I Thought I Knew -- Book Three
From Jess' viewpoint
When I awoke, Paul was cuddled in front of me. His warm butt gently pressed against my crotch. My morning wood was so hard that it ached. I felt surges of pleasure as my cock throbbed and pressed against his firm, warm butt. I don’t think there is a better feeling than to wake up with your hard cock pressing against the warm body of a hot guy. Particularly a special friend.
I lay there thinking of the possibilities. My cock was within inches of Paul’s tight asshole. I can't describe how fabulous I felt. I wanted to cum. Hell, I wanted to fuck him.
But in my mind I knew that even more important than sex or getting off was the simple pleasure of awaking up in the morning with Paul still next to me.
The night before had been only the second time Paul and I had been in any way sexual with each other. And just as important to me it was the second time I had awakened the next morning with Paul still sleeping beside me in my bed.
I was high on the realization of what was happening in my life. But my thoughts soon shifted to my past and I was almost overcome by the realization of what a complete mess my life had been up to this point. I had been through a rambling series of failed relationships, impulsive affairs, fast fucks and serious disappointments.
I always tried to be the nice guy. The good friend. The understanding buddy. But for all my efforts, I didn't seem able to create a stable and lasting relationship with anyone -- male or female. There was my futile effort to transform Billy from best friend to lover. My misreading of Justin's interest in me. My first guy fuck with my cousin followed almost immediately by my first female fuck with his sister.
My relationship history was a mess strewn with countless girls and guys I’d met, hooked up with and then screwed around with. I didn’t know whether to consider my disastrous time with Tolley a near success or my worst failure. It didn’t really matter. I hadn’t succeeded with anything or with anyone I could think of.
I’d come close to ruining things with Paul, too. So close. Too close.
I was tired of flailing about looking for a meaningful connection. I wanted something like this. Waking up in the morning with someone I knew. Someone I cared about. Someone who might care about me.
Having Paul beside me that morning was like a sign of stability. It felt right. It was the kind of thing I'd dreamed of, but never seemed to find.
I didn't want to spoil it the way I had spoiled everything and everybody I had messed around with in the past. I wanted to take my time. Make sure this was right. Make sure I did it right. I wasn't really sure what that meant or what it might really be like, but the day before had seemed like a pretty good start.
I didn't need wild sex. I didn't need declarations of love. I needed to be with someone I trusted and cared about. Someone who was interested in me as a person and who I could share my hopes, dreams and fear with.
I leaned over Paul and kissed him gently. Without waking him, I snuggled back down behind him, nestled my aching cock between his ass cheeks and went back to sleep.
We awoke together maybe an hour later.
"How did you sleep?" Paul asked me without so much as lifting his head. Somehow he was aware I was awake.
"Great!" I said. “The best part was waking up next to you again." I hugged him to me to bring home my point.
Paul rolled over in my arms, kicking off the sheet, and kissed me. "What do you want to do now?" he asked, his naked body stretched before me.
I thought about his question for a moment. What did I want to do?
“Yesterday I shared a slice of my life. Now I'd like to learn something about you. After all if you are gonna be sharing my bed like this, I oughta know who I'm waking up with." I smiled at him.
Paul sat up in bed and scooted so he was resting with his back against the headboard. "My life has been pretty boring. I guess I’m petty boring. There's really nothing to tell. I am the only child of overly protective, overbearing parents." He shrugged as though to say, There’s nothing more to tell.
"So then tell me about your friends. You must have had friends . . . like from high school . . . teams or clubs . . . neighbors . . . a secret fuck buddy," I said trying to coax him into sharing with me the way I had shared with him.
"I didn't have any close friends. I spent most of my free time in high school locked in my room . . . reading."
"Then tell me about what you read," I said spontaneously, realizing before the last word was even out of my mouth that I probably knew the answer. I wished I’d learn to think before I spoke.
Paul looked away from me. I couldn’t see his face. He probably didn’t want me to.
Don’t fuck this up, I told myself. Make things right with him.
I wanted to take my question back. But it was too late. I rested my face against his thigh and hugged his legs. I hoped he understood that I didn’t mean to hurt him or cause him pain. What an idiot I am.
“I think you probably know,” he said, still not looking at me. After another long pause, he looked me directly in the eyes and said, “I read about you. All the stuff you did with Billy and Justin. But mostly I was reading about you.
“ Of course, I read a lot of other porno stories too. And I looked at pictures of guys doing all kinds of stuff to each other .And some videos too. . What I saw online was amazing!
“But almost every day I read about you, or dreamed about you. I could sit in my room alone for hours imagining I was with you and that I was part of your story. I know you really don’t want to hear about this . . . but you asked. The truth is, I spent years of my life reading and dreaming about you.”
Paul sounded so sincere dredging these memories up from deep inside. I could tell that his memories of that time were mixed with the pain and loneliness. I can’t say I understood exactly what it was like for him growing up like that, but I wanted to.
“I want to know all about it,” I told him, trying my best to convey the sincerity of what I was saying. “I want to understand. Please, tell me.”
“Do you really want to know?” The surprise in Paul’s voice was unmistakable.
“Yes, I really do.”
Paul started off hesitantly, telling me first about his parents. Deeply religious. Conservative. Right-wing. And what they tried to instill in him. Television was a “portal to corruption of the spirit.” The internet was “an occasion for sin.”
He was their only child and they loved him very much. Perhaps too much. They had tried so hard to mold him into a model of themselves.
He told me that he had been a very good student. Done very well in school. Perhaps too well. As he got older he eventually came to realize he was sort of nerdy. He was one of those kids who preferred reading alone in their rooms to the company of other kids. Somehow being with other kids his age never seemed to work out so well.
Paul said he had known since he was about 10 that he wasn’t like the other kids in more ways than just being smarter. He didn’t know he was gay. He didn’t even know what gay was. He just knew he was different.
When he was 12, with the help of his favorite teacher, he convinced his parents to allow him to have a computer so that he could have better access to educational stuff that wasn’t available in his small town school.
His parents had lots of rules and checked on him all the time trying to make sure he was not getting into all the things they feared. “That’s when I realized the only way they knew what I was looking at was for me to show them. They didn’t know a thing about computers or how to use them,” Paul said. “They just kept asking, ‘Are you talking to any strangers?’ It had never occurred to me to talk to anyone, or even that I could.
“But almost immediately I had stumbled across sex sites. They seemed to pop up everywhere. I was still a little too young to cum, but not too young to realize that looking at those pictures and stimulating myself felt really good.
“Of course, I was really conflicted, because I knew it was a sin and that kids who did that were probably going to hell. At least that’s what I’d always been taught. So I looked at porn and played with myself and then begged god not to send me to hell for it.
“I learned pretty fast that no matter how much I prayed, I couldn’t stop myself from looking at porno. And looking at porn was certain to lead to . . .” He didn’t finish that sentence. He didn’t need to. His wicked grin said it all. Finally he was smiling.
“How much time did you spend looking at pornos?” I asked.
“Pretty much every night for an hour or so. Do you think that’s weird?” he asked me.
“I don’t know. I mean it isn’t what I did. I didn’t even see gay porn until I met Justin my senior year of high school,” I said.
“Yeah, I know,” Paul said. “But I didn’t start off looking at gay porn. I didn’t know anyone like Justin to teach me about that stuff. So I didn’t discover that until I was almost 15. But when I did . . .” he shook his head back and forth as though he could hardly believe what he was saying . . . “I really was hooked. I don’t know what site I found first, but all of sudden I was looking at guys not much older than me with these enormous penises that were so big. I guess mine was still growing back then. Those guys looked so huge!
“Seeing these kids doing all this stuff . . . I was fascinated. I loved looking at it. It literally took my breath away. That first night I saw gay porn I masturbated until I couldn’t cum anymore. It really hurt that last time and I had to stop.
“A few months later I found JustUsBoys and that’s when I started reading . . . even more than looking at the pictures. If the story was good, I could really get into it.
“It was just as I was getting ready to start my freshman year in college that Hardreader started writing your story. I think I saw it the day he started it. It was August 2007. Within three weeks I was so hooked on your story. I read every chapter three or four times waiting for the next chapter to arrive.
“Every time I read your story, no matter how many times I had read it before, I still got aroused. I still had an orgasm at least once each time I read it. Sometimes I could cum even more. I read all the comments and . . . “
“Did you ever make a comment or send me a message?” I interrupted.
“I couldn’t have done that. I was way too afraid someone would find out if I did that. I didn’t know how they’d figure out who I was, but I couldn’t take the chance. And I don’t think I could admit to myself at that point that I was gay or bi or whatever that made me.”
“Do you think there are a lot of guys out there like you were?” I asked.
“I didn’t back then. I thought I was the only one too afraid to comment. Too uncertain. It made me feel very alone and I guess that’s why I spent so much time thinking about you and all the guys who did commented. Especially young guys like me . Guys who were having orgasms reading about you and not afraid to tell the world. And then I’d cum thinking about that. It was like I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thinking about you, I mean.”
My head was still resting on Paul’s thigh as he talked. As he talked about reading about me and Billy and Justin. It was then that I realized he was completely hard. His cock jutting up against my hair. I wondered if my hair was tickling his cock. The thought of that made my cock twitch with excitement. I was so close to his hard-on, I could feel the heat from his cock warming my face.
I couldn’t resist lifting my head a little so I could get a better look at this raging cock and his beautiful balls. I was astonished at how hard he was, because I was pretty sure he hadn’t so much as touched himself to get that hard.
I looked from his cock up into his eyes. He’d been watching me watching him. He looked embarrassed as I flashed him my special smile.
“That’s impressive,” I said and made a show of looking back down at his awesome cock. Then I lowered my head just a little and let my tongue trace its way up the underside of his cock from his nuts to the very tip. The feel of his cock flesh, hard and throbbing, against my wet tongue. Oh my god it felt so good to touch him in that special way. It sent surges of blood to my cock and fueled my need to have this guy.
I was so happy to be there with Paul. So close. So at ease with each other. So casual in our closeness. Nothing between us. I gave the end of his cock a little kiss. I could just taste a trace of pre-cum. “Nice,” I said, looking at him again. I licked my lips to make my point.
Listening to Paul talk about his lonely childhood, growing up with nothing to do but read and look at porn and jack off, had made me happy, but also sad. It made me want to cheer him up. But I didn’t know how, except with sex.
“Would you like me to suck that monster for you?” I asked. It sounds kind of stupid now, but it was the only thing I could think to do. I’m such an idiot sometimes.
“So I guess you’ve heard enough about me. Am I boring you?” he asked, but with a hesitation in his voice as though he was a little hurt and maybe afraid to hear my answer.
“No, not at all. I just . . . Oh, well , never mind, just keep telling me like you were,” I said.
“Well, there really isn’t much more to tell. What do you want to know?”
I had to think about that for a minute. As much as I wanted to share my life with Paul and to have him share his life with me, I realized I wasn’t really very good at it. I’d never done it before.
“So what was your favorite part of the story . . . of ‘I Thought I Knew’?” It was all I could think to ask. I knew it was a question H.R. asked readers all the time when they would first write to him.
“You probably think I’m going to say the hot tub scene with you and Billy and Justin, or the final scene where you ask both of them to make love to you to see what that is like. But it isn’t either of those. Not that I didn’t use those images dozens of times to . . . you know . . . get off.
“But my favorite . . . “ Paul paused. “Can I read my favorite part to you? I can use your laptop to look it up.”
A couple of minutes later we were sitting naked on the side of my bed, my laptop in Paul’s lap. His hard-on pointing up so straight, so close to his abs, it wasn’t really much in his way.
“Here it is,” Paul said and cleared his throat. “You were in Justin’s room for the
first time and he was going to show you how to give a blowjob by giving you one.”
“I remember that day very well,” I said and couldn’t help but smile as I recalled what had happened.
“As I read this, I’m reading your words and thoughts. It’s your chapter to tell, but it starts with Justin talking to you” Paul said and he began to read:
Justin says, “I think you’ll see that you’re not the first person to suddenly realize he was gay and had to figure out what to do. Fortunately, you’ve got me.”
And then you say: And with that Justin stuck out his long tongue and licked my cock. I jumped back.
“Bad start,” Justin said. “I should stop messing around and get serious. You need help.”
“Kind of like I did to you a minute ago,” I said. Paul just smiled back at me and started reading again:
As I had so often this evening, I said nothing, but I was feeling a little weak in the knees. “Can I sit down?” I finally said and I sat on the bare mattress on his bed.
“Sure. Make yourself comfortable. Now imagine you’re Billy and I’m you. If you have any questions about what I’m doing or why, ask. If my mouth isn’t full, I’ll try my best to answer. OK? Ready?”
Justin cupped my cock and balls in both his hands and then leaned forward and started licking. First my cock and then my balls. Then back to my cock. He was right. He was good at this. I thought Billy’s handjob was nice. This was better.
I didn’t need to tell Justin I liked it. My cock was already telling him as it stretched out in his hands. Wet with his spittle, he was now gently stroking my cock, licking it, stroking it. God it was getting hard really fast. Standing straight up, presenting its sensitive underside to his tongue, giving him a rock hard column to stroke and lick.
And then he said, “Ready?” I didn’t know what he meant, but before I could inquire as directed, he had begun to suck on my cockhead, slurping it in and out between his lips. I looked down and he was looking up, my cockhead in his smiling lips. His fist wrapped gently around my shaft. His saliva dripping down around my nuts. I was fascinated by the view. I loved the sensation.
He stopped and lifted his head enough so my cock was standing free just in front of his warm, welcoming lips. “Remember what I’m doing. Go slow. Watch your teeth that you don’t scratch him. Dicks don’t like teeth.”
I could feel his breath on my cock as he talked and couldn’t resist leaning forward to get my cock closer to his lips. So this is what blowjobs were like?
And then he started again. I gasped.
“Are you going to cum?”
“No,” I said. “Not yet.”
“Let me know if you’re gonna cum. That’s important.”
And he went back to caressing my cockhead with his lips, stroking my cock with one hand and now pinching one of my nipples with the other.
I was so hard listening to Paul read that passage from my life. H.R. had gotten it just right and it had been an unforgettable moment. Not just for me, but apparently for Paul too. I started to think about all the guys like Paul who had read it and then . . .
I got down on my knees in front of Paul and took hold of his hard cock, just as Justin had taken hold of mine. I took him in my mouth. His cock was so hard and warm. It fit perfectly in my mouth. Big but not too big. In an instant I was started to suck and lick and massage Paul’s hard cock with my mouth.
He set the laptop to the side and placed his hands on either side of my head. Not directing me, but just touching me. With Paul’s gentle hands holding my face, I did for him what Justin had done so well for me.
My head bobbed, my tongue swirled. I played with his incredible nuts as they pulled up in their nut sack tighter and tighter. His warm cock seemed like the only thing I wanted or needed.
As I sucked on his warm hard cock, Paul was moaning and sometimes sort of purring in what seemed like ecstasy to me. His eyes were closed. His gentle hands and fingers wandered about my neck and shoulders. His hips made small thrusts, pushing his aching cock between my moist lips. Rubbing his taut cockhead against the roof of my mouth. My saliva flowed freely, dripping down his hard cock.
I paused long enough to says, “Let me know if you’re gonna cum. That’s important,” echoing Justin’s warning to me more than three years earlier.
“Your mouth feels so good on my cock, I can’t imagine anything better,” Paul said, sounding slightly dazed.
I started sucking on Paul’s cockhead, moving my mouth up and down a little as my hand stroked his saliva-covered cock. I loved the feel of his hard shaft in my hand. I loved the smell of his body so close to mine. I loved letting my fingers run across his nut sack. I gave a slight tug to his large, firm nuts.
I was as hard as Paul and completely intoxicated by the moment. I had loved it when Justin had sucked me off and I wanted this to be every bit as good for Paul.
I paused a moment, fearing Paul might be too close to cumming. I was entranced as I watched my own fingers move gently up and down his shaft. I licked his nut, sucking in the right and then the left. With a little effort and help from my right hand I managed to get both his nuts in my mouth. I sucked them as hard as I could and pulled at them with my mouth. All the time my hand glided slowly up and down Paul’s throbbing shaft. His moans grew louder. I could sense the change in his breathing. His hands became erratic as they moved across my flesh. His body tensed.
I stopped again. His cock glistening in front of my face. Twitching. Leaking just a little. The seam that ran up the underside of his long shaft was a bit irregular, I noted. The thick purple veins twisted erotically around his love muscle.
I loved studying this man. Taking in every part of him. Getting to know him as I had known no other.
“Please finish me,” Paul finally begged me.
I didn’t need to be asked twice. I took his shaft between my lips and eased it to the back of my mouth. I relaxed and slowly slid his cock down my throat and held it there . . . as long as I could. Caressing his cock with my throat muscles. My lips pressing into Paul’s pubes. My nose pressed into them as well. I felt impaled by his cock in the most wonderful way. I wanted him deeper. I wanted him completely inside me.
Having his hard, throbbing cock buried in my throat was such a wonderful feeling for me. Knowing how I pleasured him. Knowing how long he had waited for his moment.
I couldn’t hold him there any longer and began to ease his cock back into my mouth. It seemed to swell as I felt it sliding against my tongue. To get hotter as I pressed it against the ridges in the roof of my mouth.
“Jess,” Paul called out as though in warning. My mouth was flooded with his cum. So much cum in his first blast that it ran from the corners of my mouth. I felt his warm slime running down my chin and my neck. I swallowed fast and hard, trying to lock the memory of Paul’s taste in my mind. His smell, too. And his heat, the little sounds he made. Everything about him. I wanted to remember it all.
He came another large load, but not too much to hold and swallow. Then several more. I took them all as I listened to his moans and his murmurs of “Oh fuck! Oh fuck!”
At last he was spent and fell backwards on my bed, his softening cock sliding from my lips. A funny little sound as my lips closed.
I looked at Paul. He was so quickly sweeping away all my doubts. All my cares. All my limitations. He was so perfect. So much what I wanted and needed in my life just then.
I stood in front of him, my hard, needy cock in my hand. I began to jerk my cock with reckless abandon. Hard. Fast. Furiously. Forcing my cum to rise. In only seconds I felt the surge begin. My nuts tighten. My knees go weak.
Cum spewed from my cock and sprayed across Paul’s exhausted and spent nakedness. He was a mess of my cum from his nipples to his cock. It pooled in his navel and trickled down his sides. I’d covered him in my juice. It was so fucking great!
Then completely spent and satisfied, I sprawled my sweaty body across his. I felt my cum oozing between us. Felt my cock go soft as it pressed against his abs.
In my mind I guess it was how I had always wished Justin had finished teaching me. He’d taught me well. But I was not Justin. I was Jess at last. And with Paul I hoped I could find my own way.
I opened my mouth as I kissed Paul and struggled with myself to tell him I
thought I was falling in love with him.
I pulled away from our kiss and looked into his eyes. I wanted to speak, but couldn’t seem to find the words.
Paul was staring so hard back at me as though waiting for me to speak.
Finally Paul spoke filling the silence between us. “I know. I know. Thank you.” And he took me in his arms and held me.
To Be Continued . . .
Thanks for continuing to read our project. I hope you will leave a comment for us to let the guys know what you're thinking. I'll be back in abut a week with a new episode. Until then, stay happy. And stay hard!