This one is called "Questions", I wrote it five months after my boyfriend Jack's passing.
Thoughts of the past encircle my mind.
Every slow song that comes over my speakers, I'm reminded of you.
I wish I could move on, but I don't know how.
I don't know how to deal with the pounding silence that fills the room when I turn out the lights to go to sleep.
When my nights are uneasy and insomnia has crept it's way in, I turn over to my other side to try and get comfortable.
But when I turn over, you are not there, and it hurts.
It hurts so much that I can't breathe, and I have to sit up and steady myself before I can try and get to sleep.
But the truth is, I can't sleep.
It's been five months since you were called home, and I must deal with the reality that you will never sleep beside me again.
I will never get to hold your hand again or kiss your soft, tender lips.
I'm scared that I will never find someone else that will make me feel the way you made me feel.
You told me the last time I saw you, that if you passed before we could talk again, that you wanted me to be happy.
That you didn't want me to sit around and pine your death.
Well I've tried to move on, but my heart tells me that I am not worth it.
That I had my chance at happiness, and that is now passed.
And I have to wonder, "Is this feeling right?"
Am I not worth love anymore?
Have the fates now deemed me unworthy of love because you were taken from me?
Were you my one chance at happiness?
Did I do something to deserve you being ripped away from me?
And the biggest, most scariest question of all now envelopes my thoughts,
"Did I truly deserve you?"