wanting that which you can not have
wanting that which you can not have
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day.
Give a man religion, and he'll starve praying for a fish.
Maybe its the unachievable aspect to it?
It's never too early in the year,
to spread some goodwill cheer!
I agree. It's the masculinity and the wanting what you can't have thing but I think eventually you're going to want more than just sex and seek out other types of guys.
Some guys enjoy the challenge, forbidden fruit is always the sweetest.
also being gay, we're typically attracted to hyper masculinity. i mean, there's lots of guys out there that aren't too far from being women except for the plumbing.
i myself am attracted to masculine guys and i'm one myself - i'm not attracted to effeminate men in the least. it's just a personal thing.
i was lucky enough to date guys who were like me.
don't get me wrong - effeminate guys are still guys and i hope they find the happiness we all deserve, but it's a personal thing.
it all boils down to what drives you sexually. for me, it's a masculine guy. if a dude utters the word "girlfriend" or "sister/sista" when talking about other guys - i'm typically turned off immediately.
I'm not justforfun26, but speaking for myself:When you see a hot, masculine guy, and you feel a strong attraction to him because he's straight, how do you know he's straight?
First of all, there's the wedding ring, if he's wearing one. I know that some gay couples wear them and that some men who are married to women are not straight, but the great majority of married men are straight.
Secondly, there are the basic odds. 90+% of all men are straight. Once you filter out those who set off your gaydar, chances are that almost all of the remainder are straight. In other words, if you assume that any man who seems straight IS straight, you'll be right at least 95 times out of 100.
Finally, some men just radiate heterosexuality. I don't know exactly how to describe it--whether it's the expressions on their faces, the way they walk or talk or whatever--but there are some men (by no means all hetero males fit this category) who you just know are straight. Those are the sexiest of all.
Why not see masculine bi guys? As a someone who is bi I am masculine but, like cock and there seems to be more guys like this then you realize. The reason that you like str8 guys like others have said is becuase they portray masculinity I doubt that u like them becuase they like women I doubt you like someone like me just becuase I like women.
Could be, but then they wouldn't be straight. It's not just about acting or looking straight, it's about BEING straight.You might be surprised though, some of those who radiate heterosexuality also love cock and you'd never guess it.
It hasn't been my experience that straight guys* are less clean than gay guys. Otherwise, it could be true that they are not as careful about (read: obsessed with) their looks as many gays. But: (a) This is changing, I'm sorry to say, with the rise of metrosexuality and "manscaping" (ugh!); and (b) I prefer men who are more natural and less primped, pumped, and pretty anyway.I think the solution to being hung up on straight guys is to have sex a few times with guys who are indeed 100% straight. They won't do much for you in bed, so it's kind of one-sided. Forget about kissing and cuddling and romancing. They are just there to get their rocks off. If you picked up a gay guy and he just got his rocks off and that was that, would you still be attracted? And some straight guys are kind of unappealing when naked and don't really keep up their appearances well, may be ungroomed and even not very clean - stinky butt even after they shower.
WRT kissing and cuddling and straight guys just wanting to get their rocks off, this is covered in the str8 they react badly after they cum thread. Basically, if you want romance and cuddling, str8 guys are not for you. Similarly, if you expect reciprocal sexual service, then you're probably going to be disappointed.
bw92116, you make good points, but I think you may be missing the fundamental idea that it's the mere fact of the man being straight that's attractive. Either you like them, or you don't. If you do, then the other stuff doesn't matter. If you don't, then why bother?
*Of course, they can't be 100% straight if they had sex with me, which is part of the frustration and attraction: the unattainability of truly straight men.
kingkhan, having sex with women is a key part of the masculinity of straight guys for obvious reasons. So, in fact, I DO find bi men who are masculine to be hot, especially if they are actively bisexual--that is, they enjoy fucking women and try to do it often.The reason that you like str8 guys like others have said is becuase they portray masculinity I doubt that u like them becuase they like women I doubt you like someone like me just becuase I like women.
a little edgy So how about nerdy bi guys who can't get women but likes doing stuff with guys? Or you probably want the ultra macho man who is the ladies man.
But, I kind of understand what you are saying so for gay guys who like str8 guys does it turn you on to watch str8 guys fuck women? and then do fantasize you where the women?
it's chemistry, my dear...
the musk, the pheromones, the manly vapors and juices...
Several have given very valid opinions, but I would like to add some words of caution.
Messing with straight guys could end up badly for you.
Several weeks ago there was a members thread here (I don't remember the OP's name) who had sex with his straight best friend. Afterwards the straight guy beat the piss out of him and hurt his dog so badly it had to be euthanized.
The straaight guy was arrested and subsequently released and they were awaiting a court date.
We don't have total control over who we are attracted to, but you probably should try to cultivate a taste for gay/bi men. There is never a satisfactory conclusion to a gay/straight relationship for either party.
Depends on the kind of nerdiness. If you mean classic nerds like science and computer geeks ... that's pretty hot, actually, because it's masculine. In fact, it's sexier than noisy, posturing machismo, which I tend to think is mostly a pose. Arts and theater geeks ... not so much; that's a bit feminine for my taste.a little edgy So how about nerdy bi guys who can't get women but likes doing stuff with guys? Or you probably want the ultra macho man who is the ladies man.
Yes to watching. Aren't most people here turned on by that? I don't generally put myself into the porn that I'm watching, so no to fantasizing in the way you describe.But, I kind of understand what you are saying so for gay guys who like str8 guys does it turn you on to watch str8 guys fuck women? and then do fantasize you where the women?
1, Don't act like girls
2, Don't over act manly.
I have always been turned on by masculine straight jocks. In my university there was one effeminate gay boy - he didn't attract me at all.what drives you sexually. for me, it's a masculine guy. if a dude utters the word "girlfriend" or "sister/sista" when talking about other guys - i'm typically turned off immediately.
And I was drooling over one straight soccer jock. He was always talking about soccer and girls. I envyed the girls for having sex with such a hot buck.
But lots of str8 men aren't attractive at all. Some of them are just farts.
So, it's masculinity that attracts me.
I was speaking for myself, not all gay men. Secondly, heterosexuality is an attractive quality, like being tall or well-built or masculine in demeanor. That doesn't mean that ALL straight men are attractive, any more than all tall men are attractive. However, being straight does add a dimension of appeal that can overcome other deficits. That is, a straight guy who's a "5" in looks will be more attractive TO ME than a gay guy who's a "5."So an ugly, scrawny guy is attractive to gay men, by the mere fact that he's straight?it's the mere fact of the man being straight that's attractive
Thus, Woody Allen should be every gay man's dreamboat, by the mere fact that he's straight.
Ah, but you can still worship them from afar. However, when you begin to identify with Rose from Two and a Half Men, then you can be pretty sure that you're in too deep.When I express interest in a guy and he starts mentioning women, pussy, etc...I can take a hint and move on. I used to come on to guys back in the day and have that happen...I made myself change my mindset about them right then and there. No use chasing after someone who doesn't want you.
this guy was at the bar with me at my work after i got out. he kept buying me drinks. apparently he was straight but he was flirting with me so hard and showing me his muscles. we talked about my homosexuality and he was being really playful and i swear to god i thought my dick was going to explode. point being that if this was last year i would have found a way into his pants but a word to anyone who is even the slightest bit emotionally unstable or just in a period of instability: straight guys can kind of be similar to a black hole. but to be honest i really think the only way you can learn this is to be more upfront about your sexuality so if that means hitting on straight guys then by all means go for it. but i do think the whole phenomena of gay guys being attracted to straight men (and only straight men) has a lot to do with feeling uncomfortable with your sexuality. thats when you find yourself in a rest stop getting serviced by a man with no teeth and burn scars. (mmmm so manly)
To answer the question. We all want what we can't have.
people have mentioned liking what you can't get, the masculinity etc, but I think I know what you mean. it is their confidence. even the nerdiest straight guy belongs. he has trouble getting the woman, but there are no questions, no hurdles. life was made for the straight man. I think it gets in your head and ideas warp, like if I was with him things would be easier. but as soon as he gets with you the world will see him as a fag and things will change. you are wrestling with cards you were dealt. being gay, even those that accept it, like it and wouldn't want to be straight had years or even decades before that where they had to find their place. that is how it is for now. I think as gay becomes more accepted there will be less of a difference in how a gay boy socially develops as opposed to their straight counterparts. how many times as a kid did you hear a gay guy was a worthless cocksucker? even if you worked through the guilt, the sexual fetish is already developed. find another guy with a high sex drive and take it slow. remember together how just rubbing dicks with a guy was so hot.
Its the whole "Forbidden Fruit" situation all over again. Humanity has trained itself to lust after that which it can not (or should not) have. As far as wanting straight guys..... This is often followed by daydreaming of the pursuit/capture of said straight guy. Then comes the overcoming the obstacle that the straight guys "playing hard to get" puts up. Daydreams like this can easily lead to suggestions of getting the straight friend drunk to have one glorious night to "show him what he's missing". In the daydream he'll "come to his senses" and realize that he, too, is gay.... and that he wants to reciprocate. Sometimes this can lead to an attempt to make it happen by getting the straight friend (the object of desire) drunk and taking advantage of him. Sadly, this ideology is espoused far too often in the gay community - just look through the threads here on JUB where people have asked how to make it most effective - and leads to not only the loss of a potential friendship, but to the possibility of judicial action and jail time.
My advice: Build up the courage to ask if you feel you must. But be prepared to accept a solid and direct no and move on, there are plenty of fish in the sea and enough of them WILL happily nibble on your bait if given half a chance. There's nothing wrong with daydreaming and playing what if, just remember where the line between reality and fiction is so you don't inadvertently cross it.
It's never too early in the year,
to spread some goodwill cheer!
So many trains of thought here.
Gay men "go after" straight men because it distracts them from the fact that they are afraid of intimacy. It's all about the hunt and the conquest. Sorry if this hurts feelings, but if you did not come from a loving home, you dont trust others. Consequently, you avoid facing the fact that you fear getting close ("if they knew who I 'REALLY' was, they wouldn't want me," is a common train of thought).
If you are ONLY going after straight men, and don't enjoy the attentions of gay men, then, yes, I would say there is an element of self-loathing ('Gay men are all sissies and not "TRULY" masculine' - which is what one person has posted. Really? Rock Hudson was a sissy? ) that keeps many gay men in 'contemptuous' mode so they don't have to face the fact: they don't like themselves. Despite the protestations, this is one of those 'truisms' that is true. Or, how about this one: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" But if you don't love yourself, how can you ever love anyone else. Well, guess what? You cannot.
You say that you are 'out and proud.' But your letter is one of a conflicted soul. Some people claim to want love, yet when the Universe sends them someone who is actually loving (in contrast to someone whose words say they are loving, but whose actions scream otherwise), they run for the hills. The excuses are endless, but in the end loving people seek a partner because they have love to SHARE, not because they're 1), lonely or 2), need to feel complete or 3), they need to BE loved. (The last one is so common, it's heartbreaking. It also is an indicator of someone who is broken inside. And you cannot share love if you don't HAVE Love already.)
Which are you? Only you know. But look back on your history, and the type of guys you have picked in the past and you will see a trail that shows you what your past choices were. THAT is where you are. (The past informs the present in matters of action. What you did the last time - in any particular area of life - is what you will do the next time. At least, until you break the pattern.
I have a friend who only now, at 59, can honestly admit that he picked one lover 20 years ago as a reaction to the previous one. (The first one was unstable; the second one, emotionally shut down. In both cases, he used others' life force for his own comfort. And he sees it now. And believe me, he is a genuinely goodhearted man, but he came from a broken home (parents fought and divorced when he was 7). And the statistics are rampant that children from divorced homes have signifcant trust issues. He's great friends with the emotionally shut down one now, but realizes he would never have been happy with him.
And the biq question that will tell you how comfortable you are with intimacy: do you LIKE your mother? (The mother guides the child thru the stages of emotional development. If she was sick, unavailable emotionally, mean or unlikeable, you may be avoiding genuine intimacy because you don't know what it looks like - or you are afraid of showing who you are inside to others. Many people walk around with a 'mask' to hide their 'inferior function,' as we say in psychology.)
And if you cannot honestly come to an answer, look for a therapist to help you.
Last edited by mcbrion; August 22nd, 2013 at 05:48 PM.
Guy I can so much relate to your story... My friend keep telling that all I desire is challenge that's what I'm attracted too. But for me it's even worth 'cause I usually fall in love with those guy who, even if I manage to have them for one night won't never be able to assume what they've done and give me what I'm looking for: the house, children and goldfish... (Because on the opposite of you I want a random life with those kind of guy). But still I love them sometime I've even done crazy things for them just 'cause I love them, like being the best guy to one of my former loved one's wedding. They always knew 'cause I am an honest guy and can't hide it anyway, but it never went further than "I fuck already you so shut up". For my part I think that we must lack of expecting reciprocity and I think for my part that I definitely disconnected sex from feeling. Well I'm turning therapeutic too so I'm not gonna continue but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone.
I think one reason is the whole forbidden fruits things. Another is probably because society (American) values masculinity in our men through outer physical strength and athleticism, reinforced through the media like in film and television. (Did you know that in some African tribes, men act and dress in ways we'd consider feminine?) Speaking of the media, they've had a profound influence on how we view gays. Growing up at a time the television was the main medium, the images of gays I'd see on TV were stereotypically feminine flamboyant men like Jack from "Will & Grace" and Brian's cousin, Jasper, from "Family Guy." Many see gays as such stereotypes and nothing else. It's the same thing with people classified as black or hispanic/latino. Socities' images of these minorites are warped to the point where many just seem them as stereotypes, and then when they see someone who isn't a stereotype like OJ Simpson or Sofia the First, they think there's something off about them. This is pretty distressing for me, because if a people (whether black, hispanic, or gay) are only allowed to act or think a certain way, that's going to keep them from different opportunities. I think it's possible to have a totally masculine gay man if society gives him that option.
I am also stuck in the same rut as you, however I am still majorly in the closet and married as well. (I have the best of both worlds) I am only attracted to straight cock. I am fortunate enough to have an adult bookstore on the edge of a residential neighborhood and there are lots of married masculine , wedding ring wearing men who want their cock sucked....not to mention if you run a Craigslist ad they will come out of the woodwork. I don't understand it either. I got married in my mid thirties, but also would not let anyone in. If you check out all my threads and posts they mostly are to do with straight cock.
Holy Prostate Exam Batman! That was AMAZING!!
It's certainly a way to ensure that you get dick when you want it without the complications. No intimacy. No fuss, no muss. A hook up with a guy who is not in a position to make it any more permanent. You think about having a relationship and the stability it offers but there is something holding you back. That part needs to be explored. Plenty of guys are happy with the one-off hook ups. You seem conflicted by them.