Whenever I try to have two different guys explain what happened, there are always pieces that just won’t fit together. One remembers it one way; the other another way. That’s how it is with Jess and Paul remembering their first evening together. So don’t get too hung up on that. Just accept that for each of them, what they remember is what happened. -- H.R.
I Thought I Knew -- Book Three
Chapter 11, Part I
From Jess' viewpoint
After lunch Paul and I walked to look at a car he wanted to buy. All the way I kept thinking back to that moment during lunch. That moment when everything almost went off the tracks. I had screwed up my courage and managed to slip a little info about my sexuality into the conversation. Paul had asked me something that was sort of related and I’d said something like, “I don’t think about my sexuality that way so much. I’ll go out with guys or girls. I like them both.”
I thought he took it OK at first, but then all of a sudden there was this change that came over him. He said he had to go. But only a minute before he had been acting like he had all day to sit and eat and talk.
When he said he was leaving to go look at a car, I was so panicked. It was like with Tolley when he left. I never saw Tolley again. At least no more than just in passing or at a distance.
I had moved too fast again. And I’d already scared Paul off. Maybe for good. I don’t know what had made me think I had to move so fast with Paul.
I guess my track record on this sort of stuff wasn’t so good. I’d screwed up with Tolley that way. And Billy, too. I knew I had come on to Billy too fast. It wasn’t enough that I told him I was gay. I had to keep pushing for more and more from him until it drove him to Justin.
I even screwed up with Justin. When I look back on it, I think I might have had a chance to make it with Justin. He would have been a great boyfriend for me. But I never seemed to know when to back off. Like when I asked Justin to cum on me the very first time I even told him I might be gay. Of course, he blew me off. And that happened more than once.
But with Paul rather than panic I managed to keep my cool. I’d kept him talking about regular stuff. And finally he had asked if I wanted to go with him to look at the car he wanted to buy. We just kept on talking about normal stuff as we walked together going to see about the car. Things seemed OK.
We never met the guy with the car, but I managed to keep Paul talking and with me as our strange but uneventful afternoon progressed. I just wanted to show him that we could hang together without any pressure. I didn’t want to scare him again. I just wanted to spend time with him. To get to know him as a person. And to let him get to know me.
I knew I needed to be honest about stuff. But as far as I knew we weren’t having sex any time soon, so no need to rush into that discussion again. Maybe someday, if things worked out the way I already knew I wanted them to work out, maybe someday I’d have to tell him about my story and H.R. and all of that. As I think back on it, I realize that as stupid as it sounds I was already thinking he might finally be my Mr. Right. I didn’t have a clue why, but I knew I liked him. A lot.
But this was not the time or the place for that. Nothing more was going to happen that day. I could just relax, be myself, and try to be cool
We finally ended up at my place and everything seemed to be so relaxed and comfortable between us. But almost immediately things got off track and I almost lost it again. I swear I wanted things with this guy to work so bad. But we kept like bumping into things.
He said he needed to take a piss and wanted to use my bathroom, which is off of my bedroom. When he was coming out my bathroom, it had never even occurred to me that he would be looking right at that drawing of me . . . What was I thinking leaving that picture of me hanging on my bedroom wall? I mean it was a picture of me with part of my hard cock showing and I was covered in cum. OK, so the cum wasn’t all that obvious, but it was there and there was a lot of it. It actually looked to me more like Justin had cum all over me, because so much cum was so high on my chest and neck if you looked at the picture just right.
Every time I’d thought about taking that picture down, I’d told myself some shit about what if Justin came over and saw I didn’t have it hanging somewhere.
Get real, Jess! Justin lives on the East Coast and has never even been here. He wasn’t about to drop by. So why the hell did I do this to myself?
Then Paul said something about how great it would be to have a good friend like Justin. I thought for a minute that he knew or understood who Justin was. Maybe this was gonna be the end of things. If he did know about Justin that would mean he had to have read “I Thought I Knew.” And that was my nightmare come to life.
I about exploded when he was looking at the picture. I was mad at myself. Mad at Justin for drawing it. Mad at Paul in some strange way for seeing it.
But I guess he only knew Justin’s name because he saw Justin’s signature on it. It was one more warning to me that said, Back off, Jess. Don’t go too fast with this guy. Give him time. Give him space. Just be yourself and you’ll be OK. That’s easy to tell yourself, but it’s really hard to do sometimes when you really care about a guy.
So that’s how things were. Other than that one tense moment, we had a great afternoon together doing absolutely nothing. How cool is that! Once I’d gotten over those early . . . I don’t know . . . like explosions going off inside me over this shit . . . after that I really enjoyed him. I relaxed and just let the time pass.
It was kind of weird later when he said he wanted to watch a movie and all I had to offer was a few raggedy-ass DVDs an old roommate had left behind. Gay pornos! But he was completely cool with it. By that point in the evening, I somehow wasn’t worried. I knew if he wasn’t comfortable watching gay porn with me, he wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I thought it would be OK to at least show him what I had. He could always say no.
Then there was that strange thing when I told him to get comfortable, cuz I’m not gonna watch porn wearing all my clothes. It’s like taking a shower in your clothes. Whether you’re planning to jerk off, or just edge, or whatever, a lot of clothes and porn don’t go together.
As I was getting ready to slip off my shorts and put on some comfy boxers, he dropped his shorts. He was going commando. I’d noticed earlier that it looked like he was, but then as the afternoon went on, I sort of forgot about it I guess.
It was a little awkward him in only a T-shirt with his cock and balls all exposed. And me in my underwear. I mean Paul was already hard. His cock . . . Well, when I saw it all hard like that and so beautiful. I mean he’s about my size when he’s hard. I like gulped when I saw how perfect he looked.
I wanted to walk over to him and take his cock in my hands. I wanted to feel how hard it was. Feel its heat. Sense its pulse in my hands. I would have buried my face in his crotch just to inhale the scent of him. Lick his nuts and cock and suck him and taste him and . . .
But I didn’t. I checked him out good. He didn’t seem to care that I was looking or that he was showing wood. Big time wood! Maybe he was showing off. I sure as hell hoped so cuz I would have loved for him to go on standing there so I could stare at his naked body all night. Instead he jumped right in my bed. Hard and ready!
I walked around to the far side of my bed to climb in beside him. As I moved, I could feel my cock swaying between my legs. The way a cock swings when it’s getting hard. You know how you can feel every movement. Your thickening cock moving with every step. Every movement felt so good. Each step made me a little harder. That’s how it was.
So I was probably half-hard lying on my bed with Paul. The guy was so relaxed. I figured he probably had been with a lot of guys and girls, too. This was probably nothing special for him. But he was hard and staying hard. As we watched our porn, I couldn’t stop looking at his hard cock. The way it arched up over his abs. Did I say it looked really fucking hard?
I guess looking at him and thinking about what I wanted to do to him was getting me really hard too. I really wasn’t thinking so much about having sex with him. I just wanted to be with him. Close and warm. Nestled together. I wanted so bad to hold him in my arms.
I’d had that once or twice with Tolley, but he was always so tense about it. Paul seemed completely at ease. Like he’d be perfectly OK with it if I took him in my arms and kissed him gently and then cuddled up against him. Our bodies close together. Our hard cocks trapped between us. His skin against mine. His face next to mine. Our cocks hot and hard and pressing and rubbing against each other. I wanted to hear and feel his heart beat. I wanted to feel his body breathing in and out.
That’s what I wanted. I can’t believe I’m saying all this stuff. But I wasn’t going for it. I could wait. If Paul wanted to move faster, he was experienced. He’d obviously done this kind of thing before. He could set the pace. For now, I was gonna follow.
It didn’t take him very long. He moved his hand onto my leg and started to give me a deep-muscle massage. I remember how the feel of his warm hand on my thigh made my cock twitch. I thought I might crawl out of my skin. My skeleton, my muscles, even my blood was squirming with anticipation and need just beneath my flesh. My body cried out for more. His hand so close to my . . . I took a deep breath and decided to tell him flat out. “That feels amazing. I love having you touch me.”
It wasn’t long before Paul started slow-stroking his own cock. He’s cut, but with a generous amount of foreskin left. When he worked his hand on his hard-on, I could see him slide the remnants of his foreskin up over his cockhead. At least part way. I wished so bad that he was working mine instead. But I was enjoying the hell out of watching him pleasure himself. I could almost feel in my own cock the sensation of his talented hand stroking his eight inches of magnificent, throbbing cock. Watching him was a lot better than the DVD we were playing.
His free hand began to edge toward my leaking cock. I watched as he inched his way until his hand rested beside my cock. His little finger almost touching my boxer-covered hard-on. My aching cock pushed against the fabric of my boxers. Arching above his knuckles. Pushing against the flimsy fabric. Almost pushing through my fly.
My cock twitched with need and then slowly settled down until it brushed his little finger again. That touch. My cock so close to his hand. Still trapped within my boxers, my cock leapt again. The feelings were so intense it was almost like I had cum.
I raised my head a little for a better look and could see my pre-cum soaking through my underwear. I turned my head to look directly at Paul’s face and he returned my gaze. I smiled and nodded.
He seemed to understand and moved his hand so it was resting directly on top of my cock. Resting so gently. No pressure. Only the gentle feel of his warm palm through the thin fabric of my boxers. His manly hand covering my throbbing cock.
I could not resist. My hips thrust upward. My cock grazed against Paul’s palm. The reflex was unstoppable. Something pre-programmed into my body. I thrust again. And again.
With each gentle thrust his fingers closed a little more around my cock. Until at last he held me . . . like no one but Justin had ever held me before. So gently. So lovingly. Like he was holding a great and delicate treasure. The gentleness only made me harder. Hornier. More crazy to be with Paul in every way.
Paul rolled on his side. Leaned in close to me. Gently brushed his lips against mine. I felt his tongue flick across my lips and let it enter my mouth. He had one arm around my shoulder and his aching cock was humping my leg. This felt so amazing to me.
Even though I’d had more erotic and exotic sexual encounters more times than I wanted to think about just then, I knew this was a special moment. One I never wanted to forget. Paul had taken charge and was making it clear that he felt about me the way I felt about him.
Maybe not love. I don’t think I really knew what love was just then. The closest I had come to love had been so painful and one-sided. This was far from that. This was more a deepening friendship powered by an overwhelming sexual desire. And best of all, it seemed to be completely mutual.
I wanted to talk to Paul. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking. What he wanted? What he needed? If I could have brought myself to ask, I would have done anything he wanted. Anything at all. It’s crazy but I thought at one point if he asked if he could fuck me bareback I couldn’t tell him no.
But I didn’t ask and so I didn’t know his wants and needs. When I was finally close to asking him, he rolled back away from me and started jacking both our aching cocks again. He did it well, but always too fast or too slow. So I started thrusting into his hand. Setting my own pace.
He picked up on it right away and started stroking me with long, slow strokes. Holding me gently but stroking me forcefully. Following my lead. Perfect. I couldn’t have done it better myself.
I wanted to crawl inside his skin. Live inside his skull. Meld my very body with his in a perfect blending of the two of us. I barely realized that as these thoughts overtook me, I was rubbing my face against his. Ready to lick his cheek. Kiss his eyes. I was lost in my closeness to him.
I could feel the need and urges begin to build up within me. The sexual power that he was beckoning was rising within me. I knew it wouldn’t be long until I . . .
Paul’s hand slowed and stopped. He nestled his face closer to mine and kissed my forehead. I caught my breath. He must have known how close I was. Such an experienced lover! I waited with him as our needs subsided.
He began to stroke me again. All those feelings and needs were soon welling up in me once more. I could tell Paul was just as close. I thought if he went on with this much longer, we were both going to cum.
So I broke the action. Slipped off my boxers. Rolled my body across his leg and wriggled my butt between his legs. Like we were spooning while leaning back against the headboard. Our bodies about as close as two bodies can be without actual penetration.
I turned my head and upper body completely so I could kiss him deeply on the mouth. He sucked my probing tongue into his mouth and then probed into mine. Our kiss complete, I turned back.
I settled in with my back against his chest. My head resting on his shoulder. His arms around me. It left his hands free to do with me as he wanted. I was offering myself to him. My ass cheeks were virtually wrapped around his throbbing cock. If he wanted me, he could have me. I’d made it perfectly obvious I was his.
He took my cock in both his hands and started to stroke it again. That perfect technique. Like he knew what I was thinking. What I wanted. What I needed. I felt him thrusting his cock between my ass cheeks. Awkward as it was, I tried to counter his thrust, burying his cock even deeper. Closer to my aching, twitching hole. I squeezed my ass cheeks hard around his thrusting cock and I heard him moan. I felt his hardness pressing ever closer to my hole.
I loved that I could feel the hardness and power of his cock. Feel the heat he was giving off. Sense every movement of his body wrapped around mine. I felt we were at last entwined in body, mind and soul. Our purpose the same. Our needs aligned. Our desires unleashed. I was so ready!
We continued to play like this in complete freedom and abandon. Two guys with no attachments. No demands. No rules or limits or expectations. We were free to enjoy each other and the moment. To make each other happy. To make each other feel good. That’s what friends are for. And I knew for sure just then that Paul was truly my friend. Maybe more than a friend.
Too soon I felt him tense behind and beneath me. I felt his body stiffen. His thrusts toward my hole became more desperate. The pace of his hands on my blood-engorged cock increased. I felt my cock grow harder and hotter in his grasp. I could feel the sweat on his palms as they worked me overtime.
I tried to relax to prolong the moment. My head fell back and our cheeks rubbed against each other. He moaned. I gasped. I knew I was going to cum soon. And cum hard. My cum was already rising. I felt it moving closer.
Even as I felt the amazing surge of pleasure that comes with release, I felt my jizz splash across my face. I knew beyond a doubt that I’d jizzed Paul’s face as good as my own. I’d watched as a long thick rope of my warm cum splashed across our faces. My cum was dripping down my cheek and off my nose.
The image in my head of our two faces, side by side, covered in splashes and streaks of my cum triggered a second surge and a third and then Paul moaned again and I felt his warm slippery cum surging between my ass cheeks. His thrusts and powerful cum forced its way to the small of my back. Like a slippery pool of man juice trapped between us.
I could tell Paul was cumming a lot. I noticed that as he came he loosened his grip on my cock. But he continued to grind his cock against my ass. Forcing fresh cum with every thrust. When he was done, he was completely limp behind me. Like a pillow.
I turned to see if he was OK with what had just happened. I saw him, eyes closed, but a contented look on his face. I kissed him and began to lick the cum from his face. My cum. The first I had shared with him. But I was sure it would not be the last.
I finally let myself go completely. Let myself do just what I wanted to do. I kissed him deeply, sharing the cum I had just licked from his face. My cum. Playing with it in our mouths. He was almost passive, in a cozy relaxed sort of way. Finally I rolled over and lay beside him. I savored my cum one last time and swallowed.
There was so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to ask. So much I wanted to know and share.
I’d known sex with boys. Sex with girls. In so many ways and places and . . . But nothing quite like this.
I guess you could say that not much had happened between me and Paul that evening. We’d watched a porno. He’d jerked me off while humping my butt until he came. But to me it wasn’t so simple. It was sublime. Unforgettable.
I needed to know if he loved this moment as much as I did. I looked at him and said his name. He opened his eyes and looked at me with a look that told me I didn’t need to ask.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” was all I said as I snuggled down as close as I could to him and soon he was sound asleep.
To Be Continued . . .
I hope you enjoyed this chapter giving you Jess’ viewpoint to compare to Paul’s. Let me know what you thought. It may guide my planning and writing in the future. Whatever you do, please consider leaving a message and rating this project.
I’ll be back with the next episode in a week or so. Until then, stay happy. And stay hard!