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  1. #951
    Back to Creepy Old Fart Yooper's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    A few gems from my first few weeks:

    "Are your Electric Heaters Electric?" (Phone call.)

    "Do your Electric Heaters plug into the same plugs I have in my house?" (Follow up phone call two hours later.)
    ...unless you are calling from somewhere other than North America, all plugs in North America are standardized...even if you are in an old house that really should be rewired, we have an adapter...

    "Do you have any Hammers that are less likely for me to smash my finger?"


    "I'm looking for a hanger for a 100 pound picture that doesn't require me to put any nails or screws into the wall."

    Customer Incident:
    Customer is in Extension Cord aisle. We literally have over 100 available (I counted). He's looking for a 10 foot, green, outdoor, extension cord for his Christmas lights. We have 6 foot, and 15 foot, outdoor ones. I offer him a 15 foot one. Too long. I offer him two 6 foot ones. Customer doesn't want two. I offer to make him an outdoor one exactly 10 feet long, but it's black. Wrong color. Customer leaves pissed off and actually complains that our selection sucks.
    Last edited by Yooper; November 26th, 2015 at 02:39 AM.

  2. #952
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Finally, the best one for today (day before Thanksgiving);

    Customer (Female, mid 30's) in wire cutters. In all honesty, she tells me there's a wire on her braces (teeth), and she was just at her Dentist, and one of the wires is poking the inside of her cheek. She asks me if she buys a wire cutter, if I'd cut the wire back so it doesn't poke her cheek!

    Um, no...........

    I did tell her she really needs to see a Dentist or Orthodontist, or go to the ER.

  3. #953
    I love the way you laugh. Thynight's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Quote Originally Posted by Yooper View Post
    Finally, the best one for today (day before Thanksgiving);

    Customer (Female, mid 30's) in wire cutters. In all honesty, she tells me there's a wire on her braces (teeth), and she was just at her Dentist, and one of the wires is poking the inside of her cheek. She asks me if she buys a wire cutter, if I'd cut the wire back so it doesn't poke her cheek!

    Um, no...........

    I did tell her she really needs to see a Dentist or Orthodontist, or go to the ER.


    That is funny and sad. I am glad I don't have to deal with people anymore.
    “Sometimes you need an old white guy to help fight the forces of evil. BERNIE 2016” For more information visit FeelTheBern.org


  4. #954
    Hot blood, cold heart NotHardUp1's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Quote Originally Posted by Yooper View Post
    Finally, the best one for today (day before Thanksgiving);

    Customer (Female, mid 30's) in wire cutters. In all honesty, she tells me there's a wire on her braces (teeth), and she was just at her Dentist, and one of the wires is poking the inside of her cheek. She asks me if she buys a wire cutter, if I'd cut the wire back so it doesn't poke her cheek!

    Um, no...........

    I did tell her she really needs to see a Dentist or Orthodontist, or go to the ER.
    "Could I interest you in a small welding gun or perhaps a plumber's torch or even a Dremel? Remember to use caution if you use them in a confined space. My pleasure, Madam."
    Last edited by NotHardUp1; November 26th, 2015 at 03:05 AM.

  5. #955
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Hey u bump my thread ty. I don't have anything to add except ppl that expect movies to come out on dvd the same day they do in theatres and come in asking for them, the look on their face is always priceless. We don't even track theatrical release dates or watch tv commercials and still know. or ppl expecting the DVD to be out a week or two after they hit theaters. Sorry its usually 3 months. Also dumb asses asking for "usb cords that connect a computer or laptop to a tv". I immediately ask "what are you trying to do" and since i know what they are going to say, that they are trying to use their TV as a monitor, i immediately have to tell them that's not what USB cables are for.....they don't believe me obviously and look.at me like IM the stupid one since they think because their printer uses a usb port any household appliance must use usb, so i have to proceed to spoonfeed them explaining what HDMI and VGA are and 80% of them don't understand, or buy a usb cord anyways. Dumb shits.

  6. #956
    JUB Addict roadtripboy's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    ^ I used to work at a TV station. When I started working retail this drove me nuts. They'd look at me like I was crazy. I wanted to say: "I have 24 years experience in this field. But, if you want to believe your idiot best friend over me, then by all means buy something that won't work".

    On another note:You know, we tried to speed up lines last night. So, we had people stationed to direct people to the next open line. But, we heard this several times last night. "They tried to TELL me which line to go to. I'll go to whatever line I WANT TO". People are stupid.

  7. #957
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Crazy question of the day: Black Friday

    Background: It has gotten cold here--last night was about 15F (-9C).

    Q: "Do you have anything to put on the door from the outside into my garage so the door isn't so cold?" Upon further questioning it was determined to be the person-sized door, not the overhead door. An old style with single pane glass in it, and just thin panels below.

    Plus, she still wanted to be able to USE the door.

    Various remedies were suggested. Put pieces of foam insulation on the door (too hard); get an insulated door, duh (too much money); hang a blanket over the door (no extra blankets). Customer suggested a 'Space Blanket' (which we have labeled as survival blankets)--too costly, too thin. Another associate suggested a canvas dropcloth (for painting)--too heavy.

    Between 6 of us, we gave up.

    Last helpful suggestion by a customer that heard the whole sordid thing: "Maybe she needs to move to a warmer climate."

  8. #958
    JUB Addict roadtripboy's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    ^Curtain rod, thermal backed (foam backed) drapes. Curtain rod mounted beyond the door so that when they are open they clear the door. But, it would be sort expensive.

  9. #959
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Quote Originally Posted by roadtripboy View Post
    ^Curtain rod, thermal backed (foam backed) drapes. Curtain rod mounted beyond the door so that when they are open they clear the door. But, it would be sort expensive.
    I left out that solution which was also suggested (tried to keep that post short) a la Patio or French Doors. Dissed by customer as she wouldn't be able to open the door if it was closed.

  10. #960
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Other than the daily, frequent question about a male to male adapter plug for Christmas lights and/or the female to female adapter--(also known as a Suicide Cord)--so frequent we are running a contest between the employees on how many people we tell NO, you will BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN if you even try--winner gets a $10 gift card...

    I think I might have prevented a STUPID CUSTOMER from BURNING HIS HOUSE DOWN today...

    Customer: I'm looking for a Wallberg Saw. (After questioning, customer actually 'spelled' it for me...)

    Me: Huh? Let me show you the saws I DO have...

    (On the way to the saws, Customer tells me it is pointy so you can poke it into the wall and cut a hole)

    Me: OH! You mean a WallBOARD saw! Here's what we have!

    (Customer selects one from the selection). Customer: Now you can help me find Propane Torches!

    Me: OK, now you're scaring me. Do you have a frozen water pipe?

    Customer: How did you know?

    Me: Just a guess. And you found the solution on You Tube.

    Customer: Wow, you're good!

    I then told the Customer that it really hasn't been cold enough to have a pipe freeze within a wall, at least yet. He needs to find a pipe that is exposed to outside air--an unclosed basement window, a foundation vent, something else. And really, don't use a propane torch! Find the exposed pipe, CLOSE THE VENT (whatever it is), and use a hair (blow) dryer on the pipe.

    I also asked him to call the store and let us know how it turned out. He actually did and said I solved the problem, he'd failed to close a foundation vent into the crawl space...

  11. #961
    Taint-Aholic vacancy3's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    A lady asked me tonight how many pieces in a 3 piece dinner

  12. #962
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    Quote Originally Posted by vacancy3 View Post
    A lady asked me tonight how many pieces in a 3 piece dinner
    Two and a napkin.

  13. #963
    JUB Addict jbrown329's Avatar
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    Re: retail workers: tell us your stupid customers

    My ex and I did craft shows. When we first got together, we made candles. We also made wax flowers. When we would sell a candle, we would tell people how to clean/wash a candle. They were told to spray the candle with Windex, allow to sit a few minutes then rinse with cold water. Then allow to air dry.

    We were at a show and in comes this woman, she was so mad she was spitting nails. Why was she pissed? Because she put her wax flowers in the dishwasher and it plugged (she'd bought them the last time we were there, a year prior). Cost her $200 for the plumber. I looked at my ex, rolled my eyes and headed down the mall. I knew better than to stand there. As it was, I was laughing all the way to the other end of the mall. People thought I was nuts. Walking down the mall and laughing my ass off (for no apparent reason).
    From a Jack to a Queen and all it took was a tube of lipstick and a pair of pantyhose.
    ~ my ex

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