JustUsBoys.com gay porn forum

logo

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 50 of 100
  1. #1
    In Loving Memory Andreus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    20,470

    Code of Conduct

    somebody tell me a joke

    i need some pleasant conversation to lighten my mood

    had a long day at work and i just cant shake the emergency feel of that emergency room

    anyone know of some nice things happening in the world tonight?

  2. #2
    Do you lick pussy?
    Apollo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Houston
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    12,066
    Blog Entries
    11

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    guess what






























    CHICKEN BUTT!!!

  3. #3
    In Loving Memory Andreus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    20,470

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    i just walked outside and saw the moon

    i didnt even know it was full until just now

  4. #4
    I feel pretty
    Inwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Manorville, NY
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    6,479

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose dick was so long he could suck it.

    While wiping his chin,
    He said with a grin,

    "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it."
    Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No dear!

  5. #5
    Eat the Halloween Candy! chatolandia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Western NY
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    27,509
    Blog Entries
    15

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    <- is laying next to me, she smells funny, but it si still adorable


    pouring into the night
    on tainted fingertips

  6. #6
    I feel pretty
    Inwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Manorville, NY
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    6,479

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    OOPS! That was a limerick. You wanted a joke. Sorry.
    Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No dear!

  7. #7
    JUB 10k Club
    CTF's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    El corazón de Tejas
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    20,054
    Blog Entries
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A drunk staggers into a bar in Las Vegas.

    He looks at the bartender and says, "I bet you $3,000 that if you put a shot glass at the end of the bar that I can piss in it without spilling a drop."

    The bartender smiles and says, "Let's see your money."

    The drunk reaches into his pocket and counts out $3,000 in cash and places it on the bar.

    The bartender says, "Alright you've got a bet!" At that point he places a shot glass at the end of the bar.

    The drunk struggles to get up onto the barstool, and nearly falls off of the bar but finally get's himself situated.

    At that point the drunk unzipps his fly and proceeds to piss all over the bar, everyone sitting at the bar, and even the bartender while not getting anywhere near the shot glass.

    The bartender starts to laugh his ass off and says to the drunk, "Don't you feel bad now? That's the easiest $3,000 that I've ever made! Don't you feel bad losing that much money that quickly?"

    The drunk ignores the bartender while he negotiates his way off of the bar, and then sits back down on his barstool.

    He then looks at the bartender and says, "You see that couple sitting at the booth over there?"

    The bartender looks and says, "Yeah, why?"

    The drunk smiles and says, "I just bet them $15,000 that I could piss all over you, the bar, and everyone sitting at it, and that you'd laugh your ass off!"

    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  8. #8
    I want to believe
    GL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    San Antonio
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    50,836
    Blog Entries
    222

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    a bear and a rabbit were shitting in the woods.

    the bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "excuse me, but do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"

    "why no. i have no trouble with shit sticking to my fur" answers the rabbit.

    so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.



    i know, i know... it's the best i could come up with on short notice.

    /shrugs




  9. #9
    Slut matchbook's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    "BG"
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    199

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    2 camels walk into a strip bar, they finally come out and one camel says to the other..."hey that looked like my toe"

  10. #10
    In Loving Memory Andreus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    20,470

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    heres a joke i read from an arabic site the other day

    it may not translate that well....

    the Iraqi conflict between the shiites and the sunnis will soon be renamed more appropriately.... one damned thing after another

    ( meaning that the sunnis and the shiites are the two damned things after each other)

    i guess its a hard one to translate....lol

  11. #11
    Porn Star QuietChivalry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Austin
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    313
    Blog Entries
    2

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What did the horny math student say to the other?

    "I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves."

    ...ok, maybe I'm not good with jokes. But I thought that was the shit when I heard it.
    If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.

  12. #12
    I want to believe
    GL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    San Antonio
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    50,836
    Blog Entries
    222

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    an old favorite...

    A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

    The barman says, "Wow!, you must have had one hell of a day."

    "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

    The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

    On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

    "Yeah, my wife..."




  13. #13
    JUB 10k Club
    CTF's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    El corazón de Tejas
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    20,054
    Blog Entries
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Some farm humor:

    Q: What do you call a Milk Man who wears high heeled shoes?

    A: A Dairy Queen.






    Q: What do you call a cow laying on the ground?

    A: Ground Beef.



    Q: What has only one horn but gives milk?

    A: A milk truck.
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  14. #14
    Slut justhappy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Available
    Posts
    171

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

    Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

    We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

    The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

    The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

    If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

    A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    A guy fell to an upholstery machine , wasn't hurt much but he was fully recovered.

    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

    A calendar's days are numbered.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

    If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

    When he saw his first strands of gray hair, he thought he'd dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture: a jab well done.

  15. #15
    JUB 10k Club
    CTF's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    El corazón de Tejas
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    20,054
    Blog Entries
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by justhappy View Post
    HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

    The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

    To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

    Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

    We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

    When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

    The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

    The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

    If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

    A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

    A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

    A will is a dead giveaway.

    Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.


    A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

    With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

    A guy fell to an upholstery machine , wasn't hurt much but he was fully recovered.

    You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

    A calendar's days are numbered.

    A boiled egg is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

    Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

    When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

    If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

    When he saw his first strands of gray hair, he thought he'd dye.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture: a jab well done.


    I Love those!
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  16. #16
    Heavy metal lover
    Absolut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    STL
    Orientation
    Gay
    Posts
    14,292
    Blog Entries
    18

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    I gotta a tip for you....


    never pet a burning dog.


    I'm beautiful in my way - cause god makes no mistakes - I'm on the right track - baby I was born this way!

  17. #17
    Inactive
    star-warrior's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Home is where the heart is
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Bisexual
    Status
    Married
    Posts
    37,563
    Blog Entries
    9

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    How about a visual joke?

    Cat on an invisible bike


    Cats on invisible bikes collides with Cat on an invisible ladder



  18. #18
    Inactive
    star-warrior's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Home is where the heart is
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Bisexual
    Status
    Married
    Posts
    37,563
    Blog Entries
    9

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Oh, another one, since you're on CE&P sometimes:

    Some joker in the White House made a telling remark..



  19. #19
    Heavy metal lover
    Absolut's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    STL
    Orientation
    Gay
    Posts
    14,292
    Blog Entries
    18

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    if it's gonna be cats doing stupid shit, I much prefer this... cracks me up everytime!!

    I'm beautiful in my way - cause god makes no mistakes - I'm on the right track - baby I was born this way!

  20. #20
    Ex-Texan AaronG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Louisville
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    1,698
    Blog Entries
    11

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Okay, I'm a musician, so here we go:

    Conductors:
    What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
    - The bull has horns in front and an ass in the back.
    What's the difference between a conductor and a flaming sack of shit?
    - The sack.

    Violists (my trade):
    How are violists' fingers like lightening?
    - They never hit the same spot twice.
    Why do people usually take an instant dislike to the viola?
    - It saves time.
    How do you get a dozen violists to play in tune?
    - Shoot them all.

  21. #21

    Re: somebody tell me a joke


  22. #22
    Contemplating timnmostud's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    1,151

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Quote Originally Posted by teddy14 View Post
    That is funny and somehow sad and true at the same time, which makes it funnier, I think!

  23. #23
    A Prolific Love Maker!
    Shepherd 2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    The Shepherd's Arms
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    246,031
    Blog Entries
    38

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Did you ever hear the story about Rabbi Goldstein and Father Mulligan? They had breakfast one Friday morning and were discussing what each other was doing that morning. The priest said he had to leave right away to hear confessions.
    The rabbi asked if he could observe to see how it worked. So after they arrived back at the church, woman can in and confessed that she had been unfaithful to her husband five times in the last month. Father Mulligan gave her five Hail Marys and Five Our Fathers for penance and told her to put $5 in the poor box as she left.
    A few minutes later a man entered the confessional and said, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned." Father Mulligan asked him what he had done, and he said he had been unfaithful five times in the last week to his wife. Again the penance was five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and $5 in the poor box.
    Then Father Mulligan asked the rabbi if he would pinch hit for him while he answered the door at the rectory. The rabbi said he thought he could handle it.
    Soon another woman came into the confessonal and confessed infidelity to her husband twice in the past six months. So Rabbi Goldstein told her she could leave and come back later. There was a special today, five infidelities was only five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and $5 in the poor box. "Come back later for the special."

  24. #24

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What did one ovary say to the other ovary? Did you buy any furniture? No why? Because there are two nuts trying to push in an organ.
    <groan, moan, grunt, snort>

  25. #25
    JUB Addict elra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Vancouver
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    1,048

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    My sex life right now. Ba dum, cha.

  26. #26
    Sex God
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Dallas
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    541

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A guy walks into a bar...............................and says "ouch"!

  27. #27
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
    frankfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    surrounded by Western Illinois cornfields and soybeans
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    16,041
    Blog Entries
    5

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What do you call a group of male prostitutes?

    Peter Sellers.
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

    If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

  28. #28

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when
    he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little
    ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

    The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being
    pulled by her dog & her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a
    closer look.

    "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with
    admiration.

    "Thanks," the girl replied.

    The firefighter looked a little closer & noticed the girl had
    tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's testicles. "Little
    partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell you how to run
    your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I
    think you could go faster."

    The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but
    then I wouldn't have a siren."

  29. #29
    Porn Star number2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    330

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A vampire walks into a bar and orders a shot of blood.
    Another Vampire walks in and does the same.
    A third walks in and says "Give me a cup of boiling water"
    Expecting him to have followed suit, the bartender was like "Why the fuck do you want that?"
    The third vampire replies "I've got an old tampon- I am making tea."



    A blind man walks into a fish market, inhales deeply through his nose, and proclaims "Hello Ladies!"
    ___________________
    M50 E36PWR FTW!
    http://forums.bimmerforums.com/forum...ferrerid=31718

  30. #30
    JUB Addicts
    buzzj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Dixie
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    14,085

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A duck goes into a drug store and says "Give me some chap stick--- put it on my bill!"


    (Wow, that joke cracks me up! I'll be laughing the rest of the night!! Don't know about you, Andreus, but I feel much better! )
    Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.

  31. #31

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    This guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I have a problem. I think I'm a moth."

    The doctor says, "I'm sorry to hear that, but you don't need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you come into my office?"

    The guy said, "Well, I saw the light . . ."

  32. #32
    Slut loppyears's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Bradford, UK
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    289

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    MAUDE & MABLE

    Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

    Maude: What in the hell is that?

    Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

    Maude: Where did you get it?

    Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

    The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

    "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

    The pharmacist fainted.

    A classic

  33. #33
    Pure in Heart
    winterknight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Suffolk
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    7,495
    Blog Entries
    2

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    There were two parrots, sitting on a perch.

    One said to the other: "Can you smell fish?"

    *waits*...
    The wolf is carnivore incarnate.
    Only immaculate flesh pleases him.
    --The Company of Wolves by Angela Carter

    The Braindump - an infrequently updated blog

  34. #34
    Sex God Luminox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Available
    Posts
    511

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Ok,a girl at uni told me this joke and I was laughing my ass of for I don't even know how long . But then again, she has the same whacky sense of humour I have, so not everybody will find this funny..Not everybody laughed at uni, at least !

    Ok, there was this man who had two statues : one of a young woman and one of a young man. These statues were enchanted, and they could for ONCE only, become humans for a single hour.

    One day, the man goes outside in his garden (where the statues were), and doesn't find the statues where they normally are. He starts searching the garden for them, and finally as he starts approaching the bushes at the end of the garden, he sees the bushes shaking, and hears their voices.

    "Aha !" , he thinks amused, "they decided to fuck and have some good ol' fun for that one hour, huh ?". Then, as he gets closer to the bush, he hears the boy telling the girl :

    "Ok, my turn !Now YOU hold the pidgeon and I will shit on it !"

  35. #35
    JUB 10k Club
    CTF's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    El corazón de Tejas
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    20,054
    Blog Entries
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands.

    Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone.... "I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."



    A voice from the front of the audience yells out...."Then fookin stop clapping, ya arsehole!"
    You Got To Love the Irish
    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  36. #36

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    The Picture On The Night Stand

    After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her
    nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he
    nervously asks.


    "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
    "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
    "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
    "Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
    "No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.
    "Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

    "That's me before the surgery."

  37. #37
    The Ire Brigade Jeimuzu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Middlesbrough
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    6,673
    Blog Entries
    2

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    I lol at some of you. But some of you make me groan!

    Hm, can't think of anything. I'll just have to yoink one from someone.
    Peter and John are chatting.

    "Hey, John, how's your kid doing?"

    "I don't really know, my ex-wife doesn't really let me see him all that often." John sighed. "I'd have equal rights to him, but Marjorie managed to make me look violent and aggressive, so now she has total control."

    Peter gasped. "But you're so level headed! How could she make you look aggressive?"

    "Well, one night we were having a bit of an argument, and in the end I saw red. I threw a whole trifle all over her."

    Peter nodded in understanding. "So she got custardy?"
    I had to rewrite this to make it work in text, sorry if I made it suck.
    I took this!

    DeviantFART Myspade

  38. #38
    JUB 10k Club
    CTF's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    El corazón de Tejas
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Dating
    Posts
    20,054
    Blog Entries
    23

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    What's the difference between a male prostitute, your lover, and your boyfriend during sex?

    The male prostitute says, "Are you done yet?"

    Your lover says, "You're DONE already?"

    Your boyfriend says, "Do you think we should repaint the ceiling?"





    Never regret anything, because in that moment it's exactly what you wanted.

  39. #39
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
    frankfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    surrounded by Western Illinois cornfields and soybeans
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    16,041
    Blog Entries
    5

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    (NOTE: I heard this joke more than 20 years ago - LONG before I had ever heard of our Gery in Vancouver. But, in keeping with the theme, I've turned this into a joke that takes place in Canada. NOTHING else, other than wording differences, have been changed here. Indeed, it involves a piano, as I originally heard it.)

    Many years ago, while traveling to Canada, I decided that I wanted to "wet my whistle" a little, and perhaps end up with a little nookie as well, so I decided to go to a gay bar. It was a Monday night, though, and there were only about 40 people in the place, though it looks like there can easily be 150 or more in here on a weekend night.

    There was a guy talking to the bartender, and he seemed to be very distraught. I thought I'd eavesdrop, in case there was anything I thought I could offer to the conversation. I mean, there wasn't much else to do - the place didn't look the least bit "cruisy" at the time. Everybody was hanging out in couples or small groups, talking.

    He was telling the bartender about his frustrations in getting his music "heard." Paraphrasing, I heard him say something like "I've been composing piano tunes for years and years, and I KNOW that I'm really good. Anybody who has ever heard me play has told me it's the most beautiful music they've ever heard. I've been told that I should become as famous as Chopin, Tchaikovsky or Bach , my music is THAT good. But I've been sending demos to record labels for years, titling my compositions, and I never hear anything from them again - or they tell me to take a hike."

    "Damn egotist," I was thinking to myself, "I'll bet this guy's playing really sucks, and his friends who hear it are only patronizing him and trying to make him have a false sense of confidence."

    The bartender said, "Well, it's not very busy in here on Mondays, not even busy enough to justify hiring a musician, but there's a piano over there past the dance floor, and you're welcome to bang on it a while if you feel like it. It'll have to be volunteer and not paid, though."

    The customer thanked the bartender and said, "Sure, I might as well" and he walked over to the piano and sat down.

    And he began to play.

    I then saw one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my lifetime. The music just poured out of that piano.

    The music...

    stopped...

    the...

    place...

    COLD.

    He made some music that I didn't even think was possible on a piano. I cannot come up with any words to describe how sublime, how beautiful, how hypnotic his music was - and the beauty had me crying within the very first minute.

    ALL conversations stopped. Even the drinking stopped; I could see a number of people transfixed, entirely frozen and motionless, mostly with their drinks on the tables and bar, but in a couple cases with the drinks held in the air but still frozen in place. Without exception, all faces were focused on the very same spot in the bar. (It even took some doing for me to break myself away, enough to ascertain what was going on.)

    He played for about 15 minutes. When he stopped, there was NO APPLAUSE. The clientele were simply too dumbstruck and speechless to do anything, and hardly anybody had even moved yet. After about a full minute of silence (you could have heard a cricket in there), one cute guy, who looked like an Olympic gymnast in his hot tanktop, started to clap, and the whole place became a cacophony of deafening applause and cheering. All this from such a small crowd!

    After the applause subsided, he walked back to the bartender and said "See? I do play beautiful music, don't I?"

    "I still don't understand why I get nothing but flak from the record labels, if they even bother to contact me back at all. Again, I send them demos, and I put the TITLES on the songs, and that's all that ever happens."

    "Yes, I agree completely with you," the bartender said. "By the way, that second-to-last thing that you played was beyond any possible description, it was so incredible. What was that one called?"

    "Oh, that one," said the piano player, is called "I Love You So Fucking Much That I Could Shit."
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

    If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

  40. #40
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
    frankfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    surrounded by Western Illinois cornfields and soybeans
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    16,041
    Blog Entries
    5

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    > Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the
    > same day.
    >
    > They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted
    > to Heaven.
    >
    > The angel said 'Unfortunately, there*s only one space in Heaven
    > today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted.'
    >
    > The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she
    > should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, 'Look at these,
    > they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will
    > please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
    >
    > The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth
    > the same question.
    >
    > The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it
    > without saying a word.
    >
    > The Angel immediately said, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go into
    > Heaven.'
    >
    > Dolly was outraged and asked, 'What was that all about? I showed you
    > two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She
    > simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain
    > that to me?
    >
    > 'Sorry, Dolly,' said the Angel, 'but even in Heaven, a royal flush
    > beats a pair - no matter how big they are.'
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

    If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

  41. #41
    a.k.a. Mary-Robbie robbieadam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Newcastle, UK
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    10,174
    Blog Entries
    1

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    There was a Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead standing on the beach. They had decided the previous evening whilst in the pub to try and swim the English channel. After some discussion, they decided the quickest way would be to do the breast stroke, so off they set.

    One day later the Redhead reached the French coast. Having lost sight of the other two swimmers just off the English coast she decided that they couldn't be far behind so sat on the beach looking out to sea waiting for the other two.

    After a cold night of waiting, the Brunette finally came into sight. "What took you so long?" inquired the Redhead.

    "There were some strong currents out there! But I'm here now! Am I the last?" replied the Brunette.

    "No. Blondie is still out there somewhere." They decided to wait.

    Day after day the two swimmers sat on the beach until on the 5th day Blondie came into view. Once on dry land the Brunette asked the blonde "What took you so long?"

    "What do you expect? You guy's cheated, replied the idignant blonde, "You used your hands!"



  42. #42
    Shit is not Holy!!!
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Tampa
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    8,049

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    There were three girls in a boat in the middle of a lake; one was a redhead, one brunnette, and the other blonde. The boat was 100 meters from land. The three decided they would swim to land, but was not sure how far to swim.

    Finally the redhead was tired of waiting so she jumped out and swam 25 meters and she got tired and drowned. After some more waiting, the brunnette got tired too and she jumped out of the boat and swam 50 meters and she was tired and drowned.

    The blonde decided to wait some more, but got impatience and she jumped out of the boat and swam 75 meters, but she got tired and afraid of drowning, she turned around and swim back to the boat.

  43. #43
    Mets Lets Go 2015
    sonny10305's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Long Island
    Orientation
    Bisexual
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    8,732

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

    The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said "Yes, Father."

    About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young man, in his early twenties came in.

    "Yes, my son?" said the priest.

    "Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget the advice you gave then."

    "And what was that, my son?"

    "Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I should be saving it for when I get married," said the young man.

    "That sounds like something I probably would have said," said the priest. "Did you take my advice?"

    "Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."

    "What's that, my son?"

    "Well, I have three 55 gallon drums full of the stuff in the back of my pickup truck. Now that I am getting married what am I supposed to do with it?"
    http://www.justusboys.com/forum/signaturepics/sigpic101694_8.gif

  44. #44
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
    frankfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    surrounded by Western Illinois cornfields and soybeans
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    16,041
    Blog Entries
    5

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Subject
    >Investment tips for 2007
    Investment tips for 2007
    >
    >For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so
    that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.
    >
    >Watch for these consolid ations in 2007:
    >1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co.
    Will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
    >
    >2. PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:
    Poly, Warner Cracker.
    >
    >3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMM Good.
    >
    >4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and
    become: ZipAudiDoDa
    >
    >5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
    >
    >6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell
    Honeychild.
    >
    >7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.
    >
    >8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott
    NOW!
    >And finally ...
    >
    >9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
    TittyTitty Bang Bang
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

    If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

  45. #45
    Rambunctiously Pugnacious JayHawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    River Quay - KC
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    24,238

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    The Colonoscopy
    > >
    > >
    > > All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying
    > > to decide who was the one in charge.
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run
    > > all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the blood , "because I
    > > circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste
    > > away."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I
    > > process food and give all of you energy."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry
    > > the body wherever it needs to go."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow
    > > the body to see where it goes."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm
    > > responsible for waste removal."
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > >
    > > All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and
    > > insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
    > >
    > > Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
    > > the stomach was bloated,! the legs got wobbly, the eyes
    > > got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided
    > > that the rectum should be the boss
    > >
    > > The Moral of the story?
    > > The ass hole is usually ALWAYS in charge!
    Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.


  46. #46
    I Score Like Blow. LatinoSTAR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Akron
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    4,134

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    ^ LoL Love It!!!!

    A blonde, a brunette , and a redhead were all captured by the spanish police, and were forced to be executed by firing squad, the police lined them up in front of a wall, they asked the brunette if she had any last words, she Quickly shouted
    "tornado" and pointed, the police looked away and the brunette made her escape.

    Frustrated, the police then asked he redhead if she had any last words, the redhead quickly shouted "earthquake" and pointed away, the police looked away and the redhead made her escape

    now extremely frustrated, the police decided not to fall for any more tricks, they asked the blonde if she had any last words, trying to fool the police the same way the other girls did she Shouted "fire"!

  47. #47
    Sex God KangaWallaFox's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Brisbane
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Posts
    576

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Once upon a time there was a cute gay couple. Adorable they were, uhuh. Anyway.....one day one of them suddenly died. Very sad. His boyfriend was devestated.....sooooooo, he asked for his boyfriend to be made into a curry. Ya know, as ya do. When asked why, he replied: I just wanna feel him dribble out my ass one last time.

    *sniff*

    The End.


    i have the taste you can't resist...

  48. #48
    Ranting Ideologue! sparky95's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Adelaide
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Partnered
    Posts
    1,912

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    An Englishman goes to Dallas for a business convention and is picked up at the airport by a limo.He says to the driver "Isn't this a bit excessive for one person?" and the driver shakes his head saying " Everything is big in Texas!"
    The Englishman arrives at the hotel. Its huge. He comments on the size to the receptionist, and she says "Everything is big in Texas!"
    After he unpacks he goes down to the bar for a drink and the bartender makes him a massive Highball. The Englishman is a little shocked by this and says so to the barman. The barman shrugs and says "Everything is big in Texas!"
    By this time the Englishman is a little drunk and needs to go to the toilet. But as he is a bit disoriented he takes the wrong door, trips and falls into the gigantic indoor pool.So he looks up and screams "FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON"T FLUSH IT!"
    " Lets blow this fascist popsicle stand!" C.Montgomery Burns

  49. #49

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Dear Abby:

    I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

    My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

    I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.

    I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.

    My problem is this: I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

    Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Bush?

    Signed,
    Worried About My Reputation

  50. #50
    Thankfully Liberal & Gay
    frankfrank's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    surrounded by Western Illinois cornfields and soybeans
    Gender
    Male
    Orientation
    Gay
    Status
    Single
    Posts
    16,041
    Blog Entries
    5

    Code of Conduct

    Re: somebody tell me a joke

    Ah...I'm necroposting again.

    Considering the age of this thread, I'm surprised how many people in here still show up as active. Amazing!!! (And I can see, I think, at least two who are active other more recent or reinstated identities...certainly ONE with the Q in his name for sure.)
    ***********************************
    A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

    So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

    She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

    "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

    "Morris Feinberg," he replied.

    "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

    "For about 60 years."

    "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

    "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

    "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

    "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

    "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

    "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

    "Like I'm talking to a wall."
    BOSS: I'm sorry, but I'll have to lay you and Jack off.
    SUE: Can you just jack off? I feel like shit today.

    "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" - Susan B. Anthony

    If Mary gave birth to Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | About JustUsBoys.com | Site Map | RSS | Webmasters | Advertise | Link to JUB | Report A Bug on this Page

Visit our sister sites: Broke Straight Boys | CollegeDudes.com | CollegeBoyPhysicals.com | RocketTube
All models appearing on JustUsBoys.com were over 18 at the time of photography. The records for sexually explicit images required by U.S. 2257 are kept by the
individual producers of the images. The location of the records is available by clicking the Custodian of Records link at the bottom of each gallery page.
© 2012 JustUsBoys.com. The JustUsBoys.com name and logo are registered trademarks. Labeled with ICRA and RTA. Member of ASACP and The Free Speech Coalition.