that's probably where the progress will be made.

    Good luck.

  21. #21
    JUB Addict Taz's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    The first part of your story put a mad fat smile on my face, because I'm pretty sure my mum will react the same way. The second part worries me, because I'm not the close with my dad either and I have no idea how he will react :S

    Any update on this? Have you and your dad spoken about anything?

  22. #22
    On the Prowl
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Congrats!!!!

    It feels so great being able to be yourself! Enjoy!!

  23. #23
    Keeping on.
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    For what it's worth, I just found this thread, and I wanted to tell you I'm proud of you. Yay, Mom! Mine said the same thing--Is that all? She was happy to hear there wasn't worse news she had been imagining.

  24. #24
    PerScientiam AdJustitiam bankside's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Oh! I'm obviously late to the thread and catching up but congrats!
    Americans need to keep their guns so they can protect themselves from gun violence just like Nancy Lanza did. And like Chris Kyle did. And like Gabby Giffords did. And like Tom Clements did. And like Michael Piemonte. And Joseph Wilcox.

  25. #25
    In Loving Memory Lefty's Avatar
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    Re: I always liked these threads...

    Had no idea these threads were here. I feel like I wasn't there for you.

    Hope all these issues have resolved themselves positively and your mum

    is still great. Okay, maybe its time I did an Anders appreciation thread so

    we can do degenerate postings and nasty pictures without conflicting

    with the serious ones...........Whatcha think? Would you use it?

    okay, I'm going for now..

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