I Thought I Knew -- Book Three
Chapter 21, Part III
From Jess' viewpoint
I didn’t sleep soundly that night. I kept waking up for no real reason. Each time I did I could sense that Paul was awake too. But I never let on that I was. I really didn’t know what I would say to him.
It was going to be hard enough in the morning to deal with what had happened and how disappointed he was. I just wanted to get some sleep so at least I’d be rested. Instead I seemed to toss and turn and listen to Paul’s breathing. Trying to figure out if he was awake or asleep.
Finally I guess I did manage to go to sleep. Sound asleep. Because I woke up feeling really peaceful and lazy like, but rested. I was snuggled up against Paul. My morning wood pressing against his crack. It felt so good.
For the first time since it happened, last night’s disaster wasn’t the only thing I could think about. Instead the feel of Paul’s warm body and my aching cock and the smell of him next to me were consuming me.
I nuzzled his neck and ear. I breathed in deeply as though it made him somehow even closer than he was. I ran my hand over the smooth, firm, muscled flesh of his upper arm and I didn’t wan to stop there.
The need I was feeling for Paul was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It wasn’t lust. It wasn’t just me waking up horny as usual. It was like a hunger for something I knew would fill my need to love and to be loved.
Last night . . . Fuck last night! Make the most of the moment, I told myself. Love your man for all your worth.
Paul let out a long sigh that sounded like the noises a very satisfied guy would make. Then he said very softly, “Kiss my neck again . . . pleeeeeease!”
I kissed his neck and let my hand begin to wander past his arm to his chest, which felt even more appealing. More amazing. More powerfully sexy and . . . I was just so into him.
I rubbed my cheek against his face as my fingers tangled in his thick pubic hairs. Toying at the base of his amazing cock. Oh my god! Memories of his cock buried deep in my ass. His perfect intuition as to when to go deep. When to go slow. How to massage my hot spot again and again.
I was wedging my throbbing cock . . . Fuck me! I was so hard . . . deeper between his ass cheeks. Thrusting. Pumping. Needing him in the worst way . . . the best way.
I started licking his neck just below the hairline. I could taste his saltiness. His special smell filled my nose. I worked my way across his shoulder blade, rocking him onto his stomach as I did.
I shifted his right arm and started to bury my face in his pit. The smell was driving me crazy! I straddled him with my legs. My hard, aching cock, which felt enormous to me at that moment, once again was working up and down in his crack, Stroking against his rosebud with each thrust.
Paul pushed back against my crotch, forcing his cheeks apart as he did. And he rotated his shoulder just enough to give me better access to his armpit, too. I didn’t know where this was going and I didn’t care. No plan. No thought. Not a single idea except for the need in my cock and the natural pull to be with my man.
Oh my god! Nothing could be more powerful. More controlling. More all consuming than giving yourself over to this combination of love and need and sex and lust that filled me. And I sure as hell wasn’t about to stop.
I don’t know everything that happened. I remember my hands working their way down to Paul’s ass. So firm and round and . . . By then my cock was rubbing against the bristly hairs on one of his legs. I couldn’t stop from humping him one way or another.
Before too long my face was buried between his asscheeks and once again I was lapping and licking and sucking and slurping for all I was worth. Somewhere in my mind I knew this was where things had gone wrong last night.
Of fuck, the lube! It had to be near. It just fucking had to be because Paul’s hole was about as ripe and ready as a guy’s hole can get. He was loose and relaxed and begging for more. Between my tongue and an assortment of my fingers, I was working him good. And Paul was responding like no one I’d ever been with before. Not even Billy seemed to beg to be fucked the way Paul and his beautiful ass did at that moment
I kept working his hole as I raised my head just enough to look over at the night table. There it was, thank god. The lube. The good lube that smelled like sex itself.
I was going to ask Paul if he could reach it, but we hadn’t spoken a word since he asked me to . . . What? What had he asked? . . . Oh, yeah. Kiss his fucking neck. Yeah, I’ll kiss your fucking neck, buddy!
It was a long stretch and it kind of broke the moment, but I managed to grab the lube and was working it into the palm of my hand to warm it. The I began working it into his welcoming hole.
Two fingers easy with the lube. I lubed up my cock with my free hand, mixing my pre-cum with the lube till I was slick as a dick can be. And so hard and aching that I knew that just lubing myself up was putting me dangerously close to the edge.
I have to say, my cock looked amazing. It looked bigger and harder and happier than I’d ever seen it. And felt so fucking like it ruled the world that I just loved being a guy and all that had happened to bring me to this moment. Holy fuck, I knew I was one lucky son of a bitch.
I didn’t say a word to Paul. He had to know what was coming. I flexed on my knees a little as I held Paul’s hips between my hands, pulling them up until the tip of my cock was pressing against Paul’s hole. Paul’s gaping hole. Wet and warm and waiting for my throbbing cock to drive into him. To cum into him. To show him how fucking bad I wanted him. Needed him.
His hole was opening and then closing just a little and opening again. Like a fucking eye. Awesome! I could feel his asshole against my cock lips. Against the sensitive tip of my cock.
I took a deep breath and held it in as I pushed just a little. No resistance.
I waited to see if Paul was OK. We both just stayed motionless for the longest time and then he pushed back a little and let out a kind of purring noise. I took it from that he was OK. He was acting like he had been the night before. At least the way he had been acting before I stopped to get the lube. Fuck me, why had I ever stopped?
I couldn’t take my eyes off my cock or Paul’s pulsing hole. It looked so raw and ready. Looking at it had my mind in like a jumble. My heart was pounding so loud he could probably hear it.
My cock was so tense it felt like it might burst open at the seams. I kept getting harder and harder. It ached so much it should have hurt, if it didn’t feel so amazingly great! Seeing most of my cockhead already in Paul, starting to stretch his hole was a real turn-on.
I pushed a little harder and my whole cockhead popped through into Paul’s hole. I was in him. Really fucking in him. We’d done it!
I could see his ass muscles flexing around my cock. It felt awesome. It looked awesome. I reached down with my right hand and let my fingers drift across the point where my cock pierced his asshole. Touching my throbbing cock. Touching his very much alive ass lips. Touching us where we finally came together. I could feel the slickness of the lube and the heat of his hole and my ass. I wish I could have touched them with my tongue instead of my fingers, but what the hell.
I wanted to ask Paul for advice like did he want me to wait? Push harder? Pull out? But all the directions in the world didn’t work last night. And here we were. Without having said hardly a word. We were doing great! At least my cock thought we were.
I felt Paul push back a little more. Mmmmm! Oh my god! To have him pushing his ass onto my cock. To see my cock slowly disappearing inside of him. Opening and stretching his hole . . . I answered by pushing into him a little more and saw my cock edge even a little deeper into him.
With just a few more encouragements from Paul, my cock was now working its way bit by bit deeper into his hole. Disappearing! Instead of just holding his hips in my hands the way I had been, I started to let them roam over his ass and back and sides. Even on the hair on his legs.
I think at that point I was more focused on watching my cock get buried in Paul’s ass than I was in feeling how good having his ass wrapped around my cock felt. I think I actually remember the feel of the smooth, warm flesh of his ass better that what it felt like to have his hole wrapped around my cock. It’s strange what sticks in your head at a moment like that.
I finally broke our silence. “I want to fuck you now,” I said expecting some kind of answer. Paul just stayed where we was. Not moving. Not speaking. Not a sound. I waited and then said, “Is it OK?”
“Oh yeah,” he said, but when he said it the “yeah” was so long and I could tell everything was gonna be OK.
I started pumping my cock in and out of him. Not too fast at first. Pulling almost all the way out and then pushing it all the way back in. I was so into watching the sticky strands of that stuff that I could see streaking my cock as I pulled it out. The roundness of Paul’s tight butt cheeks. The muscular sway to his back as he kept his hole in place for me.
I couldn’t believe it, but I was already feeling the first tightness start in my nuts. Like electricity pulsing through my guts. I didn’t want to shoot my load. Not yet. I stopped, my cock half in and half out of Paul’s butt hole. I was breathing heavy and had started to sweat.
“Don’t stop now,” he said, his voice lower than usual. I guess it was the testosterone pumping through him with all the sex.
“Oh man, I was afraid I was gonna blow my load in you. Are you ready for that? I was hoping we could do this a lot longer,” I said.
“I think I’m good for that,” Paul said, but he didn’t seem completely certain.
“Is this hurting you?” I asked.
“Not now. Just felt like you were stretching my hole pretty good when we first started, but it actually feels pretty good what you’ve been doing.”
“Is this position OK for you?” I asked, not sure what worked best for Paul.
“I’d kinda like to be able to see your face and body while you’re fucking me,” Paul said. It was like I could hear his smile as he said it. “I always thought that would be cool to see your face all screwed up when you blow your load inside me. Like you see guys do in all the vids.”
In all the vids. His words echoed in my brain.
But this was no vid. This was me and my Paul. My man. My boyfriend and lover. This was the true start of our lives together. There was no off/on switch. No pause. No fast forward.
From here on everything would be great. I knew it would be. I could feel it in my aching cock. In the need building in my nuts. In the twisted tightness of my guts. In the pulsing in my veins. The calmness in my brain. And most of all …
I knew in my heart and soul that this was right. This was what love was all about. Not the sex, but the ability to fulfill and complete one another. To match each other’s needs to the max.
I think it was then that I realized that everything I had been trying to figure out about myself and sex and being gay or straight was a lot simpler than I had ever imagined. All the things I had worried about. All my anxieties and fears. All of that emptiness I’d felt. None of that really mattered once I had found the right person.
Fuck being gay or straight or bi or whatever. All that mattered was finding love. And now that I had found it, I was gonna make damn sure I never lost it. I was going to give myself completely to Paul. If he had been looking for this to be the perfect commitment, well then . . .
I kissed his lips. Our tongues entwined. And slowly and gently I buried my throbbing cock deeper than I had ever been in Paul or anyone else. Committed? Yes! Committed in good times and bad. As close as two people can be. Physically. Spiritually! Lovingly!
At that moment I had no doubt I was completely committed to Paul and Paul to me. And I knew then and I know now that we always will be.
I began posting "Jess' Story" 13 months ago. It has taken a lot more time and effort and a lot more interruptions than I expected to complete. Jess and Paul and I truly appreciate the patience and commitment and support we have received through the months from readers like you.
For those of you who are wondering what Jess and Paul are up to now, they both have found good jobs in Texas. They hope to return to the Midwest in a few years, but are enjoying their new surroundings.
For those of you who have read all three books in the "I Thought I Knew" series, I should tell you that Justin and Billy and Tom are still living on the East Coast. Tom is still in school, while Justin and Billy are enjoying quite successful careers.
As for me, I am now living with my boyfriend near New York City. I have sold my business in Chicago but continue to consult with the new owners. My boyfriend is travelling regularly between London and New York for his new job. And we remain as committed and happy as ever, if not more so.
I have met so many great people through this project. When I posted the first chapter more than three years ago, I had no idea I would continue to work with the guys for so long. What was meant to be a single magazine article certainly grew to be much, much more.
But now it's time for me to take a real break. Life is changing for me and many of you have already noticed how rare it is to find me online. I'm not gone. I'm just finding a little quiet space for me and my boyfriend.
If you are kind enough to post a comment on this project, be assured I will be reading it. And I'll do my best to respond. Maybe not immediately, but I will.
Thanks again for all your support. Until we meet again, stay happy. And stay hard!